Chapter 1 #2
Blair pressed her hand over Aspen’s mouth, and their eyes flew open, in time to see her lean over the back of the chair to press her cheek against theirs.
With Aspen wearing the black cape and Blair in a high-neck, black crop top, they looked like two floating heads, leaning on one another for support.
“My beautiful, sweet, sensitive friend,” she murmured, pressing her temple firmly against the partially shaved side of Aspen’s head.
“You did not ruin your marriage by coming out. You did not ruin anything by being your authentic self and speaking your truth. If you have feelings for Noah, whether they be romantic, sexual, or platonic, you will not ruin anything by telling him.”
The smell of Blair’s familiar, tropical perfume somehow made them feel even worse. It made them even more aware of everything they’d slowly begun to build for themself–a career, friends, and a loving support network–and how badly it would destroy them to lose one of the most integral parts of that.
“I can’t lose him,” Aspen whispered. “I have him, platonically, and if that’s all we’re ever meant to be, I would happily take that for the rest of my life.”
Soft lips pressed against Aspen’s cheek. “And if that’s all you want, then that’s fantastic, hon. But if you want more, Noah is calm, level-headed, and platonically loves you to pieces. He would never fault you for starting a conversation, even if it leads you right back to where you are now.”
Aspen slowly turned, searching the depths of Blair’s pale blue eyes for any sort of platitude or doubt. All they showed was warmth.
“Okay. I don’t…know if I’m going to do that, but I appreciate the advice.”
“I just don’t want you to limit yourself out of fear or routine.
Sure, this is how things have always been with him, but it doesn’t mean they have to stay that way.
You could just see where things go, whether that be staying friends, having casual sex, or dating.
You’re also always welcome to try out polyamory and come join my commune. ”
The bell above the entrance door jingled, and Kayla's sweet voice could just barely be heard welcoming the client to the salon.
“Ignoring your polyamorous propaganda and commune billboarding, I promise, I hear you,” Aspen said, and they patted her cheek and then obnoxiously ruffled her hair.
“Menace,” she said, smacking another kiss next to the first, leaving a dark smudge of her lipstick on their cheek.
They didn’t wipe it off right away. Instead, it stayed there almost like an artist’s signature as Blair began to reveal their new hairstyle. She always said cutting hair was like sculpting, carving away excess hair to reveal the beauty underneath.
“How’s this length looking, hon?” Blair asked some twenty minutes later, scratching her fingers gently over the short hair now covering the side of Aspen’s head. This was clearly not the sort of treatment a regular client would get, but Aspen was special.
“Really good. Can you bring this side up, maybe two and a half to three inches, and clean up the bangs?”
“Of course,” she said, spinning her scissors around on her hand and reaching for the clips soaking in a neon green cleaning solution.
The soft music playing overhead switched to a piano cover of a song the Beta Psi sisters had listened to on repeat.
Aspen closed their eyes and was transported back to an evening in their spring semester of sophomore year.
They’d been sitting on Noah’s bed, trying to study for their English midterm, when the girls downstairs had started blasting the album on repeat.
Noah had grabbed their textbooks, taken Aspen’s hand, and led them down the back staircase.
They passed by the picnic tables and beach volleyball court, which were situated between their house and Delta Delta, and Aspen had been surprised when Noah led them up to the top of the hill overlooking Sorority Row.
It was a bit of a trek, and Aspen had been disappointed to find there was nothing there except grass and hydrangea bushes. The bushes hadn’t even been in bloom.
Noah had a plan, though, as he always did.
There had been just enough foliage on the bushes for them to lie down behind them and not be seen.
It was like their own little world, away from inconsiderate housemates and the intrusive eyes of others.
That first night, they stayed out studying, joking, and sharing secrets until the mosquitoes came out.
They went back there countless times, always under the guise of wanting a quiet place to study, even if the sound of their laughter was anything but quiet.
Not once during any of their trips up the hill had Aspen considered kissing Noah. The one time Noah had laid his head on Aspen’s stomach, Aspen had felt like the most cherished person in the world, but it had always been this soft, warm little thing between them.
It was still there today, fluttering behind Aspen’s rib cage and tapping against their heart. It was sort of like Blair had said, a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, bigger and brighter than before.
If Noah were to take Aspen’s hand again and lead them to a small grassy nook, where they could hide away from the world, Aspen would absolutely think about kissing him.
They’d also think about threading their hands through his soft hair and pressing their bodies together, even though they were so different from the way they’d been back then.
Aspen felt this deep yearning, all the way down to the marrow of their bones.
They wanted to know what it felt like to be with someone who had never once gotten their pronouns wrong.
They wanted to trace Noah’s scars, not to check how they’d healed after all these years, but to celebrate with him the magnificent body he’d fought so hard for.
They wanted to find out if he tasted as good as he smelled, and if his hands felt like home when they were touching more than just Aspen’s hand or back.
“Aspen?” Blair called, for what was clearly not the first time.
“Yeah?” they said, blinking back to themself, to find what was left of their hair hanging wet across their forehead and covering the top half of their ear.
Blair combed her fingers through the bangs, scratching at their scalp a few times before resting her hand on their shoulder. “Wow, you were deep under.”
“Sorry, you…got me thinking.”
“About Noah?”
Aspen’s blush betrayed them.
“I’m glad to hear it,” she said, and she did sound genuinely pleased. “But what do you think about the bangs? Maybe a little sharper of an angle?”
The way their hair was cut now, they could see the black crystal stud and small silver hoop on the bottom of their right ear. They had an industrial bar, another silver hoop in their daith, and a pink crystal helix piercing that wasn’t visible.
“Yeah, a bit more of an angle, and can we bring it above my ear?”
“You got it. It’ll just take a sec, then we can get the bleach started,” she said before flicking Aspen on the other ear. This one only had four piercings, and they wondered if maybe they should go get another one today. “Don’t zone out again until the bleach starts to process.”
Aspen stuck their tongue out at her, but she didn’t retaliate. Instead, she stroked her fingers through their hair again. “I know, hon, you’re being so patient. It’ll just be a few more minutes.”
Blair had always seemed to know how to handle Aspen’s flighty brain, big energy, and loud mouth.
She’d never once made Aspen feel like they were “too much.” The few times they forgot something or messed up at work, she was quick to assure them that accidents happened and they could always fix whatever went wrong.
As she applied the last stripe of bleach to their hair, they reached a hand back and squeezed her hip. She pressed forward into their hand, stripping off her gloves and throwing them and the bowl in the trash before taking Aspen’s hand.
“It’s going to be amazing, hon. Just wait and see. Everything’s going to turn out great.”
After another hour, everything had in fact turned out great, at least as far as their hair was concerned.
They’d never been the type to stop and admire their own reflection.
Now, though, they couldn’t stop staring.
It wasn’t like they were an entirely different person.
It was more like they were finally who they’d always been meant to be.
Blair and the other two stylists showered Aspen with compliments, but Aspen really only cared what one person thought.
Well, aside from themself, of course. They couldn’t help but admire their hair in the mirror behind the register.
The length was perfect, and the color was vibrant and eye-catching.
Unfortunately, both of those features meant it would require a fair amount of maintenance moving forward.
They scheduled an appointment next month with Blair and tipped her two twenties since the salon covered the supplies and stylist’s fees for all their staff to get their hair done once a month.
Aspen hadn’t taken advantage of that perk much, only getting the occasional long, femme haircut.
They reveled in being able to do whatever they wanted with their hair without worrying about how their spouse’s family, friends, and colleagues would respond.
If Aspen was being fair, which they felt more able to do as time passed, Ethan never had a problem with Aspen’s hair color…
when they were in the house. It was only an issue when they went out into the world, where Ethan felt he had to impress and woo every person he met.
That was when Aspen’s colorful locks, loud clothes, and most importantly, their fluctuating gender, were unacceptable.