31. Sam
31
Sam
O ne minute, I’d been trying to tell Zeke that something didn’t feel right.
The next, I was opening my eyes to find the second most handsome man I’d ever seen smiling down at me.
“Hello, Sam. It’s lovely to meet you.”
Before I could ask who on earth he was or why I felt like I’d been run over by a bus, he was shoved out of view.
Zeke’s panicked face appeared. “Sam, baby. Oh my god.”
“M’okay.” I reached up a wobbly hand to stroke his face. “Don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry, he says,” Zeke half sobbed, turning to press a kiss against my palm. “Sam, you almost died. ”
Both my OCD and anxiety were quiet, which was strange, as that kind of information would normally keep it fed for days. I was tired though, exhausted really. Maybe my body was too tired to produce the needed adrenaline. “Technically you did die…so I guess that makes us even.”
“Thank you, Ferry,” Zeke said hoarsely to the stranger who was hovering at my side. “I have no idea why you’re even here, but thank you.”
“I was meeting with Micah and Nox when they got the notification about something being wrong here.” Ferry inclined his head towards me. “My instincts told me I might be needed.”
Zeke held out his hand for Ferry to shake. “Thank you. I owe you a great debt.”
Ferry’s mouth twitched, like there was something amusing about Zeke’s manner. But he took his hand and shook it regardless. “I’m glad I could help your mate.”
Your mate. Had Zeke sent out an announcement or something? How did everyone seem to know?
Feeling a bit daft lying on the table, I tried to sit up. I made it about an inch before my muscles screamed in protest. “Fuck.”
“Baby, be careful,” Zeke chided, lifting me into his arms bridal style. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
It was then I realised two things. One, I was in the kitchen. Two, Ferry wasn’t the only person watching me with concern. “Oh, we have company.”
Micah, Noah, Nox, Benji, and Rami were all there. Thankfully, the twins were not. Even knowing Ezekiel was immortal, I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing them so soon after what had happened earlier. I couldn’t forget how one of them had snapped my Zeke’s neck. Snapped it as though it was nothing more than a twig.
The crack would haunt my nightmares for years to come.
“They came running because of how long the alarm lasted,” Zeke explained. “I imagine Breann and Grace are on their way back too.”
I shifted in his arms, wincing as a shot of pain raced up my spine. “Ouch, shit.”
Several people stepped forwards in alarm, making me retreat instinctively against Zeke’s chest. “I’m okay.”
Zeke cleared his throat. “Can everyone go to the main living room please? Sam and I need a minute.”
The room cleared before I could blink. “Is the speed an angelic thing, or is there something wrong with me?”
“It’s an angel thing,” Zeke said. “Actually, it’s more of a supernatural thing, but you’re not imagining it.”
A supernatural thing?
“Just how many different—” I cut myself off as a headache started to pulse at my temple. “No, let’s not do that now. I’ll ask again later. What happened to me?”
“I think you had a reaction to being compelled,” Zeke said. “Your brain couldn’t cope with it.”
“I’m guessing by ‘compel’ you don’t mean the compulsions I usually deal with.” He’d used that word earlier with Benji, but I hadn’t focused on it.
“No. Supernaturals, or supes as we call them, are able to compel humans using our powers. We can make them forget something they’ve seen, act a certain way, or even freeze in place. It’s necessary for what we do.”
“Benji compelled me to believe what he was saying is true,” I said slowly. “He planted something in my brain to convince me.”
“He shouldn’t have done it.” Zeke’s nostrils flared. “Believe me, we’ll be having further words about it. I don’t know what he was thinking.”
I thought about it for a moment, remembering how anxious I’d been. The hold my OCD had had on me. “Honestly? I understand why you’re bothered, but it makes sense to me. Benji saw I was struggling and went with the most logical solution.”
Zeke looked at me like I’d grown an extra head. “But it was a violation.”
“Do you think that about other humans when you compel them?”
“Well no, but?—”
“Then why is it different with me?”
Zeke’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “Because you’re my mate.”
I opened my mouth and closed it. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
That roguish grin of his finally returned. “Great, looks like I have a go-to response for all future arguments.”
My lips twitched. “Why will we be arguing?”
“I dunno. Maybe you’ll realise my personality isn’t as charming as you believe it to be. I gotta consider these things, Sam. I plan on making this relationship work for the rest of eternity, best to start building my toolkit now.”
“Hang on, eternity ?”
Zeke chuckled as he carried me out into the hallway. “I’ve got a lot to fill you in on. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out, but I’m not sad you know. I’ve felt awful hiding this part of myself from you for so long.”
“I’m glad you did,” I said suddenly. “I like that I fell for you without knowing anything else. Without all this other…stuff, clouding my judgement.”
He came to a stop outside the living room door. “Is it…is me being an angel a dealbreaker for you?”
I rolled my eyes and poked his ribs. “And I think I’m irrational. Of course it’s not, you plonker.”
“Good.” He nodded at the closed door. “I know you probably want to hide for a bit, but I’ve got a few questions for Ferry. Is it okay if we deal with that first?”
Ferry. The handsome stranger from earlier. “Is he an angel like you?”
“He’s not an angel, he’s a demon. The Grim Reaper, if you want to be specific about it.”
My jaw gaped. “Like, death? The one who lives in Hell, answers to Satan, demon ?”
I didn’t know why this was such a surprise. If angels existed, it made sense that demons would too.
“Technically he lives in Southampton now, and I don’t think he answers to anyone these days. He’s not death either; that’s a common misconception. He was responsible for ferrying the dead across the River Styx. But he is a demon. So is Nox, come to think of it.”
I thought about Nox’s kind smiles. How he’d had my back with the twins. “I’m guessing it’s not as simple as all angels being good and all demons being bad.”
“Definitely not. We live in the shades of grey, just as humanity does.”
I eyed the door. It was one thing knowing there were lots of people on the other side, but knowing none of them were human…it was a lot to take in.
“I can wait upstairs, if you like.” I wriggled in his arms, but gave up when it became clear Zeke wasn’t letting me down. I looked at him questioningly.
“I need you with me,” he said, his voice raw. “I’m not ready to let you go yet. Is that okay?”
Visions of him lying on the ground flashed through my mind, his eyes open but unseeing.
No, I wasn’t ready to let him go either. “It’s okay.”
Zeke put his hand on the doorknob and I blurted out, “Stop!”
He froze. “What?”
“You can’t carry me in like this,” I said in exasperation. It was one thing for Zeke to have lifted me earlier, but what on earth would they think if he waltzed in with me cradled in his arms?
“Why not?”
“Because they’ll think it’s weird.”
Zeke’s eyes softened. “Baby, we’re supes, and you’re my mate who almost died. Trust me, they’d think it was stranger if I let you walk in under your own steam.”
The door swung open, revealing Rami grinning at us with a sparkle in his eyes. “We absolutely would. Trust me, when I find my mate, I’m not letting him walk anywhere.”
Oh god. “You heard all of that?”
Above me, Zeke winced. “I should’ve mentioned about our hearing. My bad.”
“Guess that explains the shower,” I muttered under my breath.
“Oh, I will be having words with the twins about that,” Micah said darkly. He was sat clear on the other side of the room, but also seemed to have no issue hearing me. “They never should’ve brought that up, let alone teased either of you about it.”
“It’s fine,” I said, the tips of my ears burning. “I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
“You’re not the one causing trouble,” Zeke said, sitting on a loveseat with a clear view of the door. He moved me so I was half sitting on his lap, half on the chair. Both my legs were draped over his, my arm over his shoulder. I was going to question why, but then I realised.
Just as I needed to see the door, Zeke needed to see me. By putting me beside him, he could hold me yet still see my face.
Fuck. I loved this man.
Angel.
Zeke.
It didn’t matter who or what he was. None of that changed that one undeniable fact.
I loved him.
“Ezekiel’s right,” Micah said, bracing an ankle on his knee. “The twins are to blame here. Their behaviour is growing out of control. I suggest we discuss?—”
Zeke held up a hand and Micah immediately fell silent. “As much as I’d like to give all my opinions on the types of discipline the twins could benefit from, we need to get out of here as swiftly as possible. Can that discussion be tabled until after I’ve spoken to Ferry?”
“Of course.” Micah settled back in his chair, offering me a small smile. “Forgive me, Sam. I should’ve realised you might need some space.”
“I’m fine,” I said, my face burning.
Zeke snorted, but thankfully didn’t call me on my bullshit. Instead, he turned his attention to Ferry, the one who looked like he should have been lounging topless on a Greek island. “Ferry, thank you again. Thank you for saving Sam.”
“About that,” Rami said abruptly, sitting forwards and bracing his arms on his knees. “How did you do it? I’ve never come across something physical that I couldn’t heal before.”
My brows shot up. Rami had healing powers?
“It was because what Sam was experiencing wasn’t physical,” Ferry explained. “The compulsion was a mental imbalance that caused a physical reaction.”
Rami blew out a breath, looking helpless as his eyes met mine. “That’s why I couldn’t help. Just like with your panic attack, because the root cause was mental, there was nothing I could do to alleviate your physical symptoms.”
My mind flitted back to yesterday—my god, was it really only one day ago?—to how Rami had touched me. “You tried to help me with your powers?”
“Of course.” Rami reached over as if he was about to pat my knee, but at Zeke’s growl, he withdrew with a chuckle. “None of us want to see you suffer, Sam. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”
Should I have been upset about Rami using his powers on me without my knowledge? My brain said ‘yes,’ but just like with Benji, I wasn’t mad.
No, I was grateful. Each of them, in their own way, had seen me struggling and tried to help.
I’d thought I’d won the lottery with Zeke, but I was starting to realise how truly special this group was.
Except the twins, of course. Murderous little twats.
“Thank you,” I said. “To all of you. I haven’t known you long, but you’ve shown me more care and consideration in the past few days than anyone else has…well, ever. Except Zeke, of course.” Zeke kissed my hair.
Micah smiled. “We all want you to feel welcome and safe here, Sam. Which brings us back to you, Ferry. Can you explain exactly what happened to Sam? And how you fixed it? None of us will compel him again, obviously, but?—”
“Damn fucking right we won’t,” Zeke growled from beside me, his muscles tensing at the mere suggestion.
“I’m sorry.” Benji’s voice had my head jerking around. The smaller man was stood in a shadowed corner of the room, pressing himself into the wall as though he was hoping to melt away into it. “I really am, Sam. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s okay.” I put my hand on Zeke’s chest, warning him to not interrupt. “Really. I understand what you were trying to do, and I’m grateful.”
But Benji just hung his head lower. I frowned. Nope, I didn’t like that. First chance I got, I was going to sit him down and make sure he truly understood why I wasn’t upset.
I couldn’t do it now, because Micah had once again asked Ferry to explain.
Before he started speaking, his eyes darted to me. “From the conversation the two of you had outside the door, I’m assuming you know everything, Sam? About us not being human, I mean.”
I nodded.
“He knows the basics,” Zeke elaborated. “He found out in a rather…unconventional way and I haven’t had time to fill him in on everything.”
Ferry nodded in understanding. “Often happens that way. It did with my mate too. Both times, actually.”
“You have two mates?”
Ferry smiled at me. “Just the one, but…well, it’s a long story.”
Curiosity burned at me, but I didn’t need my intrusive thoughts to remind me it was impolite to ask further questions.
“You can speak as candidly as you like.” Zeke squeezed my thigh. “I don’t intend on hiding anything from Sam.”
“Something I approve of,” Ferry said, his cheery expression shifting as he sat forwards on his seat. “I know more than most about compulsion because it’s a torture technique used in Hell.”
Torture?
Nox frowned. “That’s true, but I didn’t realise what was happening with Sam, or how to help him. Still don’t, if I’m being honest.”
“That’s because of the rank you held in Hell. All higher demons, such as yourself, are taught to use it for basic torturing.”
Ferry caught my curious expression and elaborated. “Making people see their fears come to life before them, or relive their worst memories over and over again. That’s how Nox was taught to use compulsion as torture.”
“Hang on,” Nox said. “I was based in the ninth circle, literally dealing with the worst of the worst. Shouldn’t I have known whatever you did too?”
Micah snorted. “Are you pissed that you were left out?”
“A little,” Nox muttered. “I want all the skills in my arsenal, just in case they’re needed.”
“Trust me, they won’t be,” Ferry said grimly. “The souls who were sent to me, they were those deemed too evil for the ninth circle. It didn’t happen often, but enough that I have a better grip on compulsion than others.”
“Was it just you?” Nox persisted. “Or were there other demons?”
“A few others,” Ferry said. “I’m sure you can guess who.”
“The sons of Lucifer,” Micah said, understanding dawning. “That makes sense I guess.”
A bark of laughter escaped me before I could stop it. I slapped my hand over my mouth, mortified as every face turned to me. “Sorry. It’s just…I’m sat here listening to the Grim Reaper discuss Lucifer, literally Satan, who apparently has kids?”
Zeke studied me. “It is a lot. Do you need a minute?”
“No, I’m okay. My brain is being pretty quiet at the moment.” And thank fuck for that. Whatever had happened had exhausted my mind into silence. For now. “Ferry, please continue.”
“Of course. Do tell me to stop if you need me to though.” Was he really the Grim Reaper? He was surely far too kind and polite to have fulfilled that role. Mind you, I was learning that everything I’d once believed was wrong, so I guessed it made sense. “So, how we used compulsion was different. We’d compel the souls into believing they’d escaped Hell. Or, perhaps, never died before. We’d make them think their greatest dreams and wishes had come true. That they were experiencing a happiness better than anything they’d ever felt before.”
That didn’t sound too bad. “And then?”
“And then we’d lift the compulsion.” The shine in Ferry’s eyes dulled. “We’d rip it away, taunting them with what they’d never have. Then we’d torture them with their reality. We’d do it repeatedly, over days. Months even.”
“That’s how you learned to lift compulsions,” Zeke said.
Ferry nodded. “Yes. And, as you saw, it’s an excruciatingly painful process. Fortunately, Sam, you were unconscious. The souls I used to perform it on were not.”
It had been painful? Was that why all my muscles were aching? I glanced over at Zeke. Had he known I was in pain?
From the tense line of his jaw and the distance in his eyes, I was assuming yes.
Sliding my hand into his, I squeezed. “I’m okay, Zeke.”
He blinked, a sad smile forming. “I know. But I’m not sure that’s something I’ll ever forget.”
Someone cleared their throat, breaking the moment between us.
“Sorry,” Ferry said sheepishly. “But I want to get back before Leo finishes his shift.”
Leo? Was that his mate?
Zeke nodded for him to continue.
“Normally, the compulsions in themselves were enough torture,” Ferry said. “But occasionally, we’d get a soul who’d have an adverse reaction. It’d start with small tics—pulling at their ears or rubbing at their neck. Then they’d complain about hearing a noise, a humming that no one else could.”
I exchanged a look with Zeke as Ferry described exactly what I’d gone through.
“Eventually, their body would shut down and die. I became curious though, and decided to do some research into why it was happening.”
“Why bother?” Nox asked. “It’s not like anyone stays dead down there. They often ‘die’ while being tortured, then reincarnate.”
Ferry shrugged. “Call it morbid curiosity, or simple boredom. Spending millennia in the same place, doing the same job, you tend to seek out anything that can give you a break from the monotony.”
Millennia? Just how old was Ferry?
A memory flashed through my mind. “ I’d say I appear to be thirty-five. ”
Appeared to be, not that he was. Which begged the question…
How old was Zeke?
I added that question to the ever-growing list to ask him when we were alone.
“Anyway, I realised all of the souls had one thing in common,” Ferry looked at me. “They all were either neurodivergent or had a neurological condition.”
“Our brains are fundamentally different,” Benji said from his position in the shadows. “Logically, it stands to reason that compulsion may affect us differently.”
“But we’ve been compelling humans for centuries,” Micah said in horror. “Are you saying we’ve been accidentally murdering some of them?”
“It’s possible,” Ferry said. “But, if it’ll put your mind at ease, the reaction was an extremely rare occurrence. Many souls who had identical conditions did not die, and those who did were directly compelled, rather than affected by a compulsion net.”
Everyone relaxed slightly at that, but I was confused. “What’s the difference?”
“A compulsion net is what we use most frequently,” Zeke explained. “Remember that crane accident a couple of months ago?”
How could I forget? “Yeah, it fell from the top of a skyscraper right onto the tube. I still can’t get over the fact so few people died. Some lucky fuckers out and about that day.” The silence that followed told me what really happened. “That was you guys?”
“Yes,” Zeke said. “Micah and Nox happened to be in the area when it occurred, so we stepped in. We saved as many as we were able to, and the reason no one knows the truth is because we used compulsion nets. They trick humans into either believing they’re seeing something else, or forgetting us.”
It was so much to take in.
‘ Probably because you’re so stupid. Keep your mouth shut or they’ll realise and compel you again. ’
Great. Should’ve known it wouldn’t be silent forever.
“Compulsion nets don’t cause this kind of reaction,” Ferry said firmly. “But it’s an excellent point to raise. We all need to be more aware of who we’re compelling and whether there’s any risk.”
I fidgeted slightly as the others continued discussing compulsion nets. The noise level rose slightly; just enough to set me on edge.
“Can you teach us how to lift compulsions?” Nox asked. “It feels like something we should all know how to do, just in case.”
Were the walls getting closer? It felt like it. Everyone felt too close, except Zeke. If anything, he wasn’t close enough.
“It’ll take time, but yes. It’ll probably piss off Lucifer, but don’t worry, I’ve got an in with the guys who hold his leash.”
Everyone laughed loudly, the sound grating over my skin. I didn’t understand the joke, but I was past caring. Too close. Too close. Too close.
Zeke’s hand settled on my knee. I hadn’t realised I’d been jiggling it until he touched it. “Sam, are you okay?”
I flapped my hands on either side of my head, like I was batting away a fly. “Too close. All too close.”
“Is it the compulsion again?” Everyone went silent at the panic in Zeke’s voice. “Ferry, is he —”
“No.” The word was said, not only by me, but by Benji. He’d finally slunk out of the shadows, but still refused to meet my eyes. “He needs space, Ez.”
I nodded, grateful Benji was able to articulate what I was struggling with.
Within seconds, Zeke had me back in his arms and was heading towards the stairs. I didn’t look away from Benji until he was out of sight, but not once did he raise his gaze.
That shame he was experiencing was a feeling I was familiar with. I’d lost count of how many times I’d fucked up with someone, accidentally offending or hurting them when I’d been trying to do the opposite.
Yes, I was grateful for Benji. And when I was feeling calmer, I was going to make sure he knew how much.
Right there and then, I made it my mission to make sure no one in my life felt like that. I couldn’t do it for myself, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t do it for others. I wanted them to understand that they might not always get it right, but that didn’t automatically mean they were in the wrong.
Starting with Benji.