Therapy
June 24 th , 2022
It had been two weeks since Lynn’s job had been changed into community service. It didn’t actually make much of a difference for her except that there was no payment coming into her bank account at the end of the month. She had checked her finances and everything looked okay so far. Without going out there was nothing to spend her money on anyways. All in all she was more than lucky and tried to show her gratitude to Marta and the others every day. She worked extra hard in the med-bay, made dinner for the others more often than usual and even baked cupcakes for the other Agents that weren’t living in the compound.
It was her way of showing that she was grateful to still be there.
She was sure that some food and smiles weren’t enough to get them to forgive her betrayal, but it was a start.
Lynn hadn’t heard her alarm that morning and she needed to sprint into the med-bay without breakfast. Her stomach growled the entire time she was checking over some Agents before their upcoming mission. Thankfully she had about a half hour before her next patient. She needed to write the report for the Agents’ team leader but, as she knew they wouldn’t leave for the operation for another few days, she would be able to do it later.
“I’ll get myself some breakfast in the kitchen. I’ll be right back,” she said towards Tia who was sitting on the counter in the entrance hall.
Lynn turned around and checked that nobody was in the waiting area that she had missed. After seeing that it was indeed empty, she left the room through the automatic doors and hurried along the hallway and into the kitchen.
Behind the kitchen island stood Nate, a black t-shirt with the CIA logo on the front, sweat dripping off his temples.
“Good morning, handsome,” she smiled in his direction, letting him look up into her eyes.
He was currently preparing some bagels and had been totally focused on smearing butter across one of them. When he realized who was talking to him a beautiful smile appeared on his face and he responded.
“Good morning, darling. Didn’t expect to see you.”
“Yeah, I forgot my breakfast this morning and needed to get some food into my starving body,” she chuckled but heard him click his tongue in disbelief.
“I didn’t hear my alarm,” she added with a strong urge to justify herself.
She had moved next to him and saw that he was in workout shorts. The knee brace was still around his knee and Lynn made a quick mental reminder to schedule him another check-up. He should be able to take it off soon.
“You can have one of my bagels,” Nate offered, sliding the plate with the first finished bagel towards her. Lynn’s eyes lit up when she saw the delicious breakfast .
“You sure?”
“Yes, darling. Take it, before I change my mind,” he chuckled and Lynn didn’t waste another second, grabbed the bagel and took a big bite.
“Mhhhhmmmm. Sas gud,” Lynn commented, but Nate only raised an eyebrow at her because he didn’t understand a word. Lynn giggled, swallowed the bite in her mouth and repeated,
“That’s good.”
“Made with love.” Nate winked at her.
“Wait a minute? You originally made this for yourself, so don’t try to sweet-talk me, mister.” Lynn slapped her palm on Nate’s upper arm with a loud chuckle.
“Hey!” He exclaimed and turned his head around to follow Lynn who moved to the other side of the island, placed her elbows on the counter and watched the brunette man curiously.
“Am I not allowed to add love to my own food?” He added, starting to prepare the second bagel that was still lying in front of him.
“Sure you are but it’s unusual. Normally you only say that when you cook for someone you love.”
“I am unusual.” He winked at her.
Nate grabbed his own bagel with both hands and took the biggest possible bite with a loud hum of appreciation. After a few bites he said,
“I can taste the love. It’s delicious.”
“You’re an idiot,” Lynn laughed.
They ate their breakfast in silence, both of them still standing in the kitchen, gazes locked. There were no words needed while sparks flew between their ocean blue and chestnut eyes.
“I… I… have something today I wanted to invite you to,” Nate stuttered, his brows knitting together in insecurity while his eyes slit away from Lynn’s.
Immediate concern bubbled in Lynn’s chest and she had a bad feeling about it. Nate was behaving strangely and the change in his emotions came too fast. She knew from months of being with him as his therapist, friend, and more, that this was never a good sign.
“What is it?” She almost whispered.
Her chest felt like someone had wrapped a rope around it and pulled it tighter with every second.
“I was thinking about another therapy session,” Nate started, his voice low and full of insecurity.
The rope around Lynn’s chest loosened and she let go of the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding.
“Ohhhh! Of course.” She smiled at him, relieved that he hadn’t any serious or frightening news for her.
She took another bite of her bagel, licking the cream cheese from her fingers, that had managed to drop out of the bread.
Nate’s eyes were fixed on her tongue, watching every move she made to lick her finger clean. Lynn hadn’t realized it until she saw the blush on his cheeks. As slowly as possible, she took the finger in her mouth and released it with a loud plop.
Nate groaned in response, shook his head and grabbed his crotch to adjust whatever was happening beneath the shorts .
“That’s not fair,” he hissed, his hand still lingering on the growing bulge in his shorts.
“Maybe I can help you with your little problem after the therapy session.” Lynn winked at him.
“Last time I checked it wasn’t so little,” Nate groaned, making Lynn almost choke on her next bite of bagel.
She coughed a few times, making Nate round the kitchen island and slap her upper back to help her.
“You’re good?” he asked, trying to hide his laughter.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just haven’t expected you to be such a needy man.”
“Depends on my company, darling.” He placed a kiss on her cheek before grinding his half hard length into her thigh. Then he went back to the fridge and grabbed the family-sized container of orange juice to pour each of them a glass.
“I’d like to explore this side of you,” she commented as she watched his biceps tense under the weight of the juice container.
“The making-breakfast-side?” he asked with another wink.
“The playful side,” Lynn responded.
“I never knew I had this side in me, to be honest. But I like it.”
“I like it, too.”
Nate cleared his throat, obviously tiptoeing around the actual topic of their conversation; the therapy session. Lynn saw him taking two deep breaths, something he always did to keep his anxiety at bay.
“About the therapy session…” he started, looking at his feet uncomfortably .
She didn’t interrupt him or help him out by finishing his sentence. He needed to be brave now and talk to her whatever was bothering him. That was part of his recovery process, too. He couldn’t avoid uncomfortable and frightening situations for the rest of his life.
“… it’s not a therapy session with you.” He raised his head and looked at her.
“Oh.” Lynn’s face fell, although she tried to remain a neutral expression. But the hurt was visible in her eyes and the way the corners of her mouth were turned downwards.
“That’s… that’s okay. As long as you feel good, I’m fine with everything. I can understand that you don’t trust me as a therapist anymore after what I did. And I wasn’t your official therapist anyways. It’s better if you talk to someone else.” She gave him the most fake smile ever.
“No. It’s not…” he started but she interrupted him.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not mad. It’s totally fine for me. I betrayed you, I took advantage of the trust you had in me, and used it against you. I wouldn’t trust me either.” A desperate chuckle left her throat, making Nate furrow his own face.
“No, Lynn. It’s not that I’m having a new therapist. We are having a new therapist,” he pressed out.
“We?” Lynn asked, confused. “What do you mean we have a new therapist?”
“I think we should do couples therapy. Maybe that could help us fix whatever is broken between us,” he whispered.
She heard in the way his voice sounded that he had been scared to talk to her about it and that hurt her more than anything else. There had been times when he was open to her about everything. She was the one making him open up about everything he’s been through for the first time in ten years. She had been his person of trust. His person of comfort.
But now he stood on the other side of the kitchen island, nervously stepping from one foot onto the other, avoiding her gaze and everything she could read out of his face was shame and guilt.
“Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure, we can do that,” she mumbled, the gears in her brain working as hard as possible while she was trying to choose the next words.
“I… I just thought we were already on a good way, you know. Because of the date and the… the sex.”
Her voice was so low, that Nate almost missed her talking because his heart was beating so loud and fast. He raised his arm, scratching the base of his neck and furrowed his face. He was also looking for the right words.
“We are. But I think as my therapy helped me so much, this could help us as well. I wanted to give it a try.”
“Okay, yeah. Sorry, I was just taken by surprise. But of course we can do that. Someone like a mediator is always helpful.” She now smiled at him again, honestly. She saw him exhale in relief before a shy smile danced around his lips as well.
“I’m happy you said that. Doctor Smith is coming this afternoon for a first session. Sorry that it’s such short notice.”
“WHAT?!” Lynn exclaimed, sighing deeply. “How long have you known?” she added .
“A week,” he mumbled into his beard so she couldn’t understand him.
“Nate.”
“A week,” he repeated, louder this time.
Lynn turned on her heels and groaned in frustration. She closed her eyes, her back facing Nate, and she took three deep breaths. Trying to calm the anger.
“Okay. When?” she asked, still turned away.
“5:30, I already checked with Tia and Birdie that you don’t have any patients then.”
Lynn turned around, now obviously angry.
“So you talked to Tia and Birdie about this but didn’t think about telling me ?” she spit at him, bashing both of her palms on the surface of the kitchen island. Nate jumped a little, surprised by the intense and harsh reaction of Lynn.
“I haven’t told them that we have a therapy session. Just that I need you tonight and that they should block your calendar.” Nate had his hands in front of his chest, trying to calm the situation with this gesture.
“Oh wow. You want applause for that?” Lynn huffed.
“Darling. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just couldn’t find the right moment for it.”
“What about right fucking after you made the appointment with Doctor Smith?” Lynn slammed her hands on the counter again.
“I know. I know. I’m sorry, okay? Should I call him and we postpone the session?”
“No. I’ll be there.” And with that being said Lynn turned around and left the communal kitchen to head back to the med-bay .
“Conference Room 2,” Nate shouted after her, unsure if she had heard him or not. With a loud sigh he drank both his and Lynn’s glasses of orange juice before heading down to the gym to do some of the physical therapy exercises Lynn made him do daily.
Lynn felt nervous the entire day, looking at her watch every thirty minutes to check when it was time for her to leave for the therapy session. At 5:15 she said goodbye to Tia and Birdie who only snickered in response. Obviously they both thought she was having a date with Nate.
The moment she stepped out of the door, she saw Nate leaning on the wall opposite her. He gave her a shy smile.
“Didn’t know if you heard me. We need to go to conference room 2 in the front building,” he said, pushing himself off the wall and standing right in front of her.
“Okay thank you. I need to change my clothes though.”
“Sure. I’ll see you there.”
“Nate?” Lynn asked, her eyes looking at him with a pleading look.
“Can you wait for me? I wanna go together,” she whispered.
“Of course, darling. Want me to wait here?” Nate smiled at her, happy that her anger was gone, and they were able to talk to each other without screaming .
“No, you can come with me. Nothing you haven’t seen before,” she chuckled, grabbed his hand and entered her room.
It was a silent signal of peace, their intertwined fingers spreading a warmth through both of their bodies.
Lynn stepped towards her closet, stripping out of her scrubs until she was standing in front of it in only panties and a nude lace bra. She quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt, before turning to Nate, who had turned his back towards her. Maybe he was uncomfortable with seeing her only in her underwear. Or maybe he only wanted to be a gentleman.
Lynn approached him from behind, wrapped her arms around his waist, crossing them over his abs. Nate flinched a little, but remained his cool. He was still uncomfortable with someone touching him from behind without any notice.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered before placing a few kisses on his shoulder blades.
“For what?”
“That I was a bitch earlier,” she sighed, leaning her forehead against his back.
“You weren’t a bitch,” Nate commented.
He placed his arms above her hands and pulled her even closer enjoying the tender moment between them.
“Oh I was. Just… that you weren’t brave enough to talk to me about the therapy session. That hurt me. That made me realize that things between us are not what they were before.” Nate felt her deep exhale through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, making him shiver a little .
“I know.”
“What happened to us, Nate?” Lynn sobbed and Nate felt his fabric getting damp with her tears.
He grabbed her hands, freed himself from her hug and turned around to face her. He placed his hands around her neck, carefully brushing his thumbs over her throat.
“I don’t know. But we will fix it. I believe in us,” he whispered before placing a long kiss on her forehead.
“I’m scared,” Lynn whispered, the tears still falling.
“I am, too. But I wouldn’t have called Doctor Smith if I didn't think our relationship could heal. We’ll figure it out, Lynn. You and I.” Nate placed a kiss between her eyebrows and another one on her nose, making Lynn giggle a little.
“You and I,” she repeated before connecting her lips with his.
They had a long way ahead of them before Nate would be able to trust Lynn again, before they would find the ease and comfort in their relationship outside of dates and sex. They needed to find their dynamic again and they would only be able to do it with a lot of work, patience and time.
But they were both willing and optimistic.
With entangled hands they stepped into the conference room where Doctor Smith was already waiting. He had pushed the tables towards the walls and three chairs were standing in the middle of the room, two of them facing each other. Doctor Smith was a man in his late fifties, his gray hair long and in a ponytail. He smiled at the couple entering the room.
“Dr. Smith,” Nate said before reaching out his hand to shake the therapist’s .
“Mr. Sheppard. Nice to meet you.”
“Thank you for coming over to have the session here. We really appreciate the flexibility.” Nate smiled at him. The doctor then turned towards Lynn, reaching his hand out once again.
“And you must be Doctor Summers then.”
“Yes. Nice to meet you.”
“The pleasure is all mine. Take a seat over there.” He pointed to the two chairs that were facing each other.
Of course. This was a couples session – it was all about the two of them.
Nate and Lynn took their seats in front of each other, too far away to be able to hold hands or even touch their feet against each other’s. Lynn’s weird gut feeling appeared again. She knew how important physical touch was for Nate.
“Mr. Sheppard already gave me a quick head’s up about your situation, but I would like to hear from both of you, what you want me to do for you.”
“We want to get the ease back in our relationship.” Lynn started and Nate picked up the ball and continued,
“We know that we love each other, but with the betrayal my trust was destroyed. I want to trust her again, I want to live my life with her and we need some guidance to get that back.”
Doctor Smith nodded at them, taking some notes on a clipboard in his hands.
“Mr. Sheppard, you say you want to live your life with Doctor Summers. What is currently holding you back from doing that? ”
Nate looked at him, before turning his head towards Lynn. The doctor was already staring at him with expecting eyes, a lot of hope shimmering behind the chestnut brown of them.
“Communication is a very important thing for me. I want to share everything. No secrets, no mysteries. That is very important for me because of my past. I want to know that Lynn will always talk to me about everything that’s going on in her life. The good and the bad things. I never want to think that she’s maybe hiding something. I never want to hear again that she considered not telling me something.”
“Okay, understood. But please Mr. Sheppard, talk to Doctor Summers directly. Not to me.” Dr. Smith smiled at the two of them.
“I already promised you that I will always share what’s going on in my life. Communication is important for me, too.” Lynn responded in Nate’s direction.
“I want us to be a team, darling. You and me. But for that I need to know that you trust me with everything. That I’m the first one you come to when something’s up. That you’ll never doubt that I can help you. Because we’ll always find a way together.” Nate’s voice was more pleading, tears gathering in his eyes. He was more emotional than Lynn expected him to be.
“I want us to be a team, too. Share every moment, emotion, thought.”
“What can you do in the future to prove to each other that you are a team? How exactly do you plan to gain trust and ease back?” Dr. Smith asked in the room .
The room was silent for a moment while both Lynn and Nate were thinking about the right answer. Nate was the first to open his mouth,
“I think time will tell. We’ll try to spend time together, talk to each other as much as possible, and go on dates. Face different situations together.”
“And continue the therapy sessions,” Lynn added with a smile towards Nate.
They had a plan for the future, and they were sure about their feelings. This was a good jump off point for a healthy relationship. For happiness and for ease.
It would take time, but they were willing to spend it.
Together. As a team.