Chapter 40 Into the Dark
INTO THE DARK
CASSIDY
Issa drives out on the tarmac stopping in front of a small private jet. I get out of the car and walk toward the stairs only to find my father standing at the bottom of them. "What are you doing here?"
"Did you think I would let you face this alone?"
Suddenly overwhelmed by emotion, I press my lips together, shake my head as I take in a few calming inhalations through my nose. Then I clear my throat. "Where are we going?"
"Back to the beginning."
Even though I assumed this, I still take a small step backward, the butterflies in my stomach suddenly turning into a ball of painful nerves.
My father steps closer, drawing me into his embrace, and after a moment I relax, pressing my face against his shoulder.
Familiarity envelops me, the firm pressure of his palms along my back soothes me.
He lowers his head and he whispers, "I got you, princess. "
A sob breaks free, immediately followed by a rush of tears only meant for the safety and security of a loving parent's embrace. It pours out of me like poison, decades of fear and heartbreak, it all spills over like a violent storm that can no longer be contained.
My father holds on, an impenetrable fortress holding me steady. And then there's warmth at my back, arms overlapping, cocooning me in a new kind of security. Family by blood, and family found.
I allow myself to free fall, dragged down by that plummeting anchor of despair. I rest there at the bottom, wrestling with demons born of childhood until, exhausted, I slowly begin to rise back up. A calm equilibrium where chaos can no longer touch me.
As if sensing the shift, Issa and Jessica step back. My father eases his hold on me, his hands moving to my upper arms where he gently sets me away from him, lowing his head so he can look me in the face. "You don't have to do this."
Sniffling, I manage to nod while I attempt to form words. I take the tissues that are suddenly under my nose with a watery smile and then, after doing my best to clean myself up I finally say, "Yes, I do."
My father continues to study my face and after a moment he says, "But it doesn't have to be there."
I lift my chin, straighten my shoulders so I'm standing tall. "Yes. It does."
The pain on my father's face is tangible, and for the first time in my life, I bear witness to the cracks in his armor. So, I say, "But you don't have to go."
It takes him a moment to fully comprehend what I've said, and then that first glimmer of pain is gone and suddenly he's frowning as he sputters, "Yes, I do. I wouldn't send you back there on your own."
I laugh and then reply, "Well, I definitely won't be alone."
He glances at Jessica and Issa who are still standing behind me. "Well, of course. But that’s not the same thing,” he turns his attention back to me and adds, "I won't let you go back to that place without me."
I nod, motioning for him to precede me up the stairs to the plane. “Then let's seek out the dark."
The flight is a lot shorter than I anticipated. Before too long, we’ve landed and we're walking back down the stairs onto a very windy and frigid tarmac.
A big SUV is waiting. No sooner have we hit the bottom of the stairs than the driver's side door opens. To my surprise, instead of the burly-looking man I expected, a woman steps out.
My father immediately steps forward. "Lilith Ferro, what are you doing here?"
Her face immediately transforms into a bright smile and then they're hugging like old friends. I find it to be very bizarre because I've never known my father to hug anyone other than me.
They break apart and he immediately turns back to me, his arm over her shoulders ushering her closer to me. "Cassidy. This is Lilith."
My eyes close. I lean forward slightly, inhaling deeply as I say, "You smell the same."
"You mean like death and bleach?" A new voice responds, and my eyes fly open, immediately clashing with the golden eyes of the big burly man I would've anticipated being the driver.
I step back slightly, startled that I didn't notice someone else had exited the vehicle.
Lilith gives him a punch hard enough in the gut that he bends over slightly, expelling the tiniest of breath as she says, "Cut it out, Darius. "
My father chuckles, then sticks his hand out as he says, "I finally get to meet the notorious son-in-law."
Darius eyes my father's hand briefly, then his gaze flits back to Lilith, who elbows him in the side. With an obviously annoyed sigh, he grips my father's hand in his, gives it a small yet firm shake as he mutters, "Whatever you've heard, it's probably a lie."
"Don't listen to him," Lilith interrupts. "Whatever you've heard, it's probably true, and that's the least of it."
Darius rolls his eyes slightly, then he turns his attention to me as he says, "It's nice to meet you, Cassidy. If anyone tries to tell you that I have a nickname, they're definitely lying."
I find myself smiling in response, slightly confused, but also entertained by their obvious affection for each other.
Darius smiles, and my eyes immediately drop, a strange shyness falling over me.
Then Jessica is next to me with an elbow into my side.
"Don't let that devastating smile fool you. He's mean and he smells bad."
I give a quick glance in his direction to find him now glaring at Jessica, and then he does a half-ass job hiding the middle finger he shoots at her.
Lilith sighs heavily as she says, "Oh, would you guys knock it off,” but the good-natured bickering continues as my father says, “A lot has changed, huh, Lilith?"
"You could say that again,” she responds as she turns back the SUV. "We may as well get this over with."
We all pile in, with me opting for the very backseat since I prefer to be able to see everyone. Darius gets behind the wheel with Lilith taking up the front passenger seat, my father diagonal from her making it easier for them to continue their conversation. "Have you been up here since?"
He doesn't have to say since when because we all know. To my surprise, Lilith nods. "Oh yeah. I still own that house."
My father frowns and says, "Why?"
She shrugs. "Why not?"
He gives her a funny look but then says, "How is it that other house remained empty?"
"Because it still belongs to Miranda's estate."
"That seems odd." My father replies. "Would've been easier to just sell it and put the funds in a trust."
"I did manage to get a peek at the trust documents a while back," Lilith responds. "There are actually quite a few properties involved, so I guess they thought it was easier just to turn off the power and the water and leave them be."
The vehicle falls silent, so, after a moment I say, "Hey, Darius?"
He peeks in the rearview mirror and I manage to catch his gaze. "Why are you here?"
My dad gives me a dirty look over his shoulder which I return as I mutter, "What?"
He sighs, shakes his head, but Darius just chuckles and responds, "Think of me as the unbiased moderator of the operation."
Jessica snorts beside me. I look at her say, "Is that funny?"
She replies, "Sort of. But don't worry, he is quite handy to have around, especially when tough decisions have to be made."
A shiver runs down my spine. Even though he’s sitting a few rows ahead of me, and I can only see bits and pieces of him as he maneuvers the vehicle, he still puts off a foreboding vibe that gives me pause.
Obviously, I know that Lilith comes from a different world. Likely so does Jessica, and in many ways probably, Issa and Declan as well. We may run in the same circles, but the outer edge of their circle seeps with the same kind of darkness that I've been running from for years.
The SUV falls silent again but this time I let it go choosing to stare out the window, watching the scenery go by. Before too long we’re pulling into a driveway, and the sickness settles in my gut. "Is this it?"
Lilith turns back and replies, "Yes. But we can pop in at my place first if you'd rather."
I think it over for a moment uncertain exactly what I want to do. Finally, I ask, "Is Ren in there?"
Lilith nods. "He'll meet you just inside."
"Has the place changed at all?"
Now Lilith shakes her head. "No. It remains the same."
"And where is she?"
"In the basement."
The sickness in my gut intensifies, and it takes me a moment to catch my breath before I can respond, "No cruelty."
Lilith frowns. "What do you mean?"
"It's fine that she's in the basement, but she better not be in that cage. Or bound or restrained. I don't want an interrogation; I just want a conversation."
Lilith watches me for a moment and then she turns her attention to Darius who’s looking at her. They have a brief silent conversation and then he nods. "I'll make sure."
With that, he exits the vehicle without any further comment, and in a few long strides he disappears in the doorway.
Bringing my attention back to the occupants of the SUV, I find my father staring at me. "What?"
He shrugs and says softly, "You've always been a better person than me, daughter."
"I wouldn't go that far," I respond with a small laugh. "But even as much as I've struggled over the years, I always figured that if I were to become as cruel as the cruelty I suffered, then that would be them winning."
"That's exactly what I mean."
Lilith exits the vehicle and we all follow suit.
I’m slowly making my way toward the front door when it opens and Ren appears.
Warmth immediately overtakes that sick feeling in my gut, and, with an excited little squeak, I push past everyone, race up the steps, fling myself at him.
He catches me easily, both arms wrapping around my back as I cling to him, my arms squeezing his neck.
He presses his face against my neck and murmurs, "I needed that."
"Me, too," I respond, breathless. He steps back from the door, still holding me, allowing everyone else to enter. I loosen my hold on him, and then after a final squeeze he releases me, I look around the foyer and Lilith asks, "Does anything look familiar?"
I shake my head, wandering further into the house. "I probably didn't spend any time up here."
Ren takes my hand and asks, "Are you ready?"
"No," I respond, "But there's no point in putting it off."
"Did she give you any trouble," Lilith asks.
Ren shakes his head. "No, it was kind of like she was waiting for us."
"How did she feel about coming here?"
"Not happy about it at all," he responds. “But Declan's a pretty persuasive guy."
I immediately bristle, my words clipped as I ask, "What is that supposed to mean?"
Ren glances at me, surprise on his features but then, after a moment, he says, “Nothing bad. Just that the man has a way with words to make people understand."
I don't know why I'm so defensive of this person. Maybe it's how Lilith has explained the situation to me. And how Jessica explained the significance of her even being alive.
Regardless, I have a deep need for her not to be harmed.
Lilith walks down the hall and I move to follow her, but Jessica's hand on my arm stops me. I turn back to her and she says, "We're going to wait up here. Then, if you get overwhelmed or you need a minute, we'll be here for you."
Part of me is torn, because having them there would be helpful.
But she's correct in the idea that if I get overwhelmed and need to break-free, it’s good to have them waiting for me.
I give her a grateful smile, leaning in for a quick hug before silently turning and going after Lilith who’s now standing in the middle of the hallway by an open door.
I pause by my father who has stepped back along the wall, looking as uncomfortable as I’ve ever seen him. "I'm going to wait here too. But if you need me to come down, you just yell."
I give him a quick hug, then allow Ren to lead me to the open door where he follows Lilith down, allowing me to come at my own pace.
Slowly, I make my way down the stairs taking them one by one until eventually I make it to the bottom.
I'm in the middle of the room and I glance to the left, finding nothing but dusty, empty space.
I slowly scan around, turning my head until I stop on a woman sitting in a chair with her back to me.
Further inspection reveals Darius, Declan, and Ren standing back, waiting for me.
My eyes fall to the concrete, the smell of cold and dust invading my senses. I wrap my arms around my middle, contemplating pulling the plug on the entire thing. Of turning tail and running back up the stairs and out of the house as fast as my feet can take me.
And that's when I hear it.
The first strain of a hummed tune I’d know anywhere.
My eyes close, allowing what should be a foreign tune to twist itself around until I can play it back again. That now familiar melody reverberates in my brain, boomerangs back around on nostalgia and a memory.