Chapter 68
Alexa, play ‘older,’ by Isabel LaRosa
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
—JEANETTE WALLS, THE GLASS CASTLE (2017)
B y my third cocktail, my cheeks hurt from laughing so much. I would have lost track of time if it hadn’t been for Art. He tugged my sleeve and pointed to the clock over the bar regretfully. I gasped.
It was quarter to six. I needed to go now, or I was going to be late for curfew.
“Shit, I have to run.”
Literally.
I realized I didn’t have any money. Did they even have currency in Hell? Jezebel seemed to read my mind and laughed.
“You don’t need to pay, Lilith. This all belongs to you. You have a running tab.”
Right. I kept forgetting I was the queen of this place. It was hard to remember when I had spent most of my time here feeling like a prisoner. Regardless, I nodded my thanks and patted Art on the shoulder.
“Thanks, guys, I had such a great time,” I said, ensuring they could hear how much I meant those words. They waved as I darted out of the bar as quickly as possible .
Shit, shit, shit. The bells from the Satanic church began their chime, signaling the changing of the hour as I sprinted up the stairs and peeled through the glistening midnight hallways.
The sixth chime sounded just as I was throwing the door to the room open. I whooped triumphantly as I skidded into the bedroom, only to stop in my tracks at the sight of a blood-soaked Ramel brooding by the fire. He was sitting in one of the leather armchairs, sipping on a crystal glass full of a dark amber liquid.
Ramel dragged his hazel eyes away from where they had been transfixed on the flames. His lips were pursed in a stern line, and I winced when I realized he was angry. Wet pieces of hair had fallen into his eyes, and his fingers were so covered in crimson that he had left bloody fingerprints all over his glass.
“Cutting it close, deathtrap,” he deadpanned, his tone dangerous. I frowned at him.
“I’m on time. Six o’clock on the dot.” I waited for his mouth to twitch or for his brow to raise, but he just stared at me, his expression growing increasingly dark.
“Ramel… whose blood is that?” I asked. I found myself scanning his body, searching for signs of injury.
He snorted and turned his gaze away from me, back to the fire. “It’s not mine if that’s what you’re worried about. Though I doubt you would be.”
I felt my frown deepen. That other version of me stirred in my chest, and I felt a twinge of concern for my demon. When I left him, he was satisfied and in a relatively good mood. What could have happened in the past two hours to have soured his mood so much? And why was he covered in so much fucking blood?
I glanced around the room, wondering if Shem had any idea what had happened, but he was nowhere to be found.
“Where’s Shem?” I asked softly. Ramel didn’t even look at me. He took a deep pull from his drink, and I watched as a muscle in his jaw pulsed.
“Out.”
Ah . Helpful.
I hovered for a moment, not sure what to do. He hadn’t iced me out like this since I had first met him. I didn’t know what to do with this cold, distant version of Ramel. I had grown used to him hovering around me like a satellite. Always touching me, always watching me whether I wanted him to or not.
I realized with a start that I hadn’t just come to accept it but expect it. If he wasn’t actively trying to touch me, or I wasn’t the center of his universe, something was wrong.
“Ramel — what happened?” I asked softly, drifting closer to him. He didn’t respond; he just took another sip from his drink. The green light from the fire flickered across his perfect face, and he looked devastatingly sad. Moving in front of him, I dropped to my knees and reached forward to touch his blood-spattered cheek. He jerked his head away from me, his eyes flashing in the viridian light. I yanked my hand back in shock. Okay, now I definitely knew something was wrong.
“I’m not in the mood, Lilith. Go to bed, I’ll join you shortly.”
“Ramel, it’s six pm. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet.”
He growled in annoyance. “Then go find Art or Shem and ask them to escort you to the dining hall.”
I hesitated, and he snarled. “Go. Before I do something I’ll regret,” he threatened, but something was off. He didn’t sound as menacing as normal.
He’s scared.
That voice in my head echoed through my mind again, and I frowned. What could have possibly scared Ramel fucking Endlyne?
The Reaper.
Death ?
Well. Hopefully, this didn’t lose me my newly won semi-freedom. I steeled myself and willfully disobeyed his direct order, crawling up into his lap instead. He stiffened beneath me, and his hand clenched so tightly around the crystal glass that it groaned beneath his punishing grip.
Straddling him, I laid a hand on each shoulder and met his eyes defiantly.
“You’ve never regretted anything you’ve done to me before, so I don’t see why you would start now.” I meant it to be teasing, but my delivery was a little flatter than I would have liked.
The flicker of the green flames behind us made it seem like his eyes were smoldering with the endless burn of starfire. I waited for him to explode. To throw me off him and announce that I would need to be punished for my defiance. A part of me almost hoped for it. Dominant, overpowering, and angry Ramel was somehow better than whatever this cold, distant version of him was. Instead, the sharp line of his mouth softened, and I watched, fascinated, as his Adam’s apple bobbed.
“That’s not true, Lilith.” His voice was so low I felt it in my bones. “I regret a great deal of what I have done to you.”
I suddenly felt like my heart was in my throat. He dropped the crystal glass on the small end table next to us and ran his hands up and down my extended arms, looking at me like he wanted to beg me to forgive him but didn’t know where to find the words.
If I didn’t know any better, I would say his eyes were welling with tears. His Adam’s apple dipped again as if he were swallowing past a painful lump in his throat.
I reached up and rubbed my thumb over his bloodied cheek, and this time, he didn’t pull away. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch, letting out a shuddering breath.
“Ramel. What happened?” I asked, and for a long moment, I didn’t think he was going to answer me. Finally, he opened his eyes and sighed .
When he spoke, he chose his words carefully, as if not sure how much he wanted me to know. “I received some bad news today. Yahweh has been busy , for lack of a better word. He’s managed to build a significant advantage against us. If Shem and I can’t find a way to get the upper hand, I’m worried I won’t be able to protect you from Him.”
I brushed a piece of hair that was now tacky with congealed blood out of his eyes. “So, what can we do? Surely, there must be some way to fight back against Him. He managed to put all those other gods and goddesses into a never-ending sleep; maybe there’s a way we can do the same to Him?”
Ramel frowned at me, rubbing a thumb along the side of my jaw. “I don’t want you to have to worry about things like this.”
“Well, why not? Maybe I can do some research in the library and help you guys find a weakness of some kind. I’m used to being busy, Ramel. Keeping me in here like some kind of spoiled pet is not exactly the life I imagined for myself.”
His eyes flashed, and his hand suddenly tightened on my jaw. “You are mine , Lilith. If I want to keep you in this room and spoil you until you fucking rot, I will.”
I smirked at him and rolled my eyes. “I’m well the fuck aware. All I’m saying is, I want to help if you’ll let me.”
He softened his grip on my chin before releasing me. Relaxing back into his seat, he eyed me thoughtfully. “You don’t have your memories. You will basically be starting from scratch. It’s very unlikely you’ll find anything.”
“Well, it can’t hurt to try. Besides, hopefully, I won’t be in there slinging books by myself. I assumed you or Shem would be there to help me as well.”
Suddenly, he broke out into a sly grin. “Are you telling me that after only two hours of freedom, you’re already itching to spend the day with me again?”
I felt my cheeks flush at the implication, and he chuckled, brushing a thumb across the warm blush of my skin.
“No. It would just be nice to have one of you around to carry some books for me. That’s all.”
His smirk widened, and he grabbed the back of my neck so abruptly it caused me to gasp. “Sure, deathtrap. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He pulled me into him and kissed me softly on the lips, massaging his fingers up the back of my neck as he did. The metallic tang of blood flooded my mouth, and I unintentionally let out a tiny moan, causing him to smirk against me.
“I love it when you make that sound,” he whispered against me, giving me one more chaste kiss before releasing my neck. I could still taste blood on my lips as I pulled away and used the back of my wrist to wipe it off. I frowned down at the red stain.
“Whose blood do you have all over you?”
“ That is something you definitely don’t need to worry about,” he said firmly, gesturing for me to get up. I got off his lap but scowled at him .
“I think I deserve to know whose blood you seemed to have bathed in, considering you’re technically my husband.”
He towered over me, tracing the pad of his middle finger over the ridge of my collarbone. He looked down at me, his eyes shining with mirth and the corner of his mouth twitching.
“I’m not technically your husband, Lilith. I am your husband.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead briefly. “As much as I appreciate the concern, you don’t need to worry about whose blood this is. I don’t want you overthinking it and somehow finding a way to blame yourself like you always do.”
That made me even more curious, but I knew he wasn’t going to budge, so I let it go.
“Fine. Don’t tell me,” I muttered, and he chuckled softly.
“I won’t.” He looked down at me, and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me again, but instead, he said something that made my heart stop in my chest.
“Thank you,” he whispered, and I cocked my head to the side.
“For what?”
“For trying to cheer me up. I wasn’t expecting that.”
I shrugged. “Well, you just looked so sad and pathetic. I couldn’t just leave you like that,” I joked, and he snatched up my chin, forcing my head up to face him. The forcefulness of his grasp was betrayed by the playful smirk on his face as he leaned forward and pulled my lower lip into his warm mouth, sucking on it gently. He released me and used his thumbs to pull the swollen flesh down to expose my teeth to him.
“Get in the shower,” he ordered softly. “I’m going to wash this blood off, fuck you, then take you to dinner so you can tell me about your day.”
Despite the zip of excitement that seemed to always rush to my pussy every time Ramel informed me he was about to defile me, I felt myself laugh.
“You were with me all day. We were only apart for a couple of hours.”
He draped his arm around my shoulders and ushered me toward the bathroom. “And I want to hear about every second of those two hours… after we shower.”