Chapter Four – Haven
Chapter Four
HAVEN
I watched as Nate turned and headed to his bedroom to change. Turning away from him, I paced the kitchen while wringing my hands. I hadn’t expected Ted to drop everything and drive to the Shaw Ranch to pick me up. We’d only been on a few dates, and he was a great guy, but we weren’t exclusive—he was probably with a woman.
Closing my eyes, I mumbled, “Stupid, Haven. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”
While Nate was changing, I quickly made my way back to the guest room to clean it up. I brought the clothes Nate had given me to wear and put them in the laundry room. As I made my way out, I didn’t see that he was right there and I bumped into Nate. He grabbed me by my arms to steady me.
“Whoa, you okay?”
The feel of his hands on my body made me tremble, and I quickly took a step back. “Yes, sorry about that.”
I quickly looked him over. He was wearing jeans, cowboy boots, and a long-sleeve navy shirt. I groaned internally. Why did he have to be so good-looking? It made it that much harder to dislike him.
Nathan stepped back and motioned for me to walk ahead of him.
“I put the clothes you let me wear in your hamper.”
He only smiled and nodded as he reached for his truck keys. “You ready to head out?”
Another loud crack of thunder shook the house. When was this storm going to move on? I felt a moment of guilt, knowing I was risking our safety by making him drive in this weather.
“Let me grab my stuff.”
We made our way out into the garage, and Nate held the door open as I climbed up into the truck. He shut it and walked around to the driver’s side. He got in, started the truck, and opened the garage doors.
Looking behind me, I watched as the rain poured off the house. Even Nate’s driveway looked like it was flooding.
He pulled out and started down the drive, trying to avoid the massive rivers of water. When he got to the main road, I stared at the water running down the ditches and washing across the lower parts of the road. No wonder Ted didn’t want to come out in this.
Nate went to pull out when I said, “Wait!”
He turned and looked at me. “Did you forget something?”
“Yes,” I replied as I met his gaze. “My damn common sense. Nate, we shouldn’t be driving in this storm. Look at the water. If something ever happened, I would never forgive myself. It’s not like I live down the street; I’m in Hamilton. This is stupid.”
He stared at me as if waging some internal battle. Sitting back, he asked, “What do you want to do?”
I twisted my hands together in my lap.
“I can take you to Josh and Sophia’s if you feel more comfortable there.”
Turning to look at him, I felt myself frown. Was it my imagination, or was he trying to push me away once again?
Before I could say anything, he said, “I don’t mind you staying at my place, but if you want to leave, I understand.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I asked, “Would it be terrible if I just stayed the night? You won’t even know I’m there, I swear.”
“Now you want to stay here? Before, you couldn’t get out of my house fast enough.”
Sighing, I said, “My common sense took hold. Look at it, Nate. It’s raining cats and dogs.”
He leaned forward, looked out his front window, and nodded. “Yeah, it is. It hasn’t let up over the last few hours either.”
“Well, now that I can see how bad it is, I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive in it.”
Nate sighed. “Okay, then I’ll turn back.”
Nate pulled out into the street, reversed the truck, and then headed back down his driveway. I was positive he thought I was a nut case.
“You probably think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t think that at all,” he said, pulling his truck back into the garage. He shut the garage door and exited his truck while I did the same. We walked back into the house, and I stood there like a complete idiot in the hallway while he walked on. He turned and stared at me.
“Haven?”
I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Nate Shaw.
Nate started to make his way back to me. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, bending down to look in my eyes. When I said nothing, his hands came up to cup my face. “Haven, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I can take you to Josh and Sophia’s house if you want.”
I shook my head. How did he not see the way he affected me? How his touch made my entire body shake with desire. What was it about me that repulsed him? I closed my eyes and said, “I think I’m just tired and cold. I just…”
“You just what?”
It felt like everything was weighing down on me. Everyone always comments about how happy and positive I am, even when inside I’m drowning. I took on this project of building a dog park and was soaking every ounce of money into it, and I didn’t even have the necessary funds to put tires on my old car. I barely had enough to keep myself afloat. And to top it off, the icing on the proverbial cake, I was in love with a man who didn’t want anything to do with me.
I lifted my head, and the moment I saw those eyes, I lost control and cried. Not just the tears that slowly slide down your face, where the hero reaches up and wipes them away. No, I had to burst out in sobs—the kind that shakes your body and makes your nose run instantly.
“Shit,” Nate said as he pulled me to him. I buried my face in his neck and just rapid-fired all of my problems. Everything was muffled, and I was glad for that because, truth be told, I didn’t want Nate to hear all of my issues. He was the last person I wanted to tell my woes to, but at the same time, it was nice to say it out loud.
Suddenly, I was lifted off the floor and carried over to the sofa. Nate sat down with me on his lap as I buried my face into his neck. Now that the dam was broken, I couldn’t stop it. All the feelings, every single one that I’d kept buried deep down inside over the years, the ones about my father, my mother working two jobs to keep up with the house, and me trying to help her and secure a future for myself…it was all coming up to the surface. I could feel his hand move up and down my back as he softly told me everything would be okay.
“Shh, it’s okay, Haven. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”
The more he told me not to cry…the more I cried. I wasn’t even sure when the last time I had cried was. That was a lie. It was the night Nate rejected me. And here I was, in his arms, crying like a damn baby.
“Tell me what’s going on, sweetheart. Why are you so upset?”
I wanted to grab onto his use of the word sweetheart and analyze it, read more into it than was probably there, but I knew it was useless. Nate had made it clear time and time again that he had no feelings for me. Yet, he held me while I cried, which had to mean something, didn’t it?
No. No. No .
I wasn’t going to read into anything. Nate leaned back on the sofa, taking me with him. The tears just kept coming. I finally relaxed against him, and the last thing I remember before crying myself to sleep was Nate’s soft voice.
“It’s okay. I’m here, and I won’t let you go.”
I blinked my eyes open only to shut them because of the sunlight pouring into the room.
Sunlight?
Sitting up quickly, the room spun slightly. I had to close my eyes to get my equilibrium back. I slowly opened one eye, then the other. It took me a hot second to realize where I was.
Nate’s guest room. The same room he had brought me into to shower and change. Turning to my left, I sighed when I noticed that the side of the bed was still pretty much made up.
Swinging my feet over, I stretched my arms up and let out a long breath. I must have slept like the dead. I looked at my Fitbit to see what time it was and nearly choked on the air I sucked in. It was almost nine in the morning. Catching sight of my phone on the side table, plugged in and charged, I grabbed it. There was a text from Sophia.
Sophia: Good morning! Nate texted me last night to let me know you had fallen asleep and that your car was at the shop. I hope it’s okay, but I figured you were still sleeping when I hadn’t heard from you earlier this morning. I took it upon myself to text the morning and afternoon groups this morning to cancel today due to the weather. With all the rain and flooding, I didn’t think you would be taking the pups out, or that some of the roads would even be passable.
Me: Morning, Sophia. I’m so sorry, and I must have been more tired than I thought. I just woke up, and that’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t have been able to get there in time. Did you happen to let Owen know?
Sophia: Yes, I let him know.
Me: I owe you, Sophia.
Sophia: That’s what partners are for! I’ve got your back.
I let out a long breath and set the phone back on the table before heading into the bathroom. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw a brand-new toothbrush with toothpaste on the counter. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I looked at my hair, which was a mess. In the end, I left it alone. I usually wore my hair up in a ponytail, but today, it fell around my shoulders in wild curls.
“I’ll just pretend it looks good,” I mused as I stared at myself in the mirror. I had zero makeup on, my hair was a rat’s nest, and I was about to see the man I had been in love with for as long as I could remember.
Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “You have to move on, Haven. You have to let go of this stupid fantasy.”
When I opened my eyes and saw my reflection in the mirror, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or laugh. I had spent the night in Nate Shaw’s house. Had most likely fallen asleep in his arms, and Lord knows what he thinks of me after that crying fit. What I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and hide. For as many times as I had wanted to see Nate, this was one rare moment I didn’t.
But I was stronger than this. So instead of hiding out in the room, I turned on my heels and started up to the main floor for the kitchen.
As I walked up the steps, I could smell bacon. My stomach growled, and I placed my hand over it, taking a deep breath through my nose. I hadn’t realized I was so hungry.
I swayed slightly when I saw Nate standing at his stove, wearing nothing but sweats, no shirt, no shoes, just sweats. I squeezed my eyes shut.
You’re moving on, Haven. Moving. On. But damn, did he make it really difficult to move on when he was shirtless and wearing sweatpants.
Opening my eyes, I cleared my throat and said, “Good morning.”
Nate jumped and then glanced over his shoulder at me. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open some. I looked away from his intense gaze and said, “So, ummm, obviously my hair has a mind of its own. Do you know where my ponytail holder is?”
When he didn’t say anything, I looked at him. He was staring at me with a look I had never seen before.
“Your hair,” he softly said.
Feeling embarrassed, I reached up and touched it. “I know, it’s a mess. Hence the ponytail thingy that I need.”
He shook his head. “It’s beautiful, Haven. I forgot you had such curly hair.”
His words rattled the inside of my chest, and it took me a few seconds to find my voice.
“Um, yeah, I wear it up a lot. Makes it easier when I’m dealing with the dogs.”
Nate cleared his throat and slightly shook his head before he turned back to the bacon. “I think you should wear it down more.”
My eyes went wide at his admission. “Did you just give me a compliment, Nate?”
He glanced back at me. “Don’t make it seem like I’ve never complimented you before.”
My arms crossed my chest as I let out a humorless laugh. “You haven’t. Ever. Not once.”
A look of…regret…crossed over his face. Impossible. I clearly had misread it.
“I find that hard to believe.”
Deciding to let this conversation go, I asked, “Did you need me to help with anything?”
“If you wouldn’t mind watching the bacon for me. I worked out this morning and started the bacon when I got out of the shower, but I need to change.”
My eyes went over his body. He was built, but not overly built, like some guys at the gym with muscles that are way too big. Nate’s shoulders were broad, and his chest was bare of hair, which made my fingers twitch to touch his skin. Then you had his lower midsection, which had the perfect set of abs, indented in all the ways that abs should be. His sweats hung low on his hips—Lord, give me strength—and the pain in my lower lip alerted me that I was biting down on it.
“You okay, Haven?” Nate asked.
My eyes jerked back up to his, and I nodded. “Yep. Fine. I’ll, um, I’ll take care of the bacon.”
He nodded and walked off, leaving me to grab onto the counter and take a few deep breaths. It was suddenly sweltering in that kitchen.
Once I pulled myself together and reminded myself, again , that I was moving on from Nate, I walked over to the bacon and flipped it. I made my way to the pantry and took a quick look. We had eggs last night, so I was hoping to make something different. When I spied pancake mix, I smiled. I also found a can of pumpkin puree, pumpkin spice, and vanilla. Nate’s pantry was stocked with everything one would need to cook. He may not do fancy, but he clearly liked to cook.
A thought suddenly occurred to me. What if he was dating someone, and I didn’t know? Wouldn’t Sophia have said something? No, why would she? Lily…would she have mentioned it?
I shook my head. No one would mention it because no one knew how I felt about Nate. Okay, just because he had food in his pantry didn’t mean it was because he was dating someone. And besides, who cared? Not me. I was moving on.
Lining up what I needed to make the pancakes, I looked around the kitchen. “Where would the mixing bowls be?”
“That cabinet right there. What are you doing?”
Nate had walked into the kitchen and up to a cabinet. When he opened the door, I saw the bowls. I reached in and took out a medium mixing bowl.
“I’m making us pumpkin spice pancakes.”
He raised a brow.
“You do like pumpkin, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
Smiling, I said, “Great. My mother used to make this for me on the first day of fall every year.”
Nate laughed. “You’re a bit late. Fall was back in September.”
“It’s November, Nate, and the Official Fall Rules state that pumpkin spice can be eaten any time of the year.”
“I’ll take your word for it. So, umm, what do you need me to do?”
“You take care of the bacon, and I’ll handle the pancakes.”
I mixed up the ingredients and poured some batter onto the griddle. The smell of spices and pumpkin filled my senses. “I love this time of year.”
Nate took out two plates and set two glasses of orange juice down on the kitchen table. He then got out syrup and butter.
“Do you decorate for fall?” Nate asked.
“I normally do, but this year, I’ve been so busy getting things going for this dog park that I haven’t had time to do it. I will decorate for Christmas, though. It’s my favorite holiday.”
Nate pulled out his phone and read a text he had gotten while I put the large plate of pancakes down on the table.
“Ready to dig in!”
He glanced up and smiled. “Those look and smell good.”
I felt my cheeks heat slightly. “Hope you like them.”
Nate took a fork and grabbed three pancakes while I took two. He put a bit of butter on it and some syrup. I hadn’t even realized I had been holding my breath until he took a bite and moaned in delight.
“That’s good, Haven. Dare I say better than my mother’s.”
Smiling, I took a bite of mine. They were good, and it took all I had not to devour them. I was starving.
We ate in silence for the first few minutes. Nate broke it when he looked up at me and asked, “Haven, can I ask you something and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to? But I was just wondering why you were so upset last night? You cried so hard that you cried yourself to sleep.”
I wiped the corners of my mouth with the napkin and sighed. “I was hoping you would forget about all that.”
He shook his head. “Not a chance when a woman is in my house—and in my arms—crying.”
Shrugging, I said, “I guess the dam broke. It’s been a stressful few months, and with my car getting a flat tire and a few weeks ago it needed a new battery…well…things are just stressful .”
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
My gaze lifted and met his. He seemed so damn genuine and it broke my heart knowing how much I really liked him, but that he would never be mine.
With a soft smile, I shook my head. “Thank you, but it will all work out. I think I was just tired.”
Nate nodded as he leaned back in his chair. When he said nothing, I cleared my throat and stood to clear the table.
Reaching for his plate, Nate said, “Leave it. I’ll clean up.”
“I don’t mind helping you clean up.”
The doorbell rang and interrupted our moment, and then Nate stood. “That’s Hank. He’s brought your car for you.”
“What?” I asked in surprise. “He brought it here?”
Nate started toward the front door. “I figured you’d need it, and when the weather had cleared up, I called him to see if he could drop it off.”
“Oh,” I said as I followed him to the door.
“Morning, Hank,” Nate said, reaching out to shake the other man’s hand.
“Good morning, Nate and Haven. I’ve unloaded your car, and it’s ready for you.”
Glancing past Hank, I saw my car sitting in the driveway. “Did you have to put a new tire on?”
Hank nodded. “I had to. There was no way I could plug that tire again.”
“Again?” Nate asked. “Oh, was that the same one from last month?”
I nodded and focused on Hank. “Thank you, Hank. Can I drop by the shop later today to pay you?”
He smiled. “Of course you can, Haven. There’s no rush. I’m just glad I found the right tire at another store for you this morning.”
Nate turned and looked at me. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he pressed his mouth into a tight line.
“Right. Well, thank you again, Hank. How are the roads?”
“Minor flooding on some roads, but you won’t have any issues getting home. The sun is out and drying things up as we speak. I’m just glad we didn’t get ice or snow.”
I wrapped my arms around my body. “The temperature has dropped, that’s for sure.”
Hank looked up. “Winter is right around the corner, so it’s no surprise we are getting this crazy weather.”
When he looked at Nate and me, he smiled. “I’ll be heading off. Let me know when you want to get the other tires replaced.”
“Thanks, Hank!” I called after him as he headed down the porch steps and to his tow truck.
After he got in and pulled off, Nate shut the front door and started for the kitchen again.
I followed and helped him clean up, even though he had told me not to. We worked in silence, and I couldn’t help but notice something had shifted with us over the last day. What it was, though, I couldn’t say.
“Thank you for picking me up and letting me stay here.”
Nate tossed the dish towel over his shoulder and flashed me that drop-dead gorgeous smile of his.
“No problem at all. I’m glad you got your tire fixed. Are you taking any dogs out today?”
“No, it’s too wet. Sophia told me she had sent out a text to let the dog owners know.”
Slipping his hands into his jeans pockets, Nate looked around the kitchen. “Thanks for helping me clean up, and for the delicious pancakes.”
“Sure,” I said with a smile. “I should get going.”
“Do you have everything?” Nate asked as he followed me into the living room.
“Yep.” I picked up my small bag and purse. “Thanks again.”
He walked me to the front door and out to my car. Right as I was about to get in, Nate spoke.
“Haven, um, wait a second. There’s something I needed to say; I mean, I wanted to talk to you about.” He cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Pausing, I looked into his silver-blue eyes and tried to ignore how my heart sped up. His eyes were dancing with something I had only ever seen once before from him, and it was a long time ago.
He tore his gaze away from mine and kicked at something on the ground. “Last night…something–”
The sound of a vehicle pulling up the driveway caused us both to turn and see who it was.
“Ted?” I said in complete shock.
Ted pulled up behind my car and got out, a smile on his face. “You have your car!”
I looked at Nate, my car, then back to Ted. “Yes, Hank brought it over just a little bit ago.”
Ted walked up and leaned down to kiss me on the cheek. “I was worried and saw you were still at this location, so I thought I would come to see if you still needed a ride home.”
“Are you tracking her?” Nate asked, a tone of bitterness in his voice.
Ted looked at Nate and held out his hand. “Ted Reynolds.”
At first, I didn’t think Nate was going to shake Ted’s hand, but his good manners won out. He reached out and pumped once before dropping his hand.
“Nate Shaw.”
Ted smiled as he said, “Nice to meet you, Nate.”
Confused, I looked at Ted. “How did you know I was still here?”
He held up his phone. “Find my friends app on your phone.”
“I shared my location with you last night; I didn’t think it would still track me.”
“It did. It looks like you don’t need me after all.”
Rocking back and forth on his feet, Ted looked between me and Nate before he settled his gaze on me. “I’ll follow you back to your place unless you need to go walk the dogs.”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “Today’s appointments were canceled.”
“Great! I don’t have any clients today, so we can spend the day together.” Facing Nate, Ted said, “Thank you for coming to my girl’s rescue last night.”
My head drew back some, and I stared at Ted. My girl? What in the world was up with that? We’d gone out on a few dates, and I was suddenly his girl when I knew he dated other women.
Nate forced a smile, and I could see a tic in his jaw. “Sure thing.”
If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought Nate was jealous.
Impossible.
“Ready to leave?” Ted asked as he reached for my hand. I quickly pulled it back. I wasn’t sure why, but it seemed like the right thing to do at that moment.
With a forced smile, I said, “Why don’t you head out, and I’ll meet you at my apartment.”
Ted’s smile faltered slightly, but he quickly recovered. “Sounds like a plan. It was nice to meet you, Nate.”
With a single head bob, Nate replied, “You too.”
Once Ted was back in his truck and turning around to head down the long drive, I asked, “How did he get through your gate?”
“It was open for Hank.”
Nodding, I faced Nate. I smiled and asked, “What were you going to say before Ted showed up?”
Nate’s eyes suddenly changed. They looked void of emotion, unlike only minutes before when he looked at me, and they seemed to sparkle.
His hands returned to his pockets, and he stepped away from me. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Are you sure? You seemed serious about something that happened last night.”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
I chewed nervously on my lower lip. “You’re sure?”
His face lifted, and his gaze met mine. For a second, I thought he would step closer and kiss me. Instead, he took another step back.
“See you around, Haven.”
I nearly put my hand to my chest when I felt a sharp pain, almost like a knife was pushed into my chest. It was just like at the barn. He was pushing me away for some reason.
I opened my car door once again. Before I slipped inside, I looked back at Nate. “Thank you again.”
He held up a hand and simply said, “Yep.”
Slipping into the car, I turned it on and backed up into the driveway pullout to turn around. I started to pull out and looked in my rearview mirror, only to find Nate watching me as I drove away.
Once on the road, I put my hand to my mouth and let out a soft, humorless laugh. I would probably never find out what Nate was going to say to me. And knowing that made my eyes fill with tears.