Chapter 10
“A multitude of people and yet solitude”
Brooks
Seated Next To God Himself
“You’re cool, Linc. We should hang out sometime.”
He looked surprised, but he played it cool and slung his arm over the back of the couch. Oh, how it would feel to be tucked under it. He was bigger than me in both height and build. It would be lovely.
“You wanna hang out,” he repeated.
“That’s what I said. And before you get any ideas, I’m locked in a little will-they-won’t-they thing, so I’m not trying to explore your body.”
I shouldn’t have said that. It not only gave him more than factual information, but it also opened my mind up to why the fuck that came out of my mouth.
My eyes slid over to where Tilian was talking with someone I didn’t know. If I did go for something more than casual, I’d be interested in that one over there. Then again, I could name a handful of people who fit into that category. There was nothing exceedingly different about him. It was just the way I felt when he was around- calm, quiet, and no expectations.
Tearing my gaze away, I gave myself a moment to enjoy the view that was Lincoln Porter, then shook my head. “You’re hot as fuck, but like I said, nothing like that.”
“Alright, Brooks. I’m officially intrigued.”
“Don’t ask.”
If he did, I’d probably tell him that I was losing the plot and to get myself back on track, I wanted to jump on his dick like the little slut I was. We could have something good and temporary.
No. I was just in a weird headspace right now. It was easy to drown it out with sex, but that pesky self-awareness was telling me not to do that.
Before I could consider it further, West dropped into my lap. He planted a firm kiss on my forehead and relaxed against me. With a sigh, I wrapped an arm around his middle and let him do his thing. He was like a giant puppy.
After a few minutes, I shoved him off of me. He was heavy and my eyes had caught on something I couldn’t get out of my head.
“Hey,” I said, coming up beside Tilian.
He looked freaked out, like I’d pulled him out of some deep thoughts.
“Are you scared of me again?”
When he started to smile, he ducked his head. I reached out to move his hair away from his face, which made him look at me again.
Linc saw too much good in people to the point that he’d give them chances to drain him. What was Tilian’s weakness?
Me?
That thought shouldn’t have made me smile and lean my shoulder against the wall next to him.
“You’re not scary,” he replied.
“What am I, Tilian?”
“Uh…” He matched my position so that we were facing each other. “Batshit.”
I scoffed and pushed his chest lightly. My fingers trailed down a few inches before I forced my hand to my side.
I had to stop flirting. This wasn’t the time, place, or person for it.
My eyes went to his Adam’s apple. I like to be choked . Why’d he have to tell me that? Why’d I have to ask?
“Come on. Let’s do some karaoke.”
His eyes widened. When I grabbed his hand, he planted his feet.
“Why not?” I asked with a laugh.
He held up his beer bottle. “I’ll smash this and cut my throat with it.”
“You’re so sweet, then you leap right into darkness. Does it call to you?” I raised and lowered my brows.
“Depends.”
“On?”
“If there’s anyone else there.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re antisocial.”
“There are some people I’d accept to come with me. Begrudgingly, of course.”
“Of course,” I repeated. “Fine. No karaoke. Mingling, though, is mandatory.”
“No.”
I jutted my lip out. “Please?”
He groaned and slumped his shoulders. “But why?”
“Because I want to mingle and I want to hang out with you. I’m not willing to give either of them up, which leaves you no choice.”
Even though he rolled his eyes, he came with me easily. He looked very out of his element when I dropped onto the couch with Linc. I patted the spot next to me, so he sat. I wasn’t sure if he was breathing, but he’d be fine.
*****
In A Place Where I Definitely Just Saw A Cockroach
I had more than a few beers. It looked like a lot of us had. I wasn’t drunk, but my head was swimming. Me and Linc were vibing and after a while, I convinced Tilian to loosen up.
He leaned close to my ear. “Never thought I’d run in any circle where I’d meet the whole football team.”
I wrapped my arm around his shoulders to keep him near me. Even though cedarwood was a common scent, I found it comforting. He tensed a little, but it only took him a few seconds to relax.
“You’re friends with Dean,” I pointed out.
“Not the kind that would get me invited here. I mean, Linc…” He trailed off and bit his lip.
I laughed softly. “Yeah, he’s hot. Gonna shoot your shot?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Operation Find Tilian A Boyfriend is now in full swing.”
“Or we could just… not.”
“Give me a good reason.”
He didn’t say anything and I wasn’t going to push the issue. Not right now, at least. I looked around the room, taking in everyone that was still here.
West was louder than usual, which I would’ve thought impossible, but it was West. He was being chill, though, and the guys on the team did like him, even if he thought otherwise. It just came down to authenticity at a certain point. He didn’t hide who he was, but he also put on a show. There was darkness inside of him and I was nosey enough to be curious about it. All I knew was that part of it had to do with daddy issues, which I avoided like the plague. None for me, thanks.
Linc and Sen were chatting. From the looks of it, they were getting along well. Nobody could dislike Sen. He was too lovable.
Kai was talking to Rick, laughing at something he said. At all times, though, he had an eye on his boyfriend. His protectiveness made sense considering Sen’s past, but even if he hadn’t been through that shit, Kai would probably act exactly the same.
Someone came in from outside, so my gaze moved in that direction. A guy named Matt walked into the living room, then headed for the kitchen.
Tapping my fingers, I considered my next moves carefully. It’d be smart to drop Tilian off at his dorm and go our separate ways. I wondered if he’d be down to hang out instead. I liked being around him more than most people and I wanted to get to know him more.
The thing I wouldn’t say out loud was that I couldn’t stand being in that empty apartment by myself for much longer. If there was someone else in the place, it might not feel so dead.
I might not feel so dead.
“Wanna come over?” I asked.
Tilian tensed again. “Why?”
“Is that a serious question? It’s Saturday night and I enjoy your company.”
“I don’t know…”
“Maybe I can entice you with the view and the promise of top-tier entertainment.”
“Let me guess. It’s you.”
I laughed. “It’s Xbox, you weirdo.”
“Oh, cool. Then, yeah, I’ll come over.”
“Sweet. Let me say some goodbyes, then we can head out.”
When I left him on the couch, I glanced at him over my shoulder. He always looked mildly freaked out. I was pretty sure it was just because he existed. I was glad to see that he seemed more comfortable, though. Changing the core parts of his personality wasn’t my goal, but I for sure wanted to open him up a bit.