29. Chapter 29
Chapter twenty-nine
Evander
He was early, of course. Not good to keep Ozzy waiting when he showed up, and Evander was too excited to just sit around his hotel room anyway. Plus, since they were meeting in the bar, it gave him a chance to slam back a little liquid courage. Not enough to addle his brain, but a shot of bourbon was a good way to make sure he didn’t back out. It had been hard enough to approach Ozzy for a talk earlier. Having that talk…well, he picked the bar as a location for a reason, and it wasn’t the ambiance.
Knowing he was early and convincing himself that it was fine and Ozzy wasn’t bailing on him were two entirely different things. He sipped at his cheap-ass beer and tried not to focus too much on the empty chair across from him. But focus he did, his attention always returning to the emptiness and the lack of companionship and the gnawing worry that, when the clock ticked over to six, he would still be left alone.
He was so in his own head and up his own ass, he almost missed when Ozzy walked through the door and looked around. The tension around Evander’s belly loosened…then reappeared. Ozzy had shown, wearing a red polo shirt and a pair of dark jeans, but that meant they really did have to have this talk.
And that meant Ozzy could say no and toss him aside after Ev opened up to him.
After a couple seconds, Ozzy locked eyes on him and the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile. A tight smile. A fake smile that didn’t dance up into his eyes at all. His walk over betrayed all the nerves and uncertainty just as much, his hips stiff and his back entirely too straight. He looked less like a guy heading over to his boyfriend and a lot more like a guy heading to a morgue to try and identify his dead dad or some shit.
Evander’s stomach flash froze, but before he could sink too far into the panic, Ozzy pulled out the chair across from him. The quiet was only a couple seconds, but it stretched deep and harsh before he finally said anything. “Hope you weren’t waiting too long.”
Ev shook his head. “I said six. Still got a couple minutes before you’d even be late. Ozzy.”
The smile he got that time was much more sincere, if small. “Ozzy, huh? Pulling out all the stops.”
“It was pointed out that…well, screw that. It wasn’t cool for me to keep using a name you hate.”
“Hate’s a strong word.” Ozzy drummed his fingers on the tabletop a couple times. “But I appreciate it. I’ve been trying to shake off that stupid name forever.”
Evander forced his face to stay even and expressionless, even as he cringed inside. Of course it was wrong to call someone by a name they didn’t like. Why he hadn’t been able to pull his head out of his own ass long enough to see that, Ev couldn’t say. “Well, if I slip up, smack me.”
“Right. What we need in this relationship is an invitation to get into a fist fight.”
“Cat fight, if we’re just slapping, right?”
“Because we’re so known for our collective restraint.” He locked his eyes on Evander, and the depth in them, the chasms of blue that Ev could easily fall into…breathtaking. Literally. Evander had to make himself take conscious breaths as too many familiar feelings and memories washed through him. Not aided at all as Ozzy kept talking. “I’m never going to hit you.”
“Oh, no. I wasn’t implying—”
“I know. But let’s not even joke about it. I’m not here for that.”
Evander nodded. “Then…what are you here for?” Better to rip through it instead of lingering and dawdling. “Not to put too fine a point on it. Just…well, I think we both know what I was looking to talk about.”
“You think we should get back together.”
The statement hung a bit while Evander tried to gather himself up enough to respond. “We could try.” Ev ran his fingers back through his hair, then took a swig of the nasty, bitter beer. The kind of shit they had at high school parties because no one had any taste or culture to speak of. “I think we were good together, when we were good.”
“Which wasn’t often enough, was it?”
Ev shrugged, trying not to take that as an outright rejection. “More than we were bad together, right?”
After a moment, Ozzy nodded. “Yeah.” He closed his eyes and massaged his nose. Then, he suddenly slapped his hand down on the table, rattling the cups and silverware. Before Evander could say anything, he raised his hands up. “I’m sorry. This just isn’t as easy as I was expecting, I guess.”
Before Ev could reassure him—it was an honest emotion, he wouldn’t get pissed about that—the waiter walked up, staring not at Ozzy, but at Evander. “Everything good here?”
Ev nodded. “Everything’s fine.” He didn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression. “Honestly. But could we get another menu?”
“Please.” Ozzy sighed and looked up at the waiter. “And some coffee. Decaf, obviously.”
A moment of hesitation, then the waiter walked off.
Ozzy stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck me, this isn’t how I was planning for this to go.”
Evander forced another breath, then another, another. “Well, you can say whatever you need to say.”
“I understand that. Theoretically. It’s not coming out.” He chewed on his thumbnail, staring at something behind Ev. Or, more likely, just trying not to make eye contact for a bit.
Finally, there was no more reasoning through it. Evander could see what the answer was, and he wasn’t going to sit there and hold onto hope, lying to himself. So he broke the news for the both of them. “You don’t want anything to do with me.”
Ozzy’s gaze refocused straight on Evander. “That’s not it at all. I just…friends.” Ozzy nodded swiftly. “I think we should be friends…and sometimes friends get to be more than that eventually.”
“Friends.” As Evander said it, the talons gripping his midsection uncurled, letting him take what felt like the first full breath in hours. “That’s a lot better than I was expecting.”
Ozzy smiled again. Softly, of course, but it still wasn’t that fake one from earlier. “What were you expecting?”
The waiter came back with a single sheet menu and a white, ceramic cup of coffee, then left without another word.
Ev shrugged. “I mean, you would be fully within your rights to dress me down and toss me aside for suggesting something so stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.” Ozzy looked at the little basket in the middle of the table, then grabbed a sugar packet and dumped it into his coffee. “We have history. Like you said, a lot of it was good. But it’s the whole definition of insanity thing. If we just come off a break and jump back into dating again, why would we expect that to turn out any different?”
For a million reasons. I realized I was wrong. We’re older. We’re on TV. We’ve had a really long break. Because I hope so. Because I’ve never found anyone like you. Because I had the exact same thought about insanity not too long ago. Because Bunny was super clear that she thinks we’re better together than apart. Because I agree.
Evander nodded. “That makes sense.” Friends was a damn sight better than it could have been. Now it was on Ev to put his effort into being a good friend and make that work. He picked up his spoon and tapped it against the edge of Ozzy’s cup. “I thought you didn’t do processed sugars anymore?”
“And I’ve been so happy and pleasant ever since I went off sugar.”
“Oh, so we’re pretending you were happy-go-lucky before?”
Ozzy flipped him off, and the world seemed to settle into something that felt…not quite right, but a little more normal. A little closer to what Evander hoped.
Sometimes friends get to be more than that . They both knew “more than that” was what Evander wanted. If being friends was the step up to that, he would do his damnedest, and no one could say shit about it to him.
He raised his beer up. “To friends.”
Ozzy acquiesced with a tiny clink. “To friends.”