10. Micah
10
MICAH
I don’t know why I’m doing it, other than I still care deeply about John, and given his flustered expression, he needs the help. I’m stocking supplies behind the bar and running food, and it feels good to keep moving instead of being scrutinized by everyone around me.
Beth smiles from her perch at the bar. “You two look natural together. Always have.”
I glance over my shoulder, but John is occupied at the other end. “That’s because we’re friends first and foremost. We like and respect each other.”
“Or…”
“Please don’t go there.”
She holds up her hands. “I’m just happy to see you getting along. It’s great that two people separated by circumstances still love each other.”
“I do love him, always will. Other than that, I think that ship has sailed.”
“Or maybe it’s only pulling into port.” She winks as she carries her wine to an empty booth.
Time seems to fly as I help John all night. Jack and June keep giving me these quizzical looks, and I understand why. John is one of the best men I’ve ever known. I love his siblings, and I upset them too by leaving. That’s hard to face, and it’s another reason to make a clean break. So he’s no longer tied to someone as disappointing as me.
They have every right to be concerned about their brother because I hurt him deeply, whether he admits it or not. What they don’t know is he hurt me too. He didn’t fight for me to stay, even if he was right about experiencing the entertainment industry for myself instead of only dreaming about it. But in this scenario, my hurt matters less, and I deserve no sympathy for the ultimate decision I made.
I clear the empties from the bar top as I watch John follow the last stragglers to the door. Walter is slurring his words, and John suggests giving him a ride home. But Beth offers instead, throwing me a knowing look over her shoulder.
John locks the door behind them, then leans against the frame and takes a breather. He’s tired. I can see the shadows under his eyes, but he’s still charming and gorgeous as ever—maybe even more so now. Still takes my breath away. Even knowing where we ended up, I’d still marry him all over again—though maybe not on the fly like that, and maybe not yet. But I still cherish that he wanted to be mine. We were young and impulsive, but it remains the best day of my life. While walking away was the worst.
“We haven’t been that busy in a while.” As he approaches, I toss him a clean rag, glad he’s not ushering me out as well. I would insist on helping anyway. “Must be you.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think? A new person to buzz about.”
“Pretty sad if all it takes is me showing up in Aqua Vista again to get them out.”
“It’s that charisma. You’ve always drawn people, like moths to a flame.”
“Is that right?” I smirk because John has never been able to see how his own charm is a draw. “Even when I was in trouble?”
“That’s why Principal Matthews let you get away with shit.”
“How come my own father didn’t?” I mutter bitterly.
“He didn’t see how special you are. How you light up every room you’re in. People like him don’t deserve children.”
“Unfortunately, there’s too many of him in the world.” I sigh. “And I’m a dime a dozen in Hollywood.”
“Is that really how you feel?”
“Sometimes. Here, I was a big fish in a small pond, but in LA, it’s been a bit tougher to catch a break.”
“Why haven’t you shared this with me? I’m your husband and your friend. I?—”
“You think I want to show you I failed after hurting you so much?”
“You’ve got nothing to prove to me.” He squares his jaw. “Only to yourself.”
“Logically, I know that. I… I’m just not sure if I can forgive myself.”
“For what?”
I give him a piercing look. “For turning your life upside down.”
“There was no other option. You would’ve withered here.”
“Of course, there was an option. We were married.”
“Are married,” he counters. “And married couples sacrifice things all the time.”
My gut churns. “We sacrificed a life together.”
He averts his eyes, but I catch the flash of pain. “Is what it is.”
“Well, maybe it’s time. To let you go. So someone else can give you what you need. Make you happy.” He screws his eyes shut as I force the words out. “That said, I, uh, brought the divorce papers.”
His breath hitches.
“Haven’t been able to fill out the formal petition—or file it, for that matter. I figure it’s best if we do it together.”
His eyes meet mine, and he steps closer. “Why haven’t you been able to?”
My heart trembles as I admit, “Because then we’re really over.”
“Aren’t we already over?” he mutters, but I see the flicker of affection in his irises.
“Yeah, I suppose we are. You belong here. I belong somewhere else.”
“You fit in here just fine, but it wasn’t what you needed.”
“I was an outsider in this town. Still am.”
“Not sure I believe that, but so are a lot of people. Take Aaron, for example.”
“He looks more part of Aqua Vista than I ever did.”
“Your grandfather would say otherwise. Your family has roots here, even if your father never embraced them.” His eyes soften. “My parents would say the same.”
“Your parents treated me like one of their own, but I disappointed them.”
“They knew we were both hurting. Mom told me privately it was the right thing to do—to let you go.”
I inhale sharply. “She did?”
“Apparently, my parents split up much the same way when they were young. And she figured out her own path before they reconnected. The only difference is they weren’t married. We got married on a whim, but I still don’t regret it. Maybe if I had a redo, I’d hold the ceremony in front of friends and family. Something I regret now that my parents have passed.”
I nod. We celebrated in their backyard upon our return, but I understand the sentiment and how special it would’ve been to them.
“Thanks for sharing that. I’m not sure I’ve figured out my path yet, like your mom did.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “But you will, and if you want to fill out the divorce papers, we can do that.”
I stare at him, that well of hurt rising in my gut again. “Why do you always have to be so goddamned diplomatic about it all?”
He rears back. “What’s the use in fighting shit that’s inevitable?”
I clench my teeth. “What if someone needed you to?”
He arches a brow and studies me. “That would’ve made us even more miserable.”
I don’t tell him that maybe I just needed to hear it. It’ll only muddy the waters. Besides, does it really matter anymore? Look at us—it’s like we’re standing on opposite sides of a crevasse, unable to reach each other. Or, to use Beth’s analogy, the sun and sea can only briefly linger before the horizon pries them apart again. Fuck, my chest aches with so much longing I need to step away.
John must need the reprieve as well because we get busy clearing the tables and cleaning behind the bar, and before I know it, I’m saying goodbye and forcing myself to go my separate way again.
Before I can open the door leading to the parking lot, I’m startled by his arm winding around my chest. My heart is thrumming as he buries his head in my nape. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop wanting you.”
“You think I don’t feel the same?” I huff out. “You think I don’t want to ask you to take me right here?”
His gruff groan releases like a hot puff of air against my scalp, making the hairs stand on my neck. I bite back a curse when his hand rounds past my hip to palm my stiff cock through the material.
I can feel his heart pounding, his heavy breaths echoing in the empty bar. His dick is thick and solid against my ass. I make quick work of unfastening the button on my jeans, and he unzips and tugs them past my hips.
“Fuck,” I murmur. I’ve been aching for him for days. Let’s be honest—years.
He flips me to face him, then takes my mouth in a heated kiss, and fucking hell, it all comes back. How his mouth on mine always feels like coming home.
I reach for him, but he’s already pulling away and sinking to the floor in front of me. The sight of him on his knees is enough to make precome gush out of my tip. But he’s right there to lick up the liquid, his expert lips encircling the head as his tongue digs into my slit just as I’ve always liked.
I gasp and grip his hair, my nails digging into his scalp. “J, goddamn.”
“I’ve been hard all night, thinking about how well this cock fits in my mouth. Like it was made only for me.” He licks up and down my length, teasing until my shaft finally sinks past his lips again. I shudder, my balls tightening, the familiar sensation already present at the base of my spine.
“Your mouth feels so perfect. I’m not gonna last.”
Just as I begin thrusting, he pulls off.
“Don’t want you to come until I’m inside you again.” His eyes meet mine, and I see the mix of desire and affection.
“As much as I’d love you to take me bare, it’s probably not wise this time around,” I tell him, and he swallows thickly as he nods. “And I don’t have anything on me.”
“Hang on.” He goes behind the bar to his bag and returns with a condom and lube.