Chapter 46
Once we get moving, it hits me clear in the face how little I want to be on a hike with Darcy and Shawn. Hell, I’d take Mr. Fink and his bunions over them, and he complains like nobody’s business.
Though, for the most part, the two of them leave me alone. They hang out near the front of the line of campers, even though one of them should be moving up and down the line to check on the kids and make sure none of them sneak off.
Not that I think any of them will. Especially not after Emily’s accident yesterday, when it’s so fresh in all of their minds and they’re clearly afraid of the same thing happening to them. It shows in their careful steps, their caution, and the hushed conversation that drifts back to me every once in a while.
Yet again, I wish Fink would’ve let us switch days. We’ve done it for bad weather before, when it’s storming and dangerous for the kids to swim or hike or do the obstacle course. So why in the world can’t this be another exception to his ‘on schedule or die’ rule?
Especially since Emily did almost die.
Melody drifts back to walk beside me, silent for a few minutes as we stride through an easier part of the trail. “You okay?” I ask finally, when she still doesn’t say anything.
“Yeah,” Mel sighs, though she doesn’t sound like she means it. “You guys know that literally no one wants to hike today, right?” The question is blunt, and her tone is unimpressed when she looks up at me.
I shrug my shoulders, a frown on my lips. “Well, for what it’s worth, I tried to get today switched to not a hiking day. Seriously, I gave it my best shot with Fink. But there’s only so much I can do.” I’d argued with him as long as I was comfortable doing so, and I hadn’t been the only one. Kayde had supported me, along with Kinsley. But Fink hadn’t been swayed by us. He’d been distracted, which I can’t blame him for, but I can blame him for not taking the feelings of the other campers into consideration like he should.
“Oh.” Mel’s frown twists her lips, and she walks beside me without speaking for another few minutes. “Did you mean it?” she asks finally, her voice dropping in volume.
I glance her way and hop over a low, gnarled root. “Did I mean what?”
“That Emily is going to be okay.”
Her concern, and the way the kids in front of us glance back to see my reply, twists my heart for these kids. Even the ones who barely know Emily care about her more than most adults would. “Yeah, I meant it,” I assure her, keeping my voice at normal volume so the campers in front of us can hear me as well. “Emily is absolutely going to be fine. I heard it from Liza myself.” More like I heard half of it from Liza, and half of it from Kinsley. But I know they respect Liza’s medical opinion more than any opinions the rest of us have.
All three kids visibly relax, and I look up as Shawn walks down the line of kids, brows knit together as he mouths numbers under his breath.
What a nice change to see one of them actually doing their damn job. Though as he gets closer and looks my way with knit-together brows and a grimace, I start to think that I’m not going to like whatever he has to say.
“Go back to the others, please?” I dismiss Melody, making sure to stay polite and casual. If Shawn’s going to tell me something I don’t want to hear, I’d prefer Mel isn’t around to hear my reply. She looks at Shawn, considering him, before nodding and speeding up to catch up with the rest of Redtail while I fall further behind.
It’s the smart move. Shawn frantically falls into step with me, running his hands through his dark hair. “Don’t freak out,” he tells me, his voice soft. “And don’t hurt me.”
“Did you tell another kid about a forbidden trail?” I ask sharply, unable to keep my disdain out of my voice. “Or, I don’t know, leave another knife out in your room for someone to find?” If this is my summer to nearly drown, it’s apparently Shawn’s to fuck up.
But the look of anguish on his face—like he’s a puppy I’ve punted across a field—makes me feel a little bad for him. I see Darcy glance back at us, indecision and turmoil warring on her face, but when her eyes fall on Shawn her shoulders stiffen and she picks up her pace as trail leader.
I would say it’s weird, but it’s Darcy. I expect nothing more from her and continually have to lower my expectations every time she shows back up at Crestview.
“I know this hasn’t been my best week, okay?” Shawn mumbles under his breath. “And I already feel like shit, Summer. You don’t have to rub it in.”
Oh, but I do. I absolutely want to rub it in when Emily is lying in a hospital bed and going to need surgery to fix her arm. And it’s all Shawn’s fault.
“But I need your help. So maybe save the judgment and self righteousness for a little later?” he requests, sounding nervous.
“What?” I can’t keep the withering, deadpan tone out of my voice, and my mouth quirks into a frown. “What could you possibly need my help with?”
“Carter is missing,” he murmurs, his voice dipping low. “He was here, now he’s not. I just counted, and re-checked. He’s missing, Summer. He was really torn up after yesterday. He talked about going to see the place Emily fell for some shit reason that I definitely should’ve listened to.” He rakes his fingers through his hair again as I come to a complete stop, eyes wide.
“One of the kids is missing?” I hiss. “And it’s taken you this long to spit that out?”
Shawn meets my eyes with his own wide, pleading gaze. “Help me find him? I don’t want him falling or getting hurt or…” he trails off, eyes closing. “I know I’ve messed up. But I want to find him before something happens. Darcy can take the others to the overlook while we search. That way, she has a good area to corral them in.”
His words make sense, and I glance at the line of kids getting further and further away from us and up the trail. Mel looks back at me, confused and wary, but I just twitch my fingers to make sure she stays with the group. While I’m sure Mel would be more helpful than Shawn, I don’t need to worry about another lost kid in the woods.
“Okay. Umm.” God, I don’t want to do this today. But adrenaline thrums in my veins as I look around, as if I’m expecting Carter to just pop out of the woods and declare that he was here all along. But, unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. “Where was the last place you saw him?”
“The river, I think?” Shawn replies, unsure. “I definitely saw him at the river, because he was helping one of my other campers on the rocks.” He bites his lip, glancing nervously around us.
But I hesitate, something in me unsure. “Tell me you aren’t lying,” I demand, unsure of where the words come from. “Tell me this isn’t some fucked up prank.”
“Prank?” Shawn’s brows shoot up and he looks around incredulously. “How could this be a prank? Do you think I have Carter hiding in the woods ready to jump out and scream ‘boo’ at you?” He sounds a little desperate. “If you’re not going to help me look for him, fine. I’ll get Darcy to help.” At that, Shawn turns, taking a few steps toward Darcy and the kids before I reach out and grab his arm.
“Wait. Wait, okay?” I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. I’m too tired for this. I want to just be done, go back to my cabin, and sleep. Or at least go get high with Kinsley and forget today and yesterday ever happened.
Well, most of it anyway. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to Kayde giving me the best kind of shivers in the tree last night, and then again when he’d carried me to my cabin and thrown me down onto my bed before falling down after me.
It really is criminal that he’s so good at everything, and somehow, I always end up getting less sleep than I want or need.
Leaving me cranky, tired, and sweaty in the woods.
“I’m sorry, Shawn.” The words grate in my throat, stinging like razor blades. “I’m just so tired, and so worn out from yesterday. I know you wouldn’t lie about this. That would be fucked up.” Even Shawn isn’t that bad.
I think.
“The river?” iIrepeat, barely considering his words except to map my way back to that part of the trail. “The last crossing of it?” The deeper one, naturally. Shawn nods and sets off at a fast walk with me beside him, both of us nearly jogging back to the river.
“I’m going to take the rocks.” Shawn gestures to an outcropping with tons of crevices and rocks that any kid could hide in. “Take the shore?”
I hesitate, but nod. The shore has brush and more rocks, and if Carter really wanted to, he could’ve ducked into one and lost us. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself, as I try to remember what Carter looks like or when the last time I saw him was.
Had I really not noticed a kid sneaking away from the others, or darting off into a hiding place, thinking he couldn’t be seen? I scan my memories of being here barely twenty minutes ago, a frown on my lips as Shawn breaks away to head to the rocks.
I must be off my game, and that makes this as much my fault as Shawn’s. I’m the one bringing up the rear, after all. How had I not noticed?
“Carter?” I call, stumbling over loose rocks on the shore of the river. “Carter!” My voice carries, echoing off the trees, but I get no reply. When I’ve checked both sides of the river where we cross, I glance up, only to see that Shawn has disappeared from view behind the outcropping.
Well, it’s not like he’s much help, anyway.
Without hesitating, I stride into the river, the freezing water swirling around my knees. Being in the water is the easiest way to move up and down the river, and I’d rather get wet than cut myself up in the briars and close-together, tiny trees that line the shore on either side.
Though when I make my way up the river for about a half mile, then back down, I start to think we’re looking in the wrong place.
Thankfully, Shawn is waiting for me about fifty yards from where I’d splashed into the river in the first place, staring up through the trees at the sky above us. “Hey, Shawn,” I call, picking up my stride. “I think maybe he went somewhere else. I’m not seeing a damn thing down here, and he’s not answering me.”
But Shawn doesn’t reply. His narrowed eyes just study the canopy of trees, and he tilts his head one way, then the other.
It’s weird as hell, even for him.
“Shawn?” I prod, slowing to a stop in the rough water beside him. “Are you high?” I can’t really hold it against him, if he is. Not when Kinsley supplies me with a steady stream of edibles that I take to sleep or to calm my nerves when they’re needed.
But I don’t get high when we’re doing something with the kids.
“I just remembered something.” Shawn’s head tips down to me, his gaze narrowed. “Well, I remembered it while you were off splashing downstream.” His gaze flicks down to my mud-streaked legs, and it feels like he’s judging me when I’m the only one who looks like she’s been actually searching.
“Yeah?” I don’t know how to take his words, or this sudden attitude shift. “Would you like to share with the class?” My steps bring me closer to him, and I shove my hands in my pockets, waiting expectantly.
Shawn looks me over, a humorless grin touching his lips. “Absolutely. Just had to wait for the class to come back. You look tired, by the way,” he adds casually.
But it’s so frustrating, and I glare at him, still breathing heavily from jogging through the river. “Yeah, I’m fucking tired,” I agree vehemently. “I’ve been in the river looking for your camper while you apparently stare into the damn sun. I hope you go blind, by the way.” It’s not a nice thing to say, and a little ridiculous, but God, I just can’t stand Shawn.
“I remembered the last time I saw Carter,” Shawn remarks, turning to look at me fully with the waters of the river eddying around our legs. He’s closer than I prefer, and I consider taking a step back before deciding against it. I don’t want Shawn to think I’m afraid of him.
“You already told me.” My words are slow, and my brows knit together in confusion. “You literally told me you saw him here at the river. That’s why we’re, you know, here at the river.” I’m starting to think this is some kind of stupid prank, or that Shawn has sunstroke. Either seems like a viable option, given the way he’s acting.
“Yeah, I think I remembered wrong, actually. I’m sure I did. See, now that I’m thinking about it?” His wide, earnest eyes find mine, and I barely register when he shifts a step closer. “I saw him this morning.”
“Okay? Does that help us know where to look for him?” Befuddled is an understatement to how I feel as I glare at him. This is just stupid, quite frankly.
“Yep.” He nods again, looking pleased with himself. “I know where to find him. I’m sure of it.”
“Where’s that?” I’ll take anything to get me out of this river and lead us to his camper.
“The cabin.” The words don’t quite make sense, and I look at him quizzically. “Where I said he could stay after he started puking this morning.”
…What?
My mouth opens to ask what in the world he means, but Shawn lunges forward suddenly, hand around my throat as he shoves me backward off balance. I scramble, trying to stay on my feet, and panic goes through me when my feet are no longer on the ground. There’s a second where I’m airborne, until my back hits the rocks of the riverbed hard, knocking the breath out of me.
And the fight.
I gasp just as my head is shoved under, and river water floods my mouth and lungs. That only makes it worse, and I fight to cough it out, only to find no relief. Not when I’m being held down with Shawn’s hands on my throat.
He’s speaking. Saying something I can’t hear over the roaring in my ears, the protests of my lungs, and the rushing river water. I scream, or try to, frantically making things worse every time I open my mouth.
My legs flail in the air, and I’m so fucking close to the shore that I can feel the grass under my shoes anytime my feet make contact with it in an attempt to push him off of me.
Stop, I beg him silently, eyes open. My nails scratch at him, movements becoming panicked and frenzied as the water sears my lungs.
Only belatedly do I see the blackness at the edges of my vision, and notice the dark spots blinking in and out to obscure his face. My struggles redouble as the blackness grows, and I writhe while my brain screams for me to figure this out.
Because if I don’t, I’m going to die here. One of my hands comes up to grip his face, slipping and sliding against his skin as I dig my nails in. He tries to shake me off, though not very hard, but I maintain my harsh, biting grip as much as I can.
The pain and fear war for first place in the ‘worst of the worst’ contest, and nausea bubbles in my stomach. My mouth remains open, and every attempt I make to expel water just lands me with lungs that ache more and more black spots in front of my eyes.
It hurts so bad I can barely stand it.
But I have to stand it if I don’t want to die.
Fear makes my thoughts go short, and my eyes burn under the water as I meet Shawn’s gaze obscured by black dots. My hands flex, around his, nails digging harder, but I can feel it starting at the tips of my toes and fingers.
Weakness. Acceptance.
The knowledge I’m not getting out of this.
Everything I’ve done in the past three weeks with Kayde, and Emily, and the other kids. Every time I’d stopped Kayde or the time I confronted Grey are all going to be an absolute waste.
It was for nothing, if I die here.
Nothing at all.
But Shawn isn’t exactly giving me a choice.
The fear grows as my ability to fight wanes, and my head feels like it’s going to explode. Pain is an understatement for how my lungs scream in protest, begging me for air and to expel the dirty river water as soon as possible. But with my head underwater, all I can do is apologize to my body as blackness overwhelms more and more of my vision.
The last thing I see before I’m forced by my body to give in and inhale a lungful of water, is Shawn’s cruel smile freezing on his lips and his head jerking up to look at something else. My hand slips from his face as he does, and the fuzzy darkness swarms my vision, taking the pain and the fear with it and leaving me with nothing.
But at least the nothing is better than the pain.