Chapter 4
Tessa
I never thought I’d be standing in front of this trailer again, but here I am. It looms before me, the chipped siding and sunken porch evidence that the man living inside couldn’t be bothered to care whether the place lives or dies.
Just like he can’t be bothered to care whether his only daughter does the same.
This is a bad idea. The thought has been the only thing on my mind since he called me two hours ago. Stomach in knots, I’m too afraid to take that next step.
Forgiveness. I’m supposed to forgive, right? Isn’t that what we’re called to do as Christians? And if he wants to make amends, then I should be open to that, right? My stomach churns and a voice in my head keeps telling me to turn around.
To leave.
Forgiveness. I can do that. I take a step forward, then another, until I’m climbing up the creaking porch steps and raising my fist to knock on the door.
Before I do, though, it opens and my dad is standing on the other side, a smile on his face.
It looks out of place, though, forced, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s not as nervous as I am.
He glances around me. “Are you alone?”
“Yes. This doesn’t have anything to do with Zane, so I thought it best if we spoke alone.” And he wouldn’t have let me come. Forgiveness or not, there is so much bad blood between my dad and Zane that I can’t trust the two men not to kill each other.
“I couldn’t agree more. Come in, come in.” He ushers me inside, but I remain near the door even as he closes it. “Would you like some water?”
The stench that I attributed to this place is milder tonight, though I imagine that’s due to the candles burning. Candles. My dad never had candles. He never cared what this place smelled like. Probably because he was always too drunk to notice.
“No, thank you.”
“Of course.” My dad’s hands remain at his sides and I keep my attention on them even though I meet his gaze. A childhood of abuse has made me painfully aware of the location of those hands.
“The place looks nice.”
“Thanks. I cleaned. Amazing what you can get done when you’re not drunk,” he says nervously.
“That’s really great, Dad,” I say, feeling a bit of my nerves easing. Tears burn in the corners of my eyes. He’s sober? That’s a huge step. My dad hasn’t been sober since—well—at least since I was born.
“Yeah, I thought so. You walking out was the wake-up call I needed.” He grins and takes a step closer.
Run. Danger. Those two words scream in my mind but I remain rooted in my spot. He’s changed. Sobriety is proof of that. And even if he backslides on his way out of the pit, we can work on it together.
I can bring him to Jesus, and in doing that, we can finally be a family.
“I don’t want to lose you to him,” he says. “I know that you’re getting married and the idea of my only daughter walking down the aisle makes me sick.” He smiles, and while his words don’t entirely make sense, I know that it’s likely just the nerves.
“I want you there, too, Dad. We can get through this. All I want is for you to be happy.”
“Yeah?” he asks. “Is that all?”
I nod. “I want you to be a part of our lives. You’re the only parent I have.”
His smile widens. “That’s true, isn’t it? You’re my only daughter, too. I guess we’re all each other has.” The words take on a tone that has those warning bells turning into a full blown screeching alarm.
I retreat a step, but he takes another forward.
“I really should get some sleep, but you can—” I broke rule number one because I let myself be so distracted I wasn’t paying attention to his fists.
I didn’t even see it coming.
Pain radiates through the side of my face and I slam into the wall, hitting it with such force the paneling cracks beneath my body. Whimpering, I try to scramble away but a meaty hand grips my ankle and rips me backward.
“Please, stop!”
“The alcohol was never the problem, girl. It was always you. Zane will thank me someday for saving him from a life with trash like you.”
“Easy, Tessa, you’re safe.” Hands grip my shoulders, but I thrash away from them.
“Don’t touch me!”
Somewhere nearby, there’s an alarm screeching, but I pay it little attention because I have to get away. He’s going to kill me if I don’t.
“Tessa, honey, you’re safe.”
That voice. Soft. Feminine. Familiar. Safe. That last word wraps around me like a blanket and I still long enough to brace for the next blow. When it doesn’t come, I open my eyes.
The light is dim above me and two nurses in scrubs are staring down at me, wide-eyed and afraid.
When I remain still, they lift their hands from me and take a step back.
The alarm dies and a rhythmic beeping takes its place as Linda Knox steps into view.
Her eyes are misty, but that same kind smile I’ve always attributed to her is in place.
“Mrs. Knox?” I whisper.
“I’m here, sweetie.” She steps forward and reaches out to gently touch my hand. I don’t withdraw from her, though I don’t reach for her either.
This is Zane’s mom, and after what I did—what I said to him—she’ll want to leave, too.
“I’m sorry.” The tears come rushing hard and fast. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, sweetheart, you don’t need to apologize for anything.
” She closes the distance between us now, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me against her chest. The familiar scents of lavender and vanilla fill my lungs and I breathe her in, too relieved to be worried about what might come when Zane tells her what I said to him. What I did.
“Call us if you need us,” one of the nurses says, moments before the door closes softly.
“Are you okay? Do you hurt?” Linda asks as she pulls away.
I shake my head. “Just a nightmare.”
Linda steps back and takes a seat in a chair right beside the bed. The same chair her son had been in before I kicked him out of the room like he was enemy number one, instead of the only person I’ve ever loved.
“It’s so good to see you, honey,” Linda says. “We’ve missed you.”
I take a deep breath and toy with the blanket in front of me, the remnants of my nightmare still very much alive in my mind. “Did you talk to Zane?”
“I did. He said that you didn’t want to see him.”
“I don’t.”
“That’s between the two of you,” she says with a soft smile. “Though I do have to say that my son is a good man, and he wants to help. No matter what happened.”
Swallowing hard, I press the button on the bed remote to raise the head of it so I can lean back without lying down. “I know that.”
“Then whatever is going on between you two is for you to work out. I’m here because I love you, and because I want to make sure you’re okay.”
I’ve never really been okay. “I’ll survive.”
“Oh, honey, I know that.” She smiles, but it fades quickly. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Because I don’t trust myself to do just that if I open my mouth to respond, I shake my head. Linda Knox fought for years to get me to turn my dad in. She’d offered to let me come live with them and take care of me, and I know that if I’d have taken her up on it she would have done just that.
But how could I bring her into my hell?
How could I give my dad ammunition against the only family I’d really ever known?
There’s no doubt in my mind that he would have come after me through them.
There was never any proof of it, but he burned down his ex-girlfriend’s house—with her inside.
Thankfully, she’d survived, but that’s only because someone just so happened to be walking by when the place went up in flames.
He claimed he didn’t think she was in there. I know he was lying because I heard him bragging about it to a buddy of his when they’d both been drunk one night.
What would he have done to the Knox’s if I’d have taken them up on a home? A family?
My life wasn’t worth the risk to theirs.
“I completely understand,” she replies softly. “So, how about you tell me something else? Something good that has nothing to do with why you’re here?”
I smile, appreciating the change in subject. But that smile dies quickly when I realize that I have nothing good to tell her. I can’t think of a single decent thing that’s happened to me over the last eighteen years.
It’s just been survival. One day after the other.
Lucky for me, the door opens and a man wearing a white coat strolls in, a wide smile on his face. “How are you feeling?” he questions.
“When can I leave?”
His smile widens. “Right to the point, I like it.” He scans the tablet in his hands, then looks back up at me. “I think you can be out of here this afternoon as long as that injury to your thigh looks all right.”
“Really?”
He nods.
“Do you know where you’re going to go when you leave here, sweetie?” Linda questions.
“I have a place.” It’s not the truth—but it’s not a lie either.
“Where you’ll be safe? Zane seemed worried about what happened to put you in here.”
“I was mugged in another state. They won’t be coming back for me. I’m fine.” Once again, it’s not entirely the truth, though I don’t know enough to say it’s a lie, either.
Linda doesn’t seem too convinced, but she purses her lips in a tight smile and stands. “I’ll be just outside, okay? Call out if you need me.” When she passes the doctor, she reaches out and pats him gently. “How is your wife, Alex?”
“Doing good,” he replies. “She’s more than ready for the baby to come.”
Linda laughs. “I bet. Let her know we’re praying for her. I’ll be bringing some cookies by tomorrow afternoon.”
“She will love that, thanks Linda.”
“Anytime.”
With one final smile at me, Zane’s mom leaves the room. Alex. I know that—“Alex Jones?” I ask.
He smiles at me. “The one and only.”
Alex was a complete loner when we’d been in high school. He kept to himself, skipped class, and genuinely didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone. How in the world did he become a doctor but Zane didn’t?
“I was wondering if you recognized me; I didn’t want to say anything just in case. I know your identity has been kept on the down low.”
Down low. I grin at his choice of words. Sure, it’s a common phrase, but no one adds quite the same inflection as Alex. “It’s good to see you. You’re married now?”
“With three kids and a baby on the way,” he replies. “Melissa Lark. Do you remember her?”
“Oh yeah. No one could forget Lissa,” I reply with a laugh. She’d been so bubbly you could sense her coming from a mile away. “She’s your wife?”
He laughs. “Going on seven years,” he replies. “Not a pairing I would have imagined, either, but she’s my entire world. We dated while we were in college, and got married shortly after med school.”
“That’s great, Alex. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He crosses over and sets the tablet down, then washes his hands.
Seconds later, the door opens and one of the nurses from my earlier freak-out comes in.
She washes her hands and slips on gloves, then pulls some medical supplies from the cabinet.
“I’m actually surprised that you and Zane never tied the knot. Is that why you left town?”
It's a punch straight to my gut.
A dagger to my heart.
“Something like that.” I clear my throat. “So, you said I could get out of here?”
“As long as the injury looks okay,” he clarifies as he folds the blankets to the side to reveal my bandaged thigh.
Carefully, he removes the bandages, and the nurse offers him some fresh gauze and another wrap.
“What’s the verdict?” I question, already itching to be free of this place. Of the reminders of everything I left behind.
“Looks great to me.” He finishes re-wrapping it, then takes off his gloves, sanitizes his hands, and turns back to me.
“Give us a few to get the paperwork done, then you’ll be good to go.
Officer Leopold will want to talk to you, so I’m going to give him a quick call, too, just to let him know that you’re going to be released. ”
Dread coils in my stomach, but I keep the forced smile on my face. “Great, thanks so much. For everything.”
“Not a problem at all. I’ll send Linda back in.”
“Actually, I think I might just rest for a few if that’s okay? I’m pretty tired and want to make sure I’m wide awake by the time you’re done with the paperwork.”
“I completely understand. I’ll let her know. See you in a bit.” With a small wave, he and the nurse leave the room, closing the door behind them.
Leaning back, I rest my head against the pillow and close my eyes.
Soon I’ll be discharged. Then, I can get to the old trailer and figure out what my next move will be. With no idea why someone attacked me and ransacked my apartment, I know I can’t go back there. Which means it’s time for a new name, new state, new home.
I’ve started over before, so it’s not anything new, but this time feels different.
Maybe it’s because I really liked my apartment in Savannah, Georgia.
Or because I’d finally gotten a job that helped me pay all the bills and still left me a little extra.
Or, more likely, it’s because this time, I got a little taste of what I left behind all those years ago. Even sitting here now, I can picture him.
Sandy blonde hair.
Gorgeous green eyes.
Unwelcome attraction burns through me and I shove it back down. I have no right being attracted to Zane. Not after what I did to him. The sooner I leave this place the better. I can put Stormwatch Landing—and him—behind me. This time, for good.