Chapter 4 #2
The more he thought about Gordy Simple, the more an idea began to take shape.
Noah would be working on a timeline to help Charlie get things sorted out at the shelter.
Based on the two-hour-long planning session they’d had at Charlie’s kitchen table, it sounded like during that time he was willing to let Noah try out whatever he could think of to diversify funding, lessen the workload, and modernize some of the shelter’s business practices.
What if…they did something like that, but for their love life?
Charlie would be so proud of him for keeping things simple, but would Aspen like it? There was only one way to find out.
“Not killing time…” Noah said as the idea solidified in his head. “But maybe time-limited.”
Aspen looked like Noah was speaking nonsense, so he rushed to clarify.
“What if we do a sort of trial period?”
Aspen’s expression didn’t change much. Noah really wished he’d thought of this earlier; then he could have discussed it with Charlie and wouldn’t be figuring it out live.
It was too late to turn back now, though, and as he looked into Aspen’s familiar hazel eyes, he found he didn't want to turn back. He wanted Aspen, he just didn’t want to hurt them—or himself.
“What if we explore things with each other, like nonheteronormative sex, affirming dating, and whatnot, while also using that time to figure out what we want for ourselves,” Noah said.
“It means we wouldn’t have to do it alone, but we also won’t hurt each other if, at the end of the trial, we decide a committed relationship to each other isn’t what we want. ”
Aspen blinked slowly at him, and he could almost see the cogs turning in their head.
“We could take six months, which—” Noah did some quick mental math. “Would actually bring us right through Valentine’s Day, to figure everything out, but it wouldn’t be like we were getting in a relationship only to break up six months later. It could be our own arrangement without all the…”
Noah wasn’t sure how to say bullshit without actually saying bullshit, so he just gestured around vaguely.
“Without all the typical expectations your family and society put on relationships?” Aspen offered.
“Yeah,” Noah said, and he felt a new emotion join the tangle in his chest. Excitement. The idea of trial running more than just friendship with Aspen was exciting. “I know that probably sounds super unconventional, but–”
“I like unconventional,” Aspen said. They weren’t looking at Noah, but their mouth was soft, the earlier grimace completely gone. “It would also mean we don’t have to play that stressful ‘what are we’ labels game. At least, not until the end of the six months, when we’ll hopefully be ready for it.”
Noah nodded, even though he had barely even been thinking about titles and labels.
It was probably a good thing to consider, though.
Lord knew titles meant everything to his parents.
Maybe that was yet another reason he didn’t like them.
Aspen had liked them at one point, though.
They’d gone for the title of spouse…but look how that had turned out.
“As long as it’s okay with you,” Noah said. “I think I’m a big fan of our best friend title and might just keep using that for now.”
When Aspen grinned, it spread all the way up to their pretty eyes, and Noah knew he’d said the right thing. “I actually really like that. And what you said before? That we’ll be figuring this out together? Two best friends, figuring out sex, dating, life, and love together—but also for ourselves.”
That was all Noah wanted. To be given the space and the support to figure out what he actually wanted in life. Getting to do it with his best friend by his side, and possibly in his bed, felt like the perfect solution.
He just needed to make sure it was the perfect solution for Aspen, too.
“You mentioned polyamory? I think that should be a part of this as well. I want you to find fulfillment and happiness in a way you couldn’t with Ethan.
If it turns out that’s with me, that would be amazing, but if you find someone else and you find happiness with them—“
“What if I find happiness with both of you?” Aspen interrupted, as they often did when they got worked up over something.
Noah had been part of his fair share of conversations with Blair about polyamory. While he’d never thought too deeply about it, he definitely wasn’t against it.
Unlike how thoroughly against it his parents would be. He could almost imagine his father’s face turning purple with rage and his mom bursting into–always tasteful–tears.
Noah forced the thought away. He wasn’t a kid anymore, being told exactly which boy he could accept a prom invitation from or who he could bring home to visit for the summer.
The next six months were about him finally figuring out what he wanted, and if that meant interrogating everything he thought he knew about love and relationships, then that was what he was going to do.
“I think if you find happiness with me and someone else, and you want to continue our arrangement while also pursuing that other person, I would have no problem with that. I just–”
Noah choked on the tangle of emotions lodged at the bottom of his throat. This was the heart of the matter, wasn’t it? This was why he wanted to try out this arrangement rather than just giving Aspen an outright yes or no today.
“I don’t want to lose you, Asp,” he said, the mess of emotions sitting heavy on his vocal cords, making his voice crack like he was going through puberty—for a third time.
“I don’t want to hold you back or fail to give you what you need.
But I also don’t want to give up on this thing between us just because I’m uncertain right now.
I want you to explore everything you want to explore, and if that continues to be me, and I continue to give you what you need, I hope you’ll stick out the full six months with me.
If you’re also exploring things with another partner during that time, I say go for it. ”
Aspen smiled softly, their hand returning to Noah’s leg. “I can’t imagine you ever holding me back or failing to be exactly what I need—but I hear you. I’ll try to go into this with eyes wide open, without any big expectations or plans. I just want to see where this goes.”
Noah took a chance and placed his hand on top of Aspen’s. He wasn’t sure if he completely believed that Aspen didn’t have any expectations. At the very least, they probably had hopes and wishes, like for their first kiss and their first time having sex.
Maybe that was where they should start, then, and figure out the rest as it happened.
“Okay, so, we’re both in agreement that we’re going to take the next six months to try things out, and figure out what we want for ourselves and from each other?” At Aspen’s aggressive nod, Noah threaded his fingers with Aspen’s. “As far as sex goes–”
“I’m ready,” Aspen said, grinning widely at him.
Noah snorted. “Oh?”
“Yup,” Aspen said, popping the “p” with a smirk. “I told you, I want to try anything and everything to do with nonheteronormative sex with someone I love and trust. Seeing as how I already love and trust you, I’m more than ready.”
Noah actually didn’t remember love being part of Aspen’s little countertop speech the previous weekend.
Love was another one of those tangled-up feelings in Noah’s chest. It always felt like it came with so many of those dreaded expectations, whether that be from his parents, his brother, or his exes.
It had never felt like that with Aspen, though.
Noah loved Aspen. He knew that almost innately, like there had never been a time in his life when he didn’t love them.
He also loved Charlie, not in the same way as Aspen, but it was like he had his own special little thread of love in Noah’s chest. Unlike everyone else, who tangled him up inside, Aspen and Charlie were Gordy Simple.
He didn’t know what that meant about romance or romantic relationships, but at least they had a solid foundation to start with.
“Okay,” Noah said, squeezing Aspen’s hand. “If you’re sure, then I’m ready whenever you are.”
Aspen jumped off the couch, still clutching Noah’s hand. He pulled until Noah heaved himself up and allowed Aspen to drag him into his own room.
“Let’s get this show on the road!” Aspen crowed, yanking off their shirt and dropping their pants.
Noah nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw that while Aspen was wearing a binder, they weren’t wearing any underwear.
Back in the sorority house, they’d changed in front of each other dozens of times, and since then, they’d gone to pools and water parks often enough that Noah was familiar with the curves and shapes of Aspen’s half-naked body.
He’d never looked at Aspen as anything other than a friend, though, and even now the urge to respectfully look away was strong.
“Asp… I… Maybe we should talk about parts and preferences first?” Noah said, focusing on the fancy color layering Blair had done to Aspen’s hair.
Aspen huffed. “I don’t know my preferences. That’s what I wanted us to suss out together.”
Noah kept his eyes glued to Aspen’s bangs as he nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. But what would you like me to call your parts, and in what ways are you okay with them being looked at and touched as of right now?”
“Oh,” Aspen said, and Noah could see their shoulders slump at the bottom of his vision. “Shit, sorry, you’re right. Uh…should I…put my pants back on? I don’t care if you see me in a binder, I just thought I could do a cool reveal, cause…yeah, sorry.”
Aspen quickly bent over, and Noah waited until they were standing up again before he stepped forward and pulled Aspen against his chest. “Your reveal was very impressive. Why don’t we talk for a minute, and then you can drop your pants for me again?”