26. Ezekiel
26
Ezekiel
I knew something was wrong as soon as the four of us stepped across the threshold.
I wasn’t the only one either. Nox paused, his head tilting to the side. “Is it just me, or is it a bit too…quiet?”
Micah and I exchanged a look. “It isn’t just you.”
My heart began to speed up. Fuck. Was Sam okay? We’d been gone far longer than expected, the four of us picking apart Gloria’s threats and debating what to do next. Had something triggered my mate? Was he okay? “I’m going to check on Sam.”
“Wait.” Benji stepped out of a doorway, his eyes guarded. “We need to have a chat first.”
The fear hovering around me dropped onto my shoulders like a physical weight. The monster tugged at his leash, his growl joining mine as I squared up to the smaller angel. “You’re not going to stop me going to my mate, Benji.”
To his credit, Benji didn’t so much as blink. “I’m not trying to, Ez. But we do need to talk before you go to him. If you go in there all guns blazing, you’ll make things worse.”
The monster backed down, but it took me a minute longer to. I exhaled sharply, nodding at Benji. “Fine, but make it quick.”
“Do you need us?” Micah asked. Breann had disappeared already, and Nox was tugging our leader towards the stairs. Presumably to go and remind himself that Micah was safe in a physical and…intimate way.
“No,” Benji said. “I’d suggest we all have a meeting soon, once everything has calmed down, but for now we’re good.”
Micah wavered, ignoring Nox’s impatient huff. “You sure, Ez? I can stay if you want me to.”
My anger abated at the fact that Micah was willing to wait for that time with his mate in order to make sure everything was okay. “No, it’s fine. Thank you.”
“We will meet soon though,” Micah said, his lips thinning. “There’s things we need to discuss with everyone too.”
“ At the end of those five days, if the human is unmated, we will have no choice but to intervene. ”
Yep. We sure did.
I trailed after Benji into the room, barely waiting until the door was closed before launching in. “What happened?”
“Rami persuaded Sam to join them all for dinner,” he said. I narrowed my eyes. How exactly had Rami persuaded Sam? “I’m not entirely sure what happened, but a glass broke.”
My mouth dried out. “Was Sam hurt?”
Benji crossed his arms. “Not physically.”
Suddenly I remembered a few nights ago. The window in his kitchen. How he’d reacted. “Fuck. Broken glass is a huge trigger for Sam.”
Benji nodded. “I gathered. Noah tried to clean it up, but Sam yelled at him, and then he did it.”
I winced. “Sam cleaned up the glass himself?”
“I’m guessing that probably made it worse for him?”
“Yep.” I blew out a breath. “Fuck.” Benji hesitated, and I realised he wasn’t finished. “What else?”
“He started having a panic attack. No one seemed to realise exactly what was happening, which made things worse. When I got in there, the twins and Noah were all yelling, and Rami was trying to heal him.”
“Sam only likes being touched by people he feels safe with.” I dropped into a chair and covered my face with my hands. I shouldn’t have been gone so long. “And the noise? That definitely wouldn’t have helped.”
“No,” Benji agreed. “The sensory overload in the kitchen was a lot for me too, so I can’t imagine how it was making Sam feel.”
My head whipped up to look at him. “You have sensory stuff too? How did I not know this?”
Benji shrugged. “I just tell everyone to shut up, turn the lights off, and do whatever else is necessary. Something tells me Sam isn’t as comfortable telling others what he needs though.”
“No.” I stared down at my hands, ashamed that I’d never noticed this about Benji. “He isn’t.”
“I think he needs to be though. At the very least, he needs to share that he has OCD with the others. Everyone here wants him to feel comfortable and welcome, but we can’t do that if we don’t understand his needs and triggers.”
“I know. Sam said he’s usually pretty open about it, but he’s had some bad experiences in the past. Some twats have made him feel like his condition is too much hard work. I think he believes you’ll all show him the door once you know the truth.”
“Well, we know that’s not going to happen.” Benji squeezed my shoulder. “With time, Sam will understand that too. You know that none of us will make him feel unwelcome. Fuck, once we know his triggers, you can bet everyone will be running in circles to make sure they are avoided.”
“I know.” I smiled grimly up at him. “Thanks, Ben. I’m lucky to have you all in my corner.”
Benji patted my shoulder before letting go. “You’ve got time though. None of this needs to be dealt with immediately. I think letting everyone know about his OCD would be useful, if he’s comfortable with that. But things like triggers, we can learn those as we go. Once everyone knows what’s going on, they’ll be more aware of his reactions.”
You’ve got time. That was the thing though—we didn’t. Not after our meeting with Gloria. I closed my eyes. Tempting as it was to tell Benji everything, to have him set out on a mission to find a way out of this for us, my need to get to Sam was too great.
“Tell me the rest of it. What happened after you found him?”
F ractured sentences rattled in my ears as I raced up the stairs.
Panic attack…On the floor…Crying…Leaving to hide in the suite…Refusing to open up for anyone…
I should’ve been here.
I should have been here.
Screeching to a halt in front of the door to the suite, I forced myself to stop and remember Benji’s final words.
“ Don’t go in there demanding answers. He’ll be feeling vulnerable and prone to another attack. ”
Thank fuck for the research Benji had been doing. Not only had he known how to help ground Sam during the attack, but he knew enough to give me that warning.
Benji had already agreed to teach me everything he knew. When this next happened, I would be here. I’d be the one calming him down. Promising him he was okay. That nothing would ever hurt him.
That I’d never allow it.
Taking a deep breath, I quietly opened the door and entered the suite. A dark, empty room greeted me. The two bedroom doors stood open, revealing empty mattresses. Where was he?
I could have used my power to find him, but equally I didn’t want to startle him. “Sam?”
“In here.”
Following his voice to his bathroom, I paused in the doorway. Sam was lying in the bathtub, fully dressed. No water. He was also shivering slightly.
I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that.
“Hey, baby.” I kept my voice quiet as I approached him, lowering myself to my knees beside the bath. “How are you doing?”
Sam’s swollen, reddened eyes were downcast. “I fucked up, Zeke. I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t fuck up, and there’s nothing you need to apologise for.”
His nostrils flared, but still he didn’t look at me. “Oh yeah? Maybe you haven’t heard the whole story then. First I smashed a glass. Then I yelled at Noah and Theo. Then, to top it all off, I fucking lay down right in the middle of the kitchen. Who does that?”
I considered my approach. This wasn’t Sam talking, it was his OCD. “Can I touch you?”
Sam nodded, staring down at his hands, clasped tight in his lap.
With his permission given, I rested my hand on the back of his neck. My thumb stroked soothing lines along the side. Sam relaxed slightly, his chest expanding as he inhaled deeply.
“From what I’ve heard, that’s not quite how it happened.”
Sam’s hands parted, opening and closing rhythmically. “I broke a glass.”
“By accident.”
“I yelled at Noah.”
“Because he wasn’t listening to what you’d said.”
Sam’s brow furrowed. I could almost hear his brain trying to contradict me. “I yelled at Theo too.”
“You were triggered,” I said, squeezing his neck gently. “While your reactions might not have made sense to them, they do to me. It was your way of trying to protect them.”
Sam gave a choked sob. “I made a fucking fool of myself, Zeke. They must hate me.”
Enough. That was enough of his OCD taking charge. It was my turn now. “Sam, look at me.”
It took him a moment, but finally his eyes met mine. The heavy exhaustion there made me want to weep.
“You did no such thing,” I said firmly. “From what Benji told me, you were forced into an environment where you weren’t comfortable. One where your senses were likely immediately overwhelmed. It’s not a surprise to me that you had a panic attack, Sam. I think a lot of people would’ve felt uncomfortable in that situation, and that’s before even taking your mental health into consideration.”
A tear slid free. “You should’ve seen their faces, Zeke. They were horrified.”
“They were shocked and worried,” I corrected him. “They knew you were going through something, but not how to help.”
“No one can help me,” he whispered.
“That’s not true,” I murmured, leaning forward to kiss his tears away. “I know it feels like that now, but your brain is lying to you. Benji helped, right?”
“He did. He made them all leave and stayed with me. But that was probably just to stop me making even more of a scene?—”
I cut him off with a kiss. “No. It’s because he understood what you were going through and wanted to help. Trust me, if everyone else knew, they would’ve done the same.”
Sam leaned his forehead against mine. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Another. A third. After the fourth, he opened his eyes and…there. I could see him. A glimpse of Sam through the storm. “This is why I’m usually open about my OCD upfront.”
“You don’t have to tell them, but I think it would help.”
“What if they want me to leave?”
“They won’t.” I leaned back and smiled reassuringly. “Trust me, I haven’t even checked my phone but I bet they’ve been blowing up my messages, worried about you.”
Sam eyed me sceptically, so I pulled out my phone and navigated to our group chat. My smile was smug as I glimpsed the messages. Sure enough, they were from everyone who’d been in the kitchen, all of them worried about Sam and apologising for anything they’d done to upset him, begging for updates on how he was.
“Here. See for yourself.”
Sam took the phone warily. As he scrolled, his features softened. The tension left his shoulders and, as he reached the end, the corners of his lips were tugging upwards. “Huh.”
I rested my chin on the edge of the bath, smirking at him. “Huh? That’s all you’ve got to say?”
He rolled his eyes and a little of the stress I’d been carrying fell away. “Okay, so maybe you’re right and I’m wrong.”
“Or I’m completely right, and your brain is being a dick.”
“Time will tell,” Sam said. “Not about my brain being a dick, it’s definitely that.”
He laughed then, and the relief that went through me was almost dizzying.
Sam went to hand my phone back, but something caught his attention. “Why’s your chat called Seraphim ?”
“ …if the human is unmated, we will have no choice but to intervene. ”
I sighed, knowing the stress was going to continue for a while longer. “It’s connected to what I was going to tell you earlier before I was called away. There’s a lot?—”
“Actually, can we not?” Sam flushed red as I stopped talking. “Sorry, I know it’s rude to cut you off like that, but I can’t handle any new information right now. Can it wait until morning?”
“ At the end of those five days… ”
“Of course,” I said, my smile strained. Rushing him was exactly what I’d been trying to avoid. Fucking Gloria. What I wouldn’t give to come across her in a darkened alleyway. I wouldn’t even need weapons, just my bare hands would be enough. “It can wait.”
“Thank you.” He shifted in the empty bath, wincing when his bare arm came into contact with the porcelain. “Fuck, that’s cold.”
Leaning back, I snagged a warm, fluffy towel from the radiator. Draping it around his shoulders like a cape, I tucked it around his arms. “There. That should help.”
“Thank you.” He eyed me suspiciously, even as he pulled the towel in tighter. “Aren’t you going to ask why I’m fully dressed in an empty bath?”
I shrugged. “Nah. Figure you have a reason. If you want to tell me, you can. But if you don’t that’s also cool.”
“It’s because I feel safe,” he blurted out. “The sides of the bath make me feel contained. But getting wet and then dry was too much for my senses when I got in here, so I just got in like this.”
He lifted his chin defiantly, a slight wobble in his lower lip as he waited for me to tell him he was ridiculous.
Ha, that wasn’t happening with me. His logic was actually faultless. “I’m glad you found somewhere that made you feel safe while you came down from the attack. I’m just sorry I wasn’t here earlier. If you’re not ready to get out yet, I can grab you a blanket or pillow to make you more comfortable?”
Silver lined his eyes as he stared at me. “I can’t work you out, Zeke. You can’t possibly be this perfect. There’s no way.”
I reached out to tuck a curl behind his ear. “You’ve already seen that I’m not perfect, Sam.”
He shook his head. “That stuff doesn’t matter. Not to me. It’s like you’ve been designed exactly for me.”
I bit back the words I wanted to say, knowing he didn’t want to discuss it tonight. “Would that be a bad thing?”
“No,” he said softly. “I’m just not that lucky normally, that’s all.”
Lifting his hand, I kissed his palm. “I think you have rose coloured glasses where I’m concerned, but I’m going to aim for perfection for you regardless. You deserve it, Sam.”
“So you say.”
“I do.” He’d see I was right in the end. Until then, I could wait. “Now, do you want me to grab you some bedding to make you more comfy?”
“No.” His tone shifted into something darker. Something heated. “That’s not what I want right now.”
Confused, I cocked my head to the side. “What do you want, baby?”
His throat bobbed. “I want you to take me to your bed, and for you to fuck me. I want you to make me moan and scream until I forget everything else that’s happened today.”
I wasn’t sure what was wider—my mouth or my eyes.
Sam gave me a slightly unsure smile. “If that’s okay with you?”