Chapter 48 Reconciliation #2
She stepped from the room, and he followed.
Mrs. Hill came forward to assist her with her cloak and placed her bonnet in her hands.
She stood before the mirror and adjusted it upon her head, and as she did so, she met his gaze in the glass.
He smiled, and she took in his even white teeth and the dimples in his cheeks, the neat line of his whiskers, and the fullness of his lower lip.
He gave a low laugh but did not speak. She pressed her lips together and, taking up her gloves, went out.
Darcy came up beside her and offered his arm, which she accepted. They walked in silence to the hermitage. Elizabeth remembered the happiness she had felt when he had pushed them on the swing. She sighed. They continued up the slope of Oakham Mount without speaking.
When they reached the summit, he said, “You are very skilled in climbing trees, Miss Bennet.”
She lifted her chin. “You watched me yesterday.”
“I did, ma’am, and I was impressed.”
“You ought to have spoken, sir, and made your presence known.”
“I would have done so, had I known what to say. I was troubled to see you in tears and believed myself the cause. Was I?”
“Yes, sir. I found Mr. Allen to be a pleasing gentleman, and had you not returned, we should soon have been engaged.”
“He has been attentive to you for several weeks, and he told me himself that he had not spoken because you were not prepared to answer.”
“I would have been, sir. It was a very near thing. Another week or two, and it would have been settled.”
“Why did you hesitate, Miss Bennet? Was it because you still loved me and could not give yourself to another?”
She turned upon him with anger. “You are a proud and arrogant man, and I do not know how anyone can endure you.”
He took her hand and bowed over it, then brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Though she wore gloves, she felt the strength of the gesture travel through her and stir something deep within.
He had captured her attention, and she watched him closely. He rose and met her eyes.
“Pray, forgive me and allow us to begin again. The time I have spent in your company has been the happiest of my life. Do not let my words place an insurmountable distance between us. Say that you will forgive me.”
“Mr. Darcy, you are a bird of the air, and I am a fish of the sea. We belong to different orders, and if I were to marry you and hear such words from you again, it would destroy me. I know I am beneath you, and I believe it would be ruinous to reach so far above myself. I fear I could never be happy, for your elevated relations and your fine friends would regard me as Miss Bingley has done. I do not desire a life filled with hardship and discord, sir. I am a simple woman, with simple desires, and by joining myself to you, I fear I would condemn myself to a life of sorrow.”
He came near enough to take her hands in his, his expression one of concern.
“Elizabeth, we are not so different. We are both born of the gentry. It is true my grandfather was an earl, but my father held no English title. I have been a prideful man, but these past weeks have shown me how empty my life truly is without the woman I love.”
He drew her to a fallen log, and they sat.
“I do not claim that every proud habit has been removed from my character, but I have been humbled, and I shall endeavor each day to become a man worthy of you.”
Elizabeth sat in silence throughout his speech, neither word nor expression revealing her thoughts. He took up her hand.
“Have you no answer for me, my darling?”
She frowned. “First, sir, I am not your darling. I do not even know that I like you, much less that I wish for a closer connection. Mr. Darcy, to speak plainly, I do not understand why you are here. You have never courted me. You have never shown by word or manner that you preferred me as anything nearer than a good friend. I had supposed you meant to engage me as your sister’s companion. ”
He stiffened, astonished. “Georgiana’s companion? I have never considered you in such a light, ma’am.”
“But after, I believed you were preparing me to become your mistress.”
He closed his eyes, and his breath sharpened.
“I have already addressed that misunderstanding, Elizabeth. I do not wish to hear such an accusation from you again. That practice is abhorrent to me. My father and my grandfather before him were patrons of the church, as am I. My forefathers have sought to be upright and decent men, as I strive to be.”
Elizabeth pressed her lips together. She had provoked him. She said nothing further and waited.
After a moment, he drew a breath and continued. “I concede that I have not courted you. It did not occur to me to do so.” He checked himself and fell silent, his expression one of chagrin.
“You need not explain yourself, sir. I am fully aware that I was not of sufficient consequence for you, and that is precisely why I am confounded now, Mr. Darcy. Why me? You never showed any particular regard. I could see that you took pleasure in our conversations and appeared at ease in my company, but such mild attentions might as readily be bestowed upon your favorite spaniel.” She raised an eyebrow then added, “Assuming you like dogs, sir.”
Mr. Darcy sighed audibly.
“Elizabeth, the fact remains that I love you, and I believe you still love me, in spite of my failings. I mean to court you now for as long as it takes. Pray tell me which of my faults most offend you, and I shall endeavor to amend them.”
He smiled with wry amusement. “You may be as frank as you please with me, Elizabeth. I know you will not trouble yourself to spare my feelings, ma’am, and I am perfectly contented it should be so.”
Then, almost at once, the amusement faded from his countenance; his expression grew thoughtful and grave as he rose and began to pace. “I realize that I have made no proper attempt to engage your affections, but I shall leave you in no doubt of mine henceforth.”
He stopped before her. “I have not taken the trouble to express myself. I will begin now. I think you are the most handsome woman of my acquaintance. Your voice is lovely, and I have never felt such emotion as when I hear you sing those mournful ballads. I could spend a lifetime listening to you, Elizabeth. Your kindness to my sister, and to all whom you love, has made me long to be the recipient of such affection myself. You have bewitched me, body and soul. I cannot face a future without you.”
He knelt and took her hands once more. “What say you, Elizabeth? Will you allow me back into your good graces?”
She sat very still, studying him. “Sir, that is a very pretty speech, yet I fear that in the end, you will break my heart. It is a dreadful thing to love so deeply, to have one’s happiness bound up in another.”
He drew nearer, his forehead resting lightly against hers. “My dearest Elizabeth, do not turn from me. Let me prove that I have changed. I am not the man I was.”
“Sir…”
He bent and brushed his lips against hers. She did not withdraw.
“Elizabeth, mon amour. You are the other half of my heart.”
He kissed her again, and she leaned into him, her arms rising about his neck. He stood, drawing her with him, one hand at her waist, the other at her back, and claimed her more fully.
She pressed close, then murmured against his neck, “Fitzwilliam, you have made me suffer so.”
“I know, my darling. I shall never do so again.”
She drew back, her expression resolute. “If you do, Mr. Darcy, you shall answer to me. I will not be treated as something to be cast aside, or… or be humiliated in public ever again.”
“No, my darling. I would not dare.”
She regarded him with a faint frown. “You appear sufficiently contrite, which inclines me to believe you. But I warn you, sir, I am no meek or insipid wife. If you desire such a creature, you must look elsewhere.”
He smiled. “I could not love you as I do if you were a meek, insipid woman, my darling.”
“Very well, sir. You may court me. If we do not come to blows before the end of it, perhaps we may contrive a future together.”
He laughed and drew her close. “Elizabeth, you have made me very happy. I shall pretend I am courting you, though we both know you have already agreed to have me. Let us have the banns read while we conduct this courtship, so that we may marry the moment it concludes. Or perhaps you will grant me leave to obtain a common license, that we might be wed next week.”
He kissed her again, and she held him fast. “Fitzwilliam, I have missed you.”
“Then what shall it be, Elizabeth? Will you marry me next week?”
She pulled back, laughing. “Sir, you quite overset my reason. I have only just declared myself uncertain that I like you. How can I marry you next week?”
He laughed and, taking her by the waist, spun her about until she could not help but laugh with him.
“You will marry me next week,” he said, “because you love me, and we have been courting these many months in all but name. It is time to end the farce. Admit that you like me, that you love me, and that you wish to be my wife… as soon as next week.”
She laughed joyously. “Who are you, sir, and what has become of the grave gentleman who offers continual rebuke or stands in corners, frowning and silent?”
He took her hand. “He is gone, Elizabeth. He was a solitary man with a hollow heart. In his place stands one made whole, for he has found the other half of himself in you.”
He entwined her arm in his, and together they made their way slowly down the mount, Ares following behind, grazing.