Chapter 24
Tilian
Tilian: I know I’ve texted u a bunch, but I’m worried.
Dean said he talked to u, but he wouldn’t tell me anything.
Sorry. It’s probably not cool that I’m asking other people about u.
Your friends have texted me too. They’re worried.
Are we still friends?
Sorry. I’ll leave u alone.
Maybe u need someone to keep trying to talk to u. I’m here if u need to vent or anything.
Sorry. I’m being annoying.
Brooks: Stop fucking apologizing so much.
I sat up straight in the bed. Brooks hadn’t responded to my messages in a while. Not since the ice rink, actually. I waited three whole days to reach out to him because I wasn’t about to be that pathetic. When he didn’t show up to Pritchard’s class on Tuesday, I couldn’t help myself.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if Sen hadn’t messaged me again. He was legitimately concerned since they’d gone to his place and he wouldn’t answer to let them in. When Dean wouldn’t give me any answers, I was really freaked out about the way Brooks had been hiding away from everyone. It wasn’t like him.
Sure, I didn’t know him super well, but enough to make certain assumptions. If his other friends, who’d been around him since the start of the school year, were on edge about his behavior, then I could be too.
Before he messaged me back, I was ready to drive to his apartment and demand to see him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to Google the best places to find a battering ram at nine PM on a Saturday.
Tilian: Sorry.
That one was a joke.
Brooks: What are you doing?
Tilian: Nada. Wbu?
And we were back to not responding. Cool.
I dropped onto my back and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. This was so stressful. I was riddled with anxiety on the best of days and now there was a dude I couldn’t stop worrying about who liked to be aloof and mysterious.
Maybe I’d just make it an early night. Wakefulness was not for pathetic guys like me.
I was just starting to relax when there was a knock on the door. After blinking a few times, I got to my feet. It was late for anyone to come by, especially unannounced.
I’d barely opened the door when Brooks grabbed the front of my shirt and pushed me backward. He kicked the door closed behind him, then just stood there breathing heavily.
“Hey,” I said lamely. “Are you okay?”
He shook his head. Just like always, it was hard to read him, but something was pushing through. I didn’t think he really had control of it right now, which must’ve meant things were bad.
“Come here.” I tugged him toward the bed so we could sit, but he resisted. “Brooks, please talk to me. I’ve been so worried. You didn’t text me back for days.”
“I need you. I’m so lost in my head.”
He collapsed against the wall and I thought he’d drop to the ground, but he stayed standing and hung his head. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me tightly against him, tucking his face into my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“For what?”
“For being me. For touching you, then pushing you away.” His fingers slid up my back, dipping underneath my shirt. On my bare skin, they left a trail of fire.
“It’s okay. Everything is okay. I’m here. Whatever you need.”
“I want you to stay away.”
“No,” I replied firmly. “I want to be here. With you.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you, but I don’t want to lead you on or put you in a position where you’ll get hurt.”
“I won’t get hurt.”
“No, that’s what I do. I hurt good people who think I’m worth giving their heart to. I don’t want it.” He lifted his head and leveled his dark gaze on me. “Don’t ever give me your heart, Tilian.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Maybe it was the truth. I didn’t have a way to know right now. The only thing I was sure of was that I hated what I saw in his eyes. It was like anger, but different. Hatred? From everything he’d said, tonight and over the past month, I wondered if it was directed at himself. I couldn’t imagine what there was to hate about him.
“I missed you,” he breathed, leaning his forehead against mine.
“Me too.”
His hand moved to the back of my neck. “I need you to tell me to leave.” When I didn’t respond, he looked pained. “Please tell me to go, Tilian.”
“But I want you to stay.”
“Why?”
“So I can make you feel safe.”
His eyes closed and a tear started to roll down his cheek. I rose on my toes and kissed the spot to stop its trail. Maybe if I kept it from touching more of him, I could somehow hold him together.
Two of his fingers stroked my jaw slowly, drawing my gaze back to his. “It goes against everything I’ve been trying to protect you from,” he murmured, “but I’m feeling selfish right now. And I’m warning you that this doesn’t come from a good place, so if you’re committed to finding something healthy here tonight…”
I tightened my grip around his neck and kissed him before he could say any more. This was toxic and I knew that it was a way for him to cope, but I needed him safe more than anything. If he tried to leave because he thought he’d hurt me, I had no idea what would happen or where he’d go.
“Fuck, Tilian,” he groaned. It was almost a fucking growl. “How do you do this to me?”
“What do I do?”
“You consume me. My thoughts, my stupid fucking decisions.”
“I consume you,” I repeated, not able to believe I’d heard him correctly.
He moved his hand around to my throat. I lifted my chin, inviting, no, begging him to take control of me like he had in the arcade. I wanted him to command me. He could crush me underneath his boot if he wanted to and I’d fucking thank him.
“I tried not to do something because of you,” he went on, pausing between kisses as he spoke. “I tried… But it doesn’t matter.”
“What happened?”
“I didn’t want to,” he breathed against my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“Didn’t want to what?”
He said a single word, but I didn’t process it. He snagged my lower lip with his teeth and tugged it outward, then released it. “It’s over and I feel like shit and I don’t want to feel anymore.”
His fingers squeezed exactly how I wanted them to. I pushed my hands underneath his shirt and felt another flood of arousal with his abs beneath my touch. He was lean, not sporting some crazy fucking six pack, and I loved the slight definition of every part of him.
When he yanked me forward, I was reminded that he was strong. If he wanted to, he could take me easily, even if I tried to fight him. The idea itself wasn’t my thing, but the fact that he could made my dick strain against my jeans.
I wanted to ask him about the things he’d said and what he’d done that made him react this way, but he didn’t want to feel it. He wanted to escape, so for this moment, I’d give him that. I wanted to take away his pain in whatever way he’d let me. If I didn’t, he’d very likely go to someone else, some stranger. I didn’t trust them with him, fragile or not.
Right now, he was with me and he was safe, until he inevitably rebuilt that wall and walked away from me again.
“I want to see you,” I said.
He released my throat only long enough to remove his shirt, then mine. I immediately felt self-conscious. Who wouldn’t when they stood in front of this?
There was a small rose tattoo on his pelvic bone and I ran my fingers over it slowly.
“You’re perfect.”
His nostrils flared. “Don’t say that.”
“But you-”
He cut off my air, then bit down on my lip hard. “Don’t.”
I nodded quickly. He maintained the pressure as he kissed me again. The deprivation of my breath made panic flare inside of me while simultaneously making me want him more. I trusted him, which made me continue to kiss him. His lips moved ravenously, devouring me. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and my fingers gripped his side tightly as I shivered.
When he let me draw in breath, I barely stopped. I wanted him. I needed him. Every fucked up, damaged, toxic, red flag bearing part of him.
“I want you,” I whimpered against his mouth.
“Are you sure?”
If I wasn’t already, the throaty reverberation of his voice would’ve gotten me there. I just nodded.
“Mm.” He trailed his thumb down the column of my throat. “Get on your knees for me and show me exactly what you want.”
I dropped to the floor without hesitation. He unbuttoned his pants, then brushed the hair away from my face. The way he stared down at me with his lips parted made heat build low in my stomach.
Leaning forward, I pressed a kiss to his pelvic bone. His breath stuttered as he continued to run his fingers through my hair gently. I wanted more than that, so I trailed my tongue just above his waistband on my way to the other side. When I kissed the same spot there, I gripped his thighs to push him back a few inches to the wall.
After I had his breaths coming quicker from the anticipation, I worked his pants down enough to free his dick. It had been a while, but I was pretty sure that even if it hadn’t, I would’ve been enraptured by it. It glistened at the tip with precum that I was dying to taste.
“Baby,” he purred. “The way you’re looking at my dick is so fucking hot, but if you don’t do something with it, I might just shove it down your throat.”
And what did I do? Absolutely nothing but stare up at him with expectant eyes. What crept into his expression was deliciously depraved, both a threat and a promise. His lips curled upward and his head cocked.
“Fuck, you just want to be used, don’t you, Tilian?”
I teased the tip of his dick with a quick tap of my tongue to taste his precum, then I licked my lips. He laced his fingers through my hair at the back of my head and tipped it back slightly.
“Open.”
As soon as I complied, he guided his dick into my mouth. The movement was controlled, his shaft brushing over my tongue with agonizing slowness. This was so unlike anything I was used to. The men I’d been with did things with urgency, only concerned with chasing their orgasm like it was a race.
When I tried to close my lips around him, he pulled all the way out and tutted at me. I opened again, waiting for him to let me have more.
He slid in just as slowly, but this time, I forced myself to stay still. I stared up at him and he watched me just as intently. I knew that if I didn’t stay like this, he’d go right back to the beginning, so I kept my mouth open and let him inch his way in.
It was difficult not to move when he reached past my molars. I relaxed my throat and focused on keeping myself from gagging while he fed me his dick. When he’d given me everything he had, I whimpered, desperate for him to let me suck on him.
After making shallow movements to nudge at my throat a few times, he pulled all the way out, then thrust back in. I groaned and gripped his thighs.
“Is this too much?” he asked, even though his voice told me that he wasn’t all that concerned.
I shook my head, digging my fingers into his legs, begging him for more. He cupped the underside of my jaw with more gentleness than I’d expected.
“Your turn, Tilian.”
Immediately, I closed my mouth and pulled back to the tip. I ran my tongue over the underside of his head on the way out and applied pressure there before I took him to the base. His dick was heavy in my mouth and everything I could’ve dreamed of.
“Fuck,” he gasped. “I love that tongue ring.”
I smiled around him. As I paid special attention to his head, I kept my eyes on his face, which had the most open expression I’d ever seen on him. The occasional whimper fell from his lips, each one punctuated by a pinch in his brow. I hung on those sounds and memorized every movement that drew them out of him.
When his fingers tightened in my hair again, I became desperate for another show of dominance from him. I let go of his dick, which made him look down at me.
“Fuck my mouth,” I said.
He blinked, then raised a brow. “Say that again.”
“Fuck my mouth, Brooks. Use me how you need to. Please.”
After adding his other hand to my hair, he yanked me forward. I gagged when he hit the back of my throat, but I recovered quickly and relaxed myself. He gave me exactly what I’d asked for. His grip was unyielding and his pace left me almost no chance to breathe. It kept me right on the edge of consciousness at times. It was just enough to stay in this moment with him while offering me an occasional sense of euphoria that made me feel like I was out of my body, just existing while I was used as an object for him to release all of his pent-up emotions.
I loved every goddamn minute of it.
As he got closer to his orgasm, he slowed down but pounded into my throat even harder. Unintelligible noises escaped me, drowned out by the way he filled me so completely. He grunted, but he held himself back from finishing.
“Make yourself cum,” he demanded.
I fumbled my dick out of my pants. Once my fingers wrapped around it, my hips jolted. It was so sensitive from being turned on for this long. It would take hardly anything for me to cum.
“No,” he said suddenly. “Don’t finish yet.”
A whine came from my throat, but I slowed the movements with my hand. He thrust into me a few more times, then dropped his head back with a feral groan. I watched his abs flex with the intensity of his orgasm. His cum shot into my throat before he pulled back enough for the rest to spill onto my tongue. I licked up the length of him slowly, collecting every bit on the way out.
He gripped my elbows and pulled me to my feet, then dropped to his knees and immediately buried me in his mouth.
“Oh, fuck,” I gasped, instinctively settling one hand on his head.
Having Brooks freaking Elrod on his knees made me feel more powerful than I ever had. It was impossible to look away as his slender fingers gripped my base and his chocolate brown eyes stayed locked on mine.
I would’ve been embarrassed that it only took a few passes for me to cum, but this whole thing had been like an edging game. There was no way I could hold on, especially with the wet heat of his mouth around me. It was entirely unexpected and as I came undone, I couldn’t formulate a thought well enough to wonder how we’d ended up here.
“God, Brooks. Fuck.”
He swallowed every drop before he released my dick and leaned his forehead against my stomach. After a moment, he bit down on my pelvic bone, making me hiss. When he got to his feet, he gripped my jaw firmly and kissed me with enough possessiveness to make me want to swear fealty to him.
Gripping my hips, he backed me up until my legs hit the bed. I dropped onto it and he wasted no time settling his knees on either side of me. I sat up and captured his lips again while I enjoyed the weight of him straddling me. The way he started to grind his dick against mine told me that he needed more tonight.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“To fuck you.” He sucked on my tongue and clutched me to him desperately. “To lose myself in you.” When he shoved on my chest, pushing me onto my back, he didn’t break the kiss. “I want to be so tired and goddamn happy that I don’t feel it anymore and you don’t have the energy to ask.”
“Until tomorrow.”
He huffed, but I felt the way his lips curved in a smile.
A knock on the door shattered the moment just as he went for my pants. I was willing to ignore it, but he pulled back. The familiar, guarded expression on his face made me deflate.
With an annoyed growl, I put my shirt back on and waited for him to do the same, then marched toward the door. Usually, I’d be somewhat happy to see Dean standing there. Now, I wanted to punch him in his square-jawed face. The way he raised a single brow made me think he could see exactly what I was thinking.
“That’s a warm welcome,” he noted before he stepped inside.
I wanted to say something, but I was still on the punching idea. That fled quickly when I saw the way he was glaring at Brooks. He returned the expression, which did not make me feel so great.
Apparently, he was back to his state of resentment, except this time, Brooks looked like he felt the same way.
What the fuck happened?