Chapter 45
Everything is awful, starting right when my girls wake up. With Kayde long gone from the cabin, I find myself waiting for my girls, perched on the railing of the cabin deck while they finish getting ready inside.
But the moment they come out, I can see they’re subdued. It’s as if a dark cloud hangs over them, and I frown at my girls before saying, “Good morning, Redtail. You guys look…dreadful.” No point lying to them, and even Melody just gives me a side-eyed glance of resignation. “In case it’ll help you feel better, Emily is going to be okay.”
Two of them jerk their heads up to look at me, eyes wide, and I smile as I rest more of my weight back on the railing. “Liza got back late last night. I heard from her that while Emily will need surgery, everything is going to be okay. And it was just an accident, okay? Just a freak accident that’s never happened before and won’t happen again.” The words feel like ash on my tongue, though, and it occurs to me not for the first time that this camp session is the worst we’ve ever had.
I just hope bad things don’t come in threes.
“Are you sure?” Lily’s voice is soft, and she wrings her hands together in front of her. “We heard that…well we heard she was dying.” She trades a look with Mel, who hooks an arm over Lily’s shoulder and pulls her in close.
“I’m absolutely positive.” Though, that’s just on Liza’s word, which I believe without question. “She’s okay.” The relief is palpable, and I see some of their anxieties lift, though it doesn’t do much for the general mood of Redtail. Mentally, I cross my fingers as we walk toward Otter Hall, and hope that being around the other campers will help cheer them up.
But naturally, that’s not going to happen. Not when I walk in to see the same down faces and tense atmosphere that matches how my girls are doing. Everyone seems subdued, and I let out a breath of resignation and sink down across from Kins, who’s barely doing more than moving her food around on her plate.
“Hey.” Reaching out, I take her hand, trying to meet her eyes. She just sighs and doesn’t look up, though she doesn’t shake me off, so I’m considering that progress. “How are you?”
It’s a stupid question, but I don’t know what else to say. Kins finally looks up at me, her eyes red rimmed and framed with dark circles. “I’m awful,” she tells me, voice a croak. “And I’m exhausted. I can’t believe Fink wouldn’t let us cancel hiking day.”
From the corner of my eye, I see Kayde’s cabin filter in, and my sociopath swaggers up to the food window with a quick, measuring glance in my direction.
“I know,” I agree, sitting back but keeping my fingers twined with hers. “None of these kids want to hike. At all. And to not even make it optional for them is harsh.” Way too harsh, in my opinion. But Fink’s schedule is, to him, a thing of divine creation.
No one can deviate from the schedule and get away with it. At least not if Fink finds out.
Kayde appears at my elbow, sitting down with a sigh and a heavily laden tray. “If you’re trying to starve yourself, I regret to inform you I won’t let that happen,” he informs me sweetly, handing off a plate of my favorite breakfast foods. I wrinkle my nose at the bacon, though, and Kayde just rolls his eyes. “Try it. It’s called protein, Summer. It’s good for you.”
“You’re a jerk,” I tell him politely, accepting the mug of coffee and cup of milk. “But also a really sweet jerk.” I can’t help being honest, and he rewards me with a wide grin. “Thanks, Kayde.”
“Don’t mention it. Or, actually. Do mention it. At length. I like praise.” He takes another spare mug of coffee from his tray and puts it in front of Kinsley, along with three sugar packets and two creams.
She raises one brow at him, unimpressed. “I don’t like men,” she points out. “If this is your attempt to start building a harem, you should know I vomit at the sight of dick.”
Kayde makes a face at her. “I’m just being nice. You’re Summer’s best friend, and you look awful. Plus, I know you don’t like dick. You’ve made it really clear every time Summer even so much as says something involving the male anatomy, or that I stayed the night.”
“Did you stay the night?” Kinsley asks, dumping the sugar and cream into her coffee and stirring it with a plastic stick. “Last I heard, Summer didn’t know how to ask you to stay, and was agonizing over it.”
That has Kayde blinking, bemusement spreading across his features. For my part, I groan and bury my face in my hands. “Thanks, Kins,” I mumble, voice muffled by my palms. “You’re such a great friend.”
“Was it a secret?” She seems a little perkier with caffeine and the joy of causing me emotional damage. “Seems like a weird secret to keep from him when I’m pretty sure he’d stay as long as you want.” She eyes Kayde, who nods enthusiastically, then glances back at me with raised, expectant brows.
“I’m a little hurt you never asked me to stay,” Kayde admits, slinging an arm over the back of my chair. “You could’ve said something sooner, you know.” There’s a teasing note in his voice, but it does a poor job of hiding the admonishment in his words. He pushes my plate toward me, as if I’ve somehow forgotten, and reluctantly I stab at my hash browns covered in cheese.
“How’s Liza?” Kayde asks, watching me eat without even trying to pretend he isn’t. “I know she got back late last night. Is she okay?”
“She’s…tired,” Kinsley admits. “She stayed at the hospital until Emily’s parents showed up, then filled them in on what happened. It was a lot. Everything is just a lot right now.” Kinsley sucks down half of the scalding liquid in her coffee mug as I watch, but when I don’t take another bite, Kayde taps my elbow pointedly.
“You are not going to track my breakfast eating progress,” I tell him flatly, tone deadpan as I take a bite of bacon. “I’ll stab you with my fork if you poke me again, Kayde.” I probably won’t, and judging by his expression, he knows it too.
“If you don’t eat, I’ll lock you in your cabin and tell the other counselors you can’t go hiking,” Kayde informs me sweetly. “I’m not here to be your caretaker, sweetheart, but you’re not going to pass out on me halfway through the trail.”
He has a point, unfortunately. I chomp the two strips of bacon, my eyes roaming the dining hall as he and Kinsley strike up a conversation about Liza’s medical training. I’ve heard it before, at length, from when Kinsley was merely swooning for her partner instead of involved. For that reason, I mostly zone out, making my way through my breakfast as I look over the campers.
The kids really do look miserable. Like we’ve told them they’ll be doing manual labor all day, or cleaning out toilets until their fingers bleed. Most of them are talking quietly, their eyes flicking from counselor to counselor as if they think we’re going to make some crazy announcement.
On the other side of the room, Daniel, Shawn, and Darcy sit at their usual table. Shawn laughs at something Daniel says, but when Daniel gently elbows Darcy for a reaction, she only shrinks in on herself, looking miserable.
Is it over Emily? That’s all I can think as I watch her seem to curl in on herself, her arms wrapped around her body like she’s trying not to fall apart. Once in a while she glances at the boys, a forced smile pushing its way onto her mouth, though it never reaches her eyes.
When she sees me watching her, she holds my gaze, mouth falling open as if she’s going to call across the dining hall to tell me to fuck off. But instead, Darcy gets to her feet quickly, mumbling something I definitely can’t hear, and bolts out of the dining hall like she’s being chased.
It definitely has to do with Emily. Even Darcy isn’t cold enough to be unaffected, and Daniel watches her go with concern on his features.
But Shawn?
He just goes back to his eggs without a care in the world.
“Summer?” Kinsley sounds tired when she says my name, and I turn to look at her, a questioning hum in my throat. “I’m going to go…to Liza’s cabin. Kayde said he’ll take over my hike for me. Umm.” She blinks once, looking around, and Kayde frowns sympathetically at her. “Can you come by later? I’m just so tired, and I want to make sure she’s okay.”
“You should take her something to eat. There are a few of those styrofoam boxes behind the window. Make her a plate?” Kayde suggests, and Kinsley brightens a little at the suggestion.
“That’s a great idea,” she admits, gathering up her tray. “Thanks, Kayde. You’re not so bad when you work at it.” There’s a little of the usual Kinsley on her face when she walks away, and Kayde snorts his amusement as she heads toward the window.
“I really don’t want to do this hike,” I confide, leaning back against the chair and his arm. “This is such a crap day.”
“Yeah.” Kayde sighs, sounding suddenly exasperated. “Now that she’s gone, I’ll tell you my news. I went looking for Grey this morning, right before the sun came up. You were dead asleep,” he adds, a small grin twitching on his lips.
“I’m sure I was. I was weirdly tired last night.” Not able to help but quip. “Can’t imagine why.” Kayde doesn’t respond right away. Just fixes me with that expectant look of his until I relent with a huff. “Sorry, okay. Did you find him? Was it hard to make him leave?”
“Well, that’s the thing.” He pushes his plate away from him, then taps mine pointedly. “Finish the hash browns, please? Don’t make me worry that you’re going to pass out today.”
Picking up my fork, I scrunch my nose as I push them around my plate. “I’m not hungry,” I mumble, shoulders hunched. “I’ve already had some of them.”
“I know exactly what you’ve had. And if we weren’t here, I’d pin you down and hand feed you until I’m satisfied,” Kayde murmurs rather menacingly.
Too bad I’m so fucked up that instead of being concerned, I find it incredibly fucking hot. The mental image won’t do me any good today, though, so I push it to the back of my mind and wait for his answer while shoving a large bite of hash browns drenched in gravy into my mouth.
“I couldn’t find him,” Kayde admits. “I followed any trail I could, and I found the signs of his campsite. But he wasn’t anywhere in the woods that I could locate.”
I blink at that, trying to process his words as the campers come a little more alive now that they’ve eaten. Though I’m not sure I want them to be that rowdy when I’m leaving with my group in the next ten minutes for our hike. “Do you think he’s gone?” I ask, tapping my knuckles against the fake wood grain of the table.
“Maybe?” Kayde shrugs. “It certainly seems that way. He didn’t exactly seem interested in doing anything to your campers when we met him, so it’s possible he really was just trying to leave when we stole his shit.”
“Yeah,” I concede, though I’m not sure I believe him. Judging by his face, Kayde barely seems to believe himself. “I’ll kind of keep an eye out today when we hike and let you know if we find anything?”
Kayde’s nodding, mouth open, when movement catches my attention. Both Kayde and I turn just as Shawn approaches the edge of the table with an apologetic smile on his face. “Are you almost ready, Summer?” he asks, rubbing one arm and looking a little out of place. His voice is soft, as usual, and it takes me a few moments to stop glaring at him and remind myself that punching him would be wrong.
Then I realize I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Almost ready? For what?” Nothing I’m doing should involve Shawn today.
His grin widens, and he looks so put out and awkward that it’s cringe worthy. “Daniel asked if I could switch with him. So it’s me, you, and Darcy going out this morning. Kayde, Kinsley, and Daniel are going out after.”
That…doesn’t feel so great. Something ripples down my spine, and I’d be blind to not see the furrow of Kayde’s brows, or the frown that touches his lips before his expression smoothes out.
“Why?” I ask, feeling more suspicion than I probably should. “Is Daniel okay?”
“Ah, yeah.” He tosses a look over his shoulder at the other counselor, who’s sitting with his head buried in his hands. “He’s just having a hard time after yesterday. You know how sensitive he is.” Shawn doesn’t phrase it like an insult, and frowns at us again. “Kayde, could you maybe talk to him? He looks up to you a lot, and he’s having a rough time.”
My sociopath looks between us, expression calculating. “I could take your hike, Summer,” he says, ignoring Shawn’s words. “I don’t mind.”
“You can’t,” I sigh, head tilted to the side. “You’re taking over for Kinsley, remember? That leaves you with two groups of kids to keep from mayhem and destruction. It’s fine.” Though it wouldn’t take much to switch things around, I’d feel guilty bothering Kinsley again. “It’s totally…great.” It’s anything but. I don’t want to be on a trail with Darcy. Especially with this mood she’s in.
And I definitely don’t want to spend any time with Shawn if I can help it.
But I can’t help it. That’s the problem. And when Kayde sees that too, he lets out the breath he’s holding and leans over to blatantly kiss my cheek. “I’ll go talk to Daniel,” he acquiesces, getting to his feet and grabbing my plate and mug. I drain the cup of milk before he can grab it, and lay it on the tray with a soft, grateful smile.
“I appreciate you,” I inform him soberly. “Like, so much.”
“Well, I love you, so it’s basically the same thing.” Kayde chuckles, not bothering to take notice of Shawn’s startled glance. Without another word, he heads up to the kitchen, going through the doors to wash our dishes.
Shawn watches him, face screwed up in surprise. “Did he say he loves you?” he asks, obviously wondering if he’s misheard.
But alas, he has not. “Yep,” I sigh, sitting back again. “He most certainly did.”
“Crazy. You guys have only known each other, what, a few weeks? That’s insane.” But he looks at me again, eyes narrowing, and asks, “Do you love him too?”
And isn’t that the million dollar question of the week?
I hesitate, only to shrug my shoulders and grin up at him wryly. “Who knows?” I ask, folding my arms over my chest. “I’ll get back to you when I figure it out.”
Shawn just shakes his head and waits until I get up to join him outside, where the campers are already gathering. Following after him, all I can do is frown as I wonder how much worse my day can get now that I’m going to be stuck with Darcy and Shawn for the next few hours.
Surely, I think, it can’t get that much worse. Especially if I pretend they simply…don’t exist. With that as my plan, I follow Shawn more closely, hands in my pockets as I toss a winning, fake smile to my campers. One way or the other, I’m going to complete this hike and, hopefully, drag Kayde to my cabin before I crash for a nap.
I won’t tell him yet, but he’s the best cuddler I’ve ever met. Plus, I sleep better when he’s in my bed. And while that’s completely fucked up, given what he is, I can’t bring myself to feel bad about it.