Chapter 14 Margot
MARGOT
SIX WEEKS LATER
Six weeks.
It’d been six weeks since I’d heard from Bear, and the only thing I could think was that he was right.
Over the past six weeks, no one had come for me.
No other men had showed up at the hospital, threatening anyone or wanting to corner me in any way.
It was business as usual, despite the talk of the hospital.
Everyone created rumors as to why Piper had cashed in all of her paid vacation at once.
It created a great deal of turmoil at the hospital.
The administrative staff were upset with her.
Rumor had it that they almost didn’t give it to her.
But some of the other doctors went to bat for her.
They stated that Piper had taken less than two weeks of vacation during the whole of the years she’d been with the hospital in Redding.
And that if something had happened so catastrophically in her world that it required the three months of vacation she’d saved up, then the hospital owed it to her to give it to her.
After always covering shifts and being there when she didn’t need to be, if anyone deserved that time off, it was Piper.
And I agreed with them.
However, it was hard walking around work with all the rumors flying around.
Some people thought this was a trial run for a research sabbatical on her part.
Some people thought she was sick and didn’t want to be treated at the hospital where she worked.
Some people thought her and Rock were having issues.
Divorce, maybe. Some people rumored she was even considering switching hospitals.
I had to sit there and listen to it all, too. Listen to it while I knew the truth about everything.
I grew worried, though. Six weeks had passed, and not a single person had heard from Piper.
I tried to mitigate it as best as I could, saying that she deserved privacy.
She deserved this time off because of how hard she worked.
That her and Rock were probably cashing in and traveling around the world with their kiddos, making memories they couldn’t create here.
But those ideas only did so much.
I dragged myself home from another night shift and pulled myself into my dinky apartment. It was old. Rundown. Up three flights of steps and down a hallway. I shoved myself into my small studio apartment and collapsed in the foyer, closing the door with my hand.
I was so tired, and the only thing I could think about was Bear.
I pulled out my phone to see if he had called.
To see if anyone had contacted me. But there was nothing.
No missed calls. No texts. No emails. On a whim a couple weeks back, I’d called Bear.
I mean, I didn’t have his number. But I still carried around the number he had back in high school.
Yeah, how pathetic was that? I still had my high school ex’s fucking number in my cell phone.
I’d had three phones since high school, and his number made it through to every single one of them.
“Probably not even his number now,” I murmured.
He probably had some sort of private number now that he was rolling with a crew that got themselves into wars.
“Fucking Bear,” I whispered.
I sat there in the foyer and leaned my head against the wall. Ever since our fight, I’d been numb. Dead inside, practically. I’d been back and forth to the hospital, and not once did another man in black pop up. Not once did anyone reach out. Not Diesel. Not Piper. Not Rock. Not Bear. Not… anyone.
It was like I hadn’t ever existed to them.
“Just another cog in the machine,” I murmured.
I leaned over, placing my head on my purse.
And as I laid there in the small entryway of my apartment, tears slipped down my cheeks.
While Piper got to go to sleep with Rock every night and take care of Bear, I was forced to wonder about his condition.
Wonder if his wounds had healed up all right.
Had he contracted an infection? Busted his stitches? Gotten hurt again?
All I had was the paranoia that caused me to always look over my shoulder.
“Just a few minutes of rest,” I whispered.
I kept my windows locked now and the blinds drawn.
I had another lock placed on my apartment door after okaying it with the landlord.
I couldn’t sleep during the day. The sounds were too loud.
Every time a car got too close to my apartment or honked their horn, I snapped awake.
Every sound that came close to me, I analyzed.
Was it that man in black? Had he come back for me? Was it Bear, maybe?
Had he finally come back for me?
“So tired,” I said, whimpering.
My night shifts at the hospital consisted of me chugging coffee and constantly making rounds.
Every once in a while, a decent enough emergency came through those doors.
But for the most part, Redding’s E.R. was tame during the wee hours of the morning.
Which worked in my favor, because I was stealing more naps than usual on my shifts.
Hell, for the first time in my medical career, I was contemplating something other than night classes and night shifts.
Anything to temper this exhaustion I felt in my bones.
“Why did you let him do this to you again?” I murmured.
My eyes slid closed and I turned over onto my stomach. I nuzzled my cheek into my purse as if it were some sort of comfortable pillow, my body giving out. I slipped into the darkness of slumber. But, as always, I danced on the precipice of it. Not quite asleep, but not quite awake.
It was the most exhausting thing I’d ever experienced.
“Come on,” I hissed.
I hated that I let Bear get to me like this.
Get under my skin again. Only for him to turn around and to the exact same fucking thing he did that night.
I replayed it over and over again. The sweet love-making.
The twinkling of the stars in his eyes as the woods covered our nakedness.
The smell of the food in the air he’d brought with him when he told me he had a surprise for me.
The look of hurt in his eyes when I mentioned I’d gotten into Stanford.
“Stop it, brain,” I whispered.
I replayed how those words sounded falling from his lips.
How the words “I love you” sat against his tongue after he said them for the first time ever.
I was the first one to admit my feelings for him.
I was the first one to start that train.
And it took him months to follow suit. It took him months to finally grace me with those words I knew were already true for him.
That night, he had love dripping from his eyes.
And I was eager to set up our future. But, instead of professing it back to him like I’d had so many times before, I dove in too quickly.
I decided to dive into our future instead of saying those words back.
I decided to prioritize what I needed from him instead of what he needed from me.
And the end result was him walking away. While I was sprawled out on a blanket, naked. With the wilderness chirping around me. Mocking me, for the misstep I’d made.
“I’m sorry, Bear,” I said, crying softly against my purse.
I curled up against the floor and sighed.
I wanted to call Piper, but I knew it was useless.
I hadn’t spoken to her in three weeks. And the times I had spoken to her, she was quick.
Brief. Abrupt. She talked quietly into her cell phone, like she wasn’t supposed to be talking with me at all.
And whenever someone came around the corner to ask what she was doing, she promptly hung up the call.
I’d gone from favored within the group to completely banned in a matter of seconds.
Every time I got her on the phone, I tried bringing up Bear.
Ask how his condition was and how he was healing.
But she wouldn’t talk about it. Which only worried me more.
I tried getting her to talk about Rock. Her kids.
How things were going. Anything that would give me any sort of insight into how the guys were.
How they were. How the kids were. How things were going with this Lars dude or whatever.
But she gave me nothing.
She wanted to talk about work. My residency.
What the hospital was saying about her abrupt leave.
And I lied to her about it. I told her things were good and that people were happy she was finally taking the time off.
No use making her worry about anything else.
And if she wasn’t going to tell me things, why the fuck did I have to tell her things?
It sounded petty, but it was all I had.
I sighed as I turned over onto my side. I felt more alone than ever before.
As I laid there on the floor, debating on what the fuck I was doing with my life, I allowed myself to dream again.
Dream of my future, like I’d done that night.
Lying beside Bear after giving him my virginity.
With only three months left in my accelerated residency due to outside internship hours at a clinic near Stanford, I found myself planning my leave.
I found myself running down hospitals I could apply to if I could get a solid recommendation from Piper.
My attending doctor I reported to for residency purposes.
And for the first time in six weeks, I finally drifted off to sleep. I let the darkness consume me as I laid there on the floor, too tired to get to my bed.
With thoughts of leaving Redding and never coming back again entertaining the thought processes of my mind.