32. Micah
32
MICAH
I can’t wipe my tears fast enough, so I say fuck it and let them come as I drive away from Aqua Vista. It feels too permanent. I should be excited about the opportunity ahead, but for the moment, I’m not. Instead, I’m emotional in a wholly different way. I honestly didn’t think leaving would affect me so much, having stayed away for years.
But I suppose between the house, boat, and marriage, I’ve always maintained a tenuous connection, almost like I could return at a moment’s notice. Not that anyone would want me after all I’ve done.
Except maybe John and Ms. Hart—and possibly the drama club kids.
I turn up the tunes and sink into the long drive, stopping halfway through for food and to stretch my legs. It was way more entertaining having John with me on this lonely stretch of highway.
The farther I get from Aqua Vista, the more unsettled I feel. What the hell is wrong with me? Must be nerves and the pressure of succeeding. But also the deep ache of being away from John, potentially for good. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Even harder than the first time because, back then, we still had hope and plans.
By the time I pull into Los Angeles proper, I’m mentally and physically exhausted. When I have trouble finding parking near my building, the ball of frustration in my gut knots even tighter. It’s not lost on me that I’ve gone from an entire house to myself, parking included, to vying for a spot on the street while renting a small room.
When I can finally turn off the engine, I grab my bag and one of the boxes of personal items from the house and walk the two blocks to my apartment.
Dennis and Keira are on the couch, having Chinese takeout. It smells divine, and my stomach growls.
“Hey, welcome home,” Dennis says. “And dig in. We’ve got plenty.”
“Damn, thanks, let me just put my things away.”
I head to my bedroom to deposit my things, wondering where I’m going to fit the other mementos I saved from my grandfather’s life. They might have to stay in the trunk until the sale of the house goes through and I make some decisions about housing. I’ll admit it feels disconcerting in this cramped bedroom—and city—after enjoying Aqua Vista for the first time in a long while.
I remove my toiletry case, then head to the bathroom to take a leak and clean up.
By the time I’m finished and back in the kitchen, Dennis and Keira are already cleaning their dishes. I grab a plate and fork and dig into the beef and broccoli container. I confess I missed the food, and I stifle a moan because it tastes so good. I sit at the table with a soda and my loaded plate and scarf it down.
Keira is on her phone and heading toward Dennis’s bedroom for privacy while he fills his water glass at the sink. “Long drive, eh?”
I nod around another bite of food. “All good around here?”
“Yeah, Keira’s been dealing with a work emergency, but other than that, we’ve just been wedding planning.”
“Exciting.” I reach for an egg roll and take a bite as Dennis watches me.
“It is, but a ton of work. I’m trying to help as much as I can.”
“Do you have a date set?”
He smiles. “Next summer.”
“Plenty of time.” I wink. “For both of us, actually.”
“What do you mean?”
I absently graze my fork through the leftover rice on my plate. “I’m not sure what your plans are for the apartment, but I want to find a place of my own now that my grandfather’s house has sold.”
He grins. “Look at you, moving up in the world.”
I nearly choke on my soda. “I suppose it’s about damn time.”
“It’s not like you’ve been lazing about.” His glass clinks as he sets it in the sink. “You’ve worked your butt off and finally got a kick-ass role.”
“Thanks.” I wait as the sound of a police siren fades outside. “Feels a bit…surreal.”
“I bet. I suppose a little nerve-racking too?”
“Definitely. But…” I trail off with a yawn.
Dennis is staring at me. “What were you gonna say? Are you having doubts?”
“Nothing like that. Unless we’re talking about me.” I grab a napkin and wipe my mouth. “It’s just… Shouldn’t I feel more excited?”
He folds his arms thoughtfully. “You did have a long travel day.”
“True. Or maybe after all this time, I’m too jaded.”
“Understandable. It’s a cutthroat industry with more rejections than anyone could ever get used to.” And he’s seen me through most of them, even when I tried to hide my mood. “That’ll likely change on your first day. You love being on set—at least, that’s what you’ve told me.”
“I do. Just ignore me. It’s been a long couple of months.”
He thumps me on the back. “Give yourself a break. And a good night’s sleep.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Keira returns, seeming exasperated, and as she describes the call with her IT boss, I get busy clearing my plate and storing the containers in the fridge. Afterward, we retreat to the living room, where Dennis tells me about a new restaurant that opened around the corner. “Thanks for the heads-up. Indian takeout on me next time.”
“Was it hard leaving Aqua Vista?” Keira asks, and I stiffen. We’ve shared details about our childhoods over the years, and given that she was born and raised in LA, she’s always seemed curious about life in a small town.
“Very,” I admit.
The corners of her mouth turn down. “Sorry to hear that.”
Dennis’s tone is tentative as he asks, “Why do you think?”
I blow out a breath, right on the edge of blubbering again.
“None of our business,” Keira says when I don’t respond right away.
“It’s okay. Just been working through it.” I’ve been a sounding board for them—mostly Dennis—for as long as we’ve been roommates, regarding anything from work to his overbearing parents, so I don’t mind sharing. “Grandpa’s house sold, and soon enough, his boat will too, so it feels like I’ve cut all my ties to the place.”
“Makes sense,” Keira replies. “Bet it was hard saying goodbye. But no one can take away your memories.”
Dennis nods. “And you still have John—whom I enjoyed meeting, by the way. It’s clear the two of you have a strong bond.”
“We do and will always be friends.” That thought lands like a thud in my stomach. “But we finally filled out the divorce papers, and I’m supposed to file them.”
Keira grips my hand. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s heavy, man,” Dennis adds. “Maybe that’s also the reason you’re feeling out of sorts.”
“No doubt.” Heaviness settles in my chest. We’ve been through the reasons so many times, but I still voice them. “But what other solution is there? His business and family are there. There’s no acting community in Aqua Vista. Unless you count the high school.”
Keira shoots Dennis a glance. “What do you mean?”
“Somehow, my old drama club teacher recruited me to help her with the spring production before I left town.” I make my tone ominous. “ The Legend of Sleepy Hollow .”
“Sounds cool. But isn’t that more of a Halloween thing?”
“Welcome to the quirkiness of Aqua Vista.” I smile. “Nobody seems to mind.”
“I love that.” Dennis gets comfortable against the couch cushions. “How was the experience?”
I can’t help smiling at the memory of it. Of the kids’ enthusiasm. Their need for affirmation from an adult. Never imagined that adult would be me, so go figure. “It felt good, actually. Really fucking good.”
Keira smiles. “Your face brightened just now, so you must’ve really enjoyed it.”
My heart stutters because it reminds me of what John told me.
“Your whole face lit up. I’ve only ever seen that expression when you’re fishing.”
“It obviously solidifies how much you love acting,” Dennis points out. “Maybe the key is putting that energy into your role in Cold Blade .”
“Absolutely.” I decide I need to snap the hell out of it. “Thanks for the support. See you in the morning.”
Dennis holds out his fist to bump mine. “That’s the spirit.”