17. Chapter 17 – Zach
H ana and Tae seemed to enjoy dinner with my family, laughing and chattering as they exchanged jokes with Gran.
Burbling excitedly about camp activities and their adventures with my mom.
After we’d eaten and cleared everything away, my dad pulled out our Kubb game and we spent the last few hours of daylight drinking beer and lemonade and throwing batons at kubbs and the King on the back lawn.
Working in teams of five meant there was a large group of hecklers for any given thrower, but the teasing was all good-natured. When the sun finally went down around nine, we carted the kids home.
“Stay here,” I said as we pulled into the drive.
Rae’s expression lost its relaxed glow, turning grim.
I hated to see the change in her, but I wasn’t willing to risk the alternative.
There were no obvious signs that the Dawkins house had been broken into again, but an eerie silence settled over the property in the gathering darkness.
The air felt too still, too heavy. And one of the new lights was out.
“Did you get an alert while we were out and you didn’t tell me?” Rae asked.
“No, but there’s no way I’m risking your safety either. Sit tight with the kids while I make sure we’re all clear. ”
Rae grabbed for my hand, stalling me. “Please be careful. I don’t like this,” she gritted out, her expression beseeching. “I want to believe it was just someone looking for quick cash before.”
I tucked an errant curl behind her ear. Any excuse to touch her. “But we can’t assume that.”
Her gaze drifted to the backseat, to a drowsy Tae and Hana. “No, we can’t.”
I slipped from the car, keeping my steps soft.
Rae locked the doors behind me. I walked the perimeter of the house, looking for any signs of forced entry.
Finding none, I unlocked the front door, performing the same walk around inside.
Nothing. Shoulders slumping, I let myself take a deep breath, exhaling slowly.
I was being silly. Overcautious. But I’d never forgive myself if I let down my guard and Rae or the kids got hurt.
Carting a sleepy Hana inside and up to her room only took a few minutes. I should make her brush her teeth and change, but she was already half-asleep, and I hated to wake her. Rae nudged Tae through teeth-brushing and into bed.
I’d been careful to avoid too much time alone with Rae, aware that living together might be more pressure than she wanted at this juncture in our relationship. She needed to come to me willingly. Not because it was convenient, or what was expected.
Rae had played the good long-distance girlfriend for a long time.
I wanted our relationship to be something different. Something new. Real. And that meant not pushing until she was ready.
She emerged from Jia’s room before I could slip into the guest room, clad in tiny shorts and a tank top that left little to the imagination.
The sleep set revealed acres of tanned skin.
Each softly curved thigh and shapely calf was visible, almost up to her panty line.
My mouth went dry. I swallowed, a weak attempt to scrape together some moisture to ease my tight throat.
Rae was strong and capable, but still so delicately feminine.
The dichotomy that was Rae never failed to fascinate me.
Soft and tender at heart, but fierce and unshakable when her loyalty was tested.
She had a drive for her career that matched mine.
I’d seen her come home late, covered in grease, after a hard project.
Tonight, I imagined she carried the soft scents of grass and sunshine. Intricate lace edged the neckline of her camisole, the teal color popping against her summer tan. She’d let her hair down, and it clouded around her shoulders, waves and curls fighting for supremacy in a dark halo.
“You are stunningly beautiful.”
The words slipped out without conscious thought—before I had time to soften them into something easier for her to accept. But I didn’t want to diminish them. She deserved to hear it. Every day until she believed.
Rae’s chin dropped, her gaze flickering away as if she could escape the adoration I wanted her to claim as hers by right. I wanted to tip her chin up, force her to look at me. Make her to accept the compliment. She was gorgeous. Inside and out. She deserved to believe it.
And that moment of doubt, the way she shrank from the truth, snapped something inside me.
Anger bubbled up from my gut until it choked me.
Simon did this. By encouraging the lie, he’d hidden the truth from her: that she was breathtaking.
That she was sexy. She deserved love. The real kind.
Not the imitation Simon had offered her, the lie to protect him.
And I’d spend every damn day proving it to her if she let me.
“Fuck it. ”
I reached for her. She came willingly, laughing up into my face as my hands settled on her hips.
“Fenwick, I had no idea pajamas turned you on.”
I buried my nose in the crook at her neck, delighted when a shiver cascaded through her body. “That’s a damned lie. Everything about you turns me on. Especially those pajamas. They’re practically designed for torture.”
She laughed. “ Please . Everything? I doubt that. We’ve been friends for years, and you haven’t jumped my bones or even hinted that you were interested.”
“How was I supposed to? You were my friend’s girlfriend. Off-limits. Plus, you’d already turned me down once.”
“I did not,” she scolded, pulling back to gaze up at me. “When did I turn you down?”
“Prom. Our senior year.”
“You didn’t really ask me to prom.”
“Yeah, I did.”
She snorted, softening it with a smile. “I think I’d remember if you asked me to prom. You said something along the lines of ‘hey, wouldn’t it be funny if we went together’—not the same thing. You made it sound like a joke. I had no idea you meant it. Even then, you were, well, you .”
“In teen boy, that’s practically a marriage proposal,” I huffed. “But I could have been clearer. I was shier then.”
“ That didn’t last long…”
“True. We graduated, and you were linked to Simon. You closed that door for good. I looked elsewhere.”
“You looked everywhere .”
Yes, I’d slept around. I enjoyed feeling good, liked feeling connected, even if it never lasted.
It wasn’t a crime. But deep down, I’d been searching for something I’d never find: another woman like her.
Every encounter left me a little hollower inside, but that didn’t stop me from trying. Hoping for that spark.
“Is that going to be a problem?” Was she going to hold my past against me?
Her eyes darkened. “Only if you think one woman at a time is a bore. I’m not built for that kind of casual.”
I laughed, the sound rawer than I’d intended, giving away more than it should. I’d flirted and charmed but not taken anyone home with me in the last few years. It hurt that she hadn’t noticed.
Simon had only come to visit once since he joined the military.
But he’d stayed on Sailor Swift with Rae that long-ago weekend.
I’d tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Railing at how tacky it was, that they were probably going at it a few feet from my head.
Now, I could name the real emotion: jealousy.
Then? I’d just decided to be the better neighbor.
Quit bringing women home. But in reality?
I’d dwindled until I quit other women altogether.
“Not a problem.” Something flared behind her eyes at my answer, washing away thoughts of the past. Wiping away memories of her and Simon. How they’d fooled me. “So. We’re doing this?” I asked. Maybe it was vague. I needed her to fill in the blanks. Exclusivity was a low bar.
“I think so.”
“Weak, Dawkins. If you’re not ready, I’m not ready.” Rushing her straight into my arms after Simon without any breathing space didn’t sit right, but I also wasn’t going to allow anyone else to wriggle between us.
“You have a lot more experience than me.” She said it with hesitation .
“So you and Simon never…” It never would have occurred to me before learning the truth about their relationship.
“No, but I’m not a virgin.”
“Me neither.”
She rolled her eyes, but it didn’t wither my cocky grin. One of us had to project confidence.
Asking for body counts wasn’t my style. But part of me was relieved I wouldn’t be her first. Even as my other side mourned that I couldn’t be the one to introduce her to the joys of a joint orgasm.
“Zach, I’m trying to be serious.”
My cheeks fell, folding my face into a more sober expression. How long until she realized I was nothing but serious about her?
“Rae, I only want to make you feel good. How about just a goodnight kiss? Then I will shuffle off to the guest room and enjoy sweet dreams about your sexy body. I—”
Rae attacked me. There was no other word for it. She launched herself at me, wrapping her legs around my waist as I gripped her ass, stumbling to brace us against the wall.
My lungs forgot how to work for a second, caught between a laugh and a gasp.
Her mouth dove for mine, turning our kiss from a basic exploration into an all-out war for territory.
She was lush and sweet, sending my pulse pounding as I reveled in each eager nip.
I sank forward, loving the way her hips tilted toward me.
I wrapped one fist in her hair, using it to tilt her head to one side, exposing her neck to my quest for the source of her unique scent. The essence of Rae.
She rumbled, giving a sexy little growl as I licked a path along the tendon in her neck. The sound sent an answering flash, tightening my groin and making it difficult to catch my breath .
“Zach,” she whispered, yanking me gently by the hair at the nape of my neck.
Slowly, I straightened, meeting her fiery gaze. Struggling for control, the faint tremble in my fingers no doubt gave me away.
She tilted her head toward the bedroom door. “Let’s take this somewhere more private.”
“You sure?”