28. Chapter 28
Chapter twenty-eight
Ozzy
It wasn’t often Ozzy took cold showers. There were a few times he had longer jobs out on the east side of Washington, and those summers were absolutely brutal compared to anything on the west. When it came to surviving hundred-fifteen degree heat, a cold shower was a hell of a boon.
And when it came to chilling out the constant engine whirring in his brain. He was absolutely positive this wasn’t going to be a fun time with Evander. This was serious, and Ozzy couldn’t muster up the ire to get acerbic with him. Maybe once I’m actually there . It would be easier to just spew venom and turn him away.
Unfortunately, there was some part of Ozzy, down deep in his core, that didn’t want to turn Evander away. He was a splinter under the thumbnail in so many ways, but spending time with him softened that impression. A lot. There was a comfort being around him, even when they were fighting. It felt like sliding into something that had been missing for too long.
Which was also scary. It felt more like codependence than Ozzy wanted. They had legitimate reasons to drift apart in the first place. Everyone else’s peace and quiet was part of it, but not the primary reason.
Why would Ev ever want to be with someone he doesn’t respect?
Eventually, the shower got to be too cold even for Ozzy’s agitated state. He cranked the water off, but didn’t bother to dry himself when he stepped out, just walked naked into the middle of the hotel room and breathed.
Talking to Evander could clear the air. It wasn’t a requirement that anything come of it…so why did it feel like, when he got there, the two of them would somehow fall back into a relationship? As if neither of them had agency and the laws of nature would thrust them into each other’s orbit?
He laid on the bed, letting the cool air play over the water on his skin, and just enjoying the chill while he reminisced. The blow-up at the restaurant had been the final straw, even though they drifted along as boyfriends for about six months after that. Habit more than anything, before Ozzy finally had to leave and cut everything off…and end Pine Point Fixer-Uppers in the process. There was no way for them to be apart when they still had a channel to uphold.
But he also remembered Evander sitting up with him and giving him space to cry about his bullshit with his parents. Even when Evander clearly thought Ozzy was in the wrong for maintaining those ties as long as he did, he let Ozzy unload on him. Ozzy couldn’t do that with anyone else. Honestly, once he was done with Ev, that made cutting ties with his family that much easier. He had no outlet for his emotions, so he had to go virtually no contact with his parents for everyone’s health and well-being. Christmases, birthdays, and funerals. That was the extent of their contact, and other than the one funeral they’d had in the last two years, it didn’t go beyond cards or five-minute phone calls.
Ev used to push him and push him until he finally got a reaction, then would talk about Ozzy’s temper. But Ozzy also used to deliberately play cooler than he was because he knew it got under Evander’s skin. But that wasn’t really that common of a thing between them. Mostly, he and Evander knew how to take and give critique to each other. Ozzy became significantly better at being honest about his feelings and not hiding behind sarcasm or aloofness. It wasn’t a complete fix—Ozzy was the person he was—but if they hadn’t been together for so long, he would have stayed totally out of touch with himself.
Which, in exactly that moment, didn’t sound so awful to Ozzy. He could handle being a lot less tuned-in on his own feelings, since they had him lying naked on his bed, soaking into the sheets and spiraling.
I can’t get back together with him. No matter what my brain keeps screaming . Ozzy closed his eyes and let the cold turn into shivers. He could just shake himself back into something that made sense. He and Evander certainly didn’t make sense.
It didn’t mean abandoning all the memories, and for the foreseeable future, he would still be around Ev. A lot. That was the only thing that helped stave off the cold. Even when they were biting with each other, arguing about stupid bullshit, it was a little spark of life compared to the cold that was trying to break in and consume him. Can’t blame the cold when I’m the asshole who didn’t towel off . But he knew it went beyond that. It wasn’t just a chill from the shower or the AC in that moment. So much of his life felt…duller.
He didn’t want to completely cut Evander out, but there was no way in hell he could inflict their romance on everyone else again. As much as they might think Ozzy was a prick—and as much as they may have been right, at least some of the time—he cared about the Pine Point crew. They didn’t deserve to get swept up in the nonsense that always, always unfolded between Ozzy and Evander.
He forced himself to his feet and finally dried himself off, rubbing vigorously over his arms, legs, and belly until he started to generate a little heat.
They could be around each other and have a relationship without dating. They hadn’t done the friend thing very often, only knew each other four months before they first started dating. But as Ozzy stared at himself in the mirror, scrubbed red from the terrycloth and otherwise looking like hell, the option firmed up as the only one that made any sense. He wasn’t apparently ready to fully cut off Evander, even if that had been practical. They were going to be working together for at least six more jobs after this one.
“Friends.” He spoke it tentatively, like it might taste too sour or bitter in his mouth. Instead, he had to suppress a giggle about it. Patently ridiculous to make such a big deal about that possibility, yet there he was.
“Friends.” He said it with a bit more force, staring down his reflection. “I’ll tell him we should just try being friends.” It made the most sense.
Plus, somewhere in the back of that decision, trying and failing to hide, was the idea that friends could become something more. This wasn’t him shutting the door completely on Evander and him. Just a reasonable place to slow down instead of the wild emotional swings they’d always navigated before.
That spark of heat in his belly dimmed, but didn’t go out, so it was at least an acceptable choice.
For now .
He pretended that thought didn’t penetrate through as he tossed his towel on the counter and went to get dressed.