Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
Ry felt good. The moonshine was delicious, especially after those first couple of sips. The tart watermelon sparkled on her tongue and if she had her way, she could’ve drunk the entire bottle.
But Tiny had put it away. Had only let her take little sips, then tucked it back inside his pack before the bottle was even half empty. She felt pleasantly floaty, as if all her worries had taken flight in the breeze all around her. She knew that wasn’t true. That her dad was still out there, doing everything in his power to ruin her life and the only good thing that had ever happened to her…The Refuge.
But for now, she felt amazing. Having Tiny’s arm around her felt even better. She much preferred this nice Tiny to the man who used to glare at her and intimidate her with his harsh words.
She’d been shocked by the story of his childhood, and to learn that his dad had killed his mom…accidentally, but still. It made her feel not quite as alone. She never talked ab out her childhood. But out here, alone in the quiet with Tiny, she felt safe enough to speak.
“Your dad was mean?” Tiny asked, making Ry realize she’d started her story, then got lost in her head, the memories.
“Yeah,” she agreed. “I don’t remember much about my mom, only that she smelled really good. And gave the best hugs. Tried to encourage me to go out and play, but Dad wouldn’t allow it. Then one day, she just up and left. My dad told me she didn’t want us anymore. That I was too much trouble.”
“How old were you?” Tiny asked.
“Maybe five or six,” Ryleigh said.
“You ever try to find her?”
“Of course. It wasn’t hard. She’s dead. Heart attack.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ryleigh shrugged. “I had a fantasy that she’d come back one day. Apologize, beg for my forgiveness. Tell me that she never wanted to leave, but she’d had no choice. We’d hug and live happily ever after. But of course, that didn’t happen. I do believe that my dad probably forced her to leave. But I don’t have any proof of that. I never found any divorce papers on file, and she never remarried. She died in New York, and we were in Montana. She got away…but she left me there. Despite knowing how Dad was, she left me with him. I can’t forgive her for that.
“My dad, he was…unbalanced. He started training me when I was still learning to read. He taught me what the dark web was and how to navigate it. When I messed up and did anything that could be traced back to me, he punished me. Locked me in a closet, hit my fingers with a ruler until they bled, took away food…you name it, he did it. Told me it was for my own good. But worse than anything physical was when he screamed and yelled. Told me how worthless I was. That I wasn’t worth the money it took to care for me. That I was stupid and he couldn’t believe he was wasting his time trying to teach me anything.”
Ry took a deep breath. Now that she’d started talking, it felt as if she couldn’t get the words out fast enough. Telling Tiny the hell that her childhood had been felt cathartic. He was rock solid beside her and didn’t interrupt.
“When I was in the third grade, he took me out of school, saying he was going to home-school me. I wasn’t upset about it, because I didn’t fit in at school. I was the weird kid. The one others picked on. I was a nerd, even at that young age. I didn’t want to play with dolls or watch cartoons. All I did in my spare time was stare at a computer screen and try to figure out ways to hack into websites.
“I have a brother. He’s twelve or so years older than me. I’m honestly not sure how old he is or even when his birthday is. He was my dad’s first prodigy. From what I understand he was good. Really good. But he ran away from home in his teens sometime. Done with my dad’s bullshit. I guess my dad saw me as his second chance at having a partner in crime.”
“Wow, do you know where he is today?” Tiny asked.
“No clue. Honestly, I’m jealous as hell that he got out…and a little pissed that he left me there…just like my mom did. I haven’t tried to find him and he hasn’t done anything to search me out either. He literally doesn’t exist in my world anymore. ”
“Anyway, Dad was constantly bragging about the money he stole. Laughing at the despair of the people he took it from. He stole from everyone . Nonprofits, huge corporations, any company or organization that had a huge bank account was fair game. But his favorite thing to do was steal from individuals. He loved that they had fewer resources to try to get their money back. They never called the police or tried to get an attorney to fight the theft. Which might sound crazy, but in reality, if an account only had a few grand to begin with, those are exactly the kind of people who don’t have the income to fight anyone in court. Even if they did, they wouldn’t know who to go after, since Dad was so good at what he did. And, from the bank’s perspective, the withdrawals looked exactly like the client’s normal spending patterns.
“He was a ghost online. Could get into people’s bank accounts and steal their money without any alerts being triggered. Sometimes he’d empty their entire account, and other times he’d only take like ten or twenty bucks at a time. Small amounts no one missed, because hardly anyone checks their account every day. He also designed a program that skimmed money from random accounts literally every minute. He’d get thousands of dollars in a day. He thought it was hilarious.
“And he taught me everything he knew. By the time I was thirteen, I was as good as he was at navigating the dark web. At stealing money. But I hated it. I couldn’t help but think about what those people must’ve gone through when they realized their accounts had been hacked. Obviously the accounts that were skimmed probably didn’t make much of an impact, except for people feeling violated or inconvenienced. But the ones who lost everything ? Did they have to go without much-needed medicine? Did we take their rent money? Did their kids have to drop out of ballet or soccer because they didn’t have the money to pay for it? Then there were all the nonprofits…good organizations doing important research and aiding thousands, sometimes millions of people. And he was stealing from them. Making me steal from them.
“So one day, I told my dad I didn’t want to do it anymore.”
The awful memories of that day were so visceral, Ry suddenly couldn’t breathe. It was as if she was right back in that moment, when she’d told her dad she was done.
She felt herself being moved, but still she couldn’t breathe.
“I’ve got you, Ryleigh. You’re safe. Take a deep breath. That’s it, again. Concentrate on what you hear and feel. The birds, the wind. Feel my hand on your back, good. I’m sure you can still taste the watermelon on your tongue. You’re here at The Refuge. With me. You’re okay.”
Slowly, Tiny’s words registered. Her face was pressed against his neck and he’d moved her so she was straddling his lap. She huddled against him as close as she could get and did as he ordered, concentrating on her five senses. Before too long, she was breathing normally again.
“Good girl,” he praised, and those two words seemed to settle in Ry’s soul. His approval was a balm, washing away all the harsh words her father had spewed in her direction all her life.
“He didn’t take it well,” she said, continuing with her story. She needed to get it all out. To finish. Ry had a feeling after this, she’d never speak of the hell she’d lived through again, but as Tiny had said, she was safe. Here. With him.
“He laughed and told me I didn’t have a choice. That if I dared stop, he’d ruin my life. He knew people. Bad people. From the dark web. Told me he’d get one of them to kidnap me and sell me into the sex trade. Said no one would ever find me, and I’d spend the rest of my life with my legs spread for anyone who paid enough money to have me. And I believed him.”
“How old were you?” Tiny asked.
“Fourteen. And to prove his point, a man came to the house the very next day. He smelled horrible, had rotten teeth, and he scared the living hell out of me. He sat with me on the couch and…and touched me.”
“ Motherfucker ,” Tiny swore.
Somehow his anger gave Ry the strength to continue.
“He put his hand under my shirt, held me down and laughed as I screamed and struggled. He stopped, but I had to sit next to him at the table as we ate lunch, like he was some family friend. I thought I was going to throw up. My dad gave him some money, and I thought that was it. That I was going to have to go with him and everything my dad threatened would come true. But the guy left, and right after, Dad sat me down in front of the computer and said I’d better add ten thousand dollars to his bank account by the end of the day. If I didn’t, he’d call the man back and let him take me.
“So I did. I stole more money than ever before that day. And the next. And the next. But every single day that went by from that point on, I planned. I couldn’t fight my dad physically. And I knew if he thought for a second I was doing anything that might get in the way of his money-making, he’d bring one of those scary men back in a heartbeat.
“Every day was a nightmare. I’d have to sit in front of the computer for hours. The days and years passed so slowly. But…I learned more and more. I got better at staying under the radar. My dad was impressed. But what he didn’t realize was that I was getting better than he was. He’d taught me everything he knew about illegal hacking, and what he didn’t know, I taught myself.
“I stayed too long, I know that, but the thought of striking out on my own was terrifying. Because I knew the second I left, he’d do everything in his power to get me back under his thumb. So I pretended to be cowed. I did what he asked without question, and he reveled in his power over me. Over the people he stole from. It had long since gotten to a point where he was letting me do all the work. He just sat on his ass and digitally counted his money.
“For years, I planned. I padded his account. Made it seem as if there was more money in there than he actually had…because for a few years, I was actually stealing from him . Moving the money he’d taken from others and putting it into various accounts all over the US and the world. When I left at twenty-one, he was broke. I’d taken it all. I left him twenty bucks. That was it.”
“Good for you.”
Ry blinked in surprise and looked up at Tiny. “Didn’t you hear me? I stayed until I was twenty-one, way old enough to know better. And I stole money from people all that time . Millions of dollars.”
“I heard you. And you might have been ‘old enough to know better,’ but your father had isolated you. You knew nothing about the real world. He’d threatened you, made you dependent on him. And yeah, you stole money, but you didn’t enjoy it.”
Ry couldn’t stop the harsh snort that escaped. “I can see it now. I’m innocent, your honor, because I didn’t like taking money from people. Yes, I used it to pay for a roof over my head, to fill my belly and travel all around the country. But it’s okay because I didn’t enjoy it.”
“Listen to me,” Tiny said as he took her head in his hands. She had no choice but to meet his gaze.
Ry was stunned to see no judgement in his eyes. He wasn’t horrified that she was a thief. A damn good one. All she saw was compassion.
“I see you, Ryleigh. I know the kind of person you are.”
“A thief,” she mumbled dejectedly.
“The kind of woman who would single-handedly go after a serial killer to rescue a child. Who’s donated millions of dollars to organizations that help the less fortunate. The kind of person who immediately orders food for her friends who are in the hospital because she’s too far away to go to a restaurant for them herself. You cleaned Reese and Spike’s cabin without help so they could come home to a fresh, clean space. You finished painting Dylan’s bedroom without asking for help. You let three damn goats nibble on your clothes because you’re too kindhearted to push them away.
“Your father tried to make you like him—but he failed, Ryleigh. Spectacularly. Because you’re nothing like him. Nothing .”
“I’m not sure the courts would agree,” she said sadly.
To her surprise, Tiny laughed. “Tell me this, you’ve been away from your father for ten years. Have you stolen any money from anyone in that time?”
Ry’s eyes widened. “No. No way.”
“Exactly. And is there any proof of you taking that money before you left?”
Ry thought about that for a moment. Then shook her head. “No. I was good at what I did. I didn’t leave any trace.”
“So why do you think anyone will be able to come up with enough proof to charge you with anything? You’ve paid your dues, Ryleigh. Just as we all have. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Things I wish I could take back. But you know how I’m atoning for those sins? With this place. By giving people a place to come to just be for a few days. The Refuge is my way of giving back. Yours is the money you donate. You could’ve given away the money you took from your father and then stopped. Lived off the millions in interest you made off of it.”
“That money’s tainted too,” Ry protested. “No, it wasn’t stolen, but it only accumulated because of the original money my father and I took. And I can’t give away too much at one time or there will be questions asked, so it keeps accruing. I can’t give it away fast enough.”
Tiny chuckled again. “And that frustrates you.”
“Yeah,” Ry agreed.
“We’ll figure it out. Give away every penny if that’s what you want. So you can live free and clear.”
Ry stared at him…and she suddenly realized how intimate their position was. Her legs were straddling his lap and he’d pulled her tight against him, so they were touching from their groins to their chests. She could ac tually feel his dick between her legs. But she wasn’t embarrassed. Not in the least.
The truth was, she was still a virgin because of that terrifying man from so long ago, and her dad’s threats. They’d turned her off wanting to be intimate with a man—ever.
But being with Tiny like this? She felt safe. She’d bared her deepest secrets to him, and he hadn’t recoiled. Hadn’t told her she was a criminal. He’d defended her. It was overwhelming. Deep down, she wasn’t sure she was the kind of person he’d described, but for the first time ever, she felt a spark of hope well up deep inside. Maybe she wasn’t such a horrible person after all. She’d done all she could to atone for her past sins, and her father’s too. She wasn’t sure she was anywhere close to wiping her slate clean, but maybe, just maybe, she was being too hard on herself.
“Ry? What are you thinking?” Tiny asked.
“I feel horrible that because of me, I’ve brought so much hardship to The Refuge.”
“No,” Tiny said. “It’s not your fault. It’s his. Your asshole father’s.”
She smiled a little at that. “Yeah. I don’t know when or how this is going to end, but I want to be done with him. For good. And he never would’ve stopped looking for me. So in some ways, I’m glad he’s found me. I want to live, Tiny. I want to have friends. To be normal. Well, as normal as a nerdy hacker can be. And that can’t happen with him out there, roaming free.”
“What are you saying?” Tiny asked with narrowed eyes.
Ry knew he was smart. “This isn’t going to end without a confrontation.”
“No,” he said again, shaking his head .
“Yes.”
“ No ,” he said more firmly. “If you’re telling me you want to invite him to The Refuge for a chat, that’s not going to happen.”
“I didn’t ever want to see him again. But opening a line of communication, like Brick suggested, won’t be enough. It’s not enough to know what he wants. I have to know what it will take to get him to go away. To leave me alone. Leave The Refuge alone. And if that means seeing him in person, I’m not going to say no if he asks.”
“And I’m not going to let you sacrifice yourself. We’re in this together, Ryleigh. You, me, and everyone else at The Refuge. We aren’t going to hang you out to dry. You’re one of us.”
Those words felt so damn good. Ry closed her eyes and let the warmth of them blossom inside her.
“Look at me, Ryleigh.”
She opened her eyes and met his gaze.
“You’re the expert in this situation. I wish like hell I could help, but no one is as good as you are at what you do. Your father already knows where you are, so I don’t think it could hurt to see what the hell he wants. What his end game is. But whatever line of communication you open with him, I want it to funnel through me.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s gonna say shit that’s fucked up. He’s going to try to get at you through the psychological crap he used while you were growing up. And I won’t tolerate you having to endure that. He’s hurt you enough. Let me filter what he says. I promise to pass on anything that isn’t abusive.”
Ry didn’t have to think twice about his suggestion. “Okay. ”
One of Tiny’s brows raised quizzically. “Okay? You agreed really fast, which makes me think you’ve got something up your sleeve.”
Ry shook her head. “No. I don’t actually want to talk to him. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of his cruelty. I’ve lived through it long enough. I’m okay with you reading his messages first…as long as you can handle it. He’ll probably say some horrible things. I don’t want you to have to deal with that either.”
“I can handle it for as long as it’ll take to figure out how to take him down. And I have to tell you, your trust in me is humbling.”
“I’m really doing it for myself. I’m being selfish,” Ry felt obligated to point out.
“Good. You think about others way too much for my peace of mind.”
Ry smiled at that. “Thanks for bringing me out here and plying me with alcohol to get me to talk.”
Tiny blushed. Actually blushed . “You figured that out?”
She chuckled. “Wasn’t hard. But I’m okay with it. The liquid courage was good. Thanks for not letting me drink too much.”
“Never. I might’ve done a crap job of looking out for you until lately, but I promise that I’m a different person where you’re concerned now. And now that I know about your background, remembering all the times you flinched when I raised my voice to you makes me feel like shit.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. But I swear to you that’s done.”
Ry sighed and sagged against him, resting her head on his shoulder. His arms held her to his chest tightly and she felt as safe as she’d ever felt. “Can we stay here forever?” she mumbled against his neck. “No fathers. No computers. Nothing to go wrong.”
She felt more than heard Tiny chuckle against her. “I’m a decent cook, but I’m thinking with you not being an outdoorsy girl, you aren’t gonna like pooping in a hole and using leaves to wipe.”
Ry wrinkled her nose and sat up. “I’m with Jasna…can we not talk about pooping? That’s gross.”
“Part of life,” Tiny said with a grin.
“I know, but still. Ew.”
“Noted. No poop talk.”
“You said it again. Stop it.”
He laughed out loud that time. “Sorry.”
Ry stared at him for a long moment, then she slowly leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. She couldn’t have stopped herself if someone held a gun to her head. Tiny was everything she’d ever dreamed about.
His arms tightened as she leaned back. She stared at him for a beat, suddenly self-conscious. Had she done it wrong? She hadn’t ever kissed anyone before. She wasn’t sure what to do.
“What was that for?”
“Um…” Ry hedged, knowing her cheeks were a fiery red.
“Because if you wanted to thank me for listening, I’ll say you’re welcome and we can get up and head back to The Refuge. But if it was because you feel something for me, something more than gratitude, I need to know so I can kiss you back the way I’ve dreamed of for way too long.”
Her heart was thumping so hard in her chest, she’d be surprised if he couldn’t hear it. “I am grateful that you’ve been so understanding and nonjudgmental about everything. But that’s not why I kissed you.”
Tiny shifted under her, and Ry could swear his dick had gotten harder. But she was too nervous to move and find out.
“Why, Ryleigh? I need the words. Need to be sure we’re on the same page. That you want the same thing I do,” Tiny said softly.
“Because I haven’t ever kissed anyone before. Haven’t wanted to. But I want to with you. Want to experience everything I’ve missed out on because of my past. Because I’ve been too scared.”
“You don’t have to be scared with me,” Tiny told her. “I’d never do anything that will hurt you. I’ll only make you feel good.”
Ry nodded.
Tiny smiled. “You’ve really never kissed anyone ?”
“It’s pathetic, huh? Thirty-one and not only a virgin, but never even had a first kiss.”
“I’m so honored. I’m going to be your first, Ryleigh. In every way.”
“Okay. But if I do it wrong, please don’t yell at me.”
“Never. And you won’t do anything wrong. Promise. Kiss me, Ryleigh. Do it. Take what you want.”
And with those words, Ry did as he asked. She leaned forward and put her lips back on his. But this time he didn’t remain passive. His tongue peeked out and licked her lips, startling her so badly, she gasped. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew what a French kiss was. She’d always thought the idea was kind of gross.
This was anything but gross.
He tasted like watermelon, and she couldn’t wait to sample more. Instinctively, Ry tilted her head and opened to him. His tongue didn’t surge into her mouth, he licked and nibbled her lips, driving Ry crazy. He coaxed her tongue into following his, and the next thing she knew, she was inside his mouth. A moan left his throat, then she felt a hand at the back of her head as his tongue twined with hers.
She retreated, but he followed. The kiss was long, hot, and it made electric bolts shoot through her arms and down between her legs. Ry shifted against him, feeling as if she wanted…no, needed to be closer. Her nipples hardened and she regretted all her layers. She had the urge to feel them against his chest, skin to skin.
The thought was so carnal, she gasped again and tore her mouth from his. His hand was still on the back of her head, but he didn’t force her to stay where she was. She was panting as she stared at him, surprised to find he was just as out of breath.
“Was that okay?” she asked.
“Okay? It was…life changing,” Tiny breathed.
Ry relaxed. She’d been so afraid of this moment, of being intimate with someone, that she’d gone out of her way to keep her distance from men her entire adult life. But this kissing thing…she liked it. A lot. At least with Tiny.
“Was it okay for you ?” he asked.
And it hit her then that Tiny was just as unsure as she’d been. It made him seem more human. More her equal. In her mind, he’d been this larger-than-life man for so long. But after today, after he’d opened up to her and she’d done the same, she felt as if they were on a more even keel .
“It was the best first kiss a girl could ever hope to have,” she told him honestly.
She felt him relax under her. Yeah, he’d been just as nervous about this as she was. It endeared him to her all the more. Sighing, she let herself go boneless against him. This moment was perfect. He didn’t insist on more kissing, was simply as content as she was to be in the moment.
They sat together for several more minutes before he sighed and said, “We should probably get back.”
“Yeah,” Ry agreed. She sat back up and said, “Thanks for bringing me here.”
“Even though it was… outside ?” he asked with a grin.
She rolled her eyes. “Yes. I’m not saying I want to go on another hike anytime soon, but after we figure all this out…I wouldn’t mind coming back here.”
“Deal. I’m thinking this is my new favorite place at The Refuge.”
“I can’t help but wonder who else sat right where we are now. Was it a single warrior scouting the land around him for threats? Was it a couple, kissing like we did? An elderly man or woman performing some sort of ceremony?”
“All of the above, probably.”
“Yeah.” Ry sighed, then did her best to climb off Tiny’s lap. He helped her up then packed away the uneaten food—including the Christmas Tree Cake—and the blanket.
“You won’t tell Robert that I don’t like his favorite food in the world, will you?” Ry asked.
“Never. Besides, that leaves more for me.”
Ry laughed. “You like those things?”
“Yup. ”
“They aren’t good for you. As a former SEAL, you should know that.”
“I do know it. I’m not saying I want to eat a box for dinner every night, but every now and then, they’re a nice treat.”
“Whatever.”
He smiled at her, then took her hand in his and towed her toward the steps. They both stopped before they headed down, taking one last look around them. Then Ry thought of something. “Oh, wait! Can we take a picture?”
“We can do anything you want,” Tiny told her.
Feeling the sincerity of his words down to her bones, she smiled as she pulled out her phone. There was no reception this far out in the woods, but she didn’t need it in order to take a picture. She held up the camera and waited for Tiny to put his cheek against hers. She turned to look at him without lowering her arm, and smiled just before Tiny kissed her. She clicked the shutter as he kissed her hard and fast.
“Go stand back where we were sitting and let me take your picture,” Tiny told her.
She handed her phone over and went to stand where he’d suggested. Ten minutes and almost twenty pictures later—of her alone on the rock, then Tiny, then a few more of them together—Tiny finally led her down the stairs. He told her he was going first in case she lost her balance and fell…so he could catch her.
He was being sweet and attentive, and Ry could hardly believe the change in their relationship in such a short period of time. She realized that it had happened when she’d opened up. Her lies and subterfuge had been a main reason why he’d kept his distance from her, and why he’d been so mistrustful. Knowing more about his past made her understand what made him tick, and why he’d treated her the way he had.
And being honest felt so much better than keeping secrets. She’d spent her entire life in the darkness, hiding from others, sneaking around. It felt glorious to know that someone, that Tiny , knew all her secrets now. And he didn’t hold them against her. It gave her a confidence she wasn’t sure she’d ever had before.
As they walked back to The Refuge to check on things, make sure her father hadn’t done anything else crazy in the few hours they’d been gone, Ry made a vow to herself to always be as honest as she could be with Tiny. Even if it made her uncomfortable, she was done hiding. From herself, her father, her friends, other people. She was who she was, and for the first time in her life, she felt accepted as that woman.