41. Aleksandr
CHAPTER 41
Aleksandr
“ Y ou really are fucking this one up, aren’t you?” Anya whispers furiously and looks over my shoulder, where I know Cinita is standing behind me. “Trailer trash fucking ho.”
My sister and I are always frank with one another, but right now, she’s scolding me.
I watch as the car pulls away, taking Lena with it, and want to implode. I’ve fucked up again.
No matter how hard I try, Lena continues to slip through my grasp.
I know I fucking deserve it. But I can’t live without her.
I turn on Cinita, furious at putting myself in this situation. I should’ve cut her off a long time ago. She begins crying and falls into a heap. I know she’s trying to manipulate me. Once, those tears had a pull over me, but not anymore. Not when my weakness toward them made Lena cry instead.
“You don’t really want me to go, do you, Alek? You’re all I have!” she wails.
“I want you out of my fucking house. I never want to see you or hear from you again. Are we clear?”
She sniffles, startled that I haven’t played into her theatrics. I step over and past her.
“What?” she says behind me, shocked. Then she’s furious. “Then what the fuck has all of this been about?”
I turn to face her. There it is, the ugly little beast beneath.
“You always do as I say.” She stomps her foot. “We were always going to be together! You think because some fucking singer steps into the picture that’s going to change things?”
I step into her space and grab her chin painfully hard. Her eyes go wide.
If we’re both showing our unmasked version, it’s best she sees who she’s raising her voice at.
Disgust. Revolt. Blood.
Touching her makes me want to vomit.
It hurts.
A cold shiver runs through me at the nauseating swirl of all the voices and the memory of crouching in that room, blood pooling under my hands and knees.
I can embrace the blood now. But never enough to push away that moment. The coldness of when I touched my mother’s dead arm.
“You don’t ever speak about Lena like that again. Do you understand me? You are not to ever breathe her name because of how filthy it is when it leaves your mouth. You disgust me.”
Tears spring to her eyes, and her bottom lip trembles, but I tighten my grip, and she grits her teeth, immediately stopping the crocodile tears. “No more of your games. We’re done. I want you out of the city and to never see you again.”
“You can’t tell me where—”
“I’m not in a good mood today, Cinita. And I’m ready to kill someone. So you best make sure you’re gone within ten minutes.”
Her eyes go wide, and I know she can see my murderous intent. I release her, and she stumbles back and makes haste to pack her few things.
I walk to my bedroom that looks like a bomb went off in it. It smells like vomit but also the slight remains of Lena’s perfume.
My hands bunch into fists, this situation tearing me up from the inside.
I’d been too late to realize, too slow to prioritize Lena.
I’m fucking livid, and the only way I know how to release this rage is to kill. I throw on my pants and black shirt, then grab my knives.
Lucky for me, I know a handful of people whose debts need to be collected.
I want to kill. Need to. If only to prove to both Lena and myself what I really am.
How could someone so beautiful love something as monstrous as me?
When I walk out the front door, the house is empty, and I don’t see any sign of Cinita.