Chapter 9
Rule nine: Do not trauma dump on your enemies.
T o my relief, Sin isn’t at dinner.
It’s just me, Rosie, Magnus and Damien, so naturally, we are having a great time. Tonight, Magnus and Damien are getting into it, and I can’t help but laugh at their antics.
“The black market is a dangerous place. You never know when there’s a new plan to overthrow realms. My intelligence gathering is critical to ensuring we know where loyalties lie,” Magnus says. He’s arguing with Damien, but he winks at me.
Damien scoffs. “Yeah, sure, gathering intel from a bunch of thieves is fun and all. But I’m on the front lines, spying on the Council itself. It’s very risky business. Real hero work,” he adds, wagging his eyebrows at me.
It’s nothing new. They both always manage to make our meals at least a bit flirtatious. It’s entertaining, and while I think they’re both very good-looking, I don’t feel the urge to rip off their clothes.
I’m both relieved and frustrated at that thought.
Relieved because clearly, I’m only into walking cesspools of toxicity, so it’s nice to know that Magnus and Damien are good people. But I’m also annoyed with my body. If I’m going to stay in this realm forever, maybe I would like to try sex again. But if the only men I’m attracted to are horrible, then I’m going to be staying reluctantly celibate.
Sad.
I rub my chest, shoving the frustration back down. At least Sin isn’t here to act as a living beacon of my atrocious taste in men.
But wouldn’t you know, it turns out that when you think of the Devil, sometimes he actually appears.
A voice calls out behind me, and I don’t bother to turn around to see who it is.
“You do realize you’re spilling secrets to a Council agent,” Sin says in lieu of a greeting.
His eyes are narrowed at me when he makes his way to the head of the table, which is inconveniently right beside me. I give him my sweetest smile before pointedly turning away from him and focusing on the pleasant people at the table.
I’m starting to think my prisoner energy is badass.
“Awe, Sin, don’t be like that. Red probably doesn’t even know the Council is evil. You don’t want to work for bad people, do you?” Damien asks as he gives me an expectant look.
He’s right. I don’t have any intention of working for the Council. But if Morgana turns out to be an even greater danger to my realm… then I might need to make some difficult choices.
I chew on my lip, trying to figure out how to answer honestly and not make everyone at the table hate me. “I don’t have much of an agenda other than making sure my realm isn’t blown up.”
Magnus leans forward, drawing my attention. “She won’t tell on me, will you, darling? Wouldn’t you agree my head looks much better attached to my body?”
“You can’t trust a word that comes out of her mouth. She’s nothing but a warm hole for Leon to use and another mind for the Council to control,” Sin retorts.
My cheeks flush, and I remind myself that if I engage, I’ve already lost. He isn’t worth it.
I’m thinking it might be easier to just leave the table when Rosie defends me. “You know that’s not true, Sin. I’m a Keeper, and I don’t bow to the Council.”
I whirl on her, shocked. “You’re a Keeper too?”
How have I been hanging out with this woman for days and am only just learning this now?
I have terrible people skills. It’s not like I up and asked her, ‘so what supernatural agreements have you gotten into?’ Now that I think about it, we didn’t discuss much of our personal lives at all. It was easier that way. It ensured no one brought up my own issues.
I need to work on myself.
Of course, I’ve known this for years. But that doesn’t make it any less true.
“I sure am!” Rosie answers brightly. “I’m Irena’s Keeper. She’s the third Destroyer.”
I almost fall off my chair. “There are TWO Destroyers here? ”
That’s it. I’ve already had to deal with enough all-powerful dark creatures for a lifetime. I know my limit, and I’m playing within it.
Rosie’s head hangs down as she answers, “I wish. The Council has Irena locked away. She’s fully warded, locked deep within their castle.”
Well, now I feel like a jerk. Rosie’s voice sounds small, and it’s easy to see she’s really torn up about being unable to get to Irena.
Rosie continues, “The Council has always put Irena back to sleep when she wasn’t on missions, and I would have to wait for them to decide when she was needed again. But then they decided Irena needed a new Keeper. They wanted someone more deeply committed to the Council.”
I frown. “But I thought the only way to stop being a Keeper is in death.”
Rosie smiles faintly. “It is. If it wasn’t for Morgana, I’d be done for. But she got me out of the Otherworld on time. I’m safe here, but it means I can’t get to Irena.”
Things are starting to make sense now. Why Rosie speaks so highly of Morgana, and why she’s sure I’ll get asylum here.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks,” Rosie says, giving me a small smile.
I feel it, then, a small hint of warmth in my chest. Rosie is my friend. It doesn’t matter how I ended up here. I trust her.
Magnus and Damien start exchanging funny stories of how they ended up working as spies. I reach over to put some food on my plate but am shocked to see it’s already heaping with servings .
I blink at my plate, confused. Sin is quiet beside me, his focus on the others, and I’ve been looking Rosie’s way since Sin insulted me.
An enchanted castle it is, then.
Not letting myself think more on the subject, I dig into my dinner, savoring the buttery mashed potatoes. Damien recounts a story involving a horse, two naked guards and a harrowing escape from a dragon. When he’s finished, I turn back to Rosie.
I’ve been avoiding talking about my connection to Leon, but I have a real chance to learn more about the Keeper-Destroyer bond. Given I know almost nothing about them, I think it would be wise not to squander this opportunity.
“Rosie, do you mind if I ask you some questions about being a Keeper?” I ask, hoping the topic isn’t painful for her.
“Oh gosh, not at all!” she answers. “It’s such a rare gift, and I love having the chance to meet other Keepers.”
She looks so earnest as she says it, and I can’t help but feel ashamed that I’m not feeling the same gratitude.
“Uhm, so you and Irena, what form did your bond take?” I ask, testing the waters.
Rosie smiles wistfully. “Irena and I have a lover’s bond. It’s very special. Not that the friendship bond isn’t special, too – sorry, Sin. I just mean, gaining your soulmate in a romantic sense is an incredible feeling.”
I hum, once again getting the sinking feeling that I’m the problem.
“How do you cope with the whole blind obedience thing when Irena is awake?” I ask, figuring I may as well learn how Rosie deals .
Rosie looks confused by the question, so I embellish a bit.
“Leon insists that I follow all his orders without hesitation. That it’s my duty as his Keeper to do as he says.”
At that, Rosie snorts, looking at me incredulously. Sin’s expression gives nothing away, but Magnus has less control and starts laughing.
Damien is biting his lips to keep from doing the same but saves me from further confusion. “Red, keep a close eye when Morgana gets back to see who actually calls the shots around here.”
Rosie explains further, “The entire point of a Keeper is to act as a moral compass. Otherwise, the all-powerful creatures could do whatever they wanted. It’s our job to call the shots. Not theirs.”
My shoulders drop a bit at her explanation, and I suddenly feel a lot less horrible about my decision not to release Leon.
Magnus chimes in when he finally has his laughing under control, “I wonder if the Destroyer is overcompensating again when he doesn’t get his way?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
Magnus sobers. “I’m willing to bet a small fortune that Leon has not returned your memories from your previous life. Or told you the full truth about the night you died.”
I’m momentarily taken aback by the fact that Magnus seems to know about my previous life, but then I assume it’s common knowledge since Morgana used to be part of the Council .
“I – I asked him to, but Leon said removing the block from my previous life’s memories would drive my mortal mind to insanity.” It still seems like a valid reason not to risk it.
Sin, who has been quiet until now, eyes me like he’s trying to figure me out. “Are you so weak-minded that a few memories would drive you to insanity? Mortals are getting weaker.”
He sounds disgusted.
I ignore him.
Rosie saves us from getting into a fight at the table. “I know you’ve been avoiding the topic, and I want to respect that. But I can’t help but notice that you don’t seem impressed with the Destroyer you’re looking after.”
She’s still smiling at me tentatively, so I answer her, once again trying to be careful of how I choose my words, “At the moment, I’m not very pleased. But I’m relieved to be away from the pain and the brain fog so I can finally work through it.”
Rosie frowns. “What fog and pain?”
I pause. “Oh, uhm, you know, the fog and blinding pain at the start – before you accept the bond. Or maybe you accepted it right away?”
I’m feeling stupid now. Way to let everyone know that I’m stubborn and an idiot.
Rosie places a hand on my shoulder, looking concerned. “Vivian, I didn’t accept Irena as my fated mate right away. There was some getting to know each other. But I never felt any pain or had any fog. That – that’s not normal for Keeper bonds, is it, Sin? ”
Sin is frowning down at me, as per usual. “No. There’s no pain in a Keeper-Destroyer bond. It should just be an underlying pull towards the other.”
Rosie nods before turning back to me. “Can you describe your bond a bit better? If you don’t mind. Something isn’t adding up. We only want to help.”
My necklace remains cool, and I know she’s telling the truth. As much as the subject makes me want to drown in my shame, I answer, “The bond draws me to Leon; it makes me want to be very – very close to him. But it causes me a lot of physical pain if I’m too far from him or if I feel upset with him, and well… if I fight the pull to be, uhm, intimate. The fog comes if I think a little too negatively about the Council. Leon says he’s unaffected because he wholly accepts our bond. The only reason I’m in pain is because I keep fighting it.”
Magnus reads between the lines and doesn’t let me gloss over the sexual aspect of the bond. “So, it makes you want to fuck him. Otherwise, you become debilitated by pain?”
I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I stare at the table, not having the courage to look any of them in the eye after the embarrassing things I’ve just admitted to. “I’m sure it’s normal enough. I – I think maybe it’s because I’m broken,” I add in a whisper.
If you can’t spill your darkest fears in front of your enemies, then where should you be spilling them?
No one says a word.
The sound of Sin’s chair is jolting as he shoves away from the table. I look up at him, surprised. His tattoos are glowing red again, and he looks livid as he storms off without a word .
I turn to the others, confused. Rosie looks horrified, and Magnus and Damien look seriously disturbed.
Way to go, Vivian. Making things awkward for everyone with your trauma dumping.
Rosie swallows and takes a shaky breath before correcting me, “The bond between Irena and I has never caused us pain, Vivian. It just made us a bit more invested in each other’s well-being. That you are experiencing brain fog, pain, and a very strong desire to – well, let’s not mince words, fuck Leon’s brains out… That’s not a Keeper bond. It sounds…”
She swallows thickly and looks afraid. She takes a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, “I don’t think you have a natural Keeper bond. It sounds like your bond has been tampered with to be much more sinister. I think someone is trying to force you into being with Leon. And whoever it is that did the tampering, they have tried very hard to make sure you don’t realize it.”