29. Shep
29
SHEP
I couldn’t move, could barely breathe. The tension and rage radiating through me strangled each inhale and exhale.
What kind of monster did that? It might not have been a physical assault, but in some ways, it was so much worse. Photos and videos of Thea at her most vulnerable. For anyone to see.
She turned then as if the ferocity in my voice had startled her. And when I got my first look at her face, it nearly brought me to my knees. It was more than the tears tracking down her cheeks. It was the genuine surprise at my anger.
That only made the fury burn brighter, flames wrapping around my throat, scorching the tissue there. Thea hadn’t thought I’d be angry at Brendan. She’d…what? Thought I’d be mad at her? See her differently?
“Thea,” I croaked.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I get it if you need to walk away.”
I moved then, unable to hold myself back. I closed the distance between us in two long strides and pulled her into my arms. I could feel the wetness on her cheeks sink into my tee. Felt how her body trembled.
“The last thing in the world I want to do is walk away.”
“Shep.” Thea’s voice shook.
“This would never make me see you differently. Other than discovering you’re even stronger than I knew.”
She let out a hiccuped sob.
“None of this is your fault. Not one thing.” I held her tighter to me as if I could soak up all the pain. All the ways she’d been hurt.
“Most of the time, I know that. But then my mind gets twisted. It’s like I still hear his voice in my head on repeat. And sometimes, I believe it.”
I slid my hand along Thea’s jaw, tipping her head back so those green eyes connected with mine. “You hear that voice? You come to me. I’ll tell you the truth.” My thumb swept back and forth across skin as smooth as silk. “Kind. Brave. Strong. Funny. So damn smart.”
“Shepard.” My name was barely audible on her lips.
“Will take a fucking penis diamond painting from my grandma so you don’t hurt her feelings.”
That had a small laugh bubbling out of her. “I hung it in the greenhouse. Above my potting table.”
I shook my head. “Of course, you did. Lolli will love that.” Any hints of amusement in my tone died. “This is why you haven’t wanted people in your house. Because he put cameras in without your knowledge.”
Thea nodded slowly. “I can’t help but imagine someone else doing the same. Even if I know the chances are one in a million.”
Hell. And she’d let me in after all that. Let me stay with her. It was even more of a gift now.
Thea went quiet for a long moment. “It’s more than just living with the fact that those photos are out there. My head…it’s a messed-up place.”
My thumb stilled. “Your brain is trying to grab hold of the truth.” And Brendan fucking Boseman had traumatized her so much that she couldn’t see it clearly .
“Hasn’t anyone ever told a lie about you, but they’re so convincing, you start to believe it yourself?”
My pulse thrummed in my neck, the beat so heavy I could feel each squeeze. I had one of those lies. One that still lived in the recesses of my mind. That I was worthless. But it was tinged with the truth. That I’d been given up, abandoned. Unwanted.
“Yes,” I said, the single syllable more sound than an actual word.
Thea’s expression softened as her hand pressed against my chest. “I don’t want to bring you into that. You’re so…good. Everything I shouldn’t reach for. But I can’t seem to make myself walk away. It’s so selfish. I shouldn’t?—”
I couldn’t let her keep going, couldn’t let those doubts be given voice. So, I stole them right from the air. I closed the tiny distance between us, and my mouth met Thea’s. I took those lies and snuffed them out.
The moment my lips touched hers, Thea’s hand fisted in my tee. She pulled me impossibly closer, and her taste burned into me. Strawberries and mint tea. It was the only thing I wanted to taste for the rest of time.
Thea moaned, her lips parting. My tongue stroked. God, the feel of her mouth. Warm, wet heat. But so fucking soft. Delicate. Just like my Thorn. The strength outside hid the truth beneath: that she was nothing but sweet, soft feeling.
Thea pressed herself harder against me, seeking, searching. The added pressure and contact, the promise of all that was her, had my dick hardening against my jeans.
She moved then, hauling herself up and climbing me like I was a goddamn tree. She wrapped her legs around me as I took her mouth. Heat and need spread between us, fueling each other.
A bird called overhead, loud and close, the sound so intense and abrupt that it had Thea’s head snapping back and her mouth tearing from mine. I watched the realization come over her in phases. Shock, then horror.
Thea released her legs from my waist and dropped to the ground, her fingers flying to her lips. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know?— ”
“Pretty sure I’m the one who kissed you,” I said gently.
Thea shook her head rapidly. “But I—I mauled you.”
My brow arched. “If that’s mauling, sign me up.”
“It’s not funny. I climbed you like some sort of spider monkey. I attacked your mouth.”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “And I hope you do it again.”
“Shep,” she snapped.
I moved then, sliding into Thea’s space. “Thorn.” I hooked a finger through the belt loop on her shorts and tugged her closer, searching those hypnotic eyes. Her real eyes. “He shamed you about sex?”
Her gaze dipped down and to the side.
Bingo. What a prick.
My thumb skated across the front pocket of her shorts. “You wanting me? I’m only going to feel one way about that. Lucky as hell. And grateful. Okay, so that’s two things.”
Those pale green eyes came back to me. “You don’t think it’s…weird?”
“Hell, no,” I clipped. “Just like I fucking loved whatever book it was you were reading. I mean, I don’t know that I’m down for kilt role-play, but the rest? Hot.”
Thea’s lips twitched slightly. “I bet you’d look good in a kilt.”
I barked out a laugh. “There is a lot I would do for you. But wearing a kilt is not one of those things.”
“They make for easy access…”
Jesus. My dick was getting hard again. I pulled Thea into my arms, brushing the hair back from her face. “You wanna try this with me?”
Thea’s breath hitched, but she nodded.
Relief swept through me. “Good. Because I want that. I want you . But I also think it’s probably best if we take things slow.” I didn’t miss the disappointment on her face, and I liked that, too. “You’ve been through a lot. It’s going to take time to erase the lies in your head, but we’ll tackle them one by one.”
“Sometimes, I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be all twisted up inside. Even though I got away, I still don’t feel free.”
I’d never felt the urge to commit murder before, but it thrummed through me now—a demanding need to end the person who’d done this to Thea. But even that wouldn’t be good enough. How did you come up with the appropriate punishment for a person who’d poisoned someone else’s mind and made them live in fear? I wasn’t sure there was anything strong enough.
“We’re going to get you there.” I bent and brushed my lips across hers. “You’re not alone in this.”
Thea’s eyes shone with unshed tears, making the green sparkle in the late-afternoon light. “I’ve felt alone for a really long time.”
I bent, pressing my face into her neck. “I know. But you aren’t alone anymore.”
“Shep,” she whispered.
The sound of tires on gravel had my head snapping up. “You expecting anyone?”
Thea shook her head, her face paling.
“Stay here,” I growled.
Half of me hoped it was Brendan fucking Boseman. I’d end him before he could blink.