Chapter 5 #2
“You okay?” Soren nudges my foot, his gaze soft and concerned. He rubs my shoulder, and I lean into the warmth and sturdiness of his touch.
“Aye. Just… happy you had him.” A lump rises in my throat, but I smile around it.
It should have been me. I should have been there with him. If I had gone, mayhap the Council would have taken both our memories of the past, but let us be together.
What have I done?
“Hey, there’s a rage room!” Soren says, pointing toward a door with a big flashing sign above it. “Wanna go smash shit up?”
That sounds like a good way to let loose all my despair and frustration. “Sounds good.” I rise when he does.
We’re handed safety gear and shown the way to the dressing room.
Once we’re alone, Soren clears his throat.
“Guess we better… strip.” While I can’t catch Soren’s natural scent, I can still smell his emotions and hear the skip in his heart.
He’s nervous and… aroused. Turning away to hide my smirk, I make a show of slowly peeling up my sweater and tossing it onto the bench.
I rotate my shoulders, my muscles popping.
In the quiet, the sharp hitch in Soren’s breathing is quite loud.
He’s watching me.
I toss my hair over my shoulder and turn to glance at him.
Soren looks away and focuses on removing his own clothing.
His coat comes off, then his sweater, revealing fair skin and a hairy chest I want to nuzzle into.
His body looks different, soft in places where he used to be toned and hard.
In my time, he had the body of a warrior, honed for battle.
This Soren lives a different life now, a softer, easier life.
Even if we did get back together, would he still feel at home in the past?
Our lives have gone in such different directions.
“See something you like?” Soren asks.
I look away, my neck warming. “Oh, aye. Very much.”
Soren sweeps his gaze up and down my bare chest. “Okay.” He snorts, not sounding as if he believes me at all.
“I do,” I insist. Why doesn’t he believe me? He looks different now, but that hardly matters. I still want to put my hands and mouth anywhere he’ll let me. “Shall I prove it to you?”
Soren swallows loudly. “Prove… what?”
A smile lifts the edge of my mouth. Soren leans back against the lockers as I close in until the space between us diminishes.
The heat from his body warms me from head to toe, and his breath ghosts over my lips.
Reaching out, my hand oddly shaky, I trace his jaw with the back of my knuckles. My stomach swoops.
I’m touching him. Soren’s letting me touch him.
His eyelids lower and he angles his head, leaning into my touch. His lips look so soft, and they’re so close that the warm gust of his breath tickles my mouth. Gods, I’ve dreamed every night about kissing him again, of having him in my arms. My chest aches with the need to lean in and kiss him.
“Soren.” His name cracks in my throat. “I’ve thought of nothing but this all day.”
Years. I’ve wanted you for years.
“Tell me you feel the same, and I’ll spend all night proving how desperately I want you.”
“Why?” Soren’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I don’t get it. You don’t know me.”
Gods, but I do. I know him better than I know the depths of my heart. If only he knew that.
“I know enough,” I say, lowering my face so our foreheads touch. “I know that you’re loyal to your family. That you’re brave and adventurous. Kind. For now, that’s good enough.”
Soren’s breath quickens, but not from desire. No, he’s scared. Horrified, I step back. My heart drops into my stomach. Shit. What have I done?
“Look, I, uh…” Soren shoves past me and grabs his sweater. “I had fun today, but it’s late. I’ve gotta get home.”
No, no, no. “Why?”
Soren tugs on his sweater. “Early shift at the bar, so—” He disappears into his clothing, arms flailing.
Going to him, I grab his sleeves and help tug them down over his arms. His hair is tousled, his cheeks flushed. “What did I say?” I ask him, giving his wrists a gentle squeeze.
He shakes his head. “Nothing, just… Okay. Lyall, I just got out of a relationship. I had a good feeling about him, but he didn’t feel the same.”
“Then he’s a fool,” I growl.
Soren tugs out of my grip and grabs his coat. “You’re great, okay? But I’m not looking for a relationship right now. Or ever.”
His words make my heart sink. He… doesn’t want me. My mate doesn’t want me.
“I wouldn’t hurt you,” I say.
Soren looks down at the tiled floor, the muscles in his jaw jumping. “I wish I could believe you. But I can’t. I’ve been burned too many times. It’s not your fault. I’m not in a good place right now, and you deserve better.”
Someone has hurt my mate, made him afraid to trust me. I want to hunt them down and rip them limb from limb.
Soren turns away, and I catch the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes. I can’t stop myself from taking hold of his wrist again. I can’t let him leave when he’s hurting. “Please don’t leave.”
Soren exhales shakily. “Let go.”
I unwind my fingers from his skin, the disappointment heavy enough to crush me.
Swallowing hard, I step back. My wolf howls in my soul, asking me why I’m letting him go, why I’m not taking him in my arms. I can’t.
I’ve yearned for him all these years, but to him, we’re only strangers.
I’d only frighten him if I showed how desperate I am to have him.
I can only watch as the man I love walks out on me, taking all the broken pieces of my heart with him.
“He rejected you?” Jamie’s pitiful gaze makes me want to hide behind the kitchen counter.
I stick another spoonful of raw cookie dough into my mouth. This dessert from the future is irresistible. I wonder if I can make it back home. “Must I repeat myself?”
Jamie shakes his head. “No, no, I was just surprised.”
Anders scoffs. “You were too blunt, as always.”
I point my spoon at him. “You’re hardly one to talk about being blunt!”
Jamie elbows Anders. “He’s got a point. I don’t think this has anything to do with you, Lyall. Soren said it himself. He just got out of a relationship. He’s scared of being hurt again. It’s not easy to open yourself to someone after being burned so many times.”
My heart aches as I recall the sadness in Soren’s eyes. The man I knew and loved was a risk-taker. This man is the very opposite. If only I could make him understand I would never hurt him. I would treasure his heart until the end of my days, should I be worthy enough to earn his love.
“While you were together, did you get the sense that he was attracted to you?” Jamie asks.
“Aye. Very. We would have kissed if he hadn’t run from me.”
“So there’s still hope!”
I wish I could see things the way he does.
From where I stand, everything feels hopeless.
“How can I help him understand? None of his relationships lasted because those men weren’t who he was meant to be with!
” I toss my spoon into the container with a sigh.
“I can’t tell him we’re fated mates. He’d never believe me.
If I could learn more about him, mayhap I could understand him better. But how?”
Jamie and Anders are quiet, seemingly as stumped as I am.
“Oh my god.” Jamie suddenly springs to his feet. “I just had the craziest idea!”
Anders smiles. “Crazy may be just what we need right now, pet.”
Jamie paces up and down, murmuring to himself. “Wait. Wait, this is actually brilliant. Go me!”
“What?” I ask, struggling to stay patient.
“He rejected Lyall the man. But what if he met Lyall the wolf?”
My brain tries and fails to make the connection. “How would that help? I wouldn’t be able to talk to him in that form.”
“Let me cook!” Jamie snaps.
“Now is not the time for cooking!”
Anders chuckles. “It’s a saying. He’s thinking.”
Sighing, I slump against the counter. “Fine. Go and cook. Or however you say it.”
“So, he’s afraid of relationships but we’ve established that he likes you. He’s not going to let you close. But! What if you found another way to get to know him?”
Understanding dawns bright like the sunrise. “As a wolf! I could learn more about him. His fears. What he wants.”
“Exactly! So if you see him again in human form, you’ll know how to reassure him.”
“Your mate is brilliant,” I tell Anders.
Smirking, Anders puffs out his chest. “Obviously.”
Jamie’s plan is a good one, but my spirits quickly sour when I realize it has a flaw. “How do we get him to meet with me in my shifted form?”
Jamie waves away my concerns. “Leave that to me.”
I hope I don’t regret this…