Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Damien
Ican’t believe we’re actually leaving. Like, literally, leaving Phoenix right now.
Killien drives us away from that damn city and all it’s done to us.
We’re heading to Las Vegas for the time being.
It’s a city we know, at least. We spent a few months there when we were making our way south from Salt Lake County, so we’re not going in completely blind.
We need a little bit of predictability right now, because my brother seems to be on edge.
It took him a while to actually process what I’ve done, and the longer he sits with it, the more he panics.
Which I totally understand. I mean, I killed another vampire.
That should have consequences in our society, or whatever.
I don’t know, there are no written laws as far as I’m aware.
But it can’t be good, right? Although t’s not like I did it for no reason.
Sure, I wanted that fucker dead the moment he set his eyes on Killien. But I wasn’t going to actually kill him. Not until I caught him trying to rape my brother. Out of all the people in the world, Killien was the last one I’d expect to get into that type of trouble.
He was always so wise, so careful. And also strong. I can’t even count the amount of times he beat up my bullies when we were kids. He’s tall and can be very intimidating when he wants to. But that doesn’t mean he’s untouchable, I guess.
I look at him while I roll one of my lip rings, admiring his beauty.
I no longer need to hide my feelings, not after the way he kissed me earlier.
Killien is just so fucking perfect. His ginger hair is neatly arranged in his signature undercut.
It leans towards the right side of his head, all soft and silky.
I almost can’t resist the need to run my fingers through it.
“Should we stop at a motel for the night?” I ask.
It’s just an excuse to get in bed with him, honestly.
I almost got him at home, but he started spiraling, thinking that someone was coming after us.
So we had to postpone it, again. Honestly, I would have let him fuck me at Owen’s home, in front of his corpse.
But my ginger angel didn’t seem too keen on it .
. . He’s more sensible than I am. Always has been.
Killien gives me the side-eye, but there’s a subtle curve to his lips. He’s probably fighting back a smile, because he wants it as much as I do. I’d bend over and give him a blow job right now, if I didn’t think he’d crash the car.
“Are you tired?” Why is he even trying? I see right through his serious tone.
“Kinda, yeah,” I lie. “And I don’t think anyone is gonna figure out where we are, anyway. We should stop and rest.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
Fuck, he looks hot when he does that. Even if it’s already dark outside, my vampire eyes can make out colors as bright as during the day.
If anything, his ginger hair seems to glow brighter still against the lights of the cars passing by.
Almost as if he had a halo around his head.
My phone starts ringing in my pocket, making both of us freeze. We stare at each other for a few seconds, until I finally take it out to see Jacob’s name on the screen. I sigh and make myself comfortable on my seat before picking up the call.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Damien!” That’s the first thing I hear from the other side of the line. I roll my eyes as I put him on speaker. “Where the hell are you?! I’ve been looking all over town for you! What the fuck happened?!”
“Have you seen Owen?” I almost laugh out loud when Killien facepalms at my ridiculous question.
“You can bet I have!” Jacob sounds seriously distressed, and there’s noise all around him. Almost as if he’s throwing stuff around. “Why the fuck did you do that?”
There’s a strange silence as I try to pick my words, only broken by the sound of Jacob’s heavy breathing and the cars passing by. Killien taps his fingers on the steering wheel nervously, but says nothing.
“Can you tell me what happened?” Jacob insists, his tone calmer this time.
“He tried to rape Killien.” I look away from my ginger angel as I say those words, but I can tell his cheeks are turning red anyway.
“What?! How—? Is that why you wrote that word on his forehead?”
“Yeah, he got what he deserved. Fucking piece of shit!” I almost lash out, but quickly take a deep breath to calm down. I can’t think of the bastard without wanting to set something on fire.
“He did that in front of you?” Jacob asks the silliest questions sometimes, seriously.
“No, darling. He didn’t know I was there. He was a son of a bitch, not an idiot.”
Killien pretends to concentrate on the road, but I know that he’s listening, and probably drowning in shame and guilt. He shouldn’t be feeling any of that; it wasn’t his fault. I should have listened to my gut instincts and stopped him from hanging out with that asshole altogether.
“What the hell were you doing, then? Spying on them?” Jacob sounds a bit annoyed, maybe even jealous.
“I was keeping an eye on Killien,” I say, casually. “If I hadn’t been there—I don’t even want to think about what would have happened.”
“Goddammit . . .” Jacob sighs. “This is—it’s such a mess. Is he alright?”
“Yeah . . .” I glance at my brother, who is still avoiding my gaze. “I should have never let him feed from Owen. I knew something was off about him.”
“Can you guys just come back home?” Jacob asks.
“I don’t think so,” I say. “We’re leaving Phoenix.”
“What? But—where are you going?!” Jacob’s desperation can’t be masked, and I hate that my heart aches for him.
I fucked up real bad letting him fall for me . . .
“I dunno, honestly.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and keep my eyes closed for a few seconds.
“When were you going to tell me that you’re leaving?!”
“I’m telling you now,” I sigh.
Jacob huffs, going silent for a bit after. “You could have at least let me know we’re over.”
Why is my heart breaking? I don’t have feelings for Jacob.
Do I?
Fucking hell.
“We can’t stay when you’re all gonna come after us, Jacob!” I yell, finally snapping.
“We’re not going after you, Damien,” Jacob says. “Not when we know what Owen did. But that’s not the point. You’re just choosing to leave me for your brother. That’s all.”
Killien looks paler than usual, his hands gripping the steering wheel firmly. I can smell his fear, feel him panic at Jacob’s words. Should I deny it, though? I don’t want to anymore. I’m sick and tired of hiding my feelings. I need to be honest with Jacob. I owe him that much at least.
“I’m afraid I am,” I say, speaking past the knot in my throat.
Jacob laughs darkly. “There it is. I though this might happen eventually anyway.”
There’s a long silence in which Killien looks like he’s about to burst. I have no words to say, really. As much as I like Jacob, I can’t possibly choose him over Killien. And I already knew he’d picked up on the signs, especially during the past weeks. This was bound to happen, one way or another.
“Be careful out there,” Jacob says, and I’d swear he’s crying silently as he speaks. “And let me know if something comes up. I’ll take care of Owen’s body, but I’m sure his absence will be noticed eventually.”
“Yeah.” I have to fight back the tears that cloud my vision. My heart seems to be breaking and I don’t really understand why. “Thanks. Let us know if anything happens.”
“Okay. Good luck out there—” Jacob says, his voice breaking before he ends the call abruptly.
I never wanted to hurt him. I just . . .
I was just being me. But I’ve changed, haven’t I?
Maybe I do feel something for Jacob other than lust. But I really wish that wasn’t the case; life is much easier without feelings.
It was so simple when I just knew I couldn’t care about anyone besides Killien.
“Aren’t you going to call him back?” Killien asks, his voice almost shy.
“What? No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I huff out a nervous laugh.
My brother seems to think about it for a while, biting his lower lip while he chooses his words. “Jacob is a good man, Damien. He cares about you—”
Oh, fuck this.
“I meant what I said, you know?” I snap. Killien’s knuckles go white as he squeezes the wheel. “Jacob might be good and all, but I’m not backing up. Not now when you’re finally—” My voice falters while I hesitate, unsure of what I should say.
After a short silence, Killien speaks softly. “So, this has been a thing for a long time?” he asks, looking at me so briefly I almost wonder if he really did.
That question hurts. Like, seriously. Was he really completely oblivious to my feelings all this time? My eyes sting as they fill up with tears. I’m suddenly scared that he will want to take it all back.
“I want to know, Damien . . .” This time he does look at me for a bit longer. His expression softens the second a tear slides down my cheek. “Tell me, please.”
“Isn’t it fucking obvious?” My voice shakes, and I’m unable to stop the tears from rolling out. “You’ve always been the only one for me, Killi. No one else matters. Not even Jacob.”
Killien’s lips curl into an unusual smile. His mouth twitches as he tries to fight it, but fails terribly. “You don’t think—?” My brother stumbles on his own words before continuing. “Don’t you think it’s wrong?”
Of course he’d ask that . . .
“Maybe I no longer give a fuck.” I shrug. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not like we’re related by blood. And, honestly, I wouldn’t care if we were either.”
For some reason, my answer makes his smile widen. And he’s not fighting it back this time. I stare at him as I wipe away the tears from my face. If only I could get into his head and know what he’s thinking. But it seems like our mind-reading abilities only work with humans. Fuck that, seriously.
“And you’d trade what you have with Jacob for . . .” His fingers tap nervously on the steering wheel. “Me?”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Killien—” I shouldn’t be lashing out, but I am. And I won’t apologize. “Do you need me to draw a fucking diagram? I’d trade anything for you.”
The sight of him biting his lower lip while he smiles makes my heart skip a beat. If he keeps doing that, I’ll start sucking his dick right now and keep going until he decides to park, or crashes the damn car into something.
“Can you just find a place to stop, for fuck’s sake?” I ask, feeling my patience slip away through my fingers.
“What?” His smile fades as he turns to face me. “Why? You need something?”
“Yeah, I do actually.”
“What’s wrong?”
I sigh. “Just take the next exit. Let’s go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.”
“Okay . . .” Killien seems confused, as if he hasn’t figured it out yet.
As annoying as it can be, his innocence only makes me fall more deeply for him.
I can’t get enough of it. His good-boy demeanor, his genuine kindness.
There’s a certain duality to him that drives me absolutely feral.
The prim and proper older brother vs. the beast who beat up those who dared to bully me.
The living good example vs. the reckless, messy killer he can be.
It just gets to me, somehow. I love that he can do both.
Unlike me. I’m all bad.
Or maybe, whatever little good lives inside me belongs with him. He’s the only light to my darkness.