Chapter 69
“Knowledge is a weapon. I intend to be formidably armed.”
—MAEVE MILLAY, WESTWORLD
A s discussed, I spent the next few days in the library. Ramel usually came with me. We would get breakfast together, and then he would lead me through the stacks, showing me where he thought would be a good place to start my research for the day. Shem rarely joined, claiming that books weren’t really his scene. Besides, Samhain was fast approaching, and someone had to make sure preparations stayed on course.
“Do we really think Samhain should be the focus right now? If Yahweh truly is planning to take over Hell, maybe we should put a pause on the preparations.” I said one morning as Ramel and I were getting ready to leave for the day.
“The show must go on, Lilith.” Shem smirked at me, dropping a kiss on my nose. “The veil will continue to thin whether we want it to or not; we need to keep up appearances. We’ve held this feast since Hell was founded. If we cancel the festivities, it will be pretty clear that we’re up to something.”
Both Shem and Ramel had informed me that it wasn’t uncommon for citizens of Heaven and Hell to mingle when the veil was at its thinnest. Angels often attended the dumb feast and the ball, and demons tended to branch out to prowl Earth to fuck with mankind .
“Alright. Try to stay out of trouble, at least.” I narrowed my eyes on Shem, and he barked out a laugh.
“Never.” He winked, sliding off to do whatever it was cat demons did all day.
Ramel and I grabbed a quick breakfast to-go, and I munched on my egg burrito as we made our way to the library for the fifth day that week.
“I won’t be able to stay with you all day today,” he informed me as I settled into my usual seat. I had chosen a large table that sat in an alcove on the second floor. It overlooked the heart of the library and was surrounded by texts that mostly covered the history of Hell, Heaven, and Earth. The table was still piled high with books from the day before, and I was anxious to get back to them. I glanced up at my demon husband, and genuine disappointment welled through my chest. Since I had earned free range of the manor, I resented him less, and I found I was even beginning to enjoy his company.
I tried not to wonder if my growing affection for my two captors was a product of Stockholm syndrome or if my feelings were being projected by the other version of myself that was becoming an increasingly prominent entity in my mind.
It was nice not to hate them. It was nice to enjoy the sex, and it was nice to not feel like a prisoner, so I resolved to do my best to just roll with it.
I let Ramel see the genuine disappointment in my expression. “Oh, that’s too bad. Why not?” I asked, and he leaned against the table, facing me. Reaching out to touch my chin, he smiled at me.
“I love it when you look at me like that.”
“Like what?” I asked, frowning.
“Like you might actually miss me when I’m gone.”
Feeling my cheeks flush, I tugged my chin out of his grip and turned my focus onto my books, chewing on my fingernail anxiously. “Well, it’s nice to have someone to help with all the research.”
He chuckled softly but didn’t push the topic. “I have a meeting with Shemhazai and one of our informants. If you need help, I can see if Art and Jezebel are available.”
Almost every day this week, I spent the afternoon at Jezebel’s bar, spending time with her and Art. I had never had a girlfriend before, and Jezebel seemed more than happy to fill the role.
I scrunched up my nose. “No, it’s okay. I love Jez, but I’ll never get any reading done with her here. I’ll just catch up with her at the bar later.”
Ramel nodded and planted a kiss on my head. “Alright, deathtrap.”
I returned to my book, ‘Divine Tapestry: The Eternal Odyssey of the Olympian Pantheon,’ expecting Ramel to leave for his meeting. However, after a few moments of him continuing to hover by my side, I looked up at him with curiosity.
He was staring at me like he wanted to say something but was… nervous? How could that be possible? Ramel was never nervous .
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked incredulously.
He cleared his throat. “I have a gift. For you.”
“A gift?”
Oooooh. What kind of gift?
I tried not to let my excitement show. Clearly, I hadn’t been successful because his lip twitched.
“Yeah. You’ve been so good these last few days. I wanted to reward you with something other than an orgasm.” He smirked.
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “How generous of you.”
“Fine. If you don’t want it…” He moved to leave, and I grabbed his hand and tugged him back with a grin.
“Wait! I want it! What is it?” I was so curious. What could he possibly have gotten me?
He chuckled and leaned back against the table, manifesting a long, black velvet box.
“Here.” He handed it to me, and I took it from him, marveling at how heavy it was. It was too heavy to be jewelry. What could it possibly be?
“Open it.” That hesitant edge was back in his voice, and I almost giggled at the idea of him being nervous that I wouldn’t like it. It felt so out of character for him. It was almost cute.
Carefully, I flipped open the lid to find a delicate, golden dagger lying in a bed of liquid silk. There were strange symbols carved down the blade, and the hilt was wrapped in soft brown leather. A massive raw chunk of citrine was fastened to the end, and it glittered in the amorphous light of the catalog.
At first, all I felt was awe for the beauty of the blade. I ran my fingers over it gently, jumping as a spark of energy ignited beneath my fingers. It took a moment for me to realize the magnitude of what this gift meant. He was giving me a weapon.
He was arming me.
I glanced up at him in surprise. “Ramel…”
“Do you like it?” he asked, his expression serious and intense.
I nodded, biting my lip. “Yes, it’s beautiful. But why?”
“I want you to be able to defend yourself if you need to. You’re protected by the marriage bond, but Yahweh has the power to annul such bonds. If anything happens to Shem or me, I need to know that you’re not defenseless against them. Against Him. ”
I glanced back down at the blade, still shocked that he had given me a dagger, of all things.
“Aren’t you worried I’ll use this against you?” I asked before I could stop myself.
Fuck, Lilith. He’s going to chain you back up for sure …
Wincing, I glanced up at him but found he was just watching me carefully. He raised an elegant eyebrow in a way only the paranormal could.
“ Should I be worried that you will use it against me?” he asked, his voice so low I felt it in my bones. I swallowed and gave him the only answer that wouldn’t lose me all my newfound privileges.
“No, of course not.”
He held my gaze for a long moment. There was no amusement in his eyes, no quirk to his mouth. He didn’t need to tell me what would happen if I tried to use the weapon against him. Remembering how disappointed he had been when I tried to run away with Art, I shuddered. Somehow, I didn’t think I would get off so easily if I tried to stab him.
Finally, he softened and manifested what looked like a thigh sheath. He took the dagger out of the box and slipped it into the brown leather sheath before handing it to me, hilt first.
“This blade is made of Aetherium. It has the power to cut both angelic and demonic flesh the same way steel cuts the flesh of mortals. Until Yahweh invented the scepters, Aetherium was the only known way to unmake immortals. Wounds inflicted by Aetherium take a long time to heal, and they scar. Very few weapons have ever been made with it for this reason. You’re holding one of only four blades ever crafted.”
My eyes widened at the magnitude of what had just been divulged. Only four? I glanced down at the weapon, my heart hammering in my chest. I couldn’t believe he was giving this to me.
“I don’t even know how to use something like this,” I whispered.
“I’ll teach you. We’ll get up an hour or two earlier each day, and I’ll show you a few things. We don’t have enough time to turn you into an assassin by any means, but I can show you a few quick and easy moves that might come in handy if you have the element of surprise.”
“Thank you,” I breathed. He reached out and curled a finger under my chin, tilting my head up to face him.
“I love you, Lilith. I would rather be unmade than live in a world without you in it. If anyone tries to hurt you, promise me you won’t hesitate to use that on them.”
“I promise,” I whispered, and he leaned forward to press his lips against mine softly.
His lips were soft and warm, and the scent of frankincense flooded my nose. After a moment, he pulled away and brushed my hair over my shoulder before straightening.
“I need to go to this meeting. If you need anything while Shem and I are busy, ask Art,” he said by way of parting, and he left me there, holding the Aetherium dagger.
I strapped the blade to my thigh and forced myself to focus on my research. I wanted more than anything to find a way to take Yahweh out. The other version of me, who I was becoming more and more acquainted with as the days passed, fed me glimmers of memories and forgotten pieces of knowledge. These little hints and clues were extremely helpful and gave me a surprisingly strong background to a history not recorded by mankind.
I was currently digging into the different types of gods that had reigned before Yahweh had somehow managed to take over. I learned that there had once been a god or a goddess for everything. In Norse mythology, there was a Goddess of Night named Nótt. In Egypt, there was the god Ra, the Sun God… I remembered seeing his tomb in the cemetery.
There were so many Greek gods and goddesses that my mind whirled as I read. There was Asclepius, the God of Healing and Medicine. Hecate, the Goddess of Crossroads and The Moon; apparently, she was also often associated with witchcraft. I remembered Shem pausing by her grave when we had visited the cemetery. He seemed so sad when we passed her tomb. What sort of relationship did the two of them have?
I found myself daydreaming about what types of mischief Shem and Hecate might have gotten into when I came across a paragraph on Hypnos, the Greek God of Sleep. I paused, frowning. I didn’t remember seeing a grave for Hypnos in the cemetery.
To be fair, I hadn’t really been looking for anyone specific while we had been there. I would need to ask Shem or Ramel if they knew where Hypnos was buried.
I spent the rest of the day learning how Heaven and Hell worked. I figured if I was going to dismantle Yahweh’s reign, the best place to start would be at the beginning.
I quickly learned why Shem, Ramel, Raf, and Jezebel all worked at Voodoo. Confessions powered Yahweh’s Sorter of Souls. He used to be able to run the machine off of confessions from loyal churchgoers. However, over the years, Christianity and Catholicism had fallen out of favor, and He had needed to find a new way to power the Soul Sorter.
It was clever, really. Stealing drunken confessions from mortals who didn’t understand the power of their own words. I had to hand it to the creator; it was an eloquent solution to a complex problem.
What I was having trouble understanding was why it was a problem for Him. Outside of the fact that without the Sorter of Souls, mankind would no longer reincarnate, why was it important to Yahweh that it continued to run?
He didn’t strike me as the type of being who particularly cared about the well-being of His creations. The Bible is riddled with examples of Him completely wiping out or punishing mankind when they strayed from what He considered to be the path of ‘righteousness.’ He was not a benevolent god, so why did it matter to Him if mankind regenerated?
Perhaps He just enjoyed controlling them, but that didn’t seem like it was worth the hassle when He also had an entire race of angels at His disposal.
No. I had a feeling it was something more than His clear need for absolute control.
‘Power.’ The other Lilith whispered into my mind.
Power? Like, in the literal sense?
Feeling as if I were on the cusp of a discovery, I stood and wandered through the stacks. I needed to know more about how Yahweh had risen to power. Clearly there had been many gods and goddesses who managed the world before Him. Where had He come from? How had He managed to wipe out the rest of these divine beings and take control?
My fingers brushed against a thick dusty volume and that voice in my head whispered for me to read the spine.
I frowned at the title. ‘The Divine Usurpation: Unveiling the Tyranny of Heaven’
This seemed promising. I pulled the book from the shelf and settled back down at my table to read. I was starting to feel like I had all the pieces to the puzzle; now, it was just a matter of figuring out how they all fit together.
‘You’re close.’ That little voice chimed in my mind, and I frowned, recognizing it as that mean little voice that had followed me my whole life. Thinking back, maybe the voice hadn’t been mean at all. Maybe the voice had just been honest, and I hadn’t been ready to face the truth.
“ We’re close,” I whispered to the other Lilith, and I felt her smile in my mind.
‘We are,’ she agreed, and together, we dug into the tomb that documented Yahweh’s rise to power.