Chapter 34
Tilian
Here I was, having a peaceful moment on the porch swing at my dad’s house while listening to Night Lovell, when my phone started ringing. The song was ‘You Motherfucker,’ which fit exactly how I felt right now. Before Dean assaulted me with his plea for a ride from the airport, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d answered a call. Most people who knew me wouldn’t have the audacity. Anyone else would just be sent to voicemail, which I hadn’t checked in years. When it got full, I hit ‘delete all’ to clear the notification and moved on with my life with a clean slate.
I would’ve done exactly that, but my phone lit up with a picture of me and Brooks that he’d taken yesterday morning. We were on the outdoor couch on his balcony, stretched out across it. He had his legs on either side of me with his chest against my back. I was flipping off the camera while he held up a peace sign. The sun shone down on his loose hair and we both looked really fucking happy.
“What the fuck is this?” I answered.
“That’s a far cry from, ‘Oh my god, Brooks. I missed you so much and I’m already hard from hearing your voice.’”
I breathed a laugh. “I’m not that easy.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Why are you so basic?”
“Whatever. Why do you hate me?”
“The fact that I answered the phone proves otherwise. I don’t even answer when my grandma calls.”
“Aw. I’m touched.” I heard him let out a feral yawn. “Well, I was thinking.”
“This can’t be good.”
“Will a ball gag shut you up?”
“Only one way to find out,” I replied.
Okay, we had to steer away from that conversation for the time being. It sounded a little too enticing.
“I was thinking,” he repeated with emphasis. “There’s this restaurant in Portland that I want to try-”
“Portland?” I interrupted.
“Just listen. There’s this restaurant that I heard is amazing. Since it’s a few hours away, I was thinking we could take a trip there during spring break. Get a nice hotel, see the sights, a bunch of romance, and all that shit.”
There was a long silence while I thought about what he’d said. It was kind of random and I wasn’t sure why he called to bring it up when he was going to be here soon. I’d come last night, but Brooks had breakfast with a friend, which he’d planned a couple weeks ago before I told him about Alex’s party. He wanted to cancel it, but I insisted he go.
“Now that I think about it, the idea is stupid,” he said.
“Or you’re getting cold feet because you’ve never been rejected in your life.”
“Based but fuck you.”
“It sounds nice,” I ventured slowly.
“Sounds like there’s a ‘but.’”
“No, not really. I was just surprised.” He made a sound, encouraging me to say more. “It’s almost a month away. I didn’t think you’d want to plan something like that when we’ve only been doing this for a week.”
“Think we’re gonna break up before then?”
“Shut up. I never said I don’t want to do it.”
“Wait, you want to?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you surprised?”
“Yes. I keep expecting you to leave in the morning and not come back.”
Fuck, my heart. I’d never wanted to force Brooks to open up; I wanted to make him feel safe enough to do it on his own. It warmed me every time he said something that made him vulnerable.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him. “And neither are you, so don’t get any ideas.”
“Never. Alright, I’ll make a bunch of reservations and plan out all the things we’re gonna do.”
“Uh, no. We’re not making an itinerary. I’ll show you all the places I like in Portland, like Voodoo Donuts. They have a donut called the cock and balls.”
He snorted a laugh. “How can I say no to that? What else?”
“Um, we can spend a day looking at waterfalls- Multnomah, Horsetail, and Latourell. Oh, Powell’s Books is cool as fuck.”
“You know a lot of places.”
“Seattle and Portland are the places to go when you’re young and want to disappear with friends for a day or two. We took some trips down there as a family too.”
“We’ll adventure your way, but I’m gonna schedule in a few planned stops. Just a few.”
“If you insist. How far are you?”
“Half hour. Things are getting creepy.”
I laughed. “How?”
“My GPS took me some back way because the freeway is all jammed or something. There are a lot of horses and trucks. I’m pretty sure a Skinwalker is gonna come charging out of the trees.”
“Good thing your car is fast. Just don’t make eye contact. We’ll have to keep the doors and windows locked cause they can travel, like, a couple hundred miles in a night.”
There was a long silence and I had to hold back my laughter.
“You’re staying on the phone with me,” he said.
“Nah, you’ll be fine. I already entertained this bullshit nineties experience for long enough.”
“Baby.”
“See you soon.”
I ended the call and started swinging again. Brooks was a city kid through and through. He’d grown up surrounded by huge buildings and honking cars. I loved seeing him out of his element.
“Where’s Mr. Not Your Boyfriend?” Alex asked when he came out the front door. He sat beside me and brought his legs up on the bench.
I used my foot to push off the deck, making the porch swing go faster. “Mr. Now My Boyfriend is on his way. He’ll be here soon.”
“There’s no way he’s your boyfriend.”
“He is but go on and be a little shit. I’ll return your present.”
“Tell me what it is and I’ll decide if it’s worth it.”
“A steaming pile of dog shit all wrapped up with a bow.”
“That’s just disrespectful. At least put it in a paper bag so I can light it on fire and throw it on Ms. Murray’s porch.”
I laughed and shoved his shoulder with mine. “Is this when the rebellious streak kicks in?”
“Learned from the best, Til.”
Shaking my head, I brought my pen to my lips as if to emphasize his point. I blew out the smoke, then craned my neck to see through the front window. When I confirmed the coast was clear, I took a longer hit. It might’ve been the only thing that kept me from staying in a perpetual state of unrest while I waited for Brooks. We’d been pretty clingy since last weekend, to put it mildly.
“Can I try it?” Alex asked.
“Fuck no,” I said as I exhaled the smoke. “Wait till you’re sixteen like the rest of us.”
“Vi said you were smoking weed at thirteen.”
With a sly smile, I leaned back and stretched my arms over the back of the bench. “That’s what we call hearsay, my dude.”
“Explains your brainrot.”
We sat there for a while, just enjoying the sun that was out today. He watched endless videos on TikTok and I wanted to knock the phone out of his hand when I couldn’t bear how cringy they were.
The crunch of gravel under tires made me turn my head. I forced myself to remain calm and collected while I watched the Audi roll down the long driveway. The less rational part of me wanted to run to meet him so that he could sweep me off my feet and spin me around in the sunshine.
Alex looked at me when I laughed. I just waved him off, not keen on explaining what the fuck I’d just envisioned. If I kept it to myself, I could just blame the sativa.
Brooks pulled up next to my car and idled for a minute that felt like an eternity. His car was extremely quiet while it was running, but I listened intently for the moment he’d shut it off. My phone buzzed, making me jump.
Brooks: You didn’t tell me.
Tilian: What?
Brooks: That you’re a country boy. The neighbors have cows.
Tilian: Dude, just get ur ass up here, u pretentious fuck nugget.
The car shut off and I heard his laughter when the door opened.
“Tilian,” he scolded as he approached. “Does your mother know what foul things come out of your mouth?”
“Nope. They’re tailor-made for you every day.”
He grinned. Without regard for my brother or god himself, he grabbed me by the back of the neck and kissed me. I thrust my hands through his hair, insanely happy that he’d chosen to wear it down without me having to say anything.
His hand moved around to my throat, then raised slightly to grip underneath my jaw. Holding me in place, he sought my tongue without allowing me to move an inch.
“Jesus,” Alex said from behind us. “I guess you really are together.”
With a huff, I turned around and gave him a stern look. “Stop swearing so much. Dad and Miranda are gonna think I did this.”
“Don’t hype yourself. I literally have unrestricted access to the internet.”
Brooks hummed thoughtfully. “It’s giving baby Zoomer energy. Maybe if you listen to your old as fuck brother, I’ll take you for a ride in my car.”
Alex stuck his tongue out at me, then ran down the steps to look at the Audi. Immediately, I wanted to tell him not to touch it, but Brooks took my hand.
“Hey,” he called. “Grab those flowers for your mom and your gift on the back seat. If you open it, though, I’m giving it to Violet.”
It was hard to believe that Brooks didn’t have any siblings. He navigated mine with such ease, better than I did. I mostly just treated them like I would anyone else. Except when the little shit asked if he could hit my pen. Hard pass.
Alex rejoined us carrying a meticulously wrapped box and a bouquet of flowers that looked really expensive. I didn’t know what a custom-made arrangement looked like, but if I had to venture a guess, it would be that.
Brooks took the flowers, then handed them to me before he slipped his arm around my waist. We walked inside and I was struck by how calm I felt right now. I’d smoked, but this was a different sort of peace. With him here, I felt safe.
“Brooks!” Miranda exclaimed when we reached the living room. She stood and rushed over to us, immediately wrapping him in a hug. He managed to return it without letting me go. “I’m so glad you came. I really thought Til wasn’t going to tell you that I invited you.”
He smirked at me. “That sounds like something he would do. He did wait until Thursday.”
She tutted at me. “Always procrastinating.”
I scoffed. “Things were complicated. He’s here, so let’s relax and get the party set up.”
When I held out the flowers, her eyes softened. “Tilian, I’m telling you right now, you’d better keep him.”
Brooks looked smug as she brought the flowers to the kitchen. “Looks like I’ll be invited to every event.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.”
He shot me a glare before he moved to the back door. My dad was on the balcony, so he joined him. They shook hands like old pals or businessmen. Brooks got dragged into what looked like a conversation about grilling. He seemed a little lost, which was a rare expression to see on him. The things he’d never done with his own two hands were laughable.
I ventured onto the deck but remained off to the side. My relationship with my family was good for the most part. With my dad, it was a little more awkward. We just didn’t get in a lot of one-on-one time and I didn’t think either of us minded that.
Alex rose on his toes and shifted Brooks’ hair to the side. “What happened to your neck?”
Brooks looked at me over his shoulder, his face full of mischief. I shook my head, imploring him to make something up to explain the massive, glaring hickey on his neck.
“You see,” Brooks drawled. “There’s this thing I have that draws wild animals to me. It’s called rizz.”
I threw my hands in the air and stalked inside. This guy was really going to explain what was obviously a hickey by telling my family he had game. My dad was probably dying inside.
And me, I was about to be taken out by emotional damage times a thousand.
*****
It was weird that my brother’s friends were basically teenagers. Not too long ago, they were screaming kids who made poop jokes all the time. Granted, this wasn’t much better. They were obsessed with the word skibidi. I spent a lot of time doom scrolling, but I didn’t know what the fuck that meant, so apparently, I’d reached my ‘old as fuck’ era.
Oh, well. Everyone was crazy as a middle schooler.
Only a few years ago, Alex wanted bouncy castles and for his twelfth birthday, it was an outdoor movie night. This time, he was all about video games. In the living room, my parents had set up the projector screen from last year, which took up almost a whole wall. Suffice it to say, the kids were having a blast.
“Can we do this for my birthday?” Brooks asked close to my ear.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. He was like a jungle cat, always sneaking up on me. Maybe I was just terribly unobservant.
His arms came around me from behind and he pulled me back against his chest.
Fuck, I’d spent so much time hoping for something casual that I hadn’t allowed myself to think about anything else. It was hard to believe that he was here, spending time with my family and openly showing affection. My stomach was a happy disaster.
“It can be arranged,” I replied. “When’s your birthday anyway?”
“Spring.”
“Uh, when in spring?”
He hummed against my neck. “You’re a clever little thing. Figure it out.”
“Fine, then I won’t tell you mine.”
“June seventeenth.”
“How?”
Instead of answering, he moved his arms up and hung them over my shoulders. I didn’t think the mysteries of this man would ever be fully solved. It was both endearing and frustrating. He’d never settle for not having the upper hand.
“So, about the hickey…” I trailed off, feeling weird about it now.
“You mad? You have one of your own, you know.”
“Shit. I forgot.”
“If you want, you can add more art to my skin.”
“Tempting, for sure, but I’d rather earn your mark of ownership today.”
“Fuck. Careful with your words, baby. I might just carry you upstairs before I even get a chance to have cake.”
I laughed, then quieted again, biting my lip. “Do you think…”
“You have a habit of not finishing your sentences.”
“Usually, I decide they’re a bad idea halfway through.”
“Mm. I want to hear every thought in your head.”
“It’s super early, but I guess I was thinking about it because you’re here and you act so casual about it. Do you think your parents would like me?”
He tightened his arms around me. “Everyone likes you.”
“That feels sort of avoidant.”
Brooks kissed my cheek, then released me. “Want a drink?”
“I wish there was beer, but I guess I’ll take a soda.”
“Coming right up,” he said with a wink before he headed for the kitchen.
Miranda rushed across the room, so I turned my head to see where she was going. The front door was open and she was talking to somebody that I couldn’t see. When she stepped back, a man entered and hugged her. His nearly black hair was cut short and he towered above her. The soft smile on his face made dimples appear at the corners of his mouth.
She motioned him further inside and took the gift bag that he was carrying. His head swiveled as he took in the party and, much to my dismay, he locked eyes with me. Worse, he started walking in this direction.
This was some fuckery I wasn’t prepared for.