Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
A week later, Tiny was frustrated as hell, but he did his best to hide that from Ryleigh, who was already stressed to the max.
Things continued to go wrong at The Refuge, but nothing that the authorities would consider to be intentional. Tiny and everyone else knew better.
Hay arrived that was moldy, a slew of bad reviews suddenly showing up online, payments to vendors hadn’t gone through, the trash wasn’t picked up because the service was randomly canceled. Everyone knew this was all Harold Lodge’s doing, but the frustrating part was, nothing could be proven. He’d covered his electronic tracks too well.
But the most alarming incident occurred earlier that morning.
The lodge had been surrounded by SWAT members who’d burst into the building, demanding everyone put their hands up.
The Refuge had been “swatted.” Someone had called into Los Alamos, insisting there was an active shooter at the lodge and people were in danger.
It was scary, and a few of the guests had pretty bad flashbacks that needed to be dealt with delicately. But the worst was the devastation on Ryleigh’s face. They’d all seen it. Seen how she’d blamed herself for every little thing that was happening.
But Tiny had watched her work her fingers to the bone for the last week. She spent every available minute—when he wasn’t insisting she take a break to go for a walk or eat something—staring at her laptop with a frown on her face as she did what she could to mitigate the things her father put into motion. She’d stopped many of them, but he’d still managed to work around some of the roadblocks she’d put up to cause mayhem at The Refuge.
This last stunt had gone too far. The call to the police couldn’t be traced, of course, but Ryleigh had spent the last hour talking with the detectives from the local PD, explaining who she believed was behind the bogus call about the active shooter, and why. She’d been vague about the money, but hadn’t flinched away from admitting who her father was, and why he was wanted by the FBI.
She was currently sitting on his couch, staring into space with a look so heartbroken, Tiny finally made a decision.
“Get up. We’re going out.”
“What?” she asked, frowning.
“You’ve been holed up in this house for hours on end for the last week. We both need some fresh air.”
“I don’t like fresh air.”
Tiny couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “I know, but you need it anyway. ”
When she got up without any more protests, Tiny realized how far down toward the end of her rope she really was. “I’ll be right back,” he said.
“Where are you going?”
“I need to grab something up at the lodge while you’re changing. Hiking shoes and layers, Ryleigh.”
She sighed. “How far are you going to make me go?”
“As far as it takes,” was his response.
She frowned again but didn’t protest further as she headed down the hall, toward her room.
It didn’t take long to get what he needed from the lodge. Robert was happy to help. When he returned to his cabin, Tiny grabbed one more thing from the kitchen.
He had a backpack all ready to go when Ryleigh emerged from her room. He eyed her from head to toe and nodded in approval. She’d changed into a pair of cargo pants, a T-shirt under a sweatshirt, and she had a hat in her hand. He grabbed her waterproof parka and helped her into it. She’d be removing it sooner rather than later, as the weather was definitely too warm to exercise with it on, but he’d rather she have it and not need it, than need it later and not have brought it along.
He locked the cabin behind them and set out for Table Rock. They wouldn’t be stopping there though. He had another destination in mind. It would take a couple hours all told, and the guests rarely went out that far.
They walked in silence until they passed Table Rock. Ryleigh had a slight sheen of sweat on her face, and her cheeks were pink.
“You aren’t taking me into the woods to ditch my body, are you?” she asked.
He wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not .
“That was a joke, Tiny,” she mumbled, when he raised a brow at her.
“You know I’d never hurt you, right?” he asked.
“I don’t understand you,” she said after a moment. “Ever since you met me, things have been turned upside down.”
“When I decided to accept a partnership in The Refuge, I was bitter and pretty much hated people,” he said in response. He didn’t talk about this. Ever. But he wanted Ryleigh to hear it. Wanted to share it with her.
“After Sonja tried to kill me, my trust in people disappeared in a puff of smoke. I didn’t trust my teammates, my commander, civilians we came into contact with. I was paranoid and it affected my ability to do my job. I was an asshole to literally everyone . I had a hard time just going to the fucking grocery store because in the back of my mind, I knew someone was going to burst through the doors with an AK-47 and try to kill us all.
“So coming here, I had no confidence that The Refuge was going to succeed. In fact, I was completely sure it was going to crash and burn. Who the hell would come to the middle-of-nowhere, New Mexico? Hell, a lot of people think the state is part of Mexico, the country. And getting a bunch of people together who had PTSD sounded like a terrible idea to me. But I signed on anyway, because I needed to get away from my life.
“And a funny thing happened when I met Brick, Tonka, Spike, Pipe, Owl, and Stone…I saw six people struggling exactly like I was. The circumstances were very different, but the struggle was the same. And somehow, being around others who could admit they were just as fucked up in some way or another was oddly refreshing. Not a single on e of them hid their demons. Which made it easier to deal with my own.
“And being out here in the woods…it felt right. The trees calmed me. The fresh air breathed new life into my body. It sounds corny as hell, but this place is magic. As the cabins were built, and we began to make plans for The Refuge to open, I reflected more and more on what happened with Sonja.
“I realized that it wasn’t the fact that she’d tried to kill me that fucked me up so badly. It was that I’d thought she was it for me. I loved her. I would’ve done anything for her, given her anything. And when I was away on a mission, I counted the days until I could get back to her. I was a damn good SEAL, cautious but effective at what I did. And I did it for her . I thought we were going to get married, start a family, live happily ever after.
“Her betrayal totally blindsided me. Yes, the knife in my chest sucked. But knowing she’d thrown away the love I showered on her hurt way more.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryleigh said gently.
“It took me a while to bond with the guys. I expected them to throw me under the bus just like Sonja had. I kept them at arm’s length for ages, but eventually they wore me down. Showed me day in and day out that they had my back. It was my idea to install the bunkers,” Tiny admitted. “I wanted a place we could go to be safe.”
“Safe from what?” Ryleigh asked.
“Everything. Guests who flipped out, strangers with guns, wild moose, storms…life.”
“Are there moose in New Mexico?” Ryleigh asked.
For some reason, Tiny thought her question was hilarious. After everything else he’d just told her, she wanted to know if there were moose in the woods. “Seriously?” he asked, looking over at her.
“Yes! Moose are huge. They could stomp my head in a second flat!” she exclaimed. “I already know about the bears and coyotes and other dangerous wild animals, but moose? No. Just no . I can’t deal with them being out to get me as well.”
Tiny smiled. Then he chuckled. Then he bent over double laughing and couldn’t stop. The thought that this woman was terrified of moose was hysterical. By the time he got himself under control and stood up straight, Ryleigh had her hands on her hips and was glaring at him.
“You’re hysterical,” he told her.
“I wasn’t trying to be funny,” she said with a pout.
“I know, which is why it was so funny,” Tiny said. Then he reached out and grabbed her arm, yanking her toward him. She fell against him with a small oof .
“I’ll protect you from any rabid moose.”
“Damn straight you will. I expect you to sacrifice yourself and give me time to get away if we see one,” she demanded.
“Deal.”
Then she shocked the shit out of him by reaching a hand up to his face. She ran her thumb over his cheek before spearing her fingers into the hair at the side of his head.
“She was an idiot,” Ryleigh whispered. “Sonja. If I’d ever had someone who cared about me even half as much as you loved her…I would’ve done everything I could to nurture that. To protect it. When you’ve never had anyone who cared if you slept, ate, got bullied at school…believe me, you treasure it all the more. ”
Tiny’s heart broke for her. He couldn’t imagine anyone not loving her. Not for the first time, he wanted ten minutes in a room alone with her father.
“Yeah…so…are there really moose in these woods?” she asked in a more normal tone, stepping away from him.
Tiny’s hands itched to pull her back to him, but he resisted. He had a reason for opening up to her as they walked. He wanted to be an open book. She was becoming that important to him. It scared the shit out of him, but for the first time since Sonja’s betrayal, he wanted something with a woman. More than friendship or a single no-strings-attached sexual encounter.
“There’ve been only a dozen or so confirmed sightings of moose in the last decade,” he told her as he put a hand on the small of her back and encouraged her to walk again. “They require cool climates next to streams and rivers.”
“It’s cooler up here in the mountains,” Ryleigh said. “And there are streams and rivers on The Refuge property.”
Tiny grinned. He hadn’t told her that the sightings were mainly in the north central part of the state…right where they were located.
“Well, in all the years I’ve been here, I’ve never seen one.”
“Great, so now you’re due,” Ryleigh said with a sigh.
God, she was adorable. Even when she wasn’t trying to be. They walked for another forty-five minutes before they reached the place Tiny wanted to show her. There were plenty of locations with beautiful views in the area. Places like Table Rock. But he’d come across this area a few years ago when he’d needed a break from the hustle and bustle of The Refuge .
He stepped off the trail, and when he didn’t hear Ryleigh following him, looked back.
She was still standing on the trail, looking unsure.
He walked back to her. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure we should go off the path,” she told him with a small frown.
“It’s okay.”
“What if we get lost?”
“We aren’t going to get lost. I know where we are and where we’re going,” Tiny said.
She still hesitated.
“It’s ironic that I’m about to say what I am—but trust me, Ryleigh. I’m not going to get us lost in the woods. Besides, I have a compass, a satellite phone, a flint, an emergency blanket, a first-aid kit, and even a small tent in my bag.”
“You do?” she asked in surprise. “Why?”
“Because it’s not smart to go hiking in the woods without any of that stuff. But we aren’t going to need them. I’m taking you to a place I love.”
Ryleigh took a deep breath, then nodded. “Okay.”
Her trust in him meant the world. Especially after the way he’d treated her. As if she was the enemy. He couldn’t have been more wrong. This woman had been through hell at the hands of the one person she should have been able to trust, and somehow still turned out compassionate and kind. More than a lot of people he knew who’d been through far less. He’d done her wrong, and he desperately wanted to atone for his actions.
Tiny spontaneously held out his hand. To his surprise, she didn’t hesitate to take it willingly. Feeling as if he’d somehow crossed a major hurtle, Tiny turned and walked through the trees. It took about ten minutes for them to get to their final destination, but when they did, her reaction was everything he hoped it would be.
Ryleigh gasped and dropped his hand as she stepped forward with eyes wide open in wonder. “Tiny, it’s…holy crap, it’s beautiful!”
It was.
They were standing at the edge of a field of huge boulders. He had no idea why there were so many in this one place, but dozens were the size of SUVs or buses. They were weathered and smooth, and all around and among them grew trees that towered high above. It was as if the boulders had been dropped from a great height, scattered over this area and this area alone. He hadn’t seen any other boulders this large in all his explorations of The Refuge’s vast property. He’d been just as awed as Ryleigh when he’d first stumbled across them.
“Want to see something cool?” he asked.
She turned to him. “This isn’t cool?” she asked with a smile, gesturing to the rocks.
“Cooler, then,” he said, reaching for her hand again. The way she took hold so easily, without guile, hit him hard. He led her to the right of the boulder field. They had to step over logs that had fallen and climb over smaller rocks, but it would be worth it. Of that he had no doubt.
They rounded a particularly large boulder, and Tiny knew the moment Ryleigh saw what he wanted to show her by the huge intake of breath.
“Oh my God, is that… stairs ?”
“Yeah.”
“What…how…?” Again, she was as speechless as he’d been when he’d first found them .
“Come on,” Tiny said, pulling her toward the crude steps that had been cut into the rock at some point many, many, many years ago.
He had no idea how old these rocks were, or when someone might have carved the steps, but it had to have been hundreds of years. Maybe when the indigenous people lived here. There were cliff dwellings in the area. He’d been to Bandelier National Monument, with petroglyphs and homes carved into the soft rock cliffs. He wanted to think maybe some of those ancestral pueblo people branched out into this area as well.
Tiny led her up the steps, going slow so Ryleigh wouldn’t fall. When they got to the top of the surprisingly flat rock, he let go of her hand and watched as she looked around as if in a trance. The trees were thick, but he could imagine once long ago, the people who came here could probably see for miles around them. There was an indentation in the rock, probably also carved out, that was permanently blackened from what Tiny could only assume was soot.
“Wow,” Ryleigh said as she turned to him. “This is amazing!”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I don’t know much about this kind of thing, but I suspect this used to be some sort of lookout. A fire could be lit here.” He pointed at the depression in the rock. “Maybe to warn his people of danger, or of game in the area. I bet there are other lookouts hidden in the forest, and the native people would send messages from these greater heights, before the trees grew so big.”
“It makes you feel so small,” she said quietly. “Like your problems are insignificant in the face of so much history.”
“Never insignificant. Come on, let’s sit,” Tiny said as he put down his backpack. He opened it and pulled out the emergency blanket. It wasn’t the softest thing in the world, but using their jackets they’d wrapped around their waists when it got too warm would give them more padding.
Ryleigh watched as he arranged a little sitting area for them, then took his hand when he offered it and sat. Then he opened his pack and began to remove items.
“Holy crap, Tiny, I can’t believe all the stuff you have in there,” Ryleigh said with a small laugh, as he placed item after item on the blanket.
He had sandwiches, chips, bottles of water, and even a baggie of Robert’s coveted chocolate chip cookies. They were in pieces, but Tiny figured they’d taste just as good.
He smiled as he pulled out another item with a flourish.
Ryleigh grinned. “A Christmas Tree Cake?” she asked incredulously.
“Yup.”
“Do I even want to know what you did to get Robert to give you one of those from his secret stash?”
“Nope,” Tiny teased with a smile. The truth was, he hadn’t had to promise anything. Robert had offered one of his favorite treats without prompting, saying someone as special as Ryleigh deserved it. He couldn’t disagree.
“Can I tell you something?” Ryleigh asked.
“You can tell me anything,” Tiny said without hesitation.
She looked around as if trying to see if anyone might be eavesdropping. It was adorable. Then she whispered, “I can’t stand those things.”
Tiny burst out laughing.
“Seriously, they’re gross. They have some sort of coating on them that makes my mouth feel slimy. And they’re too sweet. I always feel as if I need to eat something green and healthy to soak up the sugar coursing through my veins after I have one.”
“But you always seem so excited when you get one,” Tiny said.
“Yeah, because I know how precious they are to Robert, and if he’s willing to give me one, I know it’s because he really likes me.”
Tiny’s smile died. He didn’t like that this woman thought she had to eat something she hated in order to be liked. “He’s not going to be offended if you don’t like them,” he said.
Ryleigh merely shrugged.
“He’s not,” Tiny insisted.
“It’s not a big deal. It’s not as if he gives me all that many. It’s the least I can do for everything he does for The Refuge.”
That was another thing, Ryleigh did so much to help make The Refuge prosper. It was as if she had a personal stake in the success or failure of the place, but in reality, she gained or lost nothing if the retreat prospered. She simply wanted it to do well because she liked the people who lived and worked there.
Reaching into his bag, Tiny pulled out the last thing he’d stashed before they’d headed out.
Ryleigh’s eyes got wide. “Is that…moonshine?” she asked.
“It is.”
“But I thought alcohol wasn’t allowed at The Refuge?”
“It’s not,” Tiny agreed as he unscrewed the cap. “But every now and then, it’s nice to have a swig or two.” He held out the bottle to her.
Ryleigh stared at it for a beat, then lifted her gaze to his. “I’ve never had it before.”
“You’ll like it,” Tiny reassured her.
“I heard it’s strong.”
“It is. You’ll only need a few swallows to feel it.”
“I’m not sure getting drunk is the best idea when we’re sitting on a huge rock in the middle of the woods with a long hike to get home still.”
“You aren’t going to get drunk…just have enough to feel good.”
She still hesitated.
“Trust me,” Tiny cajoled.
To his joy, she reached for the bottle, sniffing the contents suspiciously. Her nose wrinkled at the pungent scent. Then she smelled it again and smiled. “It’s watermelon?” she guessed.
“Yup. It’s sweet, but not too sweet. It’s really good over ice, but this’ll have to do for now.”
She took a cautious sip and winced as it slid down her throat. But after she’d swallowed the potent alcohol, she licked her lips and smiled wider. “The aftertaste is like I just ate a watermelon Jolly Rancher.”
“You like it?”
“I think so.”
“Take another sip,” Tiny ordered.
She did. Then she handed the bottle back to him, and Tiny took a healthier swallow. He could feel the alcohol burning its way down his throat, a subtler warmth following in its wake. They passed the bottle back and forth a few times before he capped it and put it back in his bag. His intention was to get Ryleigh to relax, not get her blotto drunk.
“This isn’t going to get me to like being in the wild outdoors,” she told him after a moment.
Tiny chuckled. “I didn’t think it would. But you have to admit, this place is nice.”
“It is,” she said without hesitation. “But it would be nicer if it was right outside our cabin and we didn’t have to walk for miles and miles and hours and hours to get here.”
Tiny laughed again. “But then it wouldn’t be as peaceful as it is. There would be people climbing up here all day. Someone would probably fall off the top and we’d have to rescue them. Some asshole would probably sneak out here in the middle of the night and spray paint graffiti all over the place.”
“Cynical, but you’re probably right,” Ryleigh agreed.
They sat in companionable silence for a minute or two, then Tiny mentally shrugged his shoulders and wrapped an arm around Ryleigh, pulling her against him. She came easily enough and rested her head against his shoulder, as he held her close.
“I feel as if I know nothing about you,” Ryleigh said after a moment. “I mean, I know about that bitch Sonja, and that you were a SEAL, but that’s about it.”
Tiny had no problem opening up to this woman. Somehow with all the time they’d spent together, despite him resisting for so long, she’d snuck under his shields.
“I had a pretty good childhood. I told you about my brother. He was my best friend. My rock. We thought our lives were normal. But when I was twelve, I realized how not normal my life was. Our parents fought. A lot. I just thought that’s how everyone’s parents were. Then one evening, I was over at a friend’s house, and his mom dropped the Crock-Pot with dinner in it, and it shattered. Food and shards of pottery went everywhere . There was soup literally on every cupboard and in every nook and cranny of their kitchen.
“I froze, knowing what was going to happen next. His dad would leap up from the table and start screaming at his mom. Grabbing her arm, hitting her over and over until she begged him to stop. But instead—he laughed . Yes, he leapt up from the table, but just to grab his wife around the waist and plunk her onto the counter, so she wouldn’t step on the broken Crock-Pot and get hurt. And then they laughed together. Hard. When they finally stopped, my friend’s dad cleaned up the kitchen, with our help, while his mom ordered takeout.
“I had normalized the yelling and fighting that my parents did. It was just the way things were, or so I thought. That evening at my friend’s house was eye-opening. And confusing. From that day forward, I hated being at home, so I joined every sport and organization I could. Track, swimming, tennis, band, theater…you name it, I did it. Simply so I didn’t have to go home after school. It meant less time with my brother, but he understood better than anyone. And I think my mom knew what I was doing, staying away from the house on purpose because I didn’t want to hear them fighting.
“She loved me, told me all the time…yet she refused to leave him. He wouldn’t leave either. They were so dysfunctional together. And my mom hit my dad as much as he hit her. It was an equal-opportunity abusive relationship. I didn’t understand it then, and even today I don’t get it.”
“How’s their relationship now?” Ryleigh asked. She’d wrapped her arm around his waist while he was talking, and it felt…perfect.
“She’s gone. Dead. One night they got into another fight, and my dad pushed her. Hard. She tripped over her feet and fell, hitting her head on the corner of the stone fireplace. Dad thought she was faking being more injured than she was, and he left the house in disgust. When he got back hours later…she’d bled out.”
Ryleigh gasped. “Oh my God, Tiny… That’s terrible.”
“It’s weird, because in their own way, I think they really did love each other. They were just no good together. Dad’s in prison. Because of the history of abuse, the judge gave him the harshest sentence he could. Twenty years.”
Ryleigh squeezed his waist and snuggled into him. But she didn’t offer platitudes of sympathy or understanding. She simply sat at his side, supporting him, which Tiny appreciated.
“I was out of the house by then. A SEAL already. I think their relationship was part of the reason why I fell for Sonja so hard and fast. I refused to be anything like my parents, vowed to treasure any woman I ended up with. Which was why it hurt so bad when she betrayed me the way she did.”
“Bitch,” Ryleigh muttered under her breath.
Her hatred of his ex made Tiny smile.
“And your brother? Where is he? Do you still talk to him?”
“He died.”
Ryleigh gasped again.
Tiny regretted being so blunt, but talking about his brother was still painful to this day. “He was a Marine. A damn good one. He was badly injured while I was on a mission. By the time I’d found out and made it back stateside, he was already gone.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ryleigh said, leaning against him.
“I miss him,” Tiny admitted. “He was all the family I had left.”
“No. Now you have your Refuge family.”
She was right, of course. The pain of losing his brother would always be there, but time had dulled the agony. And his Refuge brothers had a lot to do with that.
They sat in companiable silence for a long moment. The birds chirping around them, the wind blowing slightly.
“My mom loved my dad. He wasn’t physically abusive to her, but he was mean. So mean.” Ryleigh’s voice was soft, as if she was scared to speak too loudly about her past.
Tiny’s arm tightened around her shoulders. He’d wanted her to open up to him so badly. Ever since she’d told part of her story to him and the others, he’d known there was a lot more to her history.
He’d tired her out by bringing her here, plied her with liquor to help her relax—and he didn’t feel a bit guilty about that. Out of all the people he’d ever met, Ryleigh needed to talk to someone more than any of them. Purge the demons that plagued her, making her so desperate to help others.
He was glad she was talking, but he braced himself for what he was about to hear. His own story wasn’t good, but he had a feeling hers was ten times worse.
He wasn’t wrong.