Chapter 21 #2
He leans against the counter, hands at either side of his hips, gripping the sides.
“Do you want a beer?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll take more of that lemonade, though,” he says.
I refill his glass, feeling his eyes all over me. My stomach flutters with nervous anticipation, and I fight the shiver that envelopes my chest.
“Come on, stubborn, talk to me.”
“What’s there to say?” I ask him.
“It looks like a lot based on that look on your face.”
I school my expression. “What face?” I ask him.
“That’s not for me to assume,” he says with a lifted brow.
I smile, but it doesn’t feel genuine. “You know what assuming does,” I mutter.
Cooper snorts and shakes his head.
I hate that he has such a way of pulling the unsaid out of me. When he pushes me, those cracks get bigger and bigger.
“I know it may seem like I’m super emotionally smart, but it comes with having a kid, and doing it on your own kind of forces you to recognize things as they are.”
“So then why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling?” I ask him.
He inhales sharply.
I lean against the opposite counter, waiting for him to answer my question.
“I’m not saying you’re withholding from me, partially because we are getting to know each other. But you also haven’t told me a lot about yourself,” I tell him. I think it’s partially what has made me hold back, and I’m only now putting it together.
Cooper grins and runs his tongue along his teeth. “Respectfully, stubborn, I know what your ass feels like in my hands. I think we’re a little past getting to know each other.”
I roll my eyes in an effort to hide my smile and give him my no-nonsense forensic accounting look.
Cooper holds up his hands and reaches for his lemonade. “I don’t know where to start, and it’s the last thing I want to burden you with.”
My stomach twists. It feels like I’ve been here before. I’m waiting for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.
“What does that mean?” I rasp.
“It means I’m not just a dude looking for a wife. It means I’m a father looking for a wife who has to be able to accept, rather, understand the complicated part of me.”
I almost scoff because it’s somewhat unfair to say that. He’s asking me to be open with him, yet it’s as if he doesn’t trust me enough to carry his burdens.
“How can I understand or at least try to understand any of it if you don’t give me anything? I can’t keep doing this if you don’t Cooper. I’ve been in these situations before, and they only hurt people. I … don’t have the bandwidth for that,” I tell him, lifting my chin.
If that is the case here, I will feed him dinner and send him on his way. There will be no repeating of pasts and terrible decisions, and giving people the benefit of the doubt even when I know in my gut they shouldn’t have it. But I don’t have that feeling with him.
“That’s fair,” he sighs and drags a hand down his face.
“But …” I say, drawing out the word. “I leave in less than a year. So maybe this isn’t worth it.”
“Why do you feel like you have to keep reminding me of that?” Cooper asks.
I shrug. “Because I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Cooper looks away for a moment. “Maybe you should.”
“Why? It doesn’t change the reality.”
“I’m starting to understand you more, purely because of that statement,” he says.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask him, crossing my arms.
“It means you’re refusing to consider any change that isn’t how you think it should be.”
My mouth drops open, and I’m not only annoyed, I feel attacked. But nothing about his body language or his tone is aggressive. He’s being sincere. He’s doing exactly what I asked him to.
“Fine, then why does it feel like you’re hiding something from me?” I ask him.
Am I gunning for a fight? You know what? Screw it.
“Because I am.”
If my jaw could fall farther onto the floor, it would.
“Then why are we going to all this trouble?” I bark.
“I’m wondering the same thing,” he says calmly.
Rendered speechless, I’m at a loss and my eyes burn, but I hold it together.
“We’ve known each other for five minutes, Mae.
But it’s been a damn good five minutes. That being said, you’re right, I’m not telling you everything, but it’s for a good reason.
And, like I told you, I’m very careful around women when Naomi is present.
I would hope that you can trust me when I tell you I’m not ready to tell you certain things. ”
My chest feels tight, and fighting him feels all kinds of wrong.
“How am I supposed to trust anything you tell me then?” I ask him.
“Because I have given you no other reason not to.”
“I don’t beg, Cooper. I will not beg you to be honest with me.”
The corner of Cooper’s mouth tips up and he lifts his thumb as if to wipe his beard, but I know he’s trying to hide the smug smirk.
“I beg to differ, but it will be for entirely different reasons than you’re thinking,” he says roughly.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” he asks, taking a step closer.
“We’re arguing right now, and I really want to ask you to leave,” I say quickly, as my heart leaps into my throat.
I don’t want to admit it’s fair that we haven’t bared our souls to each other. He’s right, it’s been five minutes in a manner of speaking, and with a child involved, I respect his need for privacy. If I were in his place, I might feel the same.
“Do you want me to leave, Mae?” he asks, coming to stand in front of me, caging me in with his strong arms.
I tilt my head back to look at him. All at once annoyed, attracted, and weak, as he leans down.
“You can tell me to stop at any time, stubborn. Just say the word,” he murmurs across my lips.
I whimper, and he smiles, still keeping his mouth hovering above mine.
“I should knee you in the balls,” I mutter.
His tongue dips out to wet his lip and ends up brushing mine. My thighs squeeze involuntarily.
“I told you I like you feisty,” he says.
“Why?”
Cooper tilts his head to lean his forehead against mine. “Because it undoes something in you. It’s the Mae you keep locked up tight behind that wall of yours.”
“This conversation was about you, Cooper,” I mutter.
He chuckles. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he says, as if it’s a foregone conclusion and I didn’t threaten to knee him in the balls.
He leans in, pressing his lips gently to mine, and then cups my face in his hands.
I melt.
I kind of hate myself for giving into it. But damn, he’s a good kisser, and though I’m not happy with this conversation, he makes me feel like I’m not floundering anymore. I’m exactly where I need to be.
Cooper tilts my head back, and I open for him. His tongue dips into my mouth, ridding me of any other thought, and I lean into him. I soak it up, only to let him wring me out again.
The timer goes off, making me jump, and he pulls back on a chuckle and says, “Naomi is actually my niece, not my biological daughter. Her mother, my sister, dropped her off as a toddler and left. She’s never come back, hasn’t called, nothing.
So far as I’m concerned, she is my child, and I am her father. ”
“Why did you feel the need to hide that from me?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “Everyone in this town knows about me and Naomi, but you didn’t. I wanted you to see me for me before you learned the rest.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t like your family situation?”
Cooper shrugs, dropping his hands. “I don’t know because you don’t communicate much with me except when a little tipsy.”
I roll my eyes, and he chuckles. “It’s nothing you need to worry about, and thank you for trusting me.”
Cooper nods and rubs the back of his neck. “Is the dough ready?” he asks.
Done with the topic, we get to work on assembling the pizza and getting it in the oven to cook.
We wash a few of the dishes together. Cooper dries and I put them away.
We’re quiet, lost in our own thoughts, but that’s okay with me. I’m fine with silence because I prefer it to filling space with useless words.
“Can you do something for me?” Cooper asks.
“Sure,” I say.
“Instead of counting down your time, can we enjoy it instead? I understand you’re here temporarily, but I like you, Mae. A lot. Can we figure out the rest later?” he asks.
I stare at the lights to keep the tears from falling. I like him too, more than I want to admit. “I have commitments, and I don’t want to get hurt again, and it feels like I’m setting myself up for that to happen, and it would be my fault,” I mutter.
He hums, rubbing his chin. “Then let me convince you.”
I huff. “How would you do that?”
Cooper grins and pulls me into his chest. “Let me handle the details. But I need you to agree to give me a fair chance to do it.”
I look up at him, and he kisses my forehead.
“I want to be selfish with you, Mae. I don’t get to be that way with anything else in my life, but with you I want to be, and if it gets to be too much, tell me. But it feels wrong not to try, you know?” he says.
He’s right, it does because everything about us feels like it’s all falling into place.
“Okay. You can try,” I tell him.
“Really?” he grins.
I nod, and he picks me up, spinning us around.
I throw my head back in a giggle, and he stops kissing my neck. “Thank you,” he says.
“Don’t thank me yet.”
“Why not?” he asks, sliding me down his body.
“Because we might just end up hurting each other when it’s all said and done.”