Chapter 8 #2
“I know I’m not good at it, and I’m not what anyone wants.
I look and act like a Dom and I’m not, and…
it’s a disaster. I’m a disaster. You made me feel good.
Really good. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at you and not be reminded that I wasn’t enough.
So I’m sorry but I can’t do another exercise with you.
I’m going to tell Fein it didn’t work. I mean, he knows.
He wanted this. You to be here. But I don’t.
No blame will come to you. You’re a great Dominant, especially considering how young you are, and—” He stops, swallows.
Apparently, he can’t go on.
“It was very hard for me to let you go.” It’s the only thing Colton can offer.
Graham’s breath hitches in his chest. “Please don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”
He’s so fucking vulnerable it makes it hard to not touch him.
“Honestly, it breaks my heart to have you struggle. I want to help you. I want—” he pauses, wanting to say the right thing because Graham is squirrely and is so obviously torn between saying yes to Colton or running screaming in the opposite direction.
How does he get through to Graham when the man’s designation is his own worst enemy?
“I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. I went home and I drank myself into a goddamned stupor after leaving you. I keep waking up and reaching for you. Which is insane, and—”
Graham grunts, wraps his good hand around his middle. Physically in pain from dropping so fast. “Wanted, huh? Past tense,” Graham says, glancing at Colton and then away.
He’d roll his eyes, but Graham is determinedly not looking at him. How can Graham not realize that Colton wants him? “No, it’s very much a present tense situation.”
Colton steps in close, pulls Graham against him, and breathes him in. He presses a kiss to his forehead as the man curls in on himself.
Graham gives in with a small sound, puts his forehead against Colton’s neck and shivers.
“I’m sorry,” Colton murmurs. “I just… You needed to be held. You’re not well. I’ll let you go as soon as I can.”
Colton feels a nod of agreement, a damp exhale against his throat. “Believe it or not, I was keeping it together until now.”
“And how long was that going to last? What was your plan for the next drop? Would you have contacted me and let me come to you?” That’s the question he’s been desperate to ask.
Graham doesn’t even hesitate. “No, I wouldn’t have.”
It hurts to hear, even though Colton knows it’s true and it isn’t a surprise.
Graham takes a deep breath of him, too, shuddering in his arms. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to make decisions that are best for me. Goddamn, you smell good.”
Colton rubs his hands up and down Graham’s back. Graham shifts closer, his cock brushing against Colton’s hip and groin as he settles tightly against him.
“You feel good,” Graham whispers.
“I think you do know what you want. You just don’t trust it. I swear, whatever you want, I want it, too.”
“Can’t want and trust be the same thing? And they can both be wrong. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust the fucking military. Who am I supposed to trust, Colton?” Graham asks, sounding wrecked.
That jolts through him. Has Graham ever said his name?
“How can I risk it?” Graham asks.
Does Graham really not know the answer Colton wants, or does he need Colton to be the one to offer and say that he is trustworthy?
A submissive needs a Dominant to assume control and take care of them.
They’re happier and function better when they have a Dominant.
“Me. And what I want to give you. You could trust me.”
Graham sighs heavily. “I guess I didn’t leave you an out, did I? And why would I trust you? I don’t even know you. Just because you’re a Dominant doesn’t mean you’re trustworthy.”
“No. Not because I’m a Dominant but because I’d be your Dominant. I want to be your Dominant, Graham. Let me take care of you, honey. Didn’t I make you feel good last time?” It’s a question but his voice is hard, his dominance leaking through.
Graham makes a fist in Colton’s shirt, pulling him closer and clinging onto him.
Colton rubs his hand up and down Graham’s back. This is it, the big gamble where Colton needs to be honest and try to make Graham his. “I need you, baby. I can’t think about anything besides you.”
Graham shivers. “Really?” There’s disbelief in his voice.
“I know you feel the connection between us. I swear you can trust me with your submission, Graham.”
“I do… want to.”
He takes Graham’s hand—the injured one—and Graham whimpers and sags against him. He places it against his hard cock, willing to play dirty if it gets him the submissive he wants. “We’re both hurting, aren’t we? I took care of you. Don’t you need to take care of me, too?”
Graham moans, tilts his head up, offering his mouth for a kiss as he gives in. “Yes. Fuck. Now?”
He brushes his lips against Graham’s cheek instead. “We should wait until I get you back. Can you wait?”
“Oh,” Graham murmurs. He’s so soft and sweet now. Colton wants to keep him that way.
“I want to grip you so fucking bad.”
That makes Graham blush.
“Why?” Graham asks.
Maybe Graham doesn’t know. If he’s always waited too long to get his needs met then he might not even remember much of his previous experiences.
Colton’s going to assume everything is new to Graham and that he knows nothing.
Act as if Graham really is just this innocent, submissive, masochistic hunk of manliness that Colton gets to take down and claim.
“Your submissive glands need to be checked. They should be monitored to make sure you’re not imbalanced.
If I touch your neck, I’ll know if they’re swollen or too hot.
If you’re content. And you’ll react to that.
Flinch away or press closer, and that gives me information, too.
And it will turn you on. You’re so sensitive on your neck.
Not just from the glands but because your neck is fragile.
I can control your movement and your breath.
I can urge you to your knees or keep you pinned.
I want to grip your neck because it lets us both know you’re mine. ”
Graham ducks his head, offering his neck. But he’s nervous.
The idea of persuading the nervous submissive into a grip and hopefully into his bed leaves him aching. “Good. Thank you, Graham. Let’s see if you like it,” he says, voice almost a growl, as if he’s closing in on his prey.
Colton puts his hand on Graham’s neck, finally gets to put his hand there and know it’s wanted. This last week his hand has tingled when he thought of Graham and all he’s wanted to do to him.
He presses gently along the smooth skin and locked muscles until he finds his submissive glands. They’re swollen. The area is knotted in a way it shouldn’t be. He brushes against them lightly and Graham grunts.
“Shh, it’s alright,” he says, easing back.
“No, harder. So much fucking harder,” he says and laughs as if he’s stunned at how good it is. Their eyes meet for just a moment and then Graham hurriedly drops his gaze.
“Good boy. Shy, too.”
Colton presses hard, right on top of Graham’s submissive glands. He keeps up a steady pressure and knows the exact moment Graham’s muscles start to relax.
“That’s so good,” Graham breathes, sounding like Colton is doing something far more intimate. “I want you inside me. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since you left.”
“What about it do you want? To feel impaled, to have it hurt, to be close to me? What?” he asks, fingers stroking along the sides of Graham’s neck. It’s a question he’s had and didn’t think he’d ever get an answer to.
“I don’t know. Just… you,” he says. He swallows and Colton feels the movement against his fingers. Everything Graham does is a turn-on.
He kisses Graham’s jaw, puts a hand on his ass, right between his cheeks, and presses his fingers against his hole as much as he can.
In the beginning, it will be very important that he check in constantly to make sure he’s meeting Graham’s needs. That’s the only way to make sure he gives him the experience he wants. Does Graham want pain or pleasure when he thinks of Colton inside him?
Graham’s masochistic tendencies can’t be ignored. The way he came from being penetrated without lubrication, the roughness of the stimulation he preferred on his balls, those are clues and Colton would be doing them both a disservice if he ignored them.
Graham grinds forward with a groan, cock hard as he presses it against Colton’s hip. Then he gasps at the pain of his cock pressing against bone. Colton takes his fingers away and Graham whimpers at the loss.
“Did you get lonely? Is this mine?” Colton murmurs. He presses firmly and Graham responds eagerly, rutting against Colton’s hip bone as if he’s chasing his orgasm.
The more it hurts, the louder Graham gets.
Colton braces himself against the power of Graham’s thrusts. Goddamn, it has to hurt. And Graham is falling apart, shuddering and close to coming. If Graham can come, then he’s going to let him. Graham’s whole life is defined by his inability to submit and come.
“If you can come—”
Graham stops. Tries to take a step back. Colton’s arms keep him close.
“I’ve got you,” he says and turns the hold into a hug.
“Someone is coming,” Graham says and steps out of his embrace. He squeezes his cock, trying to adjust himself before the others arrive.
“Yeah,” Colton agrees, frustrated at the interruption, and gives himself a squeeze, too. “When this is over I want to take care of you.”
Graham casts him a glance from under his lashes. “What if I can’t come?”
“I’m not worried about that.”
“What about… Would you…” Graham blushes.
“Are you asking me if I’m going to come when we’re together?”
Graham turns pink. “Yes.”
“How important is it to you?”
Graham barks out a laugh. “More important than—I don’t know. But it’s important. To me. Last time you didn’t and I’ve thought about that. Regretted it.”
Of course he did. He’s submissive.
“Does it feel like everything, Graham? The only thing that matters?” Colton asks, certain of the answer.
Graham nods sharply, as if he’s ashamed to admit it.
“Then yes, no matter what happens, we’ll make sure I come this time.”
“Thank you,” Graham says.
And then they’re no longer alone.