Chapter 16 Definitely Not A Virgin #2
“We don’t have to.” Her voice stays quiet but steady, the kind that gives me an out without making me feel pushed. “We can stop right here, right now. Couch kisses only. Very dignified. Very PG-13.”
A half-laugh slips out of me, nervous energy buzzing under my skin. “I don’t want to stop.”
“Then what’s going on in that big brain?” She taps my temple lightly, a soft tease that doesn’t hide the fact she’s watching me closely.
I swallow, words catching before they land. “I just…” My breath hitches, then steadies. “I don’t want to mess this up.”
Her brow furrows, concern cutting through the heat. “Theo, you’re not going to mess anything up.”
“I’ve, uh…” I clear my throat, my eyes dipping for a second before I make myself look at her again. “I haven’t… done this before.”
Her brows lift a fraction, not judgment, just her trying to figure out what I mean. She doesn’t fill the silence for me. She just waits, patient in a way that makes my chest tighten.
I force the words out before I can backpedal. “I mean… I’ve never…” The confession catches on my tongue, embarrassing as hell. “Never slept with someone before.”
“Like ever?” She asks it gently, but the surprise still slips through, honest.
“Ever.” Heat climbs my neck fast. “I was always the ‘nice guy they trusted,’ then the guy who helped them write resumes, then the guy who listened while their boyfriends were trash.” My laugh comes out humorless, more air than amusement.
“Then Jax and Elias happened, and suddenly I was the nerdy sidekick to two very intense main characters.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds, processing the ridiculous words I just said.
I rush on, because if the silence stretches one second longer, I might actually die. “I’m not saying that to make this weird or to make you feel bad or to put pressure on you, I just—if we go in there, if we—if I screw up or freeze or say something incredibly stupid, I didn’t want you blindsided.”
She tilts her head, studying me in that infuriating, honest way she has. Then she leans in, lips brushing my jaw, my cheek, the corner of my mouth, before finally kissing me fully again.
When she pulls back, her eyes are darker, but not with pity.
“Okay.” She sits back just enough to look at me, eyes bright with something dangerous. “One, I kind of did not expect to find that hot.”
My brain stutters. “Wait, what?”
“Two.” She barrels right over my confusion, clearly enjoying herself. “I really do find it hot.”
Heat climbs into my face so fast it has to be visible. “Raine…”
“Three.” Her hands slide up to cup my face, thumbs bracketing my cheekbones, grounding me even while she wrecks me. “Get your sweet, nervous, virgin ass off this couch and into my bedroom, and let me be the one who changes that, yeah?”
Whatever air I had left disappears.
“Okay.” My voice comes out hoarse, almost broken. “Yeah. Okay.”
She fists the front of my hoodie and kisses me again, hard enough to steal the breath right out of my lungs. Then she stands and tugs me up with her, like she’s already decided we’re done hesitating.
“Come on, Professor.” She backs toward the hall, eyes locked on mine. “Field trip.”
I follow like I’m tied to her.
Which… I might be.
Her house is small enough that her bedroom is ten steps away. Ten steps of her fingers brushing my wrist. Ten steps of my heart pounding like it’s trying to escape. Ten steps of knowing this is happening, actually happening, and that she wants me.
She pushes the bedroom door open. The lights are warm, soft. Her bed is messy, blankets tangled.
She turns toward me and pulls her shirt off.
My brain blue screens.
“You okay?” Amusement lifts the words, her eyes still on mine like she’s testing how wrecked I am.
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s not a real answer.”
“I’m processing.”
She laughs softly as she steps in close, the sound warm instead of mean. “You don’t have to be nervous.”
“I’m not… nervous.” The lie comes out clumsy, like my mouth can’t even commit.
Her hand slides down my chest, slow and sure, and my breath stops halfway out.
“You are.” Her voice drops into a murmur, pleased and a little smug. “It’s cute. I like it.”
Cute.
That word does something strange to my knees.
The next kiss is different. Hungrier, not rushed, but less restrained. Her hands slide under my shirt, palms warm against my back, fingers pressing into muscle like she’s claiming something.
I help her tug my shirt off, tossing it blindly toward the chair. Her gaze skims down my chest, lingering long enough to make me shift under the attention.
“Didn’t peg you for secretly built.” Her fingertips trace the line of my collarbone as she says it, curiosity turning tactile.
“I lift things other than books,” I mutter, trying for dry and landing somewhere closer to flustered.
We stumble toward the bed, still kissing. The backs of my knees hit the mattress and I sit, then scoot back as she climbs over me, straddling my hips again. My hands find her waist, thumbs brushing the edge of her joggers.
“Can I…” The words barely make it out before I lose my nerve.
She cuts me off with a kiss, fingers tangling in my hair as if she’s claiming the thought right out of my mouth. “You’re already in my bed,” she murmurs against my lips, voice warm with amusement. “You don’t have to ask for permission now, Theo.”
My brain and body both try to short-circuit at the same time.
“Okay.” I breathe it out, a shaky attempt at control. “Got it.”
Her hands slide to the waistband of my jeans. She pops the button, then the zipper, knuckles grazing my stomach on the way down and lighting up every nerve I didn’t know I had.
“Up.” The single word is soft, but it’s still an order.
I lift my hips, letting her shove denim and boxers down enough that there’s no going back, not really. Not that I want to, anyway. The cool air hits me and I swallow hard, forcing myself not to look down, not to obsess over whether I measure up to—well—anyone.
Her gaze flicks lower anyway, and her breath catches.
“Yeah.” Her voice drops quiet as she takes me in, gaze steady and intent. “That tracks.”
Panic flares, hot and immediate. “Is that… good? Bad? Neutral?” The questions trip over each other before I can stop them. “I don’t…”
Her eyes lift back to mine, slow, and the heat there nearly takes me out. “Relax, Theo.” The words land firm, then soften. “That was a compliment.”
“Oh.” I manage a breath, trying to reassemble my brain. “Okay. Sorry. I’m trying very hard not to overthink while extremely overthinking.”
She laughs softly and leans in, kissing the corner of my mouth as if she’s rewarding the honesty. “I know,” she whispers, lips brushing mine again. “That’s why I’m on top.”
She shimmies out of her joggers and underwear, and I shut my eyes for a second. If I watch every second of this, I might actually blow my load on the spot. The bed shifts as she settles over me again, bare skin on bare skin, heat and softness and strength pressing me down into the mattress.
My hands find her hips almost automatically, fingers digging in just a little.
She reaches between us, and I feel the cold end of the condom as she rolls it on me.
I finally open my eyes as she guides me, and the first brush of her body against me punches a sound out of my chest I’ve never heard myself make before.
“Raine,” I choke out, her name coming out wrecked.
“Breathe.” Her voice stays calm, a steady hand on the edge of a cliff. “You okay?”
“God, yes.” I laugh weakly on the words, still trying to catch up to my own body. “I might actually die, but in a good way.”
She smiles, then sinks down onto me slowly.
The world narrows to a single, impossible feeling. Tight, hot, overwhelming. My hands clamp on her hips, not to stop her, just to anchor myself somewhere as my brain tries to process the fact that I am inside Raine and nothing in my life has prepared me for this.
For a moment, neither of us moves. She’s breathing a little harder, eyes closed, lashes fanned against her cheeks. I’m pretty sure I’m not breathing at all.
“You okay?” I manage, my voice coming out strained as I search her face, trying to read her through the haze.
She nods, eyes fluttering open, breath still uneven. “Yeah.” A tiny smile tugs at her mouth as she exhales. “You feel… really good.”
“Likewise.” The word comes out helpless, honest, as if I don’t have anything smarter left in me.
She rocks her hips once, a slow, deliberate roll. I swear I see actual static behind my eyelids.
“There is something insanely attractive about being the first person you do this with,” she murmurs, breath catching as her hand presses to my chest, keeping me close.
My control fractures. “Raine.”
She straightens, hands sliding down to cover mine where they grip her hips. “You want to make me come, right?”
“Yes.” The answer comes out immediately, my voice cracking on the honesty.
“Then hold on.” Her voice drops into a murmur as she guides me, calm where I’m unraveling. “Keep your hands right here.” She laces her fingers with mine and presses them into her skin, anchoring me in place. “Follow my lead. Don’t let go.”
I nod, finding my voice is gone.
She starts to move.
Slow at first. A gentle rock of her hips, testing our balance, testing my sanity. Every glide has me clenching my jaw to keep from losing it, every drag making it harder to remember my own name.
“You’re okay.” She watches my face as she says it, steady and sure, as if she can talk my nerves back into line. “You’re doing good.”
Compliments should not be this dangerously effective.
I force myself to match her pace, letting her set the rhythm. My hands squeeze her hips in time, thumbs brushing the curve of her waist. She adjusts angles, searching for something only she can feel, and when she finds it, her breath stutters.
“There,” she murmurs mostly to herself.