Chapter 16
Miles
Headstones loomed in the dark, marking the graves of my family who had passed over the years. Even before Theo died, I rarely visited the small graveyard situated at the edge of Kai’s land. My father was buried there, but the cunt didn’t deserve anyone to come to pay their respects.
I hadn’t been to the graveyard since the day we buried Theo, and at the reminder of how our supposed friend stood by our sides, watching as the coffin was lowered into the ground with fake tears in his eyes, my fists clenched.
His death had been far too lenient. Kai should have kept the fucker alive and locked him up in the den so we could torture him for the rest of our lives. Even then, it wouldn’t have been enough to repay him for taking Theo from us.
From me.
Out of all the headstones, Theo’s was the only one in pristine condition; the newest addition to the Wolfe cemetery. Whereas the others had begun to show signs of weathering, the marble of Theo’s glistened under the soft moonlight.
My heart cracked at the sight of it, and a pain so sharp hit me, taking my breath away, and reminding me of why I’d avoided coming here all this time. I carried the weight of Theo’s loss around with me wherever I went, but coming here, that weight intensified.
My legs collapsed from under me, and I fell to my knees on top of his grave. Helplessness coursed through me, and I squeezed my eyes closed as overwhelming grief consumed me.
It was my fault that Theo was rotting underneath the ground. If I hadn’t been so fucking selfish, too intent on fucking women until the sun came up, I could have stopped him from being murdered.
My best friend.
A choked sob escaped me, and I reached out to place my hand on his headstone, the marble cold under my palm.
“I’m sorry, Theo,” I whispered into the darkness. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’d give anything to swap places with you, brother. I’d give my life if it meant bringing you back. I…I don’t know who the fuck I am without you. I need you, man.”
Silence.
Ironic really, he’d been haunting my nightmares for months, yet the one time I wanted to speak to him, he didn’t appear.
Realizing my buzz from the weed was slowly wearing off, I snatched my hand away and searched my pockets, looking for my stash, and knowing if I smoked some more, Theo would appear. I cursed at my stupidity at discovering my pockets were empty. I’d left my weed on the lounger on the roof terrace.
Sighing, I twisted around to lean back against the headstone and stretched my legs out in front of me. Aside from a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of surrounding trees, there wasn’t a single sound. I could have found it peaceful if it weren’t for the unbearable ache in my chest.
I closed my eyes again, allowing myself to imagine that Theo was out there somewhere, listening to me.
“Please, Theo. Let me see you. I need to talk to you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing without you.”
And that was the truth. Theo had been my guide through so much of our lives together.
He was the one I would confide in when my dad beat me.
He was the one who gave me the confidence to stand up to anyone who belittled me because my interests in technology and computers made me a nerd.
He was the one who knew what I needed when it came to women.
Without him, I didn’t know what I was doing or who I was. He knew my deepest, darkest fears. He knew every single one of my secrets.
Well, except for one.
The secret I held onto for four years about the woman who was now my wife.
The faint crunching of footsteps over grass reached my ears, and my eyes shot open. I stared into the distance with bated breath, waiting for Theo to appear. My heart accelerated as the footsteps grew closer, and hope bloomed in the center of my chest.
From the darkness, the outline of a body materialized. “Theo?”
“Christ, Miles. How fucking high are you? It’s me,” Kai growled, moving out of the shadows of the trees and marching toward me with a very unimpressed look on his face. “What the fuck are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night.”
My body slumped. “Just wanted some fresh air.”
Kai placed his hands on his hips as he towered over the end of Theo’s grave, his hair disheveled like he’d just rolled out of bed. “You didn’t need to come here for fresh air, idiot. What’s going on?”
I didn’t reply for a minute, my attention focused on the trees behind Kai, waiting for Theo to emerge. Tears stabbed my eyes as the last bit of hope was sapped from me when no one else appeared in the shadows.
I returned my watery gaze to Kai. “Do you come here often?”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. “You know this is a graveyard, right? Not a bar for you to chat me up?”
“I’m aware,” I snapped.
“Just checking,” he replied, holding his hands up in surrender, the bite to his tone now missing. “I wasn’t sure exactly how high you are.”
“Just answer the question.”
He sighed. “I dunno. Once, maybe twice a week.” Great. That made me feel like even more of a cunt for not coming once since Theo had died. As if reading my thoughts, Kai added, “It’s okay if you don’t come here, Miles. Not everyone deals with grief in the same way.”
I snorted. “Riley’s made you soft. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you admit you’re grieving.”
“Yeah, well. Near-death experiences and meeting the right woman make you re-evaluate things in life.”
His words struck a chord, and before I could stop myself, I blurted a truth I’d been holding onto for months.
“I planned to die, you know.” His eyes narrowed on me, but he didn’t speak.
I didn’t know if it was the weed still circulating in my blood or being this close to Theo’s grave that made me continue.
“I had it all planned out. That’s why I agreed to marry Sofia. ”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kai barked.
I shifted in my spot on the grave, getting comfy and closing my eyes, allowing however much weed was still in my system to relax me.
“I made a promise to Theo. After he died, I vowed that I would kill whoever was responsible for his death, and then I would join him in the ground. When I agreed to marry Sofia, I had no intention of going through with it. If I didn’t die in the fight, I was going to top myself. ”
I couldn’t stop my lips from lifting into a small grin. My confession wasn’t funny. Far from it. Yet, the confession sounded ridiculous now that I’d said it out loud.
I’d had every intention of going through with it, though. When I found his body down at the docks, and before Kai or anyone else arrived, I held Theo in my arms and made my vow to join him.
Every night in the months that followed, before Riley came along, before any betrayal was discovered, I would lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and missing Theo like I was missing part of my soul.
I’d remind myself of my plan. Remind myself that I only had to hold on for a little bit longer, and then I would be reunited with him again.
My eyes flew open when hands wrapped around the collar of my shirt, and I was lifted off the ground, Kai’s snarling face an inch away from mine. “Repeat that.”
I didn’t have the energy to wriggle out of his grasp. Instead, I shrugged. “I wanted to die.”
Thump.
Kai’s fist collided with the side of my jaw, knocking me to my ass. Even in my drug haze, I knew he hadn’t hit me with his full strength. If he had, my jaw would have been broken instead of the dull ache that now settled there.
“Ow,” I replied, rubbing my face. “What was that for?”
“That was for being a selfish fucking prick,” Kai roared, standing over me and pointing at me like he was a school teacher scolding a naughty pupil.
“What the fuck, Miles? Don’t you think we’ve suffered enough loss in our family?
And now you’re telling me you want to die?
You want to make me fucking suffer even more. ”
His words broke as he tore his angry stare away from me, a muscle in his jaw twitching. Guilt rushed through me. Kai rarely showed his emotions, but right then, he was wearing his hurt for the world to see.
“Figured you’d be okay,” I started, feeling like a grade-A cunt. “Especially when Riley came along.”
His head whipped back to me, his eyes narrowing. “You’re missing the fucking point. You’re my family. My blood.”
I shook my head. “No. You’re missing the point.
” Slowly getting to my feet, I faced Kai, defeat flowing through my veins.
“I wanted to die. Wanted. Past tense. When we reclaimed the city, I could have stepped into the bullets fired at us.
Hell, you think the Stag who shot me was aiming for my leg?
He wasn't, and I could have quite easily not jumped out of the way. And every day since, I could have gone through with my plan to end it all. But here I am.”
It was my turn to look away, unable to meet the fury in Kai’s eyes. My father always used to say I was a disappointment. He was right. I’d failed Theo when he needed me, and then I’d broken my promise to join him. I was a failure. A disappointment to everyone.
“Why?” Kai asked, his tone a fraction softer.
“Take a guess.”
He didn’t answer straight away, and when I braved looking at him, I could see the cogs churning.
“Sofia,” he eventually said. I pursed my lips, nodding once to confirm he was right. He released a heavy exhale. “Why the fuck do you act like you hate her then? If she’s the reason you haven’t gone through with it, why the hell-”
“Because she was never mine. She belonged to Theo.”
Kai’s brows lifted, his eyes widening. “What?”