Chapter 15
Colton watches in shock as the doctor goes into the room to take Graham’s vitals. Are they going to take his submissive away from him? He was a mess the first time! He doesn’t know if he can do that again. What if he snaps and lashes out?
“You better restrain me if he’s going to be taken,” Colton says.
The Dominant—Mack—turns to look at him. “What happened?” he asks, and he’s so calm, radiating kindness and equanimity, that Colton answers.
“Graham didn’t want to see me. I thought he was just too far down, but he… he couldn’t get hard, and he was very emotional… He doesn’t want to see me anymore. He’s rejected me completely.”
Mack grimaces. “Look, I was there right after he spoke to Jonah. I don’t know what was said, but both of them tanked.
You know Jonah. He’s a good subby boy and he’s easy.
Goes down easy and he’s appealing. But a lot of subs don’t react well to him.
Graham is no different. And to find out you’ve been with Jonah when Graham’s designation has always been…
prickly, for lack of a better word, is hard.
He’s insecure. He needs to know you want him.
He’s got a high designation. You need to fuck him and make sure he knows he’s yours. ”
Mack peers into the room, looking at Graham and the items scattered around. “What do you have in there? Is that lube? To jerk him off? Does he like that?”
“No, but…” He doesn’t even know what to say. Of course it was wrong. But the two times they’ve been together, Graham was resistant. He needed to be wooed and treated sweetly so he was willing to be vulnerable and accept Colton.
“What makes him come?”
“Pain,” Colton says. “Anal and worship.”
Mack shakes his head. “I get it. You’re new to each other.
You haven’t found your dynamic yet. But he likes pain and he’s yours.
He doesn’t need tender kisses and a lot of lube when he’s this fucked up.
He needs to feel safe and known. Fuck him.
Shove two fingers hard into him, dry, and see how he responds. ”
Colton wants to believe him, but it’s too dangerous.
“No. I can’t risk it. If he really doesn’t want me, and it isn’t the drop but him changing his mind because of what I did with Jonah then he will hate me if I get involved. I’ll ruin any chance I have with him. Then it’s—fuck, I’m saying red. For him. For me. I don’t know what to do. Fuck!”
He hears the echo of his own voice and realizes how loud he was. His heart is pounding like he’s about to have a heart attack. He holds his hand out, watches it shake.
“Shit, he’s fucked up, too,” Mack murmurs, looking at the doctor, and Colton would probably punch him if he wasn’t so fucking heartbroken. The doctor takes out the monitor and pricks Graham’s finger. She has a look at the readings.
Graham is pale but with red patches along his cheeks, like he has a fever and the chills at once. His hair is matted with sweat, eyes closed tight in pain, and Colton would do anything to help him. If only he knew what that was.
“How is he?” Colton asks.
“He’s terrible!” the doctor says, like Colton is an idiot. “Sit with him at least. Hold him. He needs you!”
Graham doesn’t need him, though. Graham wanted to be alone. He’d give anything to have Graham be his. They hadn’t even gotten started with each other and it was already one of the most intense sexual experiences he’s ever had.
If someone told him he’d be in this situation less than 24 hours later, he wouldn’t have believed them. He’d have said it was impossible because the connection between him and Graham was too strong.
But that’s wrong. He wants to touch Graham, wants to beg him for forgiveness. He doesn’t even care that Graham’s anger is unfair.
Graham is meant to be his. Graham should be possessive. If he’d found out that Graham had been with someone else since they met he’d be pissed off, too.
He wants Graham to want him, to turn that perfection his way so he can bask in it for a little while longer.
Graham feels above him, is above him, not just professionally and in age, but he’s so removed and his submission has to be cracked open, requires care and control on his Dominant’s part.
He isn’t an eager slut like Jonah. He’s real.
A challenge. He’s the sort of man that would keep Colton on his toes, would require everything from him, and his designation is drawn to that. The things he wants to do to Graham—
“I think you’re being overcautious. It does you great credit to be so careful, but he needs you now. This isn’t just a personal relationship but your obligation to him as a Dominant. He is in need. You’ve both signed contracts. Do your job,” Mack says.
“I’m not stupid. I know that isn’t how it works, and so do you. He has to consent. He revoked it.”
Mack rubs his hand over his face and then through his hair. The pause feels endless and Colton realizes they’re all waiting for Mack to decide and tell them what to do. The doctor, Colton, even Graham.
“The problem is that he’s fucked up, too,” Mack says, jerking his thumb toward Colton.
Then he turns to Colton, meets his gaze.
They’re the same height. “I understand you’re worried and care for him.
You’re young and he’s… complicated. But, I promise you, he wants this. If you were level, you’d know it, too.”
“I’m fine,” Colton declares. “I’m not dropping or having a reaction.
I’m doing the right thing here!” There’s a small voice in the back of his head telling him this whole thing is wrong and off.
His heart is pounding, his hand is shaking and that means something.
But he can’t lose Graham. Which means he can’t take the risk even if he isn’t thinking clearly.
“Look, Colton. I’ve been a Dominant for half my life.
I’ve seen it all. And I’ve known Graham for years.
He’s never reacted to anyone like he reacts to you.
It’s real. I know his submission doesn’t feel certain and your dominance is equally fucked.
Trust me if you can’t trust yourself. I think your judgment is clouded.
Let’s check you. If I’m right then you’re going to do it my way and take care of him how I tell you to.
If I’m wrong we’ll take him to medical. Agreed?
” Mack sticks out his hand, as if they’re going to shake on a bargain.
Colton clenches his hand into a fist so he doesn’t obey. Shit, he might be fucked up. It happens. Designation makes men irrational, can exacerbate all emotions, not just rage and lust.
“Come on, Colton. We don’t have a lot of time. He’s in pain. You’re fine. We’re gonna know for sure. Then this will be over.” Mack’s dominance is urging him to comply and Colton must be fucked up because he wants to lean into the man’s dominance and let Mack decide.
He shakes his head, wanting the sensation to go away. “And then what, you have me help him because we’re both dropping? No. It isn’t that simple. Besides, it’s not like he’s used to having a Dominant. He’s used to drugs and working through it on his own.”
Colton might throw up. Is he really advocating letting Graham go back to the way things were? Dysfunctional and torturous? That can’t be right, but he doesn’t know what is right!
“How about you tell him Graham’s prognosis in the hospital, Doc,” Mack says.
The doctor steps closer. “Well, the drugs are not good for him. If I move him to the hospital, pump him full of drugs and arousal stimulants, he’ll be in physical and mental pain for days as we force his body to do what it needs to do.
He’s not going to come easily, he’s clearly in emotional distress as well as physical distress, and if ever there was a time when he needed you, this is it.
” The doctor is matter-of-fact, serious, and Colton still doesn’t know what’s right.
“I just don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to hate me.” His voice is shaking and he wipes his face, nods gratefully when Mack pulls a packet of tissues from his pocket and hands Colton one.
“You’re lucky I have any left,” Mack says, patting him heavily on the shoulder like they’re pals.
“Christ, what a fucking day. So, look, I’ve done this for a long time and I’ve seen it all.
Plus, I’ve seen Graham fall apart and I’ve visited him in the hospital.
He’s a friend. So you don’t want to fuck Graham yet, that’s okay.
Two weeks from now you’ll know his body inside and out and you won’t hesitate to take what you both need.
” He pauses. Is that a flash of uncertainty?
“Okay. How about this,” Mack says, still bargaining.
“We get him out of here and to the hospital, but that’s going to take a bit of time.
We’re not ready to transport him yet. Lay with him until we’re ready.
Let him sleep beside you if nothing else.
It will help. Touch is essential for survival.
All people are that way. Submissives, those who require more touch and affection, more physical and emotional engagement than the rest of us, need it even more. Can you at least do that for him?”
Colton nods. Yes, he can do that. And he should. Graham might not want Colton to take care of him, but Colton doesn’t want to let him go. And if he gets Graham for a little bit longer, then he’s just enough of a bastard to take it.
“I can do that,” he says. It’s the most selfish decision he can make.
“Great. Good. Lay with him. We’ll make arrangements for transportation and come back in about half an hour. Okay?” Mack says and puts a hand on Colton’s shoulder. He squeezes him reassuringly.
Colton nods. “I thought… medical came in with me?”
“That was for someone else,” Mack says quickly. He might be lying. Colton wants to lie down with Graham, hold him one last time because he’s lost the submissive for sure now, hasn’t he?
“Okay.”
“Good. Shirt off. And his, too. Doc, you want to cut his shirt off and save us all some time?” Mack asks. The doctor obeys, cuts Graham’s shirt off so he’s naked and beautiful, laid out like an offering.
He’s not mine, Colton thinks.
“There’s your boy. Your turn, Colton. I’ll come back when we’ve got transport and we’ll get him moved. Just do your best. Maybe come on his hole or see if he’ll nurse your cock?” Mack says like he’s suggesting aspirin or Tylenol.
And then he’s alone with Graham.