Chapter 10
"I wanted to do this right," he told her harshly. Shackling her wrists with one hand, he trailed kisses over her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose until he was nibbling on her bottom lip. "Now it's too late." He was moving between her thighs, his erection rubbing against her soft skin.
"I wanted to show you-" he broke off with a groan when she lifted her body to meet his.
"Just-" Using his free hand, he wrapped his fingers around the hot and fevered skin that was pulsing with life. "I can't wait!" he gasped and was about to plunge into her when she stopped him by placing a restraining hand on his chest.
"You can't mean to deny me now!" His voice was strained, an incredulous look on his face.
"There's something I have to tell you." In all the excitement of seducing him, she had forgotten one important detail.
"We'll talk later," he lied. Brushing her hand aside, he tried again, only to have her stop him.
"Darling, I cannot-"
"I've never done this before!" she blurted out, seeing no other way to get him to listen to her. His head lifted and he shot her a look of incomprehension.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Her fingers curled against his chest as she met his eyes squarely. "Surely this cannot come as a surprise to you. I told you that I spent most of my life trying to be good."
"You're a virgin?" He had not meant for it to come out as an accusation, but it did.
"A virgin, not a serial killer." Her smile was wobbly as she continued to stare at him.
"No," he shook his head as if trying to come to grips with the revelation. "How? I mean, you said you were seventeen when you were in that accident. Before that-"
"I was plain. I had braces on my teeth and pimples." She lifted her chin, a smile curving her lips. "Boys tend to ignore you when you have such glaring flaws."
His disbelief was evident in the way his eyes roamed over her flawless skin and perfect white teeth. He still couldn't fathom what she had just said.
"After the accident, I was too busy trying to get better physically and emotionally to even think about anything else.
I was a late bloomer. It was when I had gone two years in college that I looked in the mirror one day and everything had changed.
It meant nothing to me then." Her smile was tremulous.
"That's why I wanted to wait." She gave him an inquiring look.
"I hope you're not turned off by the knowledge of my lack of experience. "
"I've never been with a virgin before," he murmured.
"I know it will hurt-"
"Just the first time." He was going to have to rethink his strategy after all. He had to take it slow, even if he died in the process. And then it hit him, the force of it dousing his powerful and intense arousal. His wife was a virgin. She was as pure as the driven snow and he was...not.
He had been sexually active since he was thirteen. The number of women he had been with was beyond his ability to recall, let alone count.
Slowly and carefully, he withdrew, first emotionally and then physically. He did not deserve to even be in the same room with her. He had deluded himself into thinking he was worthy of her.
"Dean?" Sensing that something was wrong, she started to reach for him, but he shook off her hand.
"We didn't have that champagne, and I need something a hell of a lot stronger."
He climbed off the bed and reached for a robe, shrugging it on and tying the belt around his waist.
Catherine felt her heart sinking as she watched him stride towards the recessed bar.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing." Jabbing at the button, he waited for the bar to slide towards him. Plucking the bottle of scotch, he splashed some into a glass. Taking it with him, he went to where he had put the tray. Picking up the bottle of Dom, he popped the cork and watched objectively as it foamed.
"Dean?"
"Just a minute." He poured a full glass and brought it to her.
Going back to retrieve his glass, he lifted it mockingly. "A toast to our wedding night and mostly to you, darling, for remaining pure." Without waiting for her to join him, he downed half the liquor, welcoming the punch of heat it brought him.
"You're upset." Catherine felt the cold settling inside her stomach.
"With myself." He pointed the glass at her as he leaned against the towering carved pillar at the foot of the bed. "Never with you. You deserve better. I have no doubt that if your mother was alive, she would have told you to run in the opposite direction."
"She would have come to know you-"
"And what?" he demanded bitterly. "Tell you what a catch I am? How lucky you are to find someone like me? That would be a damn lie, wouldn't it? I'm no catch. I'm dirty. I slept with women," he shook his head.
"I cannot give you a number. I don't recall the names of most of them.
They were just bodies to me. I come from bad stock, my father, his father before him, and not to mention my mother.
" He drank some more. The more he talked, the more he raked through his past, the angrier and more despondent he was.
Tonight should have been the happiest night of his life.
He was with the woman for whom he felt a word he was not sure he could ever say.
Shying away from it, he finished the drink and went to pour some more.
"Your past does not matter." Putting down the full glass of champagne, she contemplated trying to go to him.
"It should. Can you imagine us having a conversation with our children in the future?
'Mommy, what was it like for you growing up?
' You would be able to tell them that you spent your youth being a delinquent and woke up to become a good person who cared for the sick and needy.
Mine would be different. When asked that question, the only thing I could say was that I became a slut at the age of thirteen until I met your mother.
I partied, did recreational drugs, used and discarded women at will.
" He lifted his glass, a mocking smile twisting his sensual lips.
"I've contributed nothing to society whatsoever.
If we have a daughter, I would be a hypocrite if I demanded that she stays away from boys. "
He closed his eyes briefly as the reality of it all slammed into him.
"This was a mistake. We made a mistake. I'm not cut out to be a husband, especially your husband.
And one day-" He felt sick to his stomach.
"When the love you have for me wears thin, you'll discover that you're disgusted by who and what I am. "
"Are you finished?" she asked softly. Every word he spoke had drummed into her like nails and was making her bleed. She wanted to soothe his hurts and pain, but he was making it difficult for her to do so.
"No." He finished the drink and poured some more into the glass. "I think we should get an annulment. I know you signed a prenup, but I have money of my own and will settle a sum-"
"Don't finish that sentence." The anger came and with it the spurt of adrenaline. "If you hope to live through the night, don't you dare finish that sentence." She scrambled off the bed, and he stood there frozen as she marched forward like a general armed for battle.
Her hair, minus the pins he had pulled from it earlier, tumbled around her face and down her back.
She had not bothered with a robe, and the seductive curves of her body were highlighted through the transparency of her lingerie.
Her eyes were flashing and it dawned on him that he had never seen a more magnificent creature or wanted a woman so badly.
Grabbing the glass from his suddenly nerveless fingers, she slammed it down on the granite counter.
"How dare you presume to know what's on my mind?
I know who you are, damn you-" He staggered back in shock when she poked him hard in the chest. "I know you were a damn slut most of your life.
I can make up my own mind. I'm here to stay, do you get that?
This is our wedding night, and I cannot believe you're selfish enough to want to take that away from me. "
"I just-"
"Shut the hell up." His eyes widened as he stared at her.
"I'm not some mindless bimbo you just picked up off the street.
I'm your damn wife. I'm not the number of faceless women you banged throughout your life.
I deserve your respect. I deserve to have my husband in bed with me.
You were the one who could not wait to get my clothes off. "
"You! And I'll be damned if you're going to stand here feeling sorry for yourself and cheat me out of the night I'm entitled to.
Now-" She had to take a breath to calm herself.
"You're going to get in that bed and I'm going to join you.
As soon as I eat a slice of that sinfully delicious cake and drink that glass of champagne, you're going to show me all the things you've learned banging those nameless women over the years.
" She lifted a brow at him. "Am I clear? "
His shock at her fiery disposition and the heated argument had him staring at her in bemusement, and for a moment he could not respond.
"Am I clear?"
He nodded, still unable to answer. Without a word, he turned and walked towards the bed.
Sitting on the edge, he watched in silence as she did exactly what she told him she was going to do.
She carefully cut a thick slice of the cake in half and stood by the table eating it.
Next, she crossed the room to pick up the bottle of champagne and took several sips, eyes meeting and holding his.
"Please take off your robe."
He did as he was told, still in a numb state, and watched as she finished the bubbly and slid in next to him.
For several minutes they did not say anything, just lay there staring up at the ceiling. Then the bed shifted as she turned on her side to face him.