Chapter 10
Colton finds fruit and cheese as well as an entire shelf of high-calorie shakes in the fridge.
Which are disgusting but easy to drink and probably necessary with all the bulk Graham has.
He takes the food to Graham, sets it next to the bed, and gets Graham roused enough to drink the shake.
Graham does it on autopilot, downing it in three large swallows, and lies back down, reaching absently for Colton.
“I need to shower, babe. I’ll come to bed after. Just wanted to get you something to keep your energy up.”
“Thank you,” he murmurs.
Colton stands, starts to walk away, and hears the covers being thrown back as Graham gets to his feet.
“What are you doing?” he asks and can’t help but admire Graham’s body, the perfect delineation of every muscle. A specimen of male perfection and virility. He’s just so big.
“Going with you. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” He rubs a hand tiredly over his face.
It’s adorable, almost innocent. Almost.
“Oh really?” he asks, and it takes all his willpower not to go to Graham and press him into the bed and use him up.
Graham comes up close, nestles into him like he might fall asleep where he stands.
“Really.”
“That’s sweet. I’m very happy about that,” Colton says, kissing Graham on the lips for a long moment. He takes Graham’s hand and pulls him along behind him to the shower.
Colton turns on the shower. When he turns back to face Graham, his expression is unreadable. He’s staring at Colton’s chest and then his mouth. He licks his lips, and slowly drags his gaze back up.
His cheeks are pink with what Colton suspects is embarrassment.
“What is this? You’re so shy. I feel like you’re my shy virgin or something,” he says, and while he sort of means it as a joke, Graham looks away.
The words “shy virgin” are hanging between them. It’s giving Colton ideas. Things he’d love to do to this man, things he might gasp or whimper over, protest or need to be coaxed into. Would that be something his designation would respond to? “You must have a lot of opportunities for play.”
Graham frowns. “I don’t put myself in a situation where it will be tested. Not if I can help it. I deal with it on my own and that’s how… well, that’s how it’s been for a long time,” he says with a grimace.
Colton wants to ask what he did before that. What experiences did he have? Did something happen to Graham that made him choose this isolation? But the timing isn’t right. If he’s patient, Graham will tell him.
They get into the shower and Graham picks up the soap, looks to Colton for permission.
“Good boy. Thank you,” he says, and Graham starts to wash him, slowly and thoroughly. Maybe he should let the conversation lapse but he doesn’t want to. There’s a certain fragility to Graham as they stand there that makes him think there’s something Graham isn’t telling him but maybe wants to.
“Where are you?” Colton asks.
There’s pressure against his back, a response to the question. “I’m here,” he says, as if the question is literal.
“What are you thinking about? Is something wrong?”
“No. Nothing,” Graham says, but it’s not convincing.
Colton is even more certain that he’s onto something. “I’d like to get to a point of trust where you bring me things that make you unhappy and we solve them together.”
Graham huffs. “Sure. But it’s nothing. Ridiculous.”
“You’re thoughtful and intelligent. The odds of whatever you’re thinking about being ridiculous are very low. Tell me. Please. Because I want to know you.”
Graham wraps his arms around him, sweet and clingy. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to have to look Colton in the face when he answers. “You seem older than you are.”
Colton presses a hand over Graham’s wrist, encouraging the man to keep pressing close. As if he’s a lifeline.
“I hoped I’d be a Dominant. Obviously. Everyone does. And then I found out I had a very high submissive designation and that was even worse. I was told there were things I’d need physically but might hate mentally. And that I’d accept it all in time, find pleasure in all of it.”
Graham takes a breath, presses his forehead to Colton’s back.
“It’s difficult, Graham. Of course it is. And even if our designation means we need or like something, that doesn’t always make us comfortable with it. I know a lot of men who’ve made very bad decisions and done things they regret because they were driven by their instincts.”
Graham nods against his skin. “Yeah. Well, I fought it. I wanted to pretend my designation didn’t matter and didn’t define me.
But it does. It changes how I can interact with people and the things I think about or want.
I’m not used to disappointing people. I’ve always been reliable and confident.
Strong. I was the quarterback on my high school football team.
I had a scholarship to college. Fucked up my knee the first year and got pretty depressed after that.
I had a surgery that didn’t go well, and then another, and I was only twenty.
This program was my chance to be whole again and perfect.
It worked. But the cost has been pretty fucking high. ”
“How long ago was that?”
“Just about a decade.”
“There’s no way you’ve been managing this for a decade on your own. With your designation as high as it is?”
“I did pretty well,” he says.
Which feels like a half answer.
Graham kisses his shoulder blade. It feels erotic but Colton knows it’s connection he’s seeking rather than sex. Graham is talking and Colton isn’t going to ruin the moment by making it about his dick.
Certainly not yet. He can feel the slick rise and fall of Graham’s nipples against his chest. He lifts Graham’s hand to his mouth, kisses his palm and the back of his hand.
It seems like now is as good a time as any to find out about his past, after all.
He thinks Graham wants to tell him. Maybe they can’t get anywhere without it being out in the open.
“Was there ever anyone, Graham? That you trusted or tried to trust?”
Graham takes a step back, letting him go.
Colton turns around, ready to drag the man into his arms.
Graham won’t look at him. He’s blushing but it might be shame.
“Not yet. Please? It isn’t… It’s just normal stuff.
Wanting to impress Dominants and saying yes to things when I shouldn’t have.
And I just decided I wouldn’t do that again.
I was sick of being let down or used and discarded for the next pretty twink.
And with my attitude and how I look, I wasn’t first choice for most Dominants. ”
“I can’t believe that. You’re genuinely the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”
Graham trembles where he stands. “You’re different.”
“I hope so.” He drags one hand down and cups Graham’s heavy balls. He slides his fingers back, strokes them over Graham’s tight opening.
Graham whimpers. “I want you to be different. I want to try this with you.”
“Good. So do I. I’d love to give you what you need, sweetheart. Whatever that is.”
“Tell me,” Graham whispers, legs shuffling apart several inches in invitation.
“I think you like pain here, sweetheart. This tight little hole. You were so sweet when we were together. I want to give you more of that.”
“I—what about you? Your designation? What do you need?”
Now it’s Colton’s turn to be evasive. “We’ll find common ground. And I like that you want to be hurt and you think I can’t do it. That’s a pretty exciting prospect, Graham.”
Graham chuckles. “Oh yeah? I’ve been shot and beaten up and I get up and walk it off. You saw my hand and how quickly it healed. I don’t think you can hurt me, not really.” But the joking tone is a little strained. Like he’s hoping Colton is going to tell him he’s wrong.
He lifts Graham’s chin with a finger, forcing eye contact. “Is that still what you want? You want me to make you cry and hurt you, want me to be impressed by what you’ll take for me?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Even when you don’t want to?” He presses harder, hard up under Graham’s chin, feels pushback as Graham swallows. “Think about it for a minute. That’s a different question. What if I want something and you don’t want it?”
“Like what?” Graham gasps, his pupils dilating.
“Like I want to fuck you and you’re tired.
Or I want you to not come while I do. Or maybe it will be something petty like wanting you to wear something you don’t want to just because it will please me.
A red silk thong or a cock cage. Or maybe I just want to kiss you and be so sweet to you that it’s torture because you think you need a pounding. ”
Graham’s breathing is uneven. “Yeah, I want that. Any or all of it. That doesn’t sound difficult. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”
“Maybe a little,” he says, but their answers don’t match and Colton isn’t quite sure how to explain it or if he needs to.
He might be putting meaning on Graham’s words that isn’t there.
But the way Graham asked sounded to Colton like he thought a submissive should do anything a Dominant wanted, and that each example was weighted the same.
“And that’s what you like?” Graham asks before he can get his thoughts together.
“It’s a good place to start. I want you to prove yourself to me, both physically and mentally.
Physically might be easier, but submission isn’t just the body.
You won’t be struggling against me, sweetheart.
That might be hot but we know how that will end.
You don’t want to win. And I don’t want you to win. ”
“So what does that mean?”
He strokes a finger down Graham’s cheek. “Who’s the one person you’ll struggle against the most?”
“Okay,” he says, frowning. “I get it. You think I’ll fight myself.” He shrugs. “I guess there’s pretty solid evidence for that conclusion.”