58. Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter fifty-eight
Adair
Did he kiss my head?
My mind raced for an entirely different reason. It wasn’t that I was upset about him kissing me. The act was as tender and comforting and wholesome as gestures came. I was upset at how much I liked it. The fact I wanted to reciprocate and kiss his chest.
What is wrong with me?
I needed to get out of this bed and out of this room. I needed some distance from this man before I did something completely inappropriate and ruined our friendship. I needed space to think
After using the bathroom, I grabbed the blanket Lynette made for me and headed out of the bedroom. From how dark it was in the hallway, I assumed it was super early in the morning.
Good. I won’t bother anyone.
As much as I wanted to sneak into the lounge because it was more private, I couldn’t.
Liam had made it abundantly clear that that room was to be used at the Don’s discretion, and anyone else wanting to use it needed permission.
While I didn’t think Lianne would mind, I didn’t want to give anyone a reason to be upset with me.
I tiptoed across the foyer and into the living room.
There were still some softly glowing embers in the fireplace, and I wondered who had been in here that late.
A smile appeared on my face when I opened one of the cabinet doors next to the fireplace and found kindling and some small logs.
Just enough to get a small fire going again.
It took a few minutes to get it situated, but once the flames were dancing confidently, I turned one of the wingback chairs to face the hearth and settled in. It wasn’t long before I noticed movement in my peripheral vision.
“Everything okay?”
That’s Ryan. I nodded, not moving my attention from the fire.
“Can I join you, or would you prefer your solitude?”
I glanced over and gave him a small smile. “I’ll take the company, thanks.”
He grabbed an ottoman and sat it next to me, and while I was happy for the company, I was also curious why he was here.
“Are you feeling better? Peter said you were… struggling with regulating?”
Arching an eyebrow, I glanced at him. “I’m a bit better now and will stay that way as long as you don’t give Peter any more shit for helping me through it.”
Ryan’s eyes went wide at my comment. Not that I blamed him. I had spit the words out through clenched teeth.
“I won’t. I promise.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, clocking the guilt I saw creeping up in his features.
“I know you helped Lynette keep me safe, and I know you were integral to getting the information about Derek to me, but you will not be an ass to the man who has helped me through more than one panic attack and night terror. Fantastic tech guy or not, I won’t allow it.
I thought you, of all people here, would be the most understanding when it came to processing trauma.
” I took a breath and reined in my lecture.
“Maybe accusing you of being an ass was taking it too far, but I don’t want people making him feel uncomfortable because I feel safe with him. ”
“Ellen made similar points last night.” He let out a sigh as his shoulders drooped.
“I’m sorry, Adair. I shouldn’t have made any kind of comment to Peter.
I know from personal experience how quickly thoughts can go dark and spiral out of control.
I also know the lengths the people around me have had to go to help pull me out of that.
” A small smile appeared on his face. “Honestly, I think it’s a miracle you feel safe with anyone in this family after what some of its members have put you through. ”
“One bad apple doesn’t have to spoil the whole bunch.”
Ryan hummed in agreement. “No, I suppose not.”
We sat in silence for a moment, the only sound being the crackling of the burning wood.
“So, are you still up from last night, or are you an early riser?”
An amused grin appeared on his face. “Today? An early riser.”
“Just today? I seem to remember a certain Tech messaging me at all hours of the day and night, not to mention many security reports with early morning timestamps I’ve looked over in the last several months.”
Ryan chuckled. “Fair point.”
Several peaceful moments passed before I glanced at him again. “I heard about Ross. I’m sorry.”
He swallowed and nodded, his shoulders drooping again. “Yeah, me too.”
His somber reaction made my heart hurt all over again. “I heard it was job related, but Lukas refused to tell me who was at fault.”
He clenched his teeth and tensed up as he glanced at me. “Do you really want to know, Tori?”
Oh, fuck. It’s bad. “I do, actually. I can tell it’s heavy and will probably make me upset, but I’m tired of hiding from and getting blindsided by all the secrets.”
He nodded, let out a long, tense breath, and glared at the glowing embers. “It was friendly fire from Liam.”
I froze up, paralyzed by the information.
What?
No.
Liam?
Why in the hell would he hurt one of the Agostis? One of his own employees?
I almost rolled my eyes at myself. If my sister was capable of attempting to murder me, why wouldn’t Liam be capable of the same thing?
Has he tried going after Lianne or Lukas?
“Adair?” Ryan shifted and rested his hand on mine. “Hey, where did you go?”
I cleared my throat and forced myself to pay attention to him. “I-I’m right here. I… I’m just… It’s…” I let out a deep sigh. “It’s putting a lot of things into perspective. I knew he was bad. I just didn’t think it was to this extent.”
He stared at me, and his jaw twitched. “I don’t think you want to know the full extent.”
The rage and pain in Ryan’s eyes overwhelmed me for a moment. “I will take your word on that right now.”
He let out a deep sigh and rubbed my arm. “I’m sorry you’re getting all of this at once. I can’t imagine how overwhelming it is. Hell, I’m overwhelmed some days, and I live here.”
His last comment snapped me out of my spiral, and I sat up with a start. “About that. When did you give up your apartment? You and Ross were so excited about your penthouse suite.”
A sad smile appeared on his face. “I still have the apartment.”
Realization washed over me. “His room is still the same, isn’t it?”
Ryan nodded. “For now. It’s not like a shrine or anything, I just didn’t want to deal with it at the time.
I had Lianne go in there to make sure any food, garbage, and dirty things were out of there and then closed the door.
It’s stayed closed ever since.” He let out a deep sigh.
“I lived there for a while, and Lukas, Lianne, and Jess came over a lot, but the occasional night here turned into more frequent stays. It picked up after George died, and then I was here full time after I nearly died at Liam and Jeremiah’s hand when protecting Lukas. ”
Shit. Who hasn’t Liam tried to kill?
It was my turn to rest my hand on top of his. “Oh, Ryan. I… I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too. One day I’ll move out, but I can't right now.” He glanced in the direction of the offices. “I need to stay close to Lianne and Lynette until this shit show ends. I’m not leaving her side before then.”
Seeing his dedication to Lianne and her safety and well-being was heartwarming and made me even more proud of him. “I hope this isn’t out of place, but Ross would be so damn proud of you.”
Ryan blinked several times and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Thanks.”
Recognizing he needed a minute after reliving all that for me, I stood. “I’m going to get something to drink. Do you need anything?”
“No, but thank you.”
I nodded. “Sure thing. I’ll see you later.” Not waiting for a response, I walked out of the living room and into the empty kitchen.
Well, hell. That was not a conversation I’d been expecting to have today.
I leaned against the end of the island and stared out the window that faced the backyard.
The patio looked a little different, slightly updated, but the large oak tree was still there.
There had been so many memories made in this house and in that yard.
Family birthdays, summer barbecues, celebrations of all kinds.
I thought about the pictures I’d seen of Lukas and Quinn’s wedding and smiled.
To have that much love and joy for a couple in one house was amazing.
That could have been me.
That was me… until it wasn’t.
A shiver ran down my spine as I once again recalled the last time I was here.
“Everything okay?”
I glanced up, startled to see Lukas standing a few feet away from me.
His brow was scrunched as he looked at me, clearly worried.
When did that happen? How did I miss that?
I gave him a tight smile, but then shook my head.
“Not really. I’m trying to convince myself everything is okay, but I’m literally back where it all started, Lukas.
My life began and ended here in so many ways.
” I looked around, blinking away tears. “One moment I’m ecstatic to be here with everyone, and the next, I’m getting slammed with good and bad memories.
I don’t know if you know this, but I almost died here. ”
His eyes went wide. “I didn’t know that.”
A deep sigh came out as I turned to face the window again. “Few do.”
Lukas walked over and joined me in my study of the backyard. “Do you regret coming back?”
“Not at all.” And I truly didn’t. We stood there for a while before my conversation with Ryan popped back into my head.
“So, I was talking to Ryan in the living room. He told me who killed Ross, and before you get pissed, I brought it up, not him.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I looked at Lukas.
“How is your brother still alive after everything he’s done? ”
“Li.”
“What?” That was not at all the reason I’d been expecting. “I don’t understand.”
He let out a sigh and rubbed his hand over his face. “Lianne said we can’t kill him yet… that death is too good for him. Also, Jess wants him to suffer.”
“Jess? What did he do to her?”
Lukas looked at me and shook his head. “I don’t want to keep piling on bad news. Please don’t make me tell you today.”