40. Thea
40
THEA
I’d thought Shep might push me away and lock me out, and that killed. Because each day I got to know the beautiful, broken man in front of me a little deeper, I saw that he, too, carried scars. Ones that made him feel like being anything but perfect meant being tossed aside.
I needed him to know that I wanted him in all his incarnations. To know that I saw him.
But just when I thought he was going to walk away, everything changed. One second, he was holding back. The next, he was on me.
Shep’s mouth took mine in desperate need. But it was more. He was letting me in. Not telling me everything he was feeling but showing me.
His fingers tangled in my hair, tipping my head back to grant him better access. But I needed more. Craved it. The feeling of him against me. The pressure. The weight.
Before I knew it, I had my legs wrapped around his waist, and Shep was moving for the door. We nearly crashed into it before he fumbled for the knob and navigated us inside, locking the door behind him.
Then we were moving again. Down the hallway, bumping into walls, so lost in the haze of each other. When we reached my room, Shep didn’t bother with the light, but he did slow his movements. He eased me down his body, the friction nearly sending me over the edge.
My breaths came quickly as my bare feet hit the floor. Shep’s hair was mussed, his eyes practically glowing in the dark.
I didn’t wait. My fingers went to my robe’s tie, loosening it and letting it fall. Then they moved to the hem of my tank, beginning to lift.
“Don’t.”
Shep’s single word cracked through the air like a clap of thunder.
My gaze shot to him. I waited for rejection, but it never came.
He took one step toward me and then another, his fingers covering mine. “Do you know how many times I’ve dreamt of peeling clothes off you? Don’t steal that pleasure from me.”
My breath hitched. “Oh.”
“Those fucking Carhartt overalls. Nothing about them should be sexy, but all I could think about was what was underneath.” His fingers traced the hem of my tank. “What would happen if I unlatched one fastener and let it all fall away.”
Shep’s fingers ghosted across the tender skin of my belly as he lifted my tank just a few inches higher. “How smooth this skin would feel.”
My nipples tightened, pressing against the cotton of my shirt. I wanted it off. Wanted Shep’s off, too. I didn’t want to feel anything between us.
“Shepard,” I whispered.
His eyes flashed a bright gold. “Don’t rush me. Let me enjoy every second of this.”
Shep’s fingers moved higher, his knuckles brushing the undersides of my breasts. “So perfect.” He palmed one beneath my tank .
I bit back a moan as I arched into him, seeking more.
Shep’s other hand lifted my tank top up and over, sending it floating to the floor. His eyes turned hooded as his gaze dropped to my breasts. “Those pretty little nipples are just begging for attention.”
He dipped his head, and his mouth closed around a bud, sucking deep.
Every nerve ending in my body woke, reaching out, searching, wanting more.
Shep’s tongue circled, working my nipple, spinning it tighter. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and gripping his tee, holding on for dear life. Shep’s teeth grazed the bud, and I couldn’t help the whimper that left my lips.
Shep’s mouth was gone in a flash, but his hand came to my face, tracing my lips as if trying to search for where the sound had come from. “Love the noises you make. Never want them to end.”
His fingers trailed down from my mouth to my jaw. He traced an invisible line to my pulse point and then down the column of my throat. He moved over my clavicle, down my sternum and belly, and then to the hem of my cotton pajama bottoms.
“Wonder what you wear,” he rasped. “Still haven’t gotten to see that. White cotton? Delicate lace? Silky satin?”
My tongue darted out, licking my bottom lip. I almost told him but didn’t want to spoil the discovery.
Shep’s hand dipped lower, and those amber eyes flashed again. “Nothing?”
My lips twitched. “Not to bed.”
“And not the whole fucking time we were watching that movie, and all I could think about was sliding my hand into these damn pajama bottoms?”
The way Shep wanted me had power surging. And his comfort with that need emboldened me. It made me brave.
“Would’ve loved it if you had.”
A grin spread across Shep’s face. “Movie nights the rest of the week. ”
A laugh bubbled out of me, but the sound morphed into a moan as Shep’s hand slid lower, cupping me between my thighs.
“Fuck,” he murmured, pressing his face to my neck.
I rocked my hips, pressing into him. Shep’s fingers parted me, sliding through the gathering wetness. He teased and toyed. My hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him closer and simply trying to stay standing.
Two fingers slid inside as Shep’s hand shifted, and my pajama bottoms fell to the floor. “This heat. So smooth and wet and fucking perfect.”
Another whimper left my lips.
“Give me more.” Shep slid a third finger inside. They moved in and out, completely unhurried.
“Shepard,” I breathed.
“Don’t know what’s better, those little sounds or my name on your lips as you beg.”
My whole body shuddered at his words, and everything in me pulled tighter.
Shep cursed.
I gripped his T-shirt harder. “Please.” My eyes met his. “All of you. I want all of you.”
A muscle fluttered along Shep’s jaw. “Tell me you’re sure.”
“I want everything, Shepard. The good and the bad. The pretty and the ugly.”
His fingers were gone in a flash, and I was suddenly off my feet. Shep had me, and then my back was to the mattress. My thighs clenched with need, my body desperate for him.
Then Shep’s heat was gone. He stepped back, grabbing his white tee from the back of the neck and hauling it off in one fluid movement.
I couldn’t help but stare, riveted. I traced the golden planes of muscle with my eyes, memorizing each dip and ridge.
Shep’s fingers hooked in the band of his sweats, and then they were down. At my first look at him, I nearly swallowed my tongue. His dick stood at attention, thick and long. His hand closed around it, giving it one long stroke.
My core tightened as if already imagining what it would feel like to be filled by him. But at the same time, I knew my eyes had widened. Because Shep was big . Bigger than anyone I’d ever been with before.
As he moved toward me, his expression softened. “Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful brain.”
“You’re big,” I blurted.
One corner of Shep’s mouth kicked up. “Thanks for noticing.”
I scowled at him. “I just—I haven’t—I?—”
Shep’s thumb skimmed my bottom lip. “This is you and me. If there’s something you’re nervous about, you tell me. We need to stop, slow down, you have the reins. There’s nothing we can’t talk about.”
My eyes burned, and at the same time, wetness gathered between my thighs. Because everything about Shep, from his big dick to his tender heart, turned me way the hell on. “Okay.”
His other hand traced designs on the inside of my thigh. “Are you on the pill?”
“I have an IUD.”
“Like that, Thorn. Because that means if you’re good with it, I can take you bare. We can feel everything . I’ve been checked, and I’m good.”
“Me, too.” I sucked in a breath. “I want that. To feel…everything.”
Shep dropped his head and pressed a kiss to my collarbone as his fingers moved, teasing my opening again. One circled, stretching me. I couldn’t help the moan that left my lips.
“Those noises,” he gritted out. Then his fingers were gone, and his hands were on my waist.
In a blink, Shep was on the mattress and had lifted me over him so I straddled him. “Want you in control.”
A rush of heat swept through me. “Shep.”
“Shepard,” he growled .
“I—it’s been a long time for me.”
His eyes gentled on me. He knew what that meant. His hand lifted to cup my face. “We find it together. This is you and me.”
God, I wanted that. Wanted him.
Shep’s hands slid to my waist, helping to steady me but letting me take the reins. For a man who liked control in all things, I knew this was a gift. I pressed my palms to his chest, relishing the feeling of the strength beneath them, and then slowly lowered myself.
My mouth fell open on a silent gasp as I stretched over Shep. I closed my eyes as I absorbed the bite of pain, but it quickly melted into heat. So much heat.
Shep’s hand slid up between my breasts and along my sternum to the place where my jaw met my neck. “Don’t hide that beauty from me. I want to see all of it. Everything.”
My eyes flew open. Because I didn’t want to hide from Shep. I wanted us to share it all. Nothing hidden and no being ashamed. Everything out in the open.
I moved then, my hips rocking gently at first as I adjusted to his size. Then deeper, taking more of him. I saw the strain in Shep along his jaw and in his forearms. Saw how much he was holding back. But I didn’t want him to.
“All of you,” I whispered.
“Thea—”
“Please.”
Shep’s control finally snapped, and it was beautiful. He flipped me, not losing my body for a single second. “Legs around me,” he growled.
I obeyed, encircling him, my heels digging into his ass. Shep thrust into me, making me feel it all: his power and strength, the ferocity with which he wanted me, and how much every part of me yearned for him.
His body moved in powerful arcs, bending me to him as he let loose everything he’d been holding back.
My fingers gripped his shoulders, nails digging into his back. Shep thrust deeper, making tiny spots dance across my vision and my inner walls tremble. My legs shook as I tried to hold on, and I was pretty sure I was drawing blood.
“Not. Yet,” Shep gritted out.
“Shepard.” His name curled around us both, the promise of what he was to me.
His thrusts grew faster, impossibly deeper. Shep’s face blurred in my vision, but I’d know him anywhere, even in the pitch-black. I couldn’t hold back any longer.
My body clamped down around Shep, and I cried out with the force of the first wave. But it wasn’t enough for him. His hand slipped between us, finding my clit as he drove into me again and again.
The pleasure was so intense it was just shy of pain. Shep’s thumb pressed down on my clit, sending dark flashes across my vision. The sound he made as he came had an animalistic edge, and the ferocity of it only sent me higher. The feeling of him emptying inside me had that power surging.
But it was more. It was the knowledge that we could be what each other needed, in good times and bad.
Shep rolled us, and I collapsed on top of him, still relishing the feel of him inside me and not wanting to lose it. My chest heaved like I’d just had the workout of my life, and both of us were damp with sweat.
I tipped my head back. “We might have a problem.”
Shep frowned up at me. “Problem?”
“I like when you’re angry and when you’re apologizing. At this rate, I could be starting fights left and right.”
Shep barked out a laugh, but the action had my core tightening around him. The laugh died, and Shep cursed. “Are you trying to kill me?”
I grinned down at him. “You’re the one who started it.”
He knifed up, taking my mouth in a long, slow kiss. When he pulled back, I saw something I couldn’t quite read in those amber eyes. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I whispered .
His thumb ghosted over my bottom lip. “For making me feel worthy, even at my worst.”
My heart cracked, but the pieces that splintered found their way to Shep. Right where they belonged. “Shep, your worst is only good. Because it just shows how much you care.”
I wanted to give him those three little words so badly because I knew now that I felt them with every part of me.
Shep’s thumb trailed over my jaw and down my neck, resting in the hollow there. “Thank you for seeing me.”
“Thank you for letting me in.” Because letting me see the cracks along with the perfection only made Shep more beautiful to me. And it let me give him back just a fraction of what he’d given to me.