Chapter 22
Cooper
I hope Mae is wrong.
As I drive home, her words keep rolling around in my head. I’m serious about her, and recognize that I need to keep a lid on my feelings for her. Too much, too fast won’t work.
I park the truck at my house and walk down to Aunt Dixie’s to get Naomi. It’s a little past eight, but hopefully Aunt Dixie won’t be mad. Some days I feel like I take advantage of her generosity to watch Naomi. I don’t know what I’d do without my family.
Going in through the mudroom I kick off my boots, and head for the living room, expecting to find Naomi watching a movie, but instead I find my aunt and uncle in the kitchen in a hushed, heated conversation and Naomi asleep on the couch.
Trying to sneak past them so I don’t interrupt, I head straight for my daughter, and Aunt Dixie grabs my arm.
“Cooper,” she says.
“Uh, is everything okay?” I try to check on Naomi, and she’s asleep while Atlantis plays.
Uncle Mason’s jaw ticks and Aunt Dixie looks pale, like she’s seen a ghost.
“You should sit down,” I tell her, taking her to a stool at the island.
“Maybe you should sit down, son,” Uncle Mason says.
I stare at the man who is larger than life to me, always has been.
He and my dad are brothers and thicker than thieves.
Uncle Mason stayed to run the ranch, and my dad went more corporate cowboy, knowing that ranch life is a roller coaster that can also include major loss of money. He didn’t want that for our family.
“Okay, out with it. Was Naomi alright? Did she do something? I can talk to her,” I tell them.
Uncle Mason shakes his head and Aunt Dixie smiles weakly. “Um, Cooper, your uh, Rebekah came by today.”
Blood rushes in my ears. I’m sure if I looked at myself in the mirror my skin would be pale despite the all day every day tan.
I swallow thickly and lift my chin. “Did she talk to Naomi?”
“No, and I wouldn’t let her in the house,” Uncle Mason says.
“Does Naomi know she was here?”
“No, I talked to her on the porch while the girls were occupied,” Aunt Dixie says.
“What did she want?” I grit.
“She wanted to talk to you, Coop.”
I frown, confused, and also pissed that I wasn’t here to talk to her myself.
“Did she say why?” I ask them.
Aunt Dixie shakes her head. “She didn’t ask to speak to Naomi, and I wasn’t sure how to take that.”
“I’m not sure either,” I mutter.
“She left her phone number with me and asked that you call her when you can.”
Aunt Dixie hands me the folded piece of paper, and I shove it in my pocket without looking.
“I don’t know what to do with this.” I’m between panic and anger.
I won’t let her take Naomi from me. She will have to prove to me that she is capable of handling a growing little girl and everything that comes with it.
I’ve tried really hard over the years not to judge my sister because I recognize there are things I don’t know because she refused to tell any of us. Some of it was obvious, like the alcohol abuse, but she didn’t look strung out when she left Naomi, which left all of us even more confused.
“I think you should call her,” Uncle Mason says.
I glance at him, and he peeks at Aunt Dixie. “Hear her out. It doesn’t mean anything has to change. But—”
“It could mean Naomi gets her mother back,” I say for him.
He dips his chin, and Aunt Dixie sniffles. “I was worried about this.”
“Do you think it’s because of the guardianship and everything?”
I shake my head. “No, the papers were being reviewed and everything prepped to be filed. Ralph would have called to tell me when they were officially filed and Rebekah notified. I told him I wanted to know and be prepared just in case.”
“So she came here all on her own? Maybe she really is better,” Aunt Dixie says.
“I guess I’ll find out,” I mutter.
They wince, and I try to ignore the crushing sensation in my heart.
“Daddy?” Naomi calls for me, and it makes the smushed organ in my chest tear apart. Hearing her call me that is like a gift every time I hear it. I don’t want to stop hearing it — ever.
“I’m coming, princess,” I call.
“I noticed she started calling you Dad,” Aunt Dixie says.
I scratch my chin, looking at her. “She asked because it made sense in her mind,” I tell them.
“Well, it makes sense in mine too,” Uncle Mason says.
Leaving it at that, I go get my girl, and she drags her feet to the house. We do our nighttime routine. I read to her, and she falls asleep.
I close the door and run to the bathroom, heaving dinner right back up.
This was my worst fear. I will fight for Naomi until my dying breath. But a mother has a right to her child in the eyes of the law. I knew that going in, and I have to face the fact Rebekah may fight me, and I’ll lose Naomi.
***
The sun is rising as steam lifts from my cup of coffee.
The cool air makes my feet cold and goosebumps rise on my bare chest. I need to get Naomi up, and we need to get down to the barn.
The phone call I need to make can wait. But the twenty-pound gorilla on my back says differently.
Even if I did it now, it’s not like Rebekah would answer, and I don’t want to play phone tag. I want to get it over with.
“Daddy?” I hear her sweet voice call for me.
Shaking off the gorilla, I go back into the house to get us ready for the day.
“Right here, princess.”
Naomi rubs her eyes and squints at the lights.
“I’m surprised I didn’t have to get you up,” I say, smoothing her bedhead back from her face.
She shrugs, and I pour her a glass of juice.
She takes a sip and rests her head on my stomach.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. She’s not usually this cuddly in the morning.
Naomi doesn’t answer, and I pick her up. I don’t care that she’s seven, and I’ll hold her as long as I can. She wraps herself around me like a koala and rests her head on my shoulder.
“Are you feeling okay?” I ask her.
She nods against my shoulder. “Alrighty, well let’s get ready for the day. We’re burnin’ daylight.”
“Okay,” she sighs.
I leave her to pick out her own clothes while I finish getting my shirt and socks on.
“Ready!” she calls from the kitchen.
Tucking my shirt as I go back into the kitchen, she’s got her boots and hat on with a smile on her face. I frown, confused by the change in demeanor. I’ll have to tell Aunt Dixie to watch her. I know she’s a kid, and they have mood changes, and it’s all normal, but I know my kid.
“Lead the way, cowgirl.”
She throws the door open, I flip off the lights, and down the hill we go.
Naomi slips her hand into mine as we walk.
“Daddy?” she says.
“Yeah?”
“Can we go see Abe today?” she asks.
I groan inwardly. I don’t understand her fascination with that pain in the ass. Abe is one of our donkeys, and he’s always getting himself into trouble. I swear he’s a toddler in a donkey's body. But he and Naomi love each other.
“Sure, you can feed him. How about that?” I offer.
“Yes!” she says throwing her fist up in the air.
“Daddy?” she asks again.
We step into the barn, heading for Goldfish’s stall. He comes to the door, sticking his head out, and Naomi lifts her small hand and pats his long face. “Come on, let’s get the tack.”
She follows behind me and grabs his blanket while I haul the saddle.
“Can we get a dog?” she asks, following me back to Goldfish’s stall.
I slide the door open and pull the little stool up to him. Naomi steps up and tosses the blanket over his back, adjusting it the way I taught her before I put his saddle on.
“Since when do you want a dog when there are dogs already around here?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “I want a dog that lives with us.”
I puff out a breath and look at her. “I’m not sure you’re ready for that responsibility yet.”
Naomi frowns and pouts her lips. “Why?” she asks.
“Because it would mean you have to feed the dog, take the dog out when he has to go potty, brush the dog, and clean up after the dog. Are you ready for all of that?” I ask her.
She crosses her arms, thinking about my question. “Well, couldn’t you help me?” she asks.
I chuckle. “Yes, but the dog can’t just be my responsibility.”
The gears turn in her head, and I can tell she’s thinking about it, but she’s not sure what to do with it. “How about this, I will think about it? While you think about taking care of a dog.”
“Is it like taking care of Goldfish?” she asks.
“Yes, kind of, but if the dog is going to live with us, it will be a little different.”
That seems to click, and she nods, hopping off her stool. “Okay, I will think about it while you think about it.”
I smile and tighten everything else on the saddle. “Sounds like a deal.”
“Do you have your water?” I ask her. She holds it up and slips it into the saddlebag with mine.
Naomi takes Goldfish’s reins and leads him out while I find Fletcher.
We discuss the plan for the day and head out. I glance down at Naomi and wonder if it’s time for her to be on her own horse. She holds onto the horn, looking out in front of us.
My heart sinks and my stomach lurches.
Will I lose all of this? Will Rebekah take it away from me?
***
When we get up to the big house for breakfast and a break, I get Naomi situated and go out on the front porch to make the phone call I don’t want to make.
I’d rather call Mae and ask how she is. Dinner wasn’t bad, but I think we both had some realizations yesterday. I hope she’s still willing to try with me. But with Rebekah, I’m nervous I won’t have the bandwidth.
For so long my focus has been Naomi. My goal is to always be upbeat and happy around her.
Yes, I’ve had to discipline, but it’s out of love.
Always. She doesn’t see me get angry or upset without good reason.
And it’s not like I can talk to my daughter about the struggle of being a single father, or really anyone.
Yes, my family is there for me, but it’s a struggle they don’t fully understand.
Many times I push it away, put a smile on, and keep going because there’s no other choice.