Chapter 8
EIGHT
It was supposed to be a beautiful day. Everything had been going so well. Blaine was happy with the decorations he’d devised and put up, with Alfie’s help, for the RAF toy drive party. Things between him and Alfie had been lovely and so filled with promise for the past few days. His shirt was absolutely on point for Christmas festivity, and sparkly to boot. And that afternoon they’d spent together horizontally? It had been bliss. Blaine was hoping for a repeat as soon as possible, maybe after the party.
To be honest, he was hoping for even more than that. Unlike so many others, Alfie hadn’t bolted the moment he’d gotten what he wanted. He hadn’t laughed in Blaine’s face for all his foibles and idiosyncrasies. For some bizarre reason, Alfie actually seemed charmed by them.
And then came the text from Dave around lunchtime that day.
“ I’m looking forward to seeing you at the party tonight. We have things we need to talk about .”
With that one text, Blaine felt like everything that had seemed so promising and stable was about to come crashing down. Dave would be at the party. He wouldn’t be able to run and hide from his problems anymore.
That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try, though. Or, at least, he would have tried if Alfie hadn’t cornered him, grabbed his wrist, then taken his hand and led him to a relatively quiet spot behind the rainbow Christmas trees.
“You don’t need to do this,” Blaine blurted, as jumpy as a kid who’d had too much sugar on Christmas morning. “I know what you’re going to say. I’ll say it for you. It was fun while it lasted, but you’re looking for something, someone more serious than me. I’m a great guy, but the two of us just aren’t suited for each other. And that shirt of yours is an offense against nature.” He avoided Alfie’s eyes as everything came spilling out.
“Blaine,” Alfie said in a firm, calm voice.
Blaine shifted his glance around the front of Archie’s broad chest, trying but failing to summon the courage to look up at him and see what he knew would be there.
“I get it all the time,” he went on, reaching out and playing with the lapel of Archie’s dress uniform. God, he looked good in a uniform! “I know how it goes. Yes, I’m too much. I have so many things going on in my life and my world right now. I’m sorry if I dragged you into it all in any small way.”
“Blaine,” Archie said again.
“And yes, I’m probably overreacting and flailing a bit,” he ignored him and zoomed on. “I should probably have more confidence in myself and actually believe that someone like you could want someone like me. I need to believe I can pull off this look. It’s just hard with my past experience is all.”
“Blaine.”
“You’re such a great guy, and I’m the very definition of a hot mess. And now with Dave coming to the party tonight, most likely with some sort of legal paper that he’ll serve me with and destroy what little I have left of my dignity, I just can’t?—”
His verbal and physical flailing stopped when Alfie grasped his face in both hands and planted a firm kiss on his mouth that short-circuited Blaine’s brain.
Blaine made a sound deep in his throat that was either the end of what he’d been about to say or a sign of complete surrender. If Alfie had kissed him to shut him up, it definitely worked. All Blaine wanted was to be putty in Alfie’s hands, doing whatever Alfie wanted and being whatever he needed. The entire world slowed down, then stopped, coalescing in that moment.
The kiss wasn’t even deep, and when Alfie pulled back, lips still slightly parted, Blaine was left grasping for more.
“Alright,” Alfie said in his take-charge voice. “That’s better. Now look at me.”
Blaine didn’t dare do anything but look directly at him.
“I’m not breaking up with you,” he said. “Granted, we aren’t actually dating, so really I should say that I’m not shutting the door on you. I’d like to discuss the possibility of us dating once this party is over.”
As soon as he said that, Alfie blinked and frowned slightly at himself. It was like Blaine could see the wheels in his head turning. He shook off whatever thought had struck him, took a breath, and focused on Blaine again.
“Yes, you’re a hot mess, but you’re also vibrant and creative, and you make me happy. That shirt is as mad as a box of frogs, but it suits you perfectly. It’s you. You’re you, and I like you just the way you are.”
“Thank you, Mark Darcy,” Blaine sighed. He wasn’t sure whether Alfie got the reference.
“The party looks great. Those kids are having a good time with the art projects,” Alfie went on.
Blaine leaned to the side so he could look past him into the room. More kids were arriving by the second, along with several people from the community who took classes at the arts center. Blaine searched their faces for any sign of Dave, but before he spotted him, Alfie grasped his face again and turned it to look back at him.
“You’re okay, Blaine,” Alfie said. “The party is going to be fun, and if and when Dave arrives, we’ll deal with him together.”
Blaine sucked in a shaky breath. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had someone to stand by his side and deal with hard things together with. Bax was always there when he needed his brother, but lately, it had been more of a humiliation than a help to turn to the rest of the Hawthornes when he needed something. His siblings and cousins were all so amazing, so competent and creative. He didn’t know how he could measure up?—
“Blaine,” Alfie said to stop his thoughts from spiraling.
“I’m here, I know,” Blaine said. He forced himself to breathe. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me to hear you say you’ll stick by me.”
Alfie’s face pinched its way through several emotions before settling on a smile. “It’s okay,” he said. “My pleasure. And I swear, whatever it is Dave wants, it won’t be as bad as you think.”
“I burned someone’s house down,” Blaine said flatly.
“The house you were working in experienced a fire due to faulty wiring and burned after you left the premises,” Alfie corrected him.
“You’re too kind,” Blaine said.
“I know,” Alfie told him with a wink.
He leaned in for another kiss, but before their lips could meet, Rebecca showed up to say, “Hey, I hate to break this up, but the kids need help with their costumes for the program and I’m volunteering you two.”
“Right,” Alfie said, pulling back immediately, but giving Blaine a tantalizing look.
“We’ve volunteered for that?” Blaine asked, a bit wobbly. He didn’t want to think about kids just then. He wanted to drag Alfie off to his flat so they could get the after-party activities started earlier.
“Looks like we did,” Alfie said, grabbing his hand and pulling him back out into the open.
Blaine looked around again, searching for Dave, as Alfie walked with him to the corner of the room, where the kids who were participating in a small Christmas program were putting on bits and pieces of costume over their party clothes.
The room had filled up a lot in the few minutes since Alfie had pulled him aside for their little talk…which they hadn’t really had. More of the groups from nearby children’s homes and family programs had arrived. The volume in the room had increased as well to the point where chattering voices and kids laughing and carrying on almost drowned out the carols that were playing through the PA system.
As they neared the kids putting on costumes, Blaine searched frantically for Dave. Alfie might not have been worried, but a party was the perfect time to slap him with a lawsuit or cause a public scene that would mean he could never show his face in public again.
“Don’t you look good,” Alfie said as they reached the group of kids.
For half a second, Blaine thought he had had a change of heart about sequined cardinals and was talking about him. That he could even imagine that was embarrassing and a sign of just how out of control his ego was. Alfie was talking about the kids, though, and they all looked great.
“I can’t get the back,” one girl in an angel costume, who was practically spinning in circles as she tried to reach for the Velcro fastenings at the back of her white smock said.
“Here, let me,” Alfie said, stepping in to assist her.
Blaine jumped into action as well, helping a trio of boys who were wearing brown mitts of some sort that might indicate they were trying to be gingerbread men as they searched through a box of bow ties. It was nice to be there for the kids, but his attention was more on Alfie than costumes.
“Looking good,” he told the angel girl once he’d fastened the back of her costume. “Do you have your halo?”
“Right here,” the girl said, beaming at him as she reached for a headband with wires attaching a tinsel halo on the table by the side.
“Okay, who’s next?” Alfie asked, clapping his hands together and turning to face the rest of the kids.
“Me!” one of the other girls shouted. “I’m a Christmas fairy, but I need help with my wings.”
“Then you’ve come to the right place,” Alfie said, stepping around the angel as she donned her halo headband. “I’ve flown planes before, so I know a lot about wings.”
Several of the kids gasped.
“Are you a pilot?” one boy asked, his eyes wide with awe.
“He’s in the Royal Air Force,” another boy said, sounding a bit snooty. “My uncle is in the RAF, too.”
“Wow! Do you fly fighter jets?” one of the girls asked.
Alfie laughed. “I get asked that all the time,” he said. “But no, I was part of the crew that flew supply planes.”
He reached the Christmas fairy, who handed him her wings, then crouched down to fasten the wings to her back.
“Have you ever been in a war?” the first boy asked, abandoning his costume prep to gather around Alfie with the others.
Blaine almost felt like he’d been pushed out by a pack, but was so fascinated just with watching Alfie interact with kids like it was second nature to mind.
“I was,” Alfie answered gravely. “I was part of operations in Afghanistan, but that’s all I can say about that.”
“Look, he has a commendation for his service there. That’s what that pin right there means,” the boy whose uncle was also in the RAF said, pointing to one of the bars on the front of Alfie’s uniform.
Blaine felt a little stupid for not knowing that’s what those pins were.
Those stupid feelings quickly vanished under the pure fascination of watching Alfie at work.
“Who else has wings or a costume that needs help?” he asked, standing.
“Me! Me!” several of the kids called out or waved a hand in the air.
Blaine had half a mind to ask for Alfie’s help with something, too. Even when the swarm of kids closed in on him, everyone needing help of one kind or another, Alfie looked completely calm and unfussed. Blaine almost forgot he was supposed to be helping, he was having so much fun.
“Have you ever thought of doing something with kids?” Blaine asked fifteen minutes or so later, once all the kids were in their costumes, waiting by the side of the dais at the front of the room. He and Alfie were waiting with them, even though Rebecca was the one in charge of the Christmas show.
Alfie huffed a laugh and turned to him just as he crossed his arms. “Yeah, I’ve thought of it.”
Blaine’s brow shot up. His words were a contrast to the tough, solid way he stood as they waited for Rebecca to start the program. “Really?” he asked. “In what way?”
“I don’t know,” Alfie said, frowning. His look was far away again, which made Blaine feel guilty for not asking more about what was going on in his life. Alfie already knew so much about him, the least he could do was be interested in his life in return.
“Have you ever thought about having kids of your own?” he asked, going warm as the idea wrapped itself around him.
Before Alfie could answer, Rebecca came over to them and said, “Okay, is everybody ready for the program?”
“Yeah! Yes!” Several of the kids answered, getting excited.
“Right, well, take your places and we’ll get things started in just a minute,” Rebecca said, gesturing for the kids to move on. “Thanks, guys,” she told Blaine and Alfie.
“You’re very welcome,” Alfie replied with a nod.
In the shuffle to get the kids where they were going, Blaine and Alfie had to step back and move out of the way. They ended up slightly behind the other end of the line of rainbow Christmas trees, then had to step under a decorated trellis archway Blaine had added to the décor at the last minute.
“Yes,” Alfie said as the two of them stood there, out of everyone else’s way.
Blaine glanced at him, confused. “Yes what?”
Alfie, who had been watching the kids get into place, turned to Blaine with an impish grin. “Yes, I’ve considered having kids of my own. Have you?”
It felt like the most important question anyone had asked Blaine in a long time. He swallowed, then said, “Yes. Absolutely. Even though I could never do it on my own. If I found the right person to co-parent with me, though….” He let the thought fade into promise.
“If you found the right person?” Alfie asked, turning to face him fully.
Blaine turned to him as well. “That would make all the difference, wouldn’t it?”
“It would.” Alfie stepped closer, sliding a hand up Blaine’s arm to cup the side of his face. “Did you notice there’s mistletoe at the top of this arch?”
“Is there?”
Blaine went to look up, but his eyes didn’t get any farther than meeting Alfie’s as Alfie dipped down to kiss him. Just like the kiss that shut him up earlier, this kiss stole his thoughts and his breath, leaving his head spinning. It was a suitable-for-work kiss, considering they were in a room with a couple hundred people and a group of kids was most likely watching them, but it curled Blaine’s toes all the same.
Actually, it curled them more than the majority of the sexy kisses past guys had given him. It wasn’t a prelude to something else or a promise that would inevitably be broken. Alfie was kissing him because he wanted to, because he liked him, because they were good together. It was the kind of kiss that?—
“Corporal Spears.”
Alfie went suddenly tense, then turned as if someone had cracked a whip and stood at attention. “Group Captain Parker,” he said, saluting as he did. “I didn’t see you arrive.”
Still reeling from the kiss, Blaine could only gape for a moment as he looked at the distinguished, older man in a fancier RAF uniform than Alfie’s.
“It all makes perfect sense now,” Parker said, returning Alfie’s salute so that they could both drop their arms to their sides.
“Sorry, sir? What makes sense?” Alfie replied.
Parker nodded to Blaine with a knowing grin. “Why you’ve been hesitant to take the posting in Cyprus,” he said.
Blaine’s heart sank. “Cyprus?” he asked, glancing desperately between Parker and Alfie.
Alfie cleared his throat, his posture suddenly seeming rigid and anxious.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Parker said with genuine regret. “I didn’t realize I was letting a cat out of a bag.” He turned his apologetic look to Blaine. “Spears here has been offered a commission as lieutenant which brings with it a posting at RAF Akrotiri. He could be stationed there as early as January, but he hasn’t given us an answer yet.”
“Group Captain Parker,” one of the other officers in attendance called and waved for Parker’s attention.
“Gentlemen, excuse me,” Parker said, then bowed and walked away. Blaine had the distinct impression he was glad to get away from the bomb he’d just dropped.
“You’re moving to Cyprus in the new year?” Blaine asked, turning to Alfie.
He shouldn’t have felt like his heart was bleeding and breaking, but the pain was there anyhow. Alfie was the most wonderful man he’d met in ages. He’d thought they had a chance, that Alfie might actually want him, for real and not just for a bit of fun.
“I haven’t made any decisions or committed to anything yet,” Alfie told him carefully. “I applied to leave the Air Force at the end of the year, and as of right now, that stands.”
“But he just said you have a commission waiting. In Cyprus,” Blaine said, feeling silly for sounding so disappointed. He felt silly for getting his hopes up in the first place. He’d only just met Alfie.
“I haven’t accepted it yet,” Alfie said softly, though Blaine could see the conflict in his expression.
Blaine shook his head. “It sounds like a big deal. You need to take it. I don’t know much about the military, but I know a corporal is a non-commissioned officer and what you were just offered is a chance to be a commissioned officer. Isn’t that something huge?”
“It is, but I’m not sure it’s what I want,” Alfie said.
He stepped forward and touched a hand to Blaine’s arm.
Blaine stepped back before he could let himself lean into the touch, before he could let himself dream.
“If you’re going to say that you want to stay here and be with me, then don’t,” he said, the pain in his chest starting to spread. “We’ve only just met, and I’m a disaster. You can’t throw away an amazing opportunity on a man you just met.”
“I wouldn’t be throwing away anything for someone I just met,” Archie said.
The words were so hopeful, but Blaine didn’t want to allow himself to hope. He couldn’t ruin a good man by latching onto him and becoming a burden, which he was certain he would be.
As if he needed proof of that, he spotted Dave walking into the room just then. Worse still, Lucy Evers was with him.
“Oh, God,” he said, taking a large step back from Archie. “I’ve got to go.”
“Blaine, wait,” Archie said, taking a step after him.
Blaine pushed away even farther, nearly stumbling over one of the kids in his bid to leap behind the Christmas trees.
Archie took another step after him, but he was stopped as Rebecca flicked on a microphone at the front of the dais and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, if you would like to take a seat at one of the tables or come stand closer, our program is about to begin.”