18. Ezekiel
18
Ezekiel
W e got back to my suite and I automatically followed Sam into his room before realising what I was doing. “Shit, sorry.”
He shot me an amused look as he rifled through his bag. “For what?”
“For coming into your room.” I was already retreating for the door. “I know you don’t like people in your personal space.”
Understanding flickered in his eyes. “That doesn’t apply to you, Zeke.”
“It doesn’t?”
He ducked his head like he didn’t want me to see his blush. I caught it though, the pink hue making my chest puff. “Nope. I know it might sound stupid, but my brain has decided you’re a safe person.”
I shoved my hands into my pockets to stop myself reaching out and pulling him into my arms. Despite our earlier closeness, I was still unsure what the boundaries were. “Well, you’ll never be safer with anyone else than me.”
Sam winked at me. “Good, because thanks to my OCD, I’ve probably imagined murdering people in more ways than you’d even know was possible.”
His unexpected comment had me laughing. Not just because of how funny it was, but because of the irony. If there was an unusual way to murder someone, not only had I thought of it, I’d likely done it.
Being an angel didn’t excuse you from battle and torture. My body was as much of a weapon as any demon’s. The only difference was the hand that wielded it.
“Is it strange for you, making fun of your OCD like that?”
“Fuck no. Gotta laugh or you’ll cry. Besides, what good is all this mental illness and trauma if it doesn’t make me funny?”
“That’s true,” I said, as Sam continued rummaging. He’d located the screen of his laptop and was, I assumed, now hunting for the other half. Thankfully none of the glass had dislodged from it—I suspected he wouldn’t have been able to touch it if it had. “Mind you, I don’t think anyone finds me funny. I don’t have mental illness, but I do have the trauma part covered.”
Sam straightened suddenly. “You do?”
Balls. Hadn’t meant to let that slip. It wasn’t like I was going to keep it from Sam—he was my mate, I wanted to share everything with him—but how could I share what my father had put me through without also revealing my true nature?
“Who doesn’t?” My lips twisted in a wry smile. “Such is the way of the modern world.”
And the ancient one.
“True,” Sam said, a small pinch between his brows. “You know you can talk to me about that stuff, right?”
“I know.”
Sam bit his lip. “Is it weird that I said that? It’s not, right? Like, we’re friends. It’s okay that we share with each other and— oof. ”
His face was now pressed against my chest. With him beginning to spiral, there’d been no fighting my impulses. Sam said touch grounded him, and hopefully he was telling the truth.
“I feel as comfortable with you as you do with me,” I said. “It’s not weird that you said that. We’re definitely friends…and I’d like to be more than that.”
“Me too,” he whispered, relaxing into my chest. “I’d like that a lot.”
We stayed like that for a moment, his fingers curled in my shirt, my hands spanning his back.
I’d never felt so calm.
He inhaled deeply, giving a happy sigh. “You smell so…clean.”
I laughed. “Not a compliment I get every day, but I’ll take it.”
Sam groaned, tapping his fingers against my chest. “No, I mean you smell like washing, fresh out of the dryer. When I was younger, I used to steal the towels and bedding out of the tumble dryer before my mum could get to it. I’d wrap myself up like a little mummy, just breathing in the scent. It made me…calm. Happy. That’s what you smell like.”
My throat had thickened. I had to swallow twice before I could get words out. “Thank you. I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
He lifted his head, amusement making his eyes sparkle. “That’s nicer than what I told you earlier? That you’re thoughtful? Sensitive? Hilarious? Kind?”
“Yep.” I rubbed his back, making him relax further. “Because this one means I make you feel safe. That you feel comfortable with me. So yeah, that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever been told.”
He sucked in a breath, his eyes widening. “Damnit, Zeke. How the fuck are you this perfect?”
You’re not that perfect. He hasn’t seen you lose your temper yet. And let’s not forget he can’t know the real you until he knows what you truly are.
My inner voice wasn’t as much of a dick as Sam’s, but it seemed determined to be a fucking pain today. “I’m not, baby, but I’ll try to be perfect for you. I want to.”
“I don’t want that.” His gaze dropped to my lips. “I just want you to be you. You’re the one I want, Zeke.”
I might be an angel, but there was only so much temptation I could stand. With my mate staring at my mouth like he wanted a reminder of how it tasted, I gave in.
Sam’s small moan as his lips parted for me sent shivers down my spine. His hands moved from my chest to wind around my neck, hesitating there for a moment before creeping up into my hair.
My moan was loud, encouraging him, reassuring him that he could touch me however he wanted. Whenever he wanted. He could have me. I was his.
He tasted so good. Like home, like my everything. I crushed him to me, desperate to get more. If I could climb inside him and set up camp, I might just do it. I’d never leave.
When his erection pressed against mine, my vision turned white. Need unlike anything I’d felt before roared through me. Not just the need to make love to him, but the need to own him.
Give him your mark.
Protect him.
Make him yours.
Claim him.
My power rose in response, the quiet hum rising to a crescendo. Louder and louder until all I could think about was that. Him. Me. Us.
No. Not yet. A quiet whisper, but it was enough. I couldn’t do that. Not until he knew the full truth. I wouldn’t tie him to me without his knowledge. Without his consent.
I dragged my lips away from his suddenly, forcing myself to take several steps back. Sam was panting, his beautiful mouth swollen. His gaze slammed into mine and I could see the worry settling in those beautiful eyes. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”
My chest ached as I tried to calm my power. “No, baby. Not at all.”
He took a cautious step towards me. “Then why’d you stop?”
“Because I almost couldn’t.”
Another step. “Who said you have to?”
He was close enough to touch now. And, as was already established, I couldn’t resist him. Cupping the side of his neck, I sought out his racing pulse. Fuck, it was almost as potent as feeling how hard he was.
For me. Sam was this excited over me.
“Now’s not the right moment, Sam. As much as I’d love to take you to that bed over there and show you all I know, we don’t have time.”
He tilted his head to the side, his eyelids drooping as he gave me more space to touch. “Sure about that? We could make it fast?”
I reached down to palm my cock, noting Sam’s smirk. “I’m sure. Trust me, there will be nothing fast about our first time together. If I hadn’t told Nate we’d be in his office soon, I’d be game.”
Sam trailed his fingers lightly down my chest, stopping a few inches above my waistband. “Surely Nate won’t mind if we blow him off?”
“Sam,” I groaned, my head falling backwards as I closed my eyes. Maybe if I didn’t look at him, I could resist him. “Fuck, you’re too damn tempting for your own good. I’m trying to behave here.”
I didn’t know if it was how fast his hand dropped, or perhaps the subtle shift in his breathing, but I knew I’d made a mistake before he even spoke.
My eyes flew open to find Sam’s shoulders pulled in, redness staining his cheeks. His fingers were tapping against each other in rapid succession.
“Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. You said no, and I should’ve respected that.”
I took a split second to think about how to handle this before going with my instincts. Sam was my mate, so surely whatever my instincts were telling me had to be the right path.
We were about to find out.
Sam made a small noise of surprise as I swept him off the floor and swung him around so his back was to the bed. Moving faster than I probably should have, I dropped him onto the bedspread before settling my body over his.
His lips parted in surprise as I boxed him in with my forearms. Making sure to hold my weight off of him, I spoke slowly so there was no chance of him missing what I was saying. “I didn’t say no, Sam, I said not now. Meaning I very much want you to touch me. All the time, in fact. As far as I’m concerned, my body is yours. Yours to do whatever you want with.”
Sam’s breaths were coming faster now, his eyes darker. “You’re a bit intense sometimes.”
Now that I’d definitely heard before. “Too much?”
“Hell no.” He lifted trembling hands to cup my face. “Your intensity shows me you care. Maybe it’s a little fucked up, but I’m a little fucked up. Maybe what I need is your crazy to balance out my crazy.”
“You’re not crazy,” I said firmly. “You have a mental illness, Sam. It’s an illness just like any other.”
“I know.” He smiled, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. “Dark humour as a coping mechanism, remember?”
“Just so long as you know that I don’t think you’re crazy.” I got where he was coming from, I did. But I needed him to know this. “You’re not your OCD, Sam. It’s part of you, but it doesn’t define you. I’m happy to joke with you about it as much as you want or need, just know that there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Thank you.” He raised his head to brush his lips over mine. “That means a lot to me. Especially the part where you don’t mind me joking about it. I figure I’ve got to put up with it, so I might as well look on the funny side of things.”
“I totally get it.”
His tongue flicked over his lower lip as he debated something. “But you definitely…You’re sure you want me? Physically, I mean? Because I’d totally understand if you didn’t, I just?—”
I cut him off by lowering my weight onto him fully. My erection hadn’t subsided even with what we’d been discussing. Having Sam under me, on a bed…there was no way that fucker was going down anytime soon. The way I wanted him, to do things to him. God, it was almost hard to control myself.
“You’re not listening to what my mouth is saying,” I said, letting my cock push against his abdomen, “so listen to what my body is saying. Does this feel like I don’t want you, Sam?”
“Oh,” he breathed. “Then why can’t we?—”
The outer door to my suite banged open. “You better not be late meeting me because you’re fucking. If I’m not getting laid then nobody is.”
I groaned, lowering my forehead against Sam’s. “That’s why. Because Nate is an impatient fucker at the best of times, and I didn’t want him bursting in.”
Sam started shaking, making me whip my head up in alarm. That faded when I saw he was laughing silently. “You’re right—they are interfering.”
At least Nate hadn’t been stupid enough to come into Sam’s bedroom. Mind you, I wouldn’t put it past him. He loved to test my limits as much as Theo, he was just more subtle about it.
“Come on.” I got to my feet, extending a hand to Sam to help him up. “Let’s take your laptop to him before he really tests my boundaries.”