Chapter 33
“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.”
Brooks
In the place where the storm is subsiding
“What’s the most ticklish part of your body?” I asked.
Tilian grimaced. “If I tell you, will you use it against me?”
“One hundred percent.”
“Bitch.”
“Twat.”
“Cringe lord.”
“Gremlin.”
“Slut.”
I gasped. “That’s offensive.”
He laughed and I was momentarily mesmerized by his expression. We were on day five of this relationship, which was still a weird word for me to use. I’d become used to it way more quickly than I expected, almost to the point of being obsessed with him. We hung out in his dorm or at my apartment and we slept in each other’s arms every night except for one, which was only because we were trying to be ‘healthy.’ He’d been at my door at seven AM and we crawled into bed together until we had to get up for class.
To keep myself from getting lost in him, I held out a sour strip. He leaned forward and snatched it with his teeth, then licked part of my finger.
“You adorable little seductress,” I groaned. “If you’re not careful, I’ll fuck you right over there against that window.”
“Imagine the view.”
I stared out at the city and did just that. “It would pale next to you when I make you cum all over the glass. You’d look stunning on your knees licking it clean.”
His mouth fell open, then he composed himself. I didn’t know exactly how experienced he was. He got flustered easily, but that might’ve been his personality.
“How many guys have you slept with?” I asked.
After snagging his lip between his teeth, he readjusted on the couch. “Four.”
I honest to god couldn’t tell if that was a normal amount. That might’ve been sad, but my life experiences were wildly different than his. I’d breached a hundred before I came to Seattle. Not once had I cared about that. I felt a little concerned about telling him now, though.
“When was the last one?”
“Over a year ago,” he replied.
“I assume you’ve been tested and everything?”
He nodded. “I’m Mr. Responsible.”
I chuckled and scooted closer to him. Since he was sitting sideways, I grabbed his legs and settled them on either side of mine. Both of our knees were up and he began to stroke my calves. It was oddly intimate and made me shiver.
“What about you?” he prompted.
“A week ago was the last time I tested.”
“Preparing for something?” he teased.
“I do it every month.”
“Hm.”
“Does it bother you that I’ve had a lot of sex?”
“No, of course not. I don’t judge for that. When was the last one? You asked me,” he added when my lips flattened.
Holly’s face assaulted me immediately and I felt nauseous again. I had to set the sour strips on the coffee table so the smell wouldn’t make me throw up. Tilian’s hands stopped on my knees and he squeezed them.
“You okay?”
I smiled at him. “Yeah. Last time was a few weeks ago. Protected, just so you know.”
“Are you gonna tell me your number or is that classified information?”
“I… don’t think it matters.”
“I don’t slut shame.”
When I threw a pillow at his face, he cackled. I gripped his calves and yanked on him so that he was lying on his back, then I crawled over him. My knee settled between his legs and he moved his hips, urging me for more.
“You called me a slut,” I pouted.
“Does that bother you?”
“Not in the least, but for my purposes, I’m gonna say that it does.”
“What are these mysterious purposes?” he asked as he slipped his hands underneath my shirt.
I lifted his and he maneuvered out of it. The sight of his body beneath me solidified my confidence in the decision to keep him. Every time I was with him, it felt right. Then, I’d lie down to sleep and question if I was fucking up my future by getting distracted with something as frivolous as a relationship. They took time and work. If I told my parents, would they be disappointed?
Dipping my head, I pressed my lips against his collarbone, touching each of the letters there. I felt up his stomach and memorized every inch of his smooth skin, even though I’d already done it a dozen times. My tongue grazed his nipple and drew a moan from him. I sucked on it quickly before I moved to the other.
He tried to touch my chest, but I grabbed his wrist and pinned it above him. His sound of dissent was musical. I continued upward, tracing his collarbone again, then kissed the column of his throat. His breaths were heavy and with every kiss I placed on his body, he trembled.
“Beautiful,” I murmured against his neck.
“Really?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
I lifted my head and stared at his lips as he bit one of them. Oh, these motherfuckers he’d been with were on my shit list. Nobody had made him feel the way he deserved.
“What don’t you like about yourself?” I asked as I returned to nibbling on his skin.
“Uh…” He gasped when I ran my tongue up the shell of his ear. “I’m just nothing special. Not muscular.”
“You’re lean,” I corrected, running my hand up his abdomen. “Next.”
“People like dark hair.”
“Kai, who is ridiculously hot and gets boyfriend of the century award, would burn the world for Sen. Next.”
“We don’t have to…” My teeth sunk into his neck hard enough for him to yelp. “Okay, um, I don’t look good with facial hair.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Less stache rash. Anything else? I know you have a gorgeous dick, so we can scratch that off the list.”
“Boring,” he said softly.
I stilled. He wouldn’t look at me, so I grabbed his jaw. “You are not boring. Who told you that?”
“Nobody. Some people. I don’t know.”
“Fuck those people. After our first conversation, I was dying to talk to you again. Being the world’s version of some negligible attribute is what’s boring. You are perfect, Tilian Holloway. And that is not a word I ever use lightly.”
He just stared at me for a few seconds, then he arched up to capture my lips. Did I want to fuck him into this couch right now? Yes. Was I dying to hear my name tear free from his throat while he coated my furniture in his cum? Affirmative.
Just because I liked sex didn’t mean I couldn’t wait. I wasn’t sure how long it would be, but I wanted it to be a natural, gradual progression. It was entirely new to me.
I sat up and grabbed onto his thighs. He didn’t resist when I pulled him into my lap. His legs settled behind me and he used his ankles to make me lean forward. Our bodies were pressed so closely together that when I kissed him, I felt the shiver that traveled down his back and the way his muscles contracted.
“God, you’re beautiful,” I breathed. “So goddamn beautiful. I don’t deserve to have you.”
“Too bad. You can’t get rid of me.”
“If I somehow get tired of you, I can make you disappear.”
“Good to know. I’ll have to get my dick sucking game up to par.”
“Baby, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You’re incredible in every way. But…” I pushed my hands through his hair as my lips curved upward. “I wouldn’t say no to another demonstration.”
“Bet. Not right now, though. We have to study.”
“Is this a negotiable decision?”
“No. Oh,” he said, pulling back. I dropped back on my elbows and raised a brow while I waited for him to go on. “This is probably stupid but-”
“If it’s coming from your mouth, it’s not stupid. Don’t let me hear that again.”
His eyes rolled adorably. “My brother’s birthday is on Sunday, so I’m going to my parent’s house this weekend. Miranda is, like, obsessed with you for some reason and has asked me four times if I’ll bring you. Four .”
“Obsessed, huh?”
“Yeah, basically. Anyway, I was just gonna tell her no.”
I put a finger over his lips. He licked it, but I just kept it there.
“I have two questions.”
“Alright…”
“What gift would make it the best birthday he’s ever had? And what are Miranda’s favorite flowers?”
Tilian looked completely taken aback. I kissed him softly, trying to make the tension disappear from his body.
“Relax,” I instructed.
“Kinda hard when you’re me.”
“I’d help, but you’ve removed my methods from the menu today.”
“Studying,” he said firmly. “You take ridiculously good notes and I could for sure benefit from them.”
“One, my notes are a trade secret. Two, don’t you have an A in sociology?”
“Prove it.”
“No.”
“Because you can’t.”
“I don’t want to embarrass you when you realize you’re wrong.”
“You annoy the shit out of me sometimes.”
“And you, Tilian Holloway, are a dirty liar. I happen to find you remarkable anyway. Now, about those two questions I asked.”
“Figure the gift out for yourself. I had a hard enough time with mine. And how the hell would I know what Miranda’s favorite flowers are? Don’t say because I’m gay. I can’t even name more than five different kinds.”
I laughed. “That’s not what I was going to say, but I’m glad we’ve covered the topic of what type of gay you are. Not the kind who likes flowers.”
Grabbing his hand, I led him to the bedroom. He narrowed his eyes at me as if I was about to seduce him. If only.
“We can invite Dean and Oliver over to work on our project if you want to make sure I’m not going to undress you.”
“Are you and Dean cool now?” he asked.
“I haven’t talked to him, but we have to work together regardless.”
“Okay, sure. It’ll be more comfortable than my dorm.”
“Facts.”
My teeth slammed together when we walked into my room. My bed had been deliciously messy this morning. Now, it was meticulously made since the cleaner was here while I was in class.
I let out a little growl and moved over to it. I threw back the corner of the duvet and untucked part of the sheets.
“What are you doing?” Tilian asked.
“Stupid fucking cleaner. I told him not to touch it.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Sorry.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s nothing, really. Just the guy who comes here twice a week. It’s fucking annoying.”
“You can’t fire him?”
“I tried. Not my money, not my choice.”
He smiled before he stepped over to my dresser. I watched him open the drawer, then pull out a handful of clothes. When he flung them across the room, I was shocked.
“Come on,” he encouraged. “You want it messy, right?”
“He’ll just clean it up.”
“Not for a few days. Tell him to bill your parents higher for the extra work. Would they even notice?”
“No.”
“Then let yourself live a little.” He thrust an armful of clothes at me with a wicked glint in his eyes. “Be a rebel.”
He was dangerous. If I knew how much of a threat Tilian would be to my entire way of life, I probably would’ve veered in the opposite direction. And that would’ve been the worst mistake of my life.
“A rebel,” I repeated as I took the clothes. “Good thing I have a really good teacher.”
“The best. I’ve been raging against the machine since I took my first breath.”
“Never change, baby. Never fucking change.”