CHAPTER SEVEN
A week later, Thad shifted in his seat, glancing up from his phone with an amused smile at the burst of laughter from Tanner and Jesse in the back of the plane.
The mood on the flight to New Jersey was good, despite the fact the team was playing their first game of the season on the road.
At least it wasn’t New York? Small mercies. Although the Harriers were playing them in the second game of the season so very small indeed.
Rafe rose to his feet, clutching his latest knitting project, and called something out. A few guys looked up, but Thad couldn’t hear what he’d said.
Rafe seemed much looser and more relaxed than when he came to the team last January, and certainly happier, but he was still a little soft-spoken.
His boyfriend and D-partner, Mickey, rose to his feet too, putting his fingers between his lips and whistling. The shrill noise broke through the babble of voices and everyone immediately quieted.
Ironic, since Mickey had been nicknamed Mouse by the team. He’d been extremely quiet and reserved when Thad first joined the organization in October, but he too had loosened up lately, showing an aptitude for leading the team with a deft hand.
Or, at least that was what Gavin had told him.
“Okay,” Rafe called out. “Last season, Tanner took down most of the team, coaches, and support staff with his germs. This season, I think we should challenge him to stay healthy. Which is why we created this!”
Mickey pulled out a small whiteboard, about the size of a sheet of printer paper, with a photo of Tanner stuck on it and text Rafe read aloud. “My Name Is … Tanner Clayton. It Has Been ___ Days Since I Was Patient Zero.”
Mickey gestured to the empty spot where they could write in the number of days.
A huge roar of laughter filled the plane and even Coach Hoyt looked up from his laptop and grinned.
Dr. Pope looked particularly delighted.
“Hey!” Tanner protested. “Fuck you! Fuck all of you!”
“No, no I love this,” Jesse said with a gasp. “It’s perfect.”
“Fuck you especially,” Tanner said, pointing at him. “This totally would have been you in Toronto before you hooked up with Connor and fell in love.”
He said the last part in such a disgusted tone it made Thad chuckle.
“Yeah, but I never got a whole team sick,” Jesse said, wiping away tears on his cheeks. “Brilliant idea, Mouse and Turtle, brilliant.”
Turtle was Rafe, something to do with the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety, if he remembered right. Though that was his and Gavin’s childhood, not Rafe’s.
“Thanks! We saw something similar on a sign at the zoo this summer!” Rafe said proudly. “Apparently, one of the penguins there was very naughty. They were tracking how many days since his last incident.”
“We thought of you immediately,” Mickey said with a grin.
Tanner turned to look at Crawford, who was choking on laughter, and glared at him. “And I swear to God, I am going to make one for you for every time you get in a stupid fight.”
Crawford snorted. “It’s my job to fight, dumbass. You’re supposed to be playing ice hockey. Not tonsil hockey.”
Everyone howled at that.
Tanner sat with a huff but even from here, Thad could see a little bit of a smile lurking around the edges of his mouth. He wouldn’t stay mad for long.
When Thad glanced around, he caught a glimpse of Gavin and Dakota sharing a smile and felt a little pang.
He was happy for his brother. Honestly.
It was just that now, he was starting to think he wasn’t such a lone wolf after all. Not when he could imagine waking up with his forehead pressed to the back of Graham’s neck and making him laugh as he crowded him into the shower …
The fantasy popped like a soap bubble when Thad remembered his shower was barely big enough for one man of his build, much less two. And the hot water barely lasted long enough for him to scrub off, much less take his time to get his mouth and hands on Graham the way he wanted.
If Graham was waking up with and showering with anyone, it was Madison. Someone who was perfect for him.
Someone he could proudly show off to the family.
The twist in Thad’s chest was a reminder he wasn’t that sort of person. Even if there had been perfectly valid reasons for Thad’s decade of incarceration, even if Thad had been protecting Gavin first, then Teddy, he knew how it looked to the outside world.
He knew how people viewed people who’d been incarcerated.
He’d spent the time since then being turned down for jobs, for housing, for loans. All because of the choices he’d made.
He couldn’t say he regretted them, exactly.
He couldn’t have lived with himself if Gavin had gone to jail or if Teddy had been harmed. But it left him floundering and wondering if he’d spend the remainder of his years fighting to build the life he wanted. If he’d ever have the life he wanted.
Thad sighed at the hollow ache that feeling always left him with.
Guys had returned to their previous activities and the plane quieted down, so Thad closed his eyes, tipping his head back to rest against the seat and letting his mind continue to drift.
It was fine. He’d be fine.
So, maybe Graham was the first person he’d ever met who made him think relationships were worth considering but that didn’t have to mean anything.
He’d begun to drift off when Connor’s voice rose over the hum of the plane’s engines and the sound of guys quietly talking.
“What? I thought you were still with Madison? You broke up again?”
Thad forced his eyes to remain closed and resisted the urge to look over at the row Connor and Graham shared.
What indeed.
Thad gripped his phone tighter, hoping Graham would talk loud enough he could hear the reply.
There was silence for a few moments before he finally heard Graham say, “Yeah. We got back together for a bit but we, uh, we kinda realized we were both looking for something else, you know?”
Thankfully, Connor finally lost interest in Graham’s love life, and he went back to watching hockey highlights on his tablet. Graham leaned his head against the bulkhead and watched the clouds go by the window as he thought about what to do next.
He hadn’t told Thad about the breakup. Not because he didn’t want him to know, but because he needed to figure out what the fuck to do now. He … he needed a plan.
Madison had been right about a lot of things.
She definitely was right that a part of him wanted something exciting in his life.
And okay, playing pro hockey was exciting, but it could be a grind at times too.
Graham was grateful for the opportunity to do it but it did wear on a person. Sometimes he grew numb to the endless cycle of practice, game, home, practice, flight, game, hotel … rinse and repeat.
But Thad … Thad was exciting.
Now that Graham was admitting some important things to himself, he could see the way he’d always made Graham feel alive and interested.
The way he made his skin buzz.
He had the kind of presence that made Graham sit up and take notice.
Gavin had a similar charisma. A genuine charm that made people like him and look to him for leadership. But as alike as the twins were, there was something very different about the way Graham responded to them.
He liked and respected Gavin, but Thad … Thad was something entirely unique.
But how to tell him that? How to make him see that despite all the reasons they shouldn’t be together, Graham wanted it anyway?
He thought about Thad saying he wasn’t the kind of guy who would be okay having a side piece and that much was true. He never could have hooked up with Thad while still dating Madison.
The guilt would have eaten him alive.
But when Graham thought about being with Thad quietly, under the radar from the team and Gavin and Graham’s family, that sent an unexpected thrill of excitement through him.
He’d never done anything like it, never considered it, and why would he? He’d had his pick of girls to date as a teenager, then women once he was a little older, and he’d never had to hide that from anyone.
His family teased him a little about his love life, the endless string of girlfriends, but it had always been something he could talk openly with them about.
While he could never be on board with cheating on a partner, doing something a little illicit, a little forbidden with Thad, well, that sounded … hot.
But would Thad see it the same way? Would he be into the secrecy or hate it?
And yeah, Graham was worried about his focus when it came to hockey this season. But it was wanting Thad and not being with him that had been fucking with his head.
Surely, he would do better if they were together and so much of Graham’s brain wasn’t occupied with wanting something he couldn’t have.
There was only one big hiccup.
Would Thad want to be with him? Especially when Graham told him he wanted to date, not just fuck around?
Thad had kinda hinted at it, throwing around words like dating and relationships, but would he really be up for it? And how the fuck could they date when no one could know about them?
Was dating the action of going out and doing stuff together? Or was it the intention of spending time together?
Graham’s first instinct was to ask the guys around him. Connor, maybe. Or Mickey. Tom Bass seemed really solid too. Guys who had a brain in their heads and some critical thinking skills.
But since Graham couldn’t tell anyone about the situation with Thad, that made it a lot more complicated.
Like any self-respecting Gen-Z person, he turned to the internet for guidance.
Aware of the nosy guys around him, Graham shifted, carefully angling his phone away from any curious eyes under the guise of getting comfortable.
Connor didn’t even glance up.
Graham tried googling and eventually fell down a rabbit hole of dating advice on Reddit. He’d found it helpful in the past. Why not try it for this?
He found one subreddit that seemed kinda promising and spent some time reading it.
None of the advice really applied to him, but it seemed sensible at least and he began typing up his own question.