41. Thea
41
THEA
I gripped the wicker basket full of fruits and veggies from my garden and greenhouse as Shep turned off the main road and onto a gravel one. I could see a house and outbuildings far in the distance, but they were surrounded by what felt like miles of fields dotted with cattle. And past those, forests with endless trees. And past them , the Monarch Mountains and Castle Rock.
I knew the view from the Colson family home had to be breathtaking, one I would kill to have day in and day out. But the idea of seeing it for the first time didn’t set me at ease. My nerves were at an all-time high.
Shep dropped a hand from the steering wheel and rested it on my thigh, giving me a gentle squeeze through the sundress I now second-guessed. “You want to turn around?”
“What?” My gaze jerked away from the breathtaking landscape and toward the man next to me.
His eyes flicked to me before returning to the road in front of us. “You haven’t said a word since we got in the truck. But I can feel you winding tighter and tighter.” His thumb traced circles on my thigh. “My family will be here. There’s no rush if you’re not ready.”
I let out a long breath, my throat working with the action. “What if they don’t like me?”
Shep slowed the truck and pulled over to the side of the road. “First of all, you’ve met everyone but my mom, Arden, and Cope. Mom and Arden will love you, too. If Cope was here, he’d probably try to hit on you, and I’d have to deck him. So, it’s better he’s not.”
My mouth curved the barest amount at that.
Shep brushed a meticulously curled strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “You wanna tell me what this is about?”
I worried a strand of the wicker basket with my thumbnail. “This is new for me. My family…it wasn’t like this. We aren’t close like you guys are. What if I say the wrong thing? Or do something that offends someone?”
He studied me for a long moment. “You don’t talk about them. Your family, I mean.”
Of course, Shep got to the heart of it. I stared down at the produce in my lap. It was the only gift I could think of, along with a bouquet from my garden. I wasn’t even sure about that.
“I haven’t talked to them since I was in college. My mom and dad had a dysfunctional relationship at best. My dad came and went, sometimes for work, and other times just to escape. When he was home, the two of them were always fighting. Screaming at each other. Half the time, they forgot I was even there.”
“Thea,” Shep whispered.
“It wasn’t bad. I always had what I needed, but I don’t think either of them really wanted a kid. I think my mom thought a baby would make things better between the two of them, but it never did.”
Shep pulled me into him then, his hands cupping my face and forehead pressed to mine. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I wanted what you have,” I admitted. “Used to dream about a huge family with all these siblings. Wanted to share a room with a sister and stay up half the night talking about anything and everything.”
Shep’s thumb stroked my jaw. “We’re not perfect, not by a long shot. Cope used to flush the toilet when he knew I was in the shower. And Fallon always stole the last brownie before I could get it.”
I chuckled. “It sounds perfect.”
“You’re building that for yourself now. Don’t you see it? Rhodes, Sutton, Luca. Hell, even Anson looks at you like a little sister now.” He pulled back so he could peer into my eyes. “I know better than anyone, just because you don’t share blood with someone doesn’t mean your tie is any less strong. Sometimes, it’s stronger. Because that tether is a choice.”
A burn lit along my throat and spread to my eyes. “Shepard.”
“You use my full name, and you know I’m gonna wanna fuck you. And, Thorn, then we’d be late for dinner, and you’d be even more nervous.”
I burst out laughing, tugging him to me by his shirt and kissing him hard. Those three words scorched my throat, but I didn’t let them free—still holding on to that flicker of fear.
“And now I’m going to have to walk into family dinner hiding a hard-on.”
I grinned at him. “I promise to deal with that when we’re home.”
“Fuck,” Shep muttered, but put the truck in drive again. My nerves flared once more as he guided the vehicle toward the massive, white farmhouse that looked like something out of a storybook. But I didn’t let the feelings engulf me. I breathed through them.
Shep’s family was a part of him. And that meant I’d love them. All I could hope was that they saw how much I cared about him.
He pulled in next to a black truck with intricate detailing along the sides. I knew from our night out that this one belonged to Kye. But there were countless other vehicles lined up in front of the home. Everything from a sedan to a massive SUV.
I stayed focused on my breathing as I slid out of Shep’s truck. He was by my side in a flash, taking my hand in his and leading me toward the house. We hadn’t even reached the porch before the front door flew open.
Then I was being engulfed in a massive hug. The sweet pea scent had me recognizing Rhodes, but I couldn’t see her with how tightly she held me.
“I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Know that I’m always here for you. Whatever you need. You are the most amazingly strong person I know.”
My nose stung. I’d asked Anson to fill Rhodes in on everything, knowing that telling the story for a third time would be too much for me to handle. And now I knew I’d made the right choice. I hugged Rhodes back. “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I?—”
“Don’t you dare apologize,” Rhodes snapped, pulling back. “You were keeping yourself safe.”
I sent her a wavering smile. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Of course.” She squeezed my shoulder. “Also, I had a bonfire last night and burned every Brendan Boseman DVD I owned.”
A laugh burst out of me. “I like that mental image.”
Shep just shook his head. “Thea’s DVD obsession makes sense. You need to enter the twenty-first century.”
Rhodes rolled her eyes. “When your internet’s out, I’ll be chilling, watching Guardians of the Galaxy .”
“I tried to tell him that it’s better this way. He won’t listen,” I said as I followed Rhodes into the house.
Shep’s hand pressed into my lower back, assuring me he was right there with me.
“Shep is tech-obsessed. It’s an addiction, honestly,” Rhodes said.
I looked up at him. “How have you survived living at my house this long?”
He grinned down at me. “I’ve been busy doing other things.”
“Gross!” Rhodes whined. “I do not need to know about what you two have been up to. TMI.”
My cheeks flushed, but I couldn’t help giggling. Giggling? Who was I?
Voices swirled up ahead, making my stomach flip, but the second we stepped into the open-concept living/kitchen/dining space, a tiny creature flew at me. She was a whirling dervish with gleaming dark hair, and as she skidded to a stop in front of me, I took in the deep green eyes that were just like Trace’s.
“You’re Thea. You’re my Uncle Shep’s new girlfriend. And Dad says you work at the bakery. Can you get me a cupcake from there? Dad only lets me get them for special occasions. But I want them aaaaall the time. The unicorn ones are my favorite. I?—”
Trace picked up his daughter, tickling her side. “Keely, I think you’re gonna talk Thea’s ears off if you’re not careful.”
“Nuh-uh. Your ears don’t fall off. Do they?”
I couldn’t help but smile at the little girl’s worry. “It’s nice to meet you, Keely. The unicorn cupcakes are my favorite, too. And if you come visit me at work, I bet I can sneak you one.”
Keely’s whole face brightened. “You are AWESOME!”
Trace chuckled. “Well, you’ve got a forever fan in this one now.”
“I’m not above a little bribery,” I admitted sheepishly.
“I’m very bribable,” Keely said solemnly. Then she looked between Shep and me. “Supergran says you and Uncle Shep are knocking boots. Is that a new game? Maybe I can learn it?—”
“Lolli!” At least half the people in the massive space shouted her nickname, heads snapping in her direction.
The woman looked up from her cocktail, completely unfazed. “Did I lie?”
“Jesus,” Trace muttered. “My kid is going to get expelled from the first grade.”
“It’s summer, Daddy. I can’t get expelled.”
“It’d be a preemptive expulsion,” he said with a sigh.
But his daughter just grinned up at him like he hung the moon. Then she twisted back to look at me. “Dad’s always worried about me getting kicked out, but I never do. My teachers always like me.”
I struggled not to laugh. “I bet they do.”
“Thea,” a warm voice greeted, cutting into the conversation. “Apologies for the chaotic welcome and my mother .”
“Don’t you apologize for me, young lady,” Lolli called.
“If I didn’t, we would’ve been forced out of town long ago,” Nora shot back. Then she turned back to me. “Welcome to chaos. ”
I did laugh then. Something about Nora’s easy manner and complete acceptance of the show around her relaxed me. “Thank you for having me. I, um, brought you some things from my garden.”
As I extended the wicker basket, a wave of uncertainty hit me. Was this weird? Should I have brought food instead? Would she be insulted?
But Nora’s eyes brightened, the skin around them crinkling, telling me it happened often. “I won’t lie. I’ve been biding my time before bugging Shep about bringing more of your goodies over. Those snap peas and arugula in the last batch? Incredible. And the tomatoes? I kept them all to myself.”
“Hey, I like tomatoes,” Kye said from an armchair in the corner, his motorcycle boots kicked up on an ottoman.
“Get your own,” Nora clipped.
Kye chuckled. “You know they’re good if she’s hiding them from the rest of us. I’ll trade you an ink session for some tomatoes if they’re heirlooms.”
“Is there any other kind?” I shot back.
A grin spread across Kye’s face. “If Shep hadn’t landed you first?—”
“Do not make me punch you and get blood on Mom’s chair,” Shep snapped.
Kye’s smile only widened. “Did you forget who has the mixed martial arts training?”
“Then I’ll break your nose with a palm strike.” The woman on the couch sent Kye a quelling look, her voice holding a bit of a husky air. “You know I can do it.”
Kye just scowled at her. “When you’re lucky.”
“You mean when you let your guard down. Which is often lately.”
As I took her in, I realized it must be Arden. She was stunningly beautiful with dark brown hair almost to her waist and eyes a hypnotizing gray that had an almost violet hue beneath.
She turned her focus to me. “Excuse Kye. He’s a Neanderthal.”
“Truer words have never been spoken,” Fallon muttered into her glass of wine as she sat on a stool at the counter .
Kye didn’t seem to bristle at Arden’s rebuke, but he frowned the moment Fallon shared the same sentiments, sending her a searching look.
Arden pushed to her feet and crossed to me. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Arden.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” I echoed.
Nora wrapped an arm around Arden’s shoulders. “Who knew all I needed to do to get you to family dinner was have Shep bring a new girlfriend?”
Arden sent Nora a sheepish smile. “It’s been a hectic season.”
Nora brushed the hair away from Arden’s face in a gesture that was so effortless, I knew she’d done it countless times. “When isn’t it, my mini van Gogh?”
Arden sent me a grin. “Let’s just hope I don’t cut off my own ear.”
Nora’s face scrunched. “No morbid talk before dinner.”
I was pulled into the fold, and it only took a matter of minutes before my nerves simply melted away. The sheer number of people filling the Colsons’ dining table meant the focus never stayed on me for too long. And having Keely present meant we always had an amusing distraction.
We feasted on steak and a vegetable medley that had every color of the rainbow. Potatoes au gratin that had me jonesing to get my hands on the recipe, and rolls that had the consistency of clouds. Rhodes had brought her peanut butter poke cake for dessert, and there wasn’t a crumb left.
After dinner, we all helped clear the table, but Nora shooed everyone but me out of the kitchen. My stomach did a flip at being alone with her in the space, but she sent me a sheepish smile. “It’s selfish. They all want to get to know you better. But Shep’s my baby, and I feel like I deserve first dibs.”
I scraped a few food scraps into Nora’s compost bin as I tried not to let the nerves take hold once again. “He loves you so much.”
That was easy to see. There was a tenderness in the way Shep was around his mom. A gentleness. But more than that, gratitude.
Nora’s gaze moved to the window, watching all her children gathered on the back deck, laughing as Keely put on some sort of show. “He’s a good man.”
“The best,” I said, handing her the plate to rinse.
Nora moved in a way that said she’d memorized the layout of the kitchen long ago and could move through it with her eyes closed. “But he takes too much on his shoulders.”
I was quiet for a moment as I scraped more plates. “I think a part of him will always feel like he needs to prove his worth.” My fingers tightened on the dish I held, struggling with whether or not to say what I wanted to. But I held tightly to all the things Shep had reminded me of. Most of all that I hadn’t escaped to not live.
“We all carry with us the weight of our experiences. The hard things change us. Sometimes, they scar us. But it’s never all bad. They grow our empathy, understanding, and the way we care for others around us. Shep cares for the people in his orbit more than anyone I’ve ever known. He just needs a reminder now and then that he doesn’t have to be perfect for us to love him.”
I froze at the last words that tumbled out of my mouth. I hadn’t meant to say them, but there was no denying they were true.
Nora’s hands stilled, covered in soap suds, as she turned to me. “You love him?”
I swallowed hard. “I do.” I let out a shaky breath. “Your son reminded me there are good men in this world when I desperately needed that reminder. He’s made me brave. Made me reach for things I never thought I’d be able to have again.”
Unshed tears glistened in Nora’s eyes. “Thea.”
“You raised an amazing son.”
Nora dropped the plate into the sink and moved to me in a blur. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly, not letting go. “I’ve seen a change in him this past month. An ease he hasn’t had before. It’s you. You make him brave right back. Brave to trust that he’s enough just as he is.”
My throat burned and my eyes filled. “He’s more than enough. He’s everything.”
Nora pulled back, a few tears slipping free. “And so are you, my beautiful girl. It’s so clear to see. Your kindness, your care, your strength . I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I hate that it happened to you.”
“It just makes me appreciate what I have now that much more.”
Nora sniffed. “Want you to have it all. And if you ever need an ear or a hug or someone to cluck over you for a little while, I’m always here.”
My own tears spilled then. At her kindness. At the offer to give me something I’d never really had before. “Thank you,” I whispered. “It means more than you’ll ever know.”
“Everything okay in here?”
Shep’s deep voice cut across the kitchen, making both Nora and me jump. Then we both promptly dissolved into laughter.
Nora wiped at her face and waved her son off. “We’re fine. Just getting a little emotional with our girl talk.”
Shep instantly moved to me, his big body curving around mine as his thumbs stroked across my cheeks, clearing my tears. “You’re crying.”
I shook my head. “I’m happy.”
He frowned down at me as if not totally believing my words.
I wrapped my hands around his waist and squeezed. “Happy,” I echoed. “And you gave that to me.”
Shep’s rough hands cupped my face. “You gave it to yourself. I just love being a piece of the puzzle.”