10. Ezekiel
10
Ezekiel
I couldn’t stop thinking about last night, and not for the reason it should’ve been on my mind.
I didn’t know what had happened, but something in Sam’s voice had shifted. At first, I’d put it down to his OCD maybe having been triggered, but the longer we’d talked for, the less I thought that was the case.
He’d sounded…lonely. Dejected. I’d tried to draw him out of his head by sharing funny stories, but nothing I’d said had had much of an effect.
Eventually he’d fallen asleep while still on the phone to me. I’d lain there listening to his breathing for far longer than I was willing to admit.
Okay, if I was being honest, I hadn’t ended the call until I’d heard him stirring this morning. I’d stayed awake all night, doing nothing but listening to him sleep, just to feel closer to him for a bit longer.
I’d never felt like this about anyone before. There was only one explanation that made sense.
He had to be my mate.
It had occurred to me approximately a thousand times last night to ask for a photo of his face. I didn’t care what he looked like, but what if I looked at it and didn’t hear my soul whisper the word I was desperate to hear?
Mate.
I was scared. It was cowardly, but I wasn’t ready to face the truth.
Now though, after obsessing over it for hours, I knew we couldn’t continue like this. It wasn’t fair to either of us.
Besides, if Sam was my mate, this was pointless. We could be spending this time together, not agonising apart.
But what if he wasn’t? Was I prepared to walk away from him? Or should I spend his mortal lifetime as his partner, praying my mate didn’t show up before then?
Would I even be able to love my mate after loving Sam? I wasn’t saying I was there yet—of course I wasn’t.
But it was all too easy to see how fast I could fall.
“Can you stop tapping that please?”
I glanced up in surprise to see Micah gesturing at the pen in my hand. I hadn’t even realised I’d been tapping it. I dropped it quickly, slumping down in my chair. I was in the main office with him and Benji, working through yet more paperwork. “Sorry.”
Benji frowned, turning to Micah. “He’s behaving oddly, right?”
“He is,” Micah confirmed, his brow furrowed as he studied me. “There’s definitely something bothering him.”
“I’m right here,” I muttered. Neither of them acknowledged that I’d spoken.
“Phew.” Benji turned back to his screen. “I thought so, but I wanted to check. Ez’s moods are usually easier to read than this.”
“Hmm.” Micah pursed his lips. “You okay finishing this up on your own, Ben?”
“Yup.” He waved vaguely in my direction. “I’ve got this. You go deal with…that.”
“Charming,” I said under my breath as Micah stood up and gestured towards the door with his head. “Eurgh, fine.”
I followed him out into the hallway. Our leader didn’t stop there, walking down the stairs, through the house, and outside into the garden. I realised then that Nox must not have told Micah about our run-in the other day. If he had, this conversation would’ve happened before now.
Tempted as I was to try and avoid this, there was no point. You couldn’t hide anything from Micah. If he wanted to know something from one of us, you could bet we’d tell him. We might fight it, might try to delay it, but the outcome was always the same: Word vomiting all over Micah until you got it all out of your system.
I’d been through this enough times to know what was coming. I wasn’t even upset or irritated by it. I’d opened up to Rami, so what was one more person?
Besides, other than Breann and Grace, Micah was the only one who’d found his mate. He might have some useful advice.
Micah shoved his hands into his pockets, his pace slowing. I fell into step beside him, the two of us silently making our way through the trees.
“So, is this about Sam?”
At least Micah knew a little about what was happening. Hopefully it’d make this easier. “Yes. We’ve been talking.”
As with Rami, I gave Micah a rundown of how we’d got to this place. With everything echoing around in my brain from the night before, I found it strangely easy to open up to him. I covered it all. Our late-night conversations, the need I felt to talk to him, the restlessness I experienced every moment he was out of contact. I held nothing back.
With a sigh, I came to the final most important point. “I’m just…I’m falling for him, Micah, and that fucking terrifies me.”
“Because he might be your mate?”
I shook my head. “No. Because he might not be my mate.”
“Hmm.” Micah stared off into the distance. “I can see why you’re scared. I spent a very long time pining after someone who was never intended to be mine. I wouldn’t wish that heartache on anyone, especially not you.”
My heart plummeted. “So you’re saying I shouldn’t meet him?”
“No,” Micah said slowly, “I’m not saying that. But you’ve said yourself that you’ve felt a pull to him.”
“Not like you did with Nox though. I’ve never felt physically drawn to his location or anything like that. You told me yourself that the two of you found it near impossible to remain apart.”
“True.” Micah’s face took on that slightly glazed expression it always did when he thought about his mate. “But that was only after we’d met. Sure, Nox felt a pull to the surface, but it wasn’t until that day in Hell that he knew what it was.”
“But there’s been no pull for me,” I said hopelessly. “We live in the same city—surely fate would’ve had me stumble across him before now?”
“Firstly, there is a pull. You’ve said yourself that you feel the need to speak to Sam daily. That there’s an itch under your skin that only retreats once you’ve heard from him.”
“The same could be said about anyone I was interested in.”
Micah’s lips twitched. “Oh, so you’ve felt this way before?”
“No but…” I sighed. “I’m scared to get my hopes up. What if he’s not my mate? Or even worse, what if I then meet my mate but can’t give my heart to them, because it already belongs to Sam?”
Micah put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “If he’s not your mate, you do the right thing and walk away. It’s not fair to drag either of you into a relationship that’ll potentially end the instant your mate appears on the scene. Even if it takes decades, you’ll spend the whole time looking over your shoulder, waiting for them to appear.”
I hung my head in despair, knowing Micah was right.
“For what it’s worth though, you don’t need to worry about how you’ll feel about your mate. Nox and I hated each other but we made our way together in the end. It might not feel like fate knows what it’s doing, but it does, even if it takes a while for those involved to realise it.”
“If fate knew what it was doing then Sam would be my mate.” I kicked at a rock.
“And he might be,” Micah reminded me. “Look at the demons down in Southampton. Cal and Harlow both lived in the same city as their human mates for years before they met them. Maybe the pull isn’t as strong if one of you is human.”
I dragged a hand down my face. “All this is doing is giving me hope that Sam is my mate.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“If he’s not, yeah.”
“But if he is , you’re wasting all this time fretting over a problem that doesn’t exist.”
I scowled at the ground. “Does you being right all the time ever irritate Nox?”
Micah laughed, the sound so much lighter since his mate had entered his life. “Constantly. Being mates doesn’t mean everything is perfect, Ez. It means you love each other despite the imperfections.”
“That’s good. I have plenty of those.”
“You do, but not as many as you think. With the right man at your side, I think you’ll see the good we all see in you.”
My head snapped up. “What?”
Micah squeezed my shoulder once more before dropping his hand. “You’re one of the bravest beings I’ve ever met, Ez. You led the entire unit into Heaven to defend me, knowing all too well that you might not walk back out.”
“I would’ve done that for any of you.”
“Exactly,” he said. “We’re lucky to have you. I know everyone gives you shit to provoke you, but we all love you. You deserve happiness as much as everyone else.”
Warmth pricked at my eyes. I stared at the sky, trying to hold the emotions at bay. “But what if I can’t find that happiness with Sam?”
“You won’t know until you try.”
Vulnerability was slipping through the gaps in my armour. “I’m scared, Micah.”
“I know. Look at it this way, if you do nothing, you’ll gain nothing.”
“But if I do something, I may lose him.”
“Or you could gain everything .” Micah smiled. “Like I said, you’re the bravest of all of us. You’ve never let anything scare you, so don’t let love be the first.”
C orrectly assuming I was going to be useless until this was sorted, Micah dismissed me. Tempting as it was to track down one of my brethren in an attempt to put this off even longer, I knew Micah was right.
I had to know. It wasn’t fair to myself or Sam to keep dragging this out.
The main living room was empty for once. I dropped onto the sofa, typing out text after text before deleting them.
Finally, I settled on a simple opener.
Zeke
Hey baby, how are you feeling today?
I was about to hit send when I spotted the endearment. Sam had been fine with it last night, but what if things were different today?
I swapped it out for his name and hit send. Sam’s response flashed up only seconds later.
Sam
terrible, tbh. Not because of last night, but just generally not feeling great
Panic flared. Was he sick? Humans were so vulnerable. What if something was really wrong with him? What if something happened to him and I never got to know who he was to me?
Zeke
what’s wrong?
“Rami,” I hollered, not bothering to wait for Sam’s reply. If something was physically wrong with him, Rami might be able to help. He was the only one of us blessed with healing abilities. “Rami, where the fuck are you?”
He appeared in the doorway, wiping his hands on a tea towel. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I was literally next door.”
“I might need you.” I got to my feet and started to pace. Come on, Sam. Hurry up and reply.
Rami froze, the towel hanging limp in his hands. “Is it Sam?”
I nodded curtly. “He text to say something’s wrong. I don’t know what. I’m waiting for him to respond.”
Rami was next to me before I’d realised he’d moved, gently steering me towards the sofa. “Okay, stay calm. If he’s well enough to text, it’s unlikely to be life threatening.”
I grabbed his wrist, the panic choking me now. “You can help him though, right?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Noah enter the room. He raised a brow in question at Rami, who just shook his head in response.
“Once we know what’s wrong, we can come up with a plan,” Rami said, his expression solemn. “You know I’ll do whatever I can to help him.”
Noah slid onto the sofa beside me, his delicate fingers patting my knee. “We’re all here, Ez. I don’t even know what’s going on, but I’ll help however I can.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, tears pricking at the back of my eyes. “I don’t even know why this has sent me into such a spiral. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“It does if he’s your mate,” Rami said gently. “Supes aren’t known for being rational if it’s their mate involved.”
I could feel Noah’s curious gaze burning into the side of my face, but thankfully he didn’t say anything.
My phone buzzed, and all three of us turned our heads to look at it.
Sam
just a bad brain day. don’t worry, I’ll be fine. just need to spend the day hibernating in bed and then i’ll be okay
“See? Everything’s okay.” Rami slapped me on the shoulder. “You were worrying about nothing.”
The glare I shot him was deadly. “What part of him not being able to get out of bed makes it sound like he’s okay to you?”
Rami faltered. “I mean, he’s not physically sick, right? We don’t need to worry.”
I got to my feet, Noah moving just as fast. “So you’re saying mental health isn’t as important? Do I need to get Benji down here to tell you just how many people die from mental health issues every fucking year?”
Rami dropped the towel he’d been holding on the floor, holding his hands up, palms out. “Ez, I didn’t mean it like that.”
It was too late. The monster was rising. I tried to catch hold of it, but it slipped through my fingers like running water. “Oh? What did you mean then? That because it’s something you can’t see, we don’t need to worry about it? Or perhaps because it’s not something you can fix, it doesn’t matter?”
A white shield appeared between us, so bright it was almost blinding. Rami and I both took an instinctive step back.
Noah stepped in front of me, his back to Rami. It was his shield, I realised. What was odd though, was that it wasn’t guarding him, only Rami. He’d put himself in my warpath without protecting himself. “Ezekiel, you don’t want to do this.”
“Oh but I do.” I went toe to toe with the lilac haired angel. “Move.”
“No,” Noah said quietly. “You’re not in your right mind, and I’m not going to let you do something you’ll regret later.”
Everything I’d been feeling was boiling at the surface now. All the frustration. Heartache. It broke free in the only emotion I readily accepted. Anger.
I glared at Rami over his shoulder. “I won’t regret it.”
Rami huffed and rolled his eyes. “I said I’m sorry. What more do you want from me?”
Growling, I stepped to the side to launch myself at him. “You didn’t say you’re sorry.”
I barely made it a step before I went flying backwards. I went straight over the sofa, not stopping until my back collided with the wall.
The force of it had reason slamming back into me. What the fuck was I doing? Rami had just been trying to help and there I was trying to attack him.
As quickly as it had arrived, the monster retreated, leaving shame in its place.
I sighed, looking up at Rami from my sprawled position on the floor. “Guess I deserved that.”
Rami shook his head. “Wasn’t me. And no, you didn’t. I deserved a kicking for not watching my words.”
Noah sniffed, crossing the room to extend a hand to me. “You all need to learn to communicate with words, not fists and powers.”
“Says he who just slammed me into a wall,” I muttered, accepting his hand begrudgingly and getting to my feet.
“I was speaking the only language you seem to understand,” Noah said. “Now, both of you shake hands and apologise.”
I extended a hand to Rami. “Sorry, brother.”
He ignored my hand, instead pulling me in for a bone-crushing hug. “No apology needed. I’m sorry for being insensitive. If Sam is your mate, I’m going to need to educate myself on some stuff.”
“Speak to Benji,” Noah advised. “If it’s mental health related…” He looked at me questioningly. I nodded to confirm and he continued. “Benji is the one to ask. If he knows about this, I imagine he’s already doing a deep-dive.”
“He is,” I said, pulling out of Rami’s embrace. “I really am sorry. This whole situation is fucking with my head. I hate that he’s having a bad day and I can’t be there for him.”
Selfishly, I also hated that the question of whether or not he was my mate was going to need to wait for another day.
There’s no rush, I reminded myself. You’ve got time.
S ensing my emotions were still as fragile as spun sugar, Noah persuaded me to visit a nearby art gallery with him. My collision with the wall had ruined yet another painting, and Noah had decided it was time to get some new pieces.
I didn’t see the point, in all honesty. It wasn’t like any of them lasted more than a couple of years with how we all carried on. But after Sam had confirmed he didn’t need anything other than sleep, I was at a loose end. As much as I wanted to call him, that wasn’t what he wanted right now.
I had to respect that.
What was bothering me more than anything was that I didn’t know why he was having a bad day. He’d said it wasn’t because of last night, but was he telling the truth? Was it because of me? Or had something else triggered it?
The questions wouldn’t leave my mind. It hadn’t taken much for me to agree to accompany Noah. Anything to get me out of the house and distract me for a bit.
A few hours later, I was trailing around the art gallery after him, bored out of my skull. Art really wasn’t my thing, but it was Noah’s. Given there were only so many times I could check my phone to see if Sam had responded to my last message, it wasn’t like I had anything better to do.
“Just look at the colours,” he said in hushed tones, like speaking too loudly might upset the paintings. “It’s stunning.”
Personally, I thought it looked like someone had dipped their brush in paint and then just flicked it at the canvas, but to each their own. “If you like it that much, you should put it in your personal wing.”
His lips curled in amusement. “I take it it’s not to your taste then?”
I shrugged. “Not really, but none of these are. I’m just saying, if you like it enough to want to keep it, don’t hang it in the main areas. The longest a painting has survived there is three years.”
Noah sighed. “Honestly, I had no idea the Seraphim were so…heated.”
“It’s because we all feel so strongly. And we’ve all got big personalities. Add in our supe egos and it makes sense that fights break out. At the end of the day though, we love one another. Any of us would lay down our life for one of the others.”
“I know that’s true,” Noah said, moving to the next canvas. “I saw that myself in Heaven.”
Noah had only just joined us, yet he hadn’t hesitated to stand alongside us. “Was it not like that in Juniper?”
He stiffened at the mention of his former unit. “No. It wasn’t.”
I might not have been the best at reading people, but even I could see this wasn’t something Noah wanted to discuss. I was casting around for another topic when there was a strange itching sensation between my shoulder blades. “Can you feel that?”
“Feel what?” Noah’s reply was distracted as he peered closer at the canvas.
The itch deepened, almost tugging at me. Whatever it was, it was coming from outside the shop.
I followed it on autopilot, my feet moving without me realising. Behind me, I heard Noah call my name, but I didn’t turn. I couldn’t.
I needed to see what this was.
Stepping outside the shop, I looked up and down the pavement, trying to figure out what my instincts were trying to tell me.
My hand raised to touch my chest as something tugged there. I looked down in confusion. What the fuck is happening?
When I glanced back up, I had my answer.
A man had just exited the shop directly opposite me. With his dark curls and green eyes, I’d never seen anyone so beautiful. Everything from how his eyes crinkled to his slightly turned up nose was adorable.
I knew without drawing closer exactly who he was to me.
Mate. Mate. Mate.
Hope bubbled up in me as I scanned his body. It was hard to tell with his clothes on, but he had a similar build to Sam.
Could it be?
Just then, another person stepped out onto the pavement beside him. Without hesitation, the dark-haired man extended his hand and grinned as the other man shook it briskly.
Numbness started to spread through me. Sam didn’t like to shake hands. I doubted he’d initiate it.
Sam’s home, in bed. My inner voice wasn’t sarcastic now. It was as numb as the rest of me.
I watched, frozen, as the two exchanged another few words. Then I watched as my mate pulled a set of keys from his pocket, unlocking a car several feet away.
A car that wasn’t a Kia.
That man was my mate.
But he wasn’t Sam.