Chapter 20
Chapter
Twenty
ZEPHYR
Ipause in the hall with a giant bowl of popcorn in my hands when my phone rings. It would make more sense to answer my phone when I get to the media room and can set the bowl down. There’s a table right here, though. I can balance it precariously with my hip.
Paisley’s name is flashing on my phone, and I wince. Way to get fired from the world of Van Doren.
“I’m sorry,” I answer. “Please don’t fire me.”
She laughs. “I’m not firing you. Why is that your first statement every time we don’t talk for a couple weeks?”
I don’t point out that it’s been two months since we’ve spoken and something like six months since I’ve worked. If she wants to believe it’s two weeks, I’m going to let her.
“I don’t know. Seems like a legitimate concern.”
She snorts. “It’s not. You good, Zeph? You seem to have fallen off the radar, and that’s unlike you.”
Is it? Huh. “Yeah. I’m keeping Darwin and Matty company at the castle. Darwin was alone, and that’s kind of shitty.”
“Oh.” She pauses. “I didn’t realize that. Why didn’t he say something?”
“Because he’s Darwin.”
Paisley sighs. “Do you need to leave? I’ll see about getting someone else there if you need to go.”
Everything inside me tenses. “No. I’m fine. I don’t mind staying here.”
That’s about as understated as I could possibly express. I’m not leaving. That’s the real answer.
“You sure?”
“Yes, we’re having a good time.”
“You are?”
My hackles bristle at the surprise in her tone. “Yes!”
“Huh. Well, cool.”
“Why do you think we wouldn’t?”
“I’ve just never seen you two speak before, never mind hang out. I’m glad you’re getting along. I’m also glad he’s not alone.”
“He wouldn’t be alone even if I weren’t here. Matty’s here.”
“Right.”
I realize that I’m only feeling all prickly about her complete dismissal of Matty and disbelief that I’m getting along with Darwin because there’s been an abrupt change in our relationship recently.
Seriously, I’m shocked about my weird shift in emotions, and they often leave me standing on the precipice of a fucking cliff, unsure if I want to take the leap or scramble back to safety.
One thing is clear, though. In these last three minutes talking to Paisley, I’m not okay with someone dismissing either of them.
However, I bite my tongue so I don’t lash out.
Not just because Paisley is my boss, but also because she’s my friend.
In all honesty, two months ago, I’d be regarding Darwin and Matty with the same…
disinterest. Something that stabs at my chest when I think about it.
“Everything good? You need me on a project or something?” I ask to change the subject from Matty and Darwin.
“Nope. We’re good here, Zeph. It’s unlike you not to check in, so I was getting a little concerned. Jude says you were weird when he spoke to you shortly after we left the island, and I let it go because I thought you’d be in the office at some point. That’s all.”
This isn’t a work call at all. This is a friend call. Much like the ones between my brother and me. Making sure that everything is okay.
My irritation toward her fades. “Thanks. I’m okay. I was dealing with some shit, but I’m good now.”
“You sure? You want some company?”
I smile. “I have company, Paisley. Don’t dismiss my company. They’re good people.”
“They are. I’m sorry I made it sound like I didn’t think that. How is Matty?”
“We moved him upstairs, and he’s doing fucking amazing. Keeping him in the tunnels was keeping him sick.”
She sighs. “I’ve said as much.”
“You have?” I ask, my forehead scrunching.
“Yeah. I mentioned it to Paul and Orev. Obviously, I’m unsurprised Orev dismissed my statement. Unless I’m talking about his brother or sisters, he’s pretty uninterested. As you know.”
“You should extend that to any Van Doren, but yes. I know.”
“You’re right, I suppose. Outwardly, he reacts if it has to do with his siblings. Otherwise, he stores that information and takes care of the problem on his own time.”
I grin. “Damn psychopath.”
She snorts. “Honestly. But anyway. Paul was indifferent when I mentioned it. His concern is keeping the secrets. Not empathy toward someone he believes is a risk.”
I’m not surprised that Paul will be an obstacle to getting Matty off the island. Oh! I didn’t realize that was something I had stored in the back of my mind. Now that I think about it, fuck yes! Matty leaves this island when we do. Even if I have to smuggle him out of here. Fuck it.
“Noted. Well, your observation was right. The tunnels were keeping him sick. He’s better now. Not healed, of course. But so much better.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I look forward to seeing him at Christmas.”
I smile. “Good. You should be.”
Paisley laughs. “I’m also glad to hear you’re doing well, Zeph. I worry about you when you disappear into the void. Keep in touch. Okay?”
“Sure. Sorry to make you worry, boss.”
She hums. “Call me next week. Not as a work check-in, but as a friend check-in. Promise?”
This feels very reminiscent of what I made my brother promise. “Yeah, Paise. Promise.”
“Later, Zeph.”
“Bye, Paisley.”
The call ends, and I find I’m smiling. Since our conversation in bed the other night, I’ve realized that Liam is absolutely right.
I’m not in love with Jude. I never was. Something I knew but had been confused about because of how I felt discarded in his life when someone else came along.
I mistook it for love, but honestly, I felt like I was losing my best friend.
Which is stupid. Now that I understand the truth behind my emotions, I can see how fucking ridiculous that is. I’m not losing Jude. I never will. Conner’s appearance in his life doesn’t replace me. Very different roles.
That’s not to say that I’m not still feeling a little achy in regard to Jude. I anticipate that I’m going to need to tell Jude my realization so he can reassure me of what I already know. If I hear it from his mouth, I think I’ll feel better.
Since that night, I’ve also come to realize how fucking oblivious I have been to anyone outside of Jude and those loud enough to be noticed.
Like Paisley. Like the other Van Dorens.
They’re loud. Their presence is loud. Moll is loud, but only because she’s involved in racing. And she had that dickwad of a brother.
But those like Matty and Darwin went completely under my radar. They were there, but they didn’t exist. The more time I spend with them, the more I feel sick to my stomach for not paying them more attention in the past.
I pick up the bowl of popcorn again and head for the media room. Matty is curled up in Liam’s lap. Darwin is sitting at the opposite end of the couch. He has Matty’s ankle in his hand, the only part of them that crosses the cushion separating the distance.
Handing the bowl to Matty, I lean down to kiss him. His lips are soft and taste like cherries. I’m pretty sure that’s Chapstick. He smiles, eyes sparkling as he looks up at me. I tug gently on his curls before joining Darwin on the other side of the couch.
I’m still unsure how this thing is going to go down.
I’m not feeling anything particularly good toward Liam.
Learning about him and Matty certainly provides a different perspective on their relationship and the situation they’re in.
That, and having Liam tell us in no uncertain terms how the circumstances that have Matty exiled here affect him every day, has made my animosity retreat a little.
I can’t imagine dealing with what he is. The guilt sounds like it would be as big as the castle itself. To carry that around on my shoulders every single day? I think I’d be crushed under the weight.
“Popcorn took a while,” Darwin says. He leans forward so I can get my arm behind him.
“Paisley called. Apparently, I’ve fallen silent for the past couple months. I hadn’t realized how often I talk to other people until she pointed it out.”
He kisses my shoulder, and I smile. “You still check in with Erez every day, though.”
“Always.”
“Your brother?” Matty asks.
I nod. “Yep.”
We’re quiet. Liam starts the movie, and outside the movie itself, only the sound of Matty munching on popcorn fills the room.
I’d be lying if I said I was interested in anything on the screen right now.
I’d really rather bury myself in this man beside me.
I glance beyond him and think maybe Matty, too.
Darwin gets up, and we all watch him as he crosses the room. He opens a drawer and returns with a handful of condoms and tubes of lube. Matty grins. My body floods with heat.
Darwin gives me an amused look as he drops onto my lap, straddling me. “Sex with you is too good to watch a movie,” he murmurs, his mouth closing over mine.
Not going to lie. There’s something extra sexy about his glasses. He’s been wearing them for several days now, and I swear to fuck, my cock jumps every time I look at him. It’s simply… sexy as all fuck.
There’s a lot of laughter as the four of us strip down while trying not to lose all the condoms and lube. The laughter turns breathless as we adjust ourselves in awkward positions so we can touch Matty, kiss Matty, and lube up every hole and pole.
We don’t close the distance between us. The cushion remains separating us, which I feel is a bit of a metaphor for the chasm we need to bridge to make this truly work.
I’d be lying if I said I was confident that we could make the four of us work.
I understand that polyamory means we don’t all have to be together to make it work, but I do believe we all need to get along.
Darwin sinks down onto my cock, and I grunt, taking his bottom lip between my teeth. He moans low as his body arches into me. I grip his ass cheeks, pulling them apart and helping him onto my dick.
In a way, being with Darwin is like the first time I’m having sex every time. He takes my breath away. There’s a moment I think that I’m going to come too soon every single fucking time I sink into his hot body.