Chapter 1 #3
Feeling buoyed by their new look and hopeful about the future, Aspen turned left out of the salon doors instead of right towards home.
They’d go for a little wander and visit their favorite coffee shop to kill time before Noah got off work.
The shop owners were about the same age as they were, and Aspen loved chatting with them about whatever new recipes and coffees they had that week.
As Aspen strolled down the street, they couldn’t help but run their hand through their hair, fluffing it up like they were preparing to enter a catwalk.
They experimentally swung their hips with each step, and straightened their spine, inadvertently pressing their chest into the soft fabric of their shirt.
They glanced in a shop window, unfocusing their eyes so instead of looking at that season’s hottest fashion, they were looking at themself.
They grimaced at the bleach stain and made a mental note to try splatter painting the pants.
Other than that minor hiccup, they liked the way their hair caught the sun, showing the even distribution of dye, and the layers Blair had painstakingly cut into their fringe.
After taking in the vibrant blue, their eyes seemed to almost skim down their body, skipping over their curves and landing instead on their bright purple jeans.
It was like they were a color sandwich, and everything in between was just a bonus.
Bonus curves to go with bonus parts.
Aspen grinned and turned to skip down the sidewalk.
They’d once read that if you forced yourself to smile, your brain would slowly get with the program and release happy chemicals, and then the smile wouldn’t be fake anymore.
That was sort of the same strategy they applied to skipping.
It was impossible to skip and cry–or at least, it was impossible without feeling utterly ridiculous–and it got the blood pumping in a way that wasn’t fueled by indignant rage or spiraling anxiety over things they couldn’t control.
Aspen didn’t want to dwell on things they couldn’t control.
Not today. They could worry about parts and what to name them and do with them later.
Just because Blair had reminded them that they had no experience with non-heteronormative sex didn’t mean they had to worry about that today.
Today was for new beginnings and showing Noah their new and improved look.
Or…showing everyone their new and improved look. That sounded better.
They skipped right up to the door of the Rainbow Bean and threw it open with a flourish.
Frankie, one of the owners, popped his head out from behind the pastry display and grinned.
“Hey! Holy shit, I love the haircut!” he exclaimed, before turning to elbow Diego, the other owner. “D! Look at Aspen’s new hair!”
Aspen skipped around a few patrons who were looking over the extensive coffee menu and artfully arranged pastries.
They came to a flourishing stop in front of the counter, and Diego looked up from where he’d been fighting with the receipt printer.
His warm brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he took in Aspen’s hair in all its blue glory.
When he smiled, his teeth caught the light and shone almost as brightly as the trans pin affixed to his lanyard.
“Wow, it looks great!”
“It sure fucking does! Lopi did something sort of like that when they first came out. Shaved on one side with some blue highlights,” Frankie said as he began loading up a plate with what looked like a cherry muffin and some sort of scone.
“This week’s special is cherry themed. Are you okay with cherries? "
“He asks, after he’s already put them on a plate,” Diego grumbled, as his husband handed him the plate to give to Aspen.
“You’re in luck, I love cherries,” Aspen said, eagerly accepting the plate from Diego.
“No Noah today?” Frankie asked as he turned to make Aspen’s favorite drink, a latte with double espresso, oat milk, chocolate, and vanilla.
“He’s in the office today, so he has to wait to see all this,” Aspen said, flipping their hair with an easy twitch of their head.
Ethan had never visited the cafe with Aspen. It was far too “loud and proud” for him, which meant it was exactly Aspen’s style, and a place Noah felt safe, even if he wasn’t quite as loud about his gender.
While Aspen had a gay rainbow wreath on their front door, Noah preferred to keep his flags in his room, where only those who were important to him would see them.
He wore a trans flag pin at most queer events and was always the first to offer pronouns and write them on a nametag, but he didn’t have a trans wrist strap for his smart watch, or a pansexual phone case like Aspen.
“I think you should absolutely be proud of yourself,” he’d said when Aspen had asked if the watch band made them look tacky. “You should show that off however you want.”
Aspen rubbed the nonbinary watch band Noah had bought them recently as Diego attempted to unjam a wad of receipt paper from the machine's teeth, while Frankie yammered on about ordering vanilla beans from a new distributor.
As the loud whir of the espresso machine filled the front area of the cafe, a small child toddled by, with a handful of crushed muffin in their little fist. Aspen barely had time to wonder who they belonged to before an exhausted-looking man hurried after them, calling out a series of flustered pleas for them to come back, to no avail.
There were a few seats available right in the heart of the cafe, but as Diego began to grunt angrily at the printer and Frankie launched into a series of rapid-fire questions about the salon, Aspen decided maybe they’d sit outside today.
They loved being around people and activity, but sometimes it all got to be a bit too much, and their brain would buzz like an overloaded dryer, and they’d need to be alone for a while.
Or with Noah. He always had a knack for sensing when Aspen’s brain got overwhelmed, and they needed a few minutes to collect themself.
Thankfully, Diego was also observant, and he glanced up right as Frankie turned around with the finished drink. “Do you think I would look good with an undercut or do I–”
“Querido? Why don’t you go offer to help that gentleman extricate his munchkin from your tea display?”
Frankie whipped his head around, his eyes going comically wide. “Oh shit, uh, yeah, can you ring Aspen up?”
Diego clicked the receipt machine closed like he hadn’t just been fighting for his life a moment ago. He accepted a peck on the cheek from Frankie as he hurried around the counter to go help the man.
“Can I get you anything else? A blueberry danish for Noah?” Diego asked while typing in Aspen’s order with one hand and holding up a to-go bag with the other.
That little thing fluttered behind Aspen’s sternum, and they once again thought of butterflies and metamorphosis. “Actually, can I get a danish, a mini chocolate cake, and a cold brew with no ice?”
Diego’s lips parted in surprise, but he swiftly typed in Aspen’s order. “Special delivery for him?”
“Something like that,” Aspen said, and when Diego cast them a curious look, they easily relented. “I’ve been thinking about something for a while, and I might finally be ready to talk about it. I figure cake for dessert and a cold brew offering for the morning can’t hurt.”
Diego set about gathering the rest of Aspen’s order. Meanwhile, Frankie hefted the child up into his arms and handed them a pride flag crocheted octopus. As Diego returned to the register, the look he cast at his husband was one born of years of love and longing.
Aspen swiped their credit card, and Diego attempted to hand them the to-go bag and plate, but they both eyed the coffees sitting between them.
“Let me help you. Where are you sitting?” Diego asked as he rounded the counter with the coffees, gesturing for Frankie to watch the register.
“Outside, if you don’t mind,” Aspen said, pushing open the door with their shoulder and leading the way out onto the shaded patio. The Rainbow Bean hadn’t always had outdoor seating, but business had been booming, and they’d done several renovations to the inside and outside of the shop.
They made their way to the farthest table, which offered the best view for people-watching. Diego set down the two coffees and waited for Aspen to deposit their food before he clapped them on the shoulder. “Good luck with your conversation tonight.”
Aspen was tempted to ask whether Diego, like Blair and Dani, thought there was a chance in hell that Noah might be having some of the same confusing feelings as Aspen.
Dani had been so sure she’d bet Aspen plane tickets to come visit her.
Aspen had under no circumstances been willing to bet that kind of money, so she switched her bet to a bribe.
If Aspen took a chance and talked to Noah about what was going on in their scattered brain, then she’d pay for their next flight out to visit.
That had been two weeks ago, and they weren’t sure if bribes like that had an expiration date, but they weren’t willing to rush a conversation this important.
Why, then, couldn’t they sit still as they tried to enjoy their very cherry-forward pastries? It wasn’t like they could speed up the clock by sheer force of will. Noah wouldn’t be home until six at the earliest, and it wasn’t even four yet.
They fidgeted with one of their rings as they tried to kill time scrolling through their favorite styling videos, but nothing was holding their attention. It seemed that no amount of balayage or alternative bob styling could take their mind off Noah.
Or, more precisely, nothing could distract them from their anxiety over messing everything up with Noah. Despite what Blair and Dani said, Aspen couldn’t shake the feeling that they might very well end the best relationship they’d ever had if they didn’t handle this right.
They spun their ring so hard it flew off their finger, and they had to chase after it across the patio, dodging around happy couples and lounging dogs.
They managed to grab it before it rolled into the grass, but as they stood up from their crouch, they recognized the dog lying on its stomach nearby.
Aspen traced the dog’s leash up to a familiar face. They were pretty sure the woman’s name was Daphne. They’d met a month ago at a singles mixer at the Rainbow Bean.
Even though Aspen wasn’t actively dating, Frankie had managed to convince them to at least swing by and have some cupcakes and wine.
Daphne’s dog, Mindy, had stuck her face in Aspen’s crotch, and Daphne had apologized profusely and offered to buy Aspen a coffee.
Aspen had thought it was funny, but they’d accepted the drink and the invitation for some company.
Aspen took in the brunette sitting at the table with Daphne now and couldn’t help but beam at her. Daphne blushed and hurried to make introductions, and Aspen shook Olivia’s hand with fervor.
“Your hair looks amazing,” Daphne said, and Olivia echoed the sentiment.
“Thanks, I thought it was time for a change.”
Daphne gazed at Olivia the same way Diego had looked at Frankie, just with less time behind it. “Yeah…me too,” she said, taking Olivia’s hand across the wrought iron table.
Aspen slid their ring back into place and ran their fingers over their watch band again.
It was almost scary how fast things could change.
A four-year marriage could end in a matter of months, and a new bond could be forged in weeks.
Sometimes it felt like all Aspen had done was blink, and over half a decade had passed.
How many opportunities had they already missed to find happiness?
How many more would they be missing if they didn’t buck up and take a chance?
After exchanging the requisite amount of small talk with Olivia, Aspen turned back to Daphne.
“It was really good to see you, but I don’t want to keep you any longer,” they said, ruffling Mindy’s ears and stepping back from the table.
“Besides, I think I might actually have one more change to make today.”
They quickly exchanged numbers, so their next meeting could be a little less rushed, and Aspen hurried back to their table, collecting their belongings and tucking the remainder of their pastries into the bag for Noah.
Their coffee was nothing more than dregs, so they chucked it in a bin on the way out.