Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Viktor
She had said she loved me. Not once but twice. Surem the first time the words had slipped out of her mouth by accident, by the second time she had known what she was saying.
And I hadn’t said it.
The words had literally lodged themselves in my throat. So I had pretended to be asleep because I was a coward.
Sure, I could face buckets, beatings, and torture, but make me face a sweet woman who I would do anything for, and I froze up.
Opening my eyes a crack, I saw her turn on to her side. Snuggling into the couch cushions and arching her ass into me. And it was tempting to take her like this. Softly and slowly from behind so she would wake up cumming and screaming my name.
The only thing that stopped me was the thought of someone walking in on us. Falling asleep on the sofa was a bad idea. I should have carried her up to bed.
Hell, there were a lot of things I should have done.
Looking back I would have changed a lot of things in our relationship, but most of all I wished I’d had the guts to say it back because out of everything I had put her through, I was sure not saying it back to her was the thing that hurt her the most.
“Boss?” Ivan’s voice spoke from the other side of the closed door. He didn’t knock. He was good like that. “You awake?”
Sighing, I pulled on my pants and opened the door a crack. “You look like shit. How’s the head?” I said in a way of a greeting, and the other man grinned at me.
“I feel worse,” he admitted. “But I wanted to know if you needed anything before I went to bed?”
My eyebrows shot up. “You haven’t been to bed yet?”
He shrugged. “Not yet, soon though, unless you and Leah need me for something desperately.”
“She’s still asleep.” I couldn’t help it. I glanced behind me, letting my eyes fall on her sleeping form. I sighed happily. “I don’t want to wake her yet. She’s had a rough twenty-four hours. My father asked her to spy on us.”
“Makes sense. I’m pretty sure Manda is working with someone. Maybe she’s in cahoots with your dad. Otherwise, I have no idea how she got a staff key.”
I didn’t know either. All of my staff were loyal to me. They wouldn’t betray me, and none of them liked Manda. It was a mystery, but one I would get to the bottom of soon.
“And what did Leah say?”
“She told him to shove his five million where the sun don’t shine,” I chuckled. Ok, so I was paraphrasing, but hey.
Ivan nodded once. “Yeah, that makes even more sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jesus, Viktor, are you blind? She’s crazy about you. A woman would have to be in love with you to put up with your crap.” He patted me on the shoulder like he was congratulating me for something. “It’s good you’ve found your person, Viktor. You needed to, and Leah is perfect.”
I fell silent.
And he read my thoughts instantly. “You haven’t told her how you feel, have you? ”
“I don’t even know what it is I’m feeling, Ivan. It’s not like I’ve been in this situation before.” The last person I had told I loved them had been my mom, and she had left me. Since then, I had closed myself off. Over thirty years of being an emotional mute.
Lots of people had Daddy issues.
Mine were Mmmy issues, and it had taken meeting Leah to make me realize it.
“And when she said it, I just froze. Well, the first time we were wrapped in each other, but the other time? Shit.”
Ivan looked at me like I had grown another head. “She said she loved you, and you didn’t reply to her? Twice?” His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.
“What was I supposed to say?” This was all new to me. “What would you have said?”
“If I loved her back, I would have told her. If I weren’t there yet, I would have said something to keep her in my life if I wanted her there. What I wouldn’t have done would be risk losing her by saying nothing.”
My eyes flashed. “You think I’m going to lose her?”
I’d already lost her so many times already. The thought of going through that again was enough to make me feel sick.
“I think a woman as sweet and beautiful as Leah deserves to have someone worship her.”
“I do worship her,” I snapped.
“Then tell her how you feel, Viktor. If you want her to love you and stay with you, and I can see that you do, then you have to be honest and tell her how you feel.” Again, he clapped me on the shoulder.
“Good morning, Leah,” he called out over my shoulder before he turned his attention back to me. “Good luck, boss.”
“What was that about?” Leah asked as I closed the door and leaned against it, banging my head against the wood softly.
“Viktor, what’s happened now?” She asked again, and when I turned, she was almost right behind me. Grimacing with every step.
“It’s nothing.” Shaking my head, I forced myself to smile. It was ok for Ivan to say I needed to tell her how I felt. He wasn’t the one who had to say the words. If I did, they would make me more vulnerable than I had ever been.
And if there was one thing I had never been, it was vulnerable.
“So either one of your illegal businesses or there’s another naked woman in your bed.” Leah bumbled under her breath. “I should have known that.”
I caught her up around the waist, wrapping her legs around mine and pressing her into the door. “Neither of those things, so stop that right now. We went through all of that last night, and this jealousy doesn’t suit you.”
She pouted. Fuck she was adorable.
“But I’m glad you get jealous over me because it means you—” my throat closed up. My lips opened and closed like a fish, but no sound came out.
Her eyebrow arched up. “Care about you?” She finished for me.
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. “It means you care about me, and I want you to know—”
She waited, and I couldn’t get the words out.
Why couldn’t I get the words out. I cared about this woman more than I had ever cared about another living soul. I was head over heels for her. Hell, I had been half in love with her the moment I had seen her. Shit. I was in love with her.
“I want you to know that you caring for me means a lot,” I said capturing her lips.
But not before I had seen her face fall.
I didn’t work in the days between Christmas and the New Year. Were there things that needed my attention? Of course, there always were, but I had Ivan for a reason.
He was good at what he did, and that’s why he was my second in command.
He was more than capable of running things while I spent time with Leah. Right now, she needed me, and if I were honest with myself, I needed her even more.
She grounded me, made me feel like a human being instead of the cold-hearted monster I was raised to be. With her, I could actually be normal.
“Is everything ok?” Her gloved hand tightened around mine. And I squeezed it back. Her feet had healed, but we still had to walk slowly when we took our daily walks.
Leah thought I was just showing her the grounds in case she ever needed to get away from the house, or if we were being attacked, but truthfully, I showed her around because I enjoyed walking the grounds with her.
It was such a mundane thing to do, taking winter walks with my wife.
“Viktor?” Leaning her face against my arm, she sighed through the thick wool scarf I had wrapped around her mouth and chin. Her eyes darted up to me, and a question pinched her eyebrows together.
“Of course,” pulling the thick material from her face, I kissed her lips.
Instantly, the heat was there, heating me from the inside, so I didn’t feel the chill in the air. It was always like that between us now. Well it had always been that way between us from the moment I had first seen her.
I wanted her, every second of every day, and I couldn’t imagine a time when that would be different. I was forty-one years old, so much older than she was, but around her I felt so much younger and so much more inexperienced.
Not sexually, but emotionally. This was the first time I had ever felt this way about anyone, let alone a woman.
“I was just thinking about our future.”
Slowly, because my gloves were bulky, I unbuttoned her coat and slipped my arms inside. Pulling her into my body hard. She tilted her face up to mine, her lips pouty and bruised-looking from all the times I had kissed her. Or more specifically, how hard I kissed her.
“The future?” She cocked her head to the side and studied me. “What about the future?”
“Our future.” I rubbed my nose against the tip of her cold one. “After the baby is born. And before.”
“We have months until we need to think about that.”
“No.” My eyes flashed, and she fell silent. A wry smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I want to change the agreement.”
She bit her lip and her eyes danced away, looking at the trees heavy with snow and the lawn of pure white in front of us.
“I’d like to take the year clause away from you. The money I promised you is already in your account, so that won’t change, but I want to make this a marriage of—”
I paused and cleared my throat. What were the words I was looking for? Here I was getting all tongue-tied again. It happened a lot around her.
“I want you to want to stay with me,” I ended lamely.
“Ok.”
I frowned. Just ok. I was telling her I wanted her with me for real, and all she could say was ok with that faraway look in her eyes.
But then, could I really blame her? She had told me she loved me, and I still hadn’t been able to say it. Me asking her to stay with me as my wife, not for a year but forever, was as close as I could get.
“Good, now let’s talk about what is going to happen next week.
” The arm I had slung around her waist moved to her front.
So I could press my hand against her stomach.
It was still flat, but there was the smallest of curves to it now.
It was invisible to anyone who wasn’t intimately in tune with her body, which I was.
It would only be a few weeks now, and she would start showing. We wouldn’t be able to hide the pregnancy from anyone.
Not that I wanted to hide it. Why would I?
Except, her being pregnant put her at increased risk.
I hadn’t shown her that side of my business yet, although she was aware of what and who I was.
We would need to discuss her safety soon because once my enemies realized she was carrying my heir, they would target her to get to me.
I tightened my grip. If I had learned anything in the last few weeks, it was that I couldn’t let anything happen to Leah. I would have to increase her security, which was fine. Ivan and Stephen would deal with it. They would find the best people.
“Viktor.”
Her words cut through my thoughts, and I shook my head.
“Sorry, I was—”
“Plotting and planning.” She grinned.
I laughed. “Something like that, but I did want to talk about the doctor’s appointment we have next week.”
“We?”
“Well, you have, but I’m coming as well.”
“You are? But I thought you would need to get back to business. Isn’t there a lot to sort out now your father has finally signed the last of the paperwork?”
My eyebrows shot up. “And how did you know about that?” I knew I hadn’t told her.
Giggling, she surged upwards and found my lips. “You can’t keep secrets from the staff, and they tell me everything.”
“Because you are mistress of the house.”
“Because I am their friend,” she corrected me, and I just smiled anymore.
“It’s true I do have to touch base next week, but I wouldn’t miss our first prenatal appointment. Or any other appointment you have. Now I’ve been reading, and a lot of reports say there might be another scan. You will have a few, and they might be able to tell us what we are having.”
She blinked at me rapidly. “Wait, you’ve been reading up!”
“Well, I’ve never been a dad before,” I said in a rush. “I don’t think I’ve ever held a baby, and I want to be prepared.”
“Yeah, I get that. I feel the same, but when exactly are you reading these baby books? We have spent every second of every day together. ”
I gave her a small shrug. “I read a few chapters when you are asleep.”
Her whole body shook as she laughed. “You have turned into a completely different man, Viktor. The Viktor I met at the gas station, who was so aggressive and dominating, is now reading parenting books. Who would have thought it?” She shook her head.
“I can be both men. I can be the feared one to everyone else, but to you and our child, I can be softer. I refuse to be the type of man my father was.”
Sadness flickered into her eyes. Reaching up, she ran her gloved hands down my cheek. “You are nothing like your father,” she said quietly.
“I hope not, but back to what we need to decide. Do we find out the sex of the baby or not?”
Leah’s eyes widened in shock. “You’re asking me?”
“Yeah, well, you are a pretty important part of this, Leah. Of course, I am asking you.” I chuckled.
“I just presumed you would want to find out if you were having a son.”
I did a double-take. “I don’t care whether we have a boy or a girl, Leah, as long as they are fit and healthy. Even if they aren’t, I will cherish them.”
She beamed up at me. “Do you want to find out the sex?”
Did I? Did I want to know? Part of me screamed yes because under everything I was a control freak, but under it all I wanted the excitement and the surprise as well.
“Vikor?” Ivan’s voice called out from the house. “Your father is on the phone and wants to talk to you. He says you are blocking his calls.”
I grumbled under my breath. Of course, I was screening his calls. I had nothing to say to the old man, not after what he had asked Leah to do or the way he had left her, but I knew I had to speak to him.
I might be in charge now, but he was still too well respected to cut off completely. At least yet.
“I’m sorry. ”
Leah nodded in understanding and looped her arm through mine. “Let’s go inside, Viktor. I’m not feeling the greatest anyway.”
I glanced at her as we walked back. She did look pale. Maybe a little green.
Her morning sickness.
Which was actually all day sickness seemed to hit her at a different time every day.
“And then you rest. I don’t want you to do anything for the rest of the day, ok?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m just a little nauseous, Viktor. I’m not dying. Millions of pregnant women work through their pregnancies.”
“None of those women is my wife. So you will rest, and if it’s ok with you, I would like to not find out what we are having. I would like it to be a surprise.”