CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Thad was still shaking from the intensity of his orgasm as he croaked, “Just a minute.”
He’d gone over the tipping point before Gavin had stormed in and despite the interruption, the release had hit hard and fast, especially because Graham had been startled, his grip on Thad’s cock tightening to an almost painful degree and milking him through it.
Thad had muffled his groan against Graham’s shoulder, pleasure and fear mingling inside him until it was almost overwhelming, horrified his brother was just on the other side of the door.
Now, he stared at Graham’s stricken expression as he fixed his costume and hair with shaking fingers.
He grabbed a wad of tissue and mopped at Graham’s hand.
“Thad …” Gavin said warningly.
“I said just a fucking minute,” he snapped.
He dropped the soiled tissues in the trash, leaned in and pressed his lips to Graham’s in a quick, apologetic kiss. “I’m sorry,” he rasped. “Stay in here and let me take care of this.”
Graham opened his mouth like he was going to argue but Thad opened the door and stepped through it, trying to shield Graham with his body as he ducked out. He closed it firmly behind him and glared at his brother, adrenaline flooding through his veins, his pulse pounding in his ears.
Gavin was pacing by the sinks and when he looked up, his expression was thunderous. “Who the fuck were you in there with?” he snapped.
“That’s none of your business.” Thad crossed his arms over his chest.
“Bullshit,” Gavin said. “This is my team, and I am responsible for everyone in the organization. I made it very clear when you were hired that screwing around with anyone who works for the Harriers is off-limits. You’ve been warned twice.”
“You know,” Thad snapped. “Technically Finn is my boss now. Not you.”
“But Graham was in there with you, wasn’t he? He’s one of my players.”
“I’m not answering that. There’s no way in fuck I’m outing anyone,” Thad shouted. “And the fact you would even ask me—”
“Yeah, it’s me,” Graham said soberly, swinging the door open and stepping up beside Thad. “I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m bi. And Thad and I—”
“Stop,” Thad pleaded, looking him in the eye. “Baby, please. This is between Gavin and me.”
“Well, I’m not going to sit here quietly while he says shit about you that isn’t true,” Graham said hotly. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
The bathroom door swung open again and Dakota ducked through it but not before revealing a line of curious faces on the other side. Graham’s teammates, staring at them with a mixture of curiosity and worry.
Great. Fucking great.
“Should someone have an ambulance on standby?” Tanner muttered before the door swung closed.
Yes, Thad thought with a tinge of despair. Someone probably should. Because the likelihood of this conversation ending without someone taking a swing or two was pretty much zero.
Dakota put his hands on his hips and glared at the three of them who were arranged in a triangle glaring at each other. “You all need to take it down a notch. This isn’t the place for this.”
“Fine.” Gavin’s expression darkened. “Outside, Thad. We can talk on the patio.”
“Gavin,” Dakota said, grabbing his arm and looking at him pleadingly. “Maybe this should wait. We should go home and take some time to cool our heads before we say something we’ll regret.”
“No,” Thad snapped. “We’re doing this. Now.”
Dakota pursed his lips but stepped back. “Just don’t kill each other. Please. And if you let yourself get so worked up you have a heart scare again, I’ll kill you personally.” He glared at his boyfriend.
Thad nodded tersely at Dakota and followed his brother out into the hallway.
Players shifted, letting them pass, their worried glances following until the exit door closed behind them with a solid thud, leaving Thad and Gavin alone on the private patio.
It was deserted.
They’d had a sudden cold snap, and their breath created white clouds of steam every time they breathed out. A fire burned in the pit nearby, s’mores ingredients set out nearby that no one had touched yet.
But Thad didn’t shift any closer to the fire. He was already boiling inside.
How dare Gavin? How dare he get all high and mighty about Thad getting involved with someone from the organization when he’d dated his employee?
How dare he act like he was above reproach?
“I fucking warned you,” Gavin said through gritted teeth as they faced each other, a few feet apart. “I told you if you pulled this shit again, you were done here.”
“And you’ve never done anything wrong in your life, right?” Thad snapped. “You’re completely faultless in every way—”
“I never fucking claimed to be perfect!” Gavin shouted. “What I told you was that if you wanted a job here, there would be certain expectations about your behavior.”
“My behavior,” Thad sneered.
“Yes. Your behavior. I told you to keep your fucking nose clean and behave like a fucking responsible adult.”
“Oh, but it was fine for you to fuck around with Dakota?” he shot back.
“I love him!” Gavin protested.
“Yeah, now,” Thad reminded him, his voice low and furious. “But you sure as fuck didn’t when you two started hooking up.”
A flicker of emotion crossed Gavin’s face. “I …”
“Oh, don’t blow smoke up my ass, Gavin. I know the truth. I saw you two at the club and I was there on that rooftop in LA. And that’s fine. I’m not judging you for it. Sure, you fell in love. But not at first. So don’t go getting all holier than thou about this shit with me.”
“What do you know about love?” Gavin spat.
Thad stepped back, surprised by the vehemence in Gavin’s words. Hurt by what they implied. “What?” he said hoarsely.
“You’ve always been too selfish to—”
“Selfish?” Thad snarled. “Fuck you. I gave up my fucking life for you. My name and my reputation. My future. I knew I could survive in prison and you—you would’ve fallen apart. I did it to save you. If you don’t think that was love, you really don’t fucking know me at all.”
Gavin went still, his expression stricken.
For a moment, he was so silent Thad could hear the quiet hiss of the gas fueling the firepit.
“What?” Gavin finally spoke, his voice hoarse. “I don’t …”
“What do you mean, what?” Thad said irritably when Gavin didn’t continue.
“I confessed to protect you. Because I love you. You’re my brother.
I would have done anything for you. I’d have stepped in front of a fucking bullet for you, and I mean what I said earlier.
If you don’t know that by now, if you don’t know it came from a place of love, I don’t know what to fucking say anymore. ”
The thought that Gavin didn’t understand, couldn’t even acknowledge everything Thad had tried to do for him over the years made his eyes sting and he clenched his trembling hands into fists and looked down at the ground, his chest still heaving.
“I should have realized that.”
“No shit,” Thad spat. He still couldn’t look at his brother.
“At the time, I didn’t think about it. I was too busy feeling scared and angry to think about anything. And I was pissed at you. I never asked you to throw your life away for mine. I never would have.”
Thad lifted his head, his voice raw and strained as he said, “I know. But, Jesus, Gav, you have no idea what it was like to be on the other side of it. To watch you throwing your entire fucking life away. You were my brother. My best friend. It hurt me to see you turning into … into some petty fucking criminal.”
His voice broke but he pressed on. “How could I sit there and fucking watch you fall apart? I could see where that path was going to lead. How you’d get hooked on whatever fucking shit Dillon gave you.
How the next robbery would be bigger. More violent.
Every time you snuck out of the house to go meet up with him, I wondered if you’d ever fucking come back.
I wondered if it was the last time I’d see you alive or if Mom and Dad would get called to come identify your body. If I’d have to bury my twin brother.”
Gavin flinched, his expression turning haunted, but he didn’t say anything.
“And I get it now, okay? What you said about trying to control your life in the only way you knew how. The self-sabotage. I fucking get it now. But at the time, all I could see was my brother—the one person I loved most in the world—in the path of an oncoming train. I could see how it would end and I couldn’t—I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t stand there and let you destroy yourself. ”
Thad was breathing raggedly now, his cheeks wet.
“I loved you and I wanted to save you. So, if you’re angry at me, fine.
If you think punishing me for my relationship with Graham will somehow make us even in some way, fucking go for it.
Just don’t take your—your guilt or whatever the fuck this is out on Graham, okay?
I’ll take my punishment like a man, but don’t you dare take this out on him. ”
“Thad …” Gavin said weakly.
But Thad kept talking through the tears trickling down his face, unable to stop now.
“Graham. He’s … he’s a good person. The best person I know.
I didn’t get into this with him to fuck with you.
Or to—I don’t know, get my dick wet. It was never like that with him.
Not from the very beginning. If you listen to me about one fucking thing, listen to me about this … I love him.”
Thad’s voice cracked again, the emotion coursing through him too much for him to hold back. “He has only ever been good to me. Understood me in ways no one else has. I’m a fuckup, I know, but he’s—he’s done everything he can to make me feel like I can be better. I love him, Gav.”
Thad wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands. “Fire me if you have to. But don’t—don’t take it out on him. Please. Don’t take your anger at me out on him. He doesn’t deserve it.”
For the longest time they stood there, staring at each other.