Chapter 38
R en
I couldn’t have said when Ivy came into the bathroom or how long it took for her to calm the hysterical sobs racking my body.
I didn’t even register her helping me to sit on the toilet or her arms steadily holding me.
It was as if my brain had shut down so I could process what had happened, and I’d never been more grateful for her friendship than at that moment.
“I want to shower,” I said when my brain and mouth could form words again.
“I know, but you can’t.”
Wincing, I sat up straight and looked at her sitting between my feet.
“Why?” I knew I should know the answer, but nothing made sense right now.
My world had been turned upside down and despite all of the warnings that this place was dangerous, I didn’t take it seriously.
I thought that guards and cameras and the fear of the mysterious Curators would protect me.
Nash’s words kept repeating over and over.
You just can’t help yourself. You keep pushing and pushing.
You’re going to get yourself killed, Princess.
You’re going to push the wrong person, and they’re going to snap you like a twig.
Ivy stood, ran the water, and then squatted in front of me, gently holding a cool cloth to the side of my sore face.
She sighed as she looked into my eyes. “Because you need to see a doctor.” I looked away.
“Ren, I know you don’t want to, and you’d rather this all just go away, but…
but so many things could’ve happened, and…
.” She paused and licked her lips, her eyes saying what she couldn’t.
“His DNA is on me,” I said, and she nodded.
“I’m sorry,” she said. I picked up my hand and stared at the scrapes and torn fingernails. Axel had been pissed when I drew blood. The bruise on the side of my face was confirmation of that. My hand began to shake all over again, and I clenched it tight.
“I don’t want to go,” I whispered, hating that I came here feeling weak after what happened with my mum, and now it had been proven to me that I was.
Walking through that foyer was the most humiliating thing that I’d ever done, and the thought of having to do it again so soon…
I closed my eyes as impossibly more tears slipped free.
The feel of Axel’s hands lingered on my skin, and I just wanted to sit under hot water and scrub every inch of my body until I could rid myself of it. Everything hurt from the hits, but also…I shook my head, trying to wipe the memory of being slammed down face-first on the cold concrete floor.
“I know,” Ivy said, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Whether you report it is up to you, but the doctor is a must. He could’ve done damage or…did he um…did he….” Ivy’s face turned a bright red. “Did he use protection?”
I shook my head. “I…I don’t know.” I closed my eyes tight and sucked in a steadying breath.
“He hit me pretty hard, and I was dazed, and…it was my first time.” I covered my mouth but swallowed the next wave of tears back down.
“I wouldn’t know the difference, it just hurt so much,” I finished.
Ivy hugged me again, and I soaked up the strength she was lending me.
Ivy was right. I needed to do this, and then I was going to curl up in a ball and hide until I could face the ridicule, jabs, and stares because right now, I couldn’t.
I wanted to be the badass bitch that wasn’t bothered, but there wasn’t a world where what Axel did would just be another day for me.
“Will you help me get changed? They will want the clothes.”
She nodded. “I’ll be right back.”
Ivy stepped out, leaving me alone, and of course, the attack played like a movie behind my eyes.
I kept questioning every word I said and every move I made, including going to the shop early.
Why had I gone there alone? Why did I always have to be the best?
Why couldn’t I have just walked to class with Theo like normal?
The door opened, and I was startled by the sudden movement. Like I needed another reason to jump at my shadow, would it always be like this?
“Here, I have these.” Ivy sat a bundle down on the counter and then bent over and wrapped my arm around her neck to help me to my feet. “How can I help?”
“My kilt,” I said, pointing to the buckles.
My fingers were shaking too hard to do it myself.
One piece of clothing at a time, Ivy helped me strip down.
I didn’t even know if I could look at my school uniform again and not think about what happened.
Each layer revealed another piece of the story.
I caught my reflection in the mirror and traced the dark bruises and handprints coating my skin.
“Don’t look,” Ivy said and gently turned me around.
“It’s awful, isn’t it?”
Ivy bit her lip, unshed tears shimmering in her eyes. “It’s not good. I can’t believe Axel did this. I mean, I believe you. I just mean…here on the property, it’s a death wish and that’s before you were dating Myles.”
I grabbed her arm. “It’s okay. I know.”
The extra-large track pants, t-shirt, and hoodie all went on painstakingly slowly.
My elbows and knees were very swollen, making each movement awkward.
When we were done, Ivy wrapped her arms around me and stood quietly before pulling away and stuffing all of my clothes into a plastic bag.
She handed it to me, and I closed my eyes and gripped it, never wanting to see them again.
“Thank you,” I whispered, trying hard not to cry anymore.
“No need to thank me. I’m going to rip Axel’s balls off when I see him,” Ivy said as she opened the door.
I expected to see Myles, but Blake was sitting at the desk. He pushed himself to his feet but didn’t rush at me. He slowly stepped forward, and when I nodded, he opened his arms and folded me into his embrace.
“I wish I knew what to say, but nothing seems right in my head,” Blake said.
“You don’t need to say anything,” I said and stepped back, freezing as Ella stood up from the bed.
“Myles and Nash had to leave for a few minutes, but I said I’d stay with you. Are you okay with that?” I nodded.
Ella signed, but I didn’t catch it, so I looked at Blake.
“She asked if she could hug you?”
I nodded again, and the moment Ella’s arms enveloped me, I broke down and let the tears fall as I hung onto her.
She hugged me like my mum. I closed my eyes and pretended that it was my mum consoling me, and I was just crying over a stupid poor mark at school, and later, we would laugh about it.
I would’ve given anything for that to be the truth.
When Ella pulled back, she signed to Blake.
“Mom wants me to translate for her.” Ella’s hands moved quickly.
“She says that she is taking you to the hospital. She’s already called our private doctor, who is not associated with the school.
You’ll have more privacy and she will be with you the whole time.
She also wants me to say that she knows what you’re going through. ”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Thank you.”
“Of course, sweetheart. You’re not alone,” Blake said for his mum.
Ella wrapped her arm around my shoulders.
“I’ll check on you tomorrow, Ren,” Ivy said, giving me a quick hug before she slipped out the door.
“Are you coming with us,” I asked Blake.
“Yes, but I won’t come in for the exam unless you want me to be there.”
“How are we going to get me off the property? I don’t think I can get in the trunk right now.”
Ella’s brow furrowed before she glared at Blake, and he sheepishly grinned at his mom.
“Would you believe it’s a figure of speech?
” She shook her head and then signed something that had his face turning a bright red.
He cleared his throat. “Mom has already cleared it with the gate, and the car is parked at the back unless you want to go out the front.”
“No. If I could, I’d never walk through the foyer again.” I looked at Ella. “Can I talk to Blake alone for a moment?”
Yes, I’ll wait outside the door.
I waited until she stepped out into the hall before I looked up at Blake. He had his hands shoved in his pockets. I stepped into him, wrapping my arms around his waist, and he sighed and held me back.
“I was afraid that you wouldn’t want me to touch you,” he said as I breathed in the clean and warm scent of him. I shook my head. I didn’t know what tomorrow, next week, or even next month would be like, but I didn’t associate what happened with anyone else, least of all Blake and Myles.
“Have they gone after Axel?”
“Yeah.”
“Are they going to kill him?”
Blake shrugged. “I don’t know what the plan is, but he will pay for what he did.”
“Are they going to get into trouble?”
“Don’t worry about them or what they decide to do. Axel has it coming for what he did. They know how to handle shit like this and will be completely fine. Right now, the only thing you need to worry about is going to the hospital and getting checked out.”
“Thank you for calling your mom,” I whispered before pulling back.
“I was out of my depth to help you. I should’ve asked first, I guess.”
“No, I’m happy to have her with us. I…I miss my mum so much and…thank you,” I said. Blake lifted his bottom of his hoodie and dabbed away my tears.
“We better get going.” Blake pulled up on the hood and covered my hair, and I immediately buried myself in the hood, thankful that I could hide my face. He put his arm around my shoulders, and we walked out the door to join his mom.
My life had turned into one blow after another—like little bits were being plucked from my soul and then left behind as a breadcrumb trail of tragedy.
I didn’t know if I had an unlimited supply of pieces to give.
What would I look like when life was done kicking me in the teeth?
Who would I become? Those questions terrified me to my core.